To give a stranger £20

[alliejay81]

I was leaving the supermarket 30 minutes ago when I was approached by a man. He told me he had been following his Dad - who was in an ambulance having had a heart attack - when he ran out of petrol. We went round the houses a bit, the story didn't entirely make sense, but it became clear he didn't have any cash or cards on him. He then started asking where I lived before asking if he could borrow some cash. In the end, I gave him £20, for two reasons:

1. if he was genuine (and I wasn't convinced he was) then I'd helped him out
2. he was quite a big burly bloke and the car park was quiet and I felt a little intimidated

I came home and DH and his mate (in the garden, covid compliant) think I was definitely conned and should phone the non-emergency police line.

Was I being unreasonable to give him £20 and would I be unreasonable not to call the non-emergency police line (I just want to move on)?

He may have been genuine, in which case that £20 would have helped him so much.

He may not have been genuine, in which case that £20 enabled you to get away from a intimidating and potentially lethal situation, safely.

So a win win really.

Well, thanks OP. you’ve ensured it will carry on!

Has anyone actually seen a genuine one? Ever? The chance of these people being genuine is same as a chance if me keeping a ficus alive.
0.000001%
Genuine people have number of different ways to get out of the problem or accept help outside of cash.

Probably a tall tale to get money out of you...

Not the end of the world if you can afford it but if you felt intimdated I'd let the police know with a good description, time, place etc.

I remember being genuinely desperate for either a bus fare or money to make a call (which tells you how long ago this was as I had landline numbers stored in my head, no phone!)...

I was stuck some 18 miles from home, a walk that would have involved a lot of main road with no footpath, in the dark, having lost (or almost certainly had it nicked) my wallet either on the bus on the way in or at college which was by that point closed.

I'd gone round Asda for my dinner, got to the tills and discovered lack of wallet, bus pass, everything...

I stood by the phones having to ask folk for help, I only needed about 50p! I was 17... and at LEAST five people shouted abuse at me for being a con artist and a drug user and just out to scam folk...

Fortunately one of the shop staff realised (probably after someone went to complain to them) and gave me the bus fare after no one answered the phone at home when I rang from the office.

So sometimes the convoluted stories are genuine.. and that is of course what such beggars count on!

@Muchmorethan

He may have been genuine, in which case that £20 would have helped him so much.

He may not have been genuine, in which case that £20 enabled you to get away from a intimidating and potentially lethal situation, safely.

So a win win really.

That's a super low threshold for a "win"😳

She was carrying a small baby. Apparently her partner had assaulted her and she had fled her home with no Money. She needed money to get to her parents house. They offered to phone her a taxi. She preferred cash.
They gave her £30.
It was probably a scam.
They could not risk it and wanted to help her.

Of course it was a scam. If it wasn't she could have accepted an offer to call a taxi and pay the taxi direct. And did she not have a phone to phone her parents instead? Or could they not have phoned her parents? Or could her parents not have paid the taxi when she arrived? Of course none of these were solutions, because it was a scam.

@DuesToTheDirt exactly.

Same applies to online places.... Such as mumsnet...

Con.

I'd have said to him I couldn't help and suggested that he approached men rather than lone women as he could be seen as intimidating. I'd have had my phone out at the point where he asked where I lived.

It's your money so they aren't really entitled to an opinion. I'd put it down to experience but I'd also say you were exceptionally wise to do what felt right with a huge bloke in an exposed position. It's all to easy to laugh but at least he wasn't activated into doing something much worse - that's worth £20 to me.

Sorry I meant aggravated not activated. But I've given aggressive homeless people money, time and kindness as I was scared of them. That's wise imo.

Hence I agree with SchrodingersImmigrant

Sorry, long day - I retract that and agree with Muchmorethan

@roarfeckingroarr

It's only £20, not worth worrying about

'Only' £20? That's a weeks food shopping to some.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought and put it down to experience.

I once spoke to a lady outside Marylebone station who was sat in the pavement crying. She'd got together with someone at work and worked in a pub. She was homeless as her boss fired her (part of her employment contract and associated accommodation was not to be with anyone at work). She was literally in a heap and sobbing.

I tried to give her money but she didn't want it so me and my friends took her to the pub around the corner, did shots and cheered her up until she could find someone to stay with.

I wish I could find her now - she was ace. I hope if I ever have a day like that someone will help me too. X

@WhataMissMap

A similar story happened to my husband and son. They parked car in a residential area. A young woman in a distressed state approached them. She was carrying a small baby. Apparently her partner had assaulted her and she had fled her home with no Money. She needed money to get to her parents house. They offered to phone her a taxi. She preferred cash. They gave her £30. It was probably a scam. They could not risk it and wanted to help her.

I totally agree that sometimes you want to help and don’t want to risk leaving someone in a desperate situation but OP felt this WAS a scam and only gave the money through fear.

@Royalbloo

I once spoke to a lady outside Marylebone station who was sat in the pavement crying. She'd got together with someone at work and worked in a pub. She was homeless as her boss fired her (part of her employment contract and associated accommodation was not to be with anyone at work). She was literally in a heap and sobbing.

I tried to give her money but she didn't want it so me and my friends took her to the pub around the corner, did shots and cheered her up until she could find someone to stay with.

I wish I could find her now - she was ace. I hope if I ever have a day like that someone will help me too. X

That's totally different to asking gor money situation though.

But good on you and your friend

I was once approached by a teenage lad roughly 10am on a Sunday morning in Birmingham city centre, his mouth and nose full of blood. I'd just got the bus into town with my baby and was on the way to my parents house.

He told me some boys had robbed him at the bus stop, assaulted him and took all his money and his phone -could I help him get home? Of course I could.

Poor boy- I imagined myself, back in the day, getting the bus home after a night of clubbing. I gave him every penny in my purse-not much, prob £5.

Imagine my shock when I saw the same boy months later, obviously not an image I'd forget, approaching a couple with the same bloody mouth and nose.

I shouted to him that he was very unlucky as I'd met him previously when he had the same injury. He ran off.

Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine someone would use fake blood to con people out of money but I can tell you with 100% certainity this was the case.

Don't feel fooled, feel proud that you are a good person.

Why do we need to know that your meeting with your husband in a pub garden is ‘Covid compliant’?
The guy is obviously a scammer though.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Has anyone actually seen a genuine one? Ever? The chance of these people being genuine is same as a chance if me keeping a ficus alive. 0.000001% Genuine people have number of different ways to get out of the problem or accept help outside of cash.

Someone posted on a thread here about the worst thing your kids have ever done that his kids had been messing around with his wallet and threw it out the car window, so he had to approach quite a few strangers for money to get somewhere before one of them finally believed him. I would like to think I would give someone the benefit of the doubt unless they were very obviously unbelievable.

Hope my senial grandparents aren't approached they'd probably give him whatever they had. Worrying.

I'd say it was a scam. There is a woman that hangs outside the local hospital here saying she's just had treatment and has lost her bus fare home. She doesn't ask for much but a lot of people were conned (found out when someone posted it on a local facebook page)

There is a guy that stands in our city centre asking people for money because his wife is in a hospital about 10 miles away giving birth and he can't get there.

He's been convicted in the past but still does it. He's stopped me about 3 times in 2 years. Must be a bloody long labour.

I lost my bus fare I was only about 13 and asked a handful of people for £1 for the bus and never got it. Wish I'd have seen you then OP