To give a stranger £20

[alliejay81]

I was leaving the supermarket 30 minutes ago when I was approached by a man. He told me he had been following his Dad - who was in an ambulance having had a heart attack - when he ran out of petrol. We went round the houses a bit, the story didn't entirely make sense, but it became clear he didn't have any cash or cards on him. He then started asking where I lived before asking if he could borrow some cash. In the end, I gave him £20, for two reasons:

1. if he was genuine (and I wasn't convinced he was) then I'd helped him out
2. he was quite a big burly bloke and the car park was quiet and I felt a little intimidated

I came home and DH and his mate (in the garden, covid compliant) think I was definitely conned and should phone the non-emergency police line.

Was I being unreasonable to give him £20 and would I be unreasonable not to call the non-emergency police line (I just want to move on)?

I don't know what to say really. What's done is done and you are safe. That's the main thing.

Report if ou feel you want to , absolutely yes.

Once I had forgotten my purse ( it wasn't in my bag) at a petrol station after I had filled up.
I suffer with mental health issues and have horrendous anxiety and was panicking at the till as I couldn't pay for my petrol. It was £50.

A total stranger shouted behind me " it's not a problem .. " and proceeded to hand over £50
in cash ...

So so kind and I will never forget it . I asked her for her address so I could pay her back and she was like " don't worry about it " and got in her car and drove off ..

I was 😳

Someone posted on a thread here about the worst thing your kids have ever done that his kids had been messing around with his wallet and threw it out the car window, so he had to approach quite a few strangers for money to get somewhere before one of them finally believed him. I would like to think I would give someone the benefit of the doubt unless they were very obviously unbelievable.

I wouldn't give money either. I would however lffer to call someone for them.

I was approached 2 days ago as I was opening my garden gate, similar story. I’m afraid I interpret the scammers trying it on with me as “You look stupid enough to fall for this” and get very angry with them, although I am usually polite.

Sadly, this is quite a common scam. The odd one might be genuine, but most aren't.

If I was in that situation I'd probably ask the petrol station for help and go back pay later.

I would say there is a good chance he was not genuine.

You live and learn, dont bother the police they have enough to do !

Most likely conned, it's a well known scam.
Don't feel too bad, though. You tried to do a kind thing.

@KizzyMoo

I lost my bus fare I was only about 13 and asked a handful of people for £1 for the bus and never got it. Wish I'd have seen you then OP

Bastards. I wouldn't give money to be honest (I rarely carry cash anyway) but I would have brought your ticket.

sounds like a scam... how did you come to the conclusion of giving him £20?

Maybe Im poor but thats a lot of money and far more than you need for petrol even if he was genuine, £5 would have been more than enough if you where just feeling generous.

I'd have given him the money. It was only £20 after all. I hope you didn't give him your address?

@WiddlinDiddlin

Probably a tall tale to get money out of you...

Not the end of the world if you can afford it but if you felt intimdated I'd let the police know with a good description, time, place etc.

I remember being genuinely desperate for either a bus fare or money to make a call (which tells you how long ago this was as I had landline numbers stored in my head, no phone!)...

I was stuck some 18 miles from home, a walk that would have involved a lot of main road with no footpath, in the dark, having lost (or almost certainly had it nicked) my wallet either on the bus on the way in or at college which was by that point closed.

I'd gone round Asda for my dinner, got to the tills and discovered lack of wallet, bus pass, everything...

I stood by the phones having to ask folk for help, I only needed about 50p! I was 17... and at LEAST five people shouted abuse at me for being a con artist and a drug user and just out to scam folk...

Fortunately one of the shop staff realised (probably after someone went to complain to them) and gave me the bus fare after no one answered the phone at home when I rang from the office.

So sometimes the convoluted stories are genuine.. and that is of course what such beggars count on!

Couldn’t you have made a call but reversed the charges?

Wouldn’t the bus company have let you on free in the circumstances?

Report theft of purse to police and they’d probably have helped you get home.

I've fallen for it. A very bloody bloke approached me in a car park asking for money because he’d been mugged. Blood all over his face and clothes. I gave him £10

I was very surprised to see him the following week, on a different day, telling me the same thing. Think he actually got punched to make it convincing

Report to supermarket and 101

I gave him the money on the off chance he was genuine (plus to make him go away).

I might have done the same, OP. It reminds me a bit of that saying, "If you lend someone £100 and never see them again, it was money well spent."

Sometimes you just want to find the quickest way out of a situation.

@KizzyMoo

I lost my bus fare I was only about 13 and asked a handful of people for £1 for the bus and never got it. Wish I'd have seen you then OP

I had a similar story, we where 14 me and my bestie one of our first times out by ourselves and it was getting late so we where getting the last bus home (about 8pm) its a long ride about an hour and prior to phones being common and the bus driver was threatening to not let us on because combined we where like 90p short.

A man leaned over and paid it and it did mean a lot but at the same time Im pretty certain it was clear we where young, pretty paniced/scared and genuinly trying to get home... its not the same as a big man approach a lone woman and bothering here for £20.

It is better to help a scammer than to turn away someone in genuine need.
You did the right thing OP.

It's so bloody difficult though. They're so convincing. I do agree with others about areas getting targeted though.

I live in a large town. We had a guy who was homeless. No drink or drugs issues. Just fell on bad times due to Covid. A local guy kept taking him food and he was so so grateful. Anyway. Locals has a whip round and basically got him a bedsit, paid for 6 months. He's taken it with both hands and now got back into employment. He's very vocal about how much everyone helped him. He's a great bloke.
But now we've got 5 or 6 more homeless guys who've just turned up. And a couple of them make comments about "if they could just find a way to get some flat then they'd be great.........".

I don't agree with Julie Birchell on many thinks (she's a bit of a shock merchant) but I agree with her that if you give someone money you do it in good faith for whatever they want to spend it on.

Trouble is this wasn't the good faith there as you felt uneasy. Security guards notice a lot (it's their job) so if you speak to them it might enable building up a picture.

You won't notice the £20 in a couple of weeks but it might stop others feeling intimidated if approached.

These scammers make me so angry, because, occasionally, people will genuinely find themselves in desperate need of help from a kind stranger - but because these terrible people have completely poisoned the well, barely anybody will ever believe them.

Even worse than that, because the scammers have had a lot of practice and got it down to a very fine art, they will probably seem more convincing to their marks and thus more likely to succeed; whereas a legitimate person finding themselves in a one-time frightening predicament and panicking will quite probably come across as 'not even trying to seem genuine' and less likely to be helped.

I am curious though, what would other people have done? Would you have said no and risked a confrontation?

Don’t engage, just keep walking. If I’ve already fallen for it and made contact I say “no, sorry, I don’t have cash” which is pretty nearly always true.

In this case, you did what you thought best to keep yourself safe. That’s the important thing.

Thinks = things. My autocorrect is having a party tonight.

@LadyTrieste

It is better to help a scammer than to turn away someone in genuine need. You did the right thing OP.

And this is why we have scammers and begging threads.

If the only possible solution to thier problem, according to them, is mkney, they are bullshitting.

God god the cynicism on here. I hope you lot are never truly in need.
I think trust your instincts and he was truly in need. You should be proud of yourself.
Good samaritan x

I saw the thread title and knew it would be a scam.

Coming back from our holiday a few years ago, at Newport Parnell services my husband was approached by a man, saying he was miles from home and had no money or cards, my husband was going to give him some money. I said no, we did feel guilt all the way home, but I later found out, it was a con and loads of people had been coned at this service station.

@Laggartha you've got a good point there, when you start to make eye contact you've already started the bond of human interaction. Unless it's because you're hopping mad

OP you tried to help. Not sure if it's important what it was for, it solved some immediate distress for both parties.