Feel like I’ve failed, 2 year old still in nappies

[AgnesWeston]

DS is 2 years and 7 months.
He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either.
We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

No it isn't. Primary school children are (in normal circs) all toilet trained. It's like saying "you've worked with primary school children so it's worrying you're not an expert on breastfeeding".

As someone who trained as a primary teacher 15 years ago myself, I would have thought most primary teachers would have a passing awareness of the EYFS curriculum which covers 0-5 and includes self care milestones.

I had a couple of abortive attempts with DD when I thought she was ready and realised that there was no need to push things. With my DSes I bought them pants and once I thought they were ready 2.9-3 would occasionally say do you want to wear your pants today? Once they agreed I went for it; no back up pull-ups on journeys etc. They were fine , small handful of accidents only and no one got frustrated. Obvs they new what was expected of them from having older Sister and that helps.By the way, night time dryness is not a question of training and is unrelated to day time dryness. You just have to wait for them to be ready , usually before five but it is common and not a medical problem for 10 year olds to still be wetting the bed regularly.

@Beaudalaire

Not unusual at all. Although must say I’m a bit confused by the posters saying that children that potty train earlier are not trained and have constant accidents. My son trained between 2-2 1/2 and very rarely had an accident, got it very quickly

I trained my daughter the week after her second birthday. Took a week but no accidents since.

We never potty trained. My youngest two just decided when they didn’t want nappies. Both were 3. No accidents, no potty. 2yrs 7 months is still young.

My son didn't potty train until 3 and a half. Tried several times, for weeks at a time, he just didn't get it and wasn't ready.

We then left it until he was showing signs of readiness - eg curious about what other kids were doing on potties and expressing discomfort with nappies. It was the right call, he became fully toilet trained within 2 days.

I've seen lots of parents try to push potty training too soon and in vain. Just relax, give your kid a break and try again in a few months.

I have two toddlers who are 2 and 5 months and I've not even started thinking about potty training yet so don't worry. I think it's quite usual at this age 😂

DC1 3y 2m
DC2 3y 8m
DC3 4yo
DC4 no idea, he is 3y 8m just now. Had two attempts but not interested. He will get there when ready.

To anyone worrying about potty training- please don’t!
I worried myself into a state when ds1 didn’t potty train until 4. Everyone around gave me tips, and I felt judged me.

Fast forward a few years and it turns out he has DCD. So all of that beating myself up, and actually all it was was him being unable to feel stable/judge distances and so on. It might not be the same, but because any conditions aren’t usually diagnosed until children are 7+ then it’s only when you look back that it makes sense.

I'm not sure why parents mention moving straight from nappies to the toilet with no potty stage as though that's somehow superior (or at least that's how it reads). My 2 year old can't get onto the toilet independently even with a step so a potty is just handy as she can take herself to it herself.

Plenty of time. My son was 4 in Jan and he's only been out of nappies since about last August. He used to kick off too, your definitely not a failure. They do things in their own time

Just stop, wait a few weeks until we have a warm spell and try again. Him out in the garden in a long t shirt and no pants and he'll soon be sorted.

I followed my DS around wistfully, potty in hand, when he was two. He could not have been less interested. All the strategising and trying I did failed to manifest the desired effect. I gave up and sort of forgot about it. When he was three he suddenly went off to use the toilet without any prompting or cajoling.

So for me, the whole process was a little like the way falling in love or getting pregnant can sometimes be. You bust a gut consciously trying to make it happen, only for it to occur spontaneously when you’ve stopped thinking about it.

My DS was ready when he was ready. But every child is different and every set of family circumstances is different.

This article is illuminating about toileting trends and who does what when. An interesting read for those who realise comparisons are futile but can’t help wondering what other people are doing. It appears there is a strong cultural element to expectations around toileting independence.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2090598X12001428

A few findings:

• Black babies tend to be toilet trained earlier than white. (Asian babies are earlier too, apparently.)

• Toilet training is happening later than was historically the case.

• Older mothers who have been in education longer wait longer than younger single mothers with a shorter educational experience.

Make of all that what you will!

@OutwiththeOutCrowd

I followed my DS around wistfully, potty in hand, when he was two. He could not have been less interested. All the strategising and trying I did failed to manifest the desired effect. I gave up and sort of forgot about it. When he was three he suddenly went off to use the toilet without any prompting or cajoling.

So for me, the whole process was a little like the way falling in love or getting pregnant can sometimes be. You bust a gut consciously trying to make it happen, only for it to occur spontaneously when you’ve stopped thinking about it.

My DS was ready when he was ready. But every child is different and every set of family circumstances is different.

This article is illuminating about toileting trends and who does what when. An interesting read for those who realise comparisons are futile but can’t help wondering what other people are doing. It appears there is a strong cultural element to expectations around toileting independence.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2090598X12001428

A few findings:

• Black babies tend to be toilet trained earlier than white. (Asian babies are earlier too, apparently.)

• Toilet training is happening later than was historically the case.

• Older mothers who have been in education longer wait longer than younger single mothers with a shorter educational experience.

Make of all that what you will!

The British mothers with more education waited longer.. until 24 months rather than 15.

@Subordinateclause see this is the thing it it’s isn’t it, if we weren’t so obsessed with being beholden to ‘rules’ we’d wait until they had the motor skills to go to the toilet and skip straight to that.

Of course your just 2yo hasn’t got the motor skills to get on and off a toilet, but you could have waited until they did and avoided having open latrines scattered around your house 🤷‍♀️

I have 4 children (1 boy and 3 girls)...only one of mine was potty trained by then and that was probably only a couple of months before that..

I would relax - it really isn’t a problem and certainly not an indicator of their intelligence etc...

You can't train a child not to be incontinent. They either can or can't hold it and I'd say 2 is young. Once they are physically ready it will just happen with a bit of encouragement no problem. I'd leave it for a while as associating stress with the potty is possibly going to be counterproductive.

[quote House2home21]@Subordinateclause see this is the thing it it’s isn’t it, if we weren’t so obsessed with being beholden to ‘rules’ we’d wait until they had the motor skills to go to the toilet and skip straight to that.

Of course your just 2yo hasn’t got the motor skills to get on and off a toilet, but you could have waited until they did and avoided having open latrines scattered around your house 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Many two year olds can manage using a toilet; we had a secure seat and step combo and they went straight to that, no potties scattered anywhere. I don't like the idea of toileting other than in the bathroom anyway. Most houses are small enough for the child to reach the downstairs loo or bathroom in seconds.

OP my daughter is 2y8m and I've been feeling the same as you so thank you for starting this thread, reading it has made me feel loads better. My mum has had a lot to say about lazy parenting etc (my siblings and i all trained by 18m apparently...) so I've been feeling really crap, pardon the pun.

DD was 3.5 when she was potty trained, i wish i never bothered before then.

She's now 12 and no accidents for 9 years 😂.

Hrtft but we got ds a kids urinal that was a frogs face and he had to aim at the tongue! It suctioned to the wall.Obviously no good for poos but it made him feel grown up and he used the toilet after that.Got from e Bay.

@AgnesWeston

Reassuring to hear it isn’t an issue.

My parents keep mentioning it and I know a few at his nursery of a similar age who are out of nappies already.

Oh please don't fall into that trap with other parents telling how wonderful their children are. You have the next 16 years of it ahead.

One of my DC was 3 years and the other was nearly 3.5 years they all get there!

I’ve got 4 boys so I failed all 4 then as they have all been over 3 and took ages to train.
Youngest is asd and has major continence issues but other 3 are nt and just weren’t ready earlier.

Wait op, it’ll happen when he’s ready just be on the look out for cues and it’ll come.

Your trying too early. Boys are often much later than girls 5o potty train. Both my boys were around 3 and a half. When they were ready they learnt very quickly. Moved over to the toilet within a few weeks. Boys don't get as much notice as girls when they need to go because the distance for it to travel is less.

What? My DS is 2 and still in nappies. Just take your time- no rush and many don’t train now until 3.

We’re starting our DS now but will take it nice and slowly, at his pace.