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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like I’ve failed, 2 year old still in nappies

253 replies

AgnesWeston · 01/05/2021 13:44

DS is 2 years and 7 months.
He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either.
We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
nanbread · 03/05/2021 15:34

As others have said, I tried training mine around that age, it didn't work. We put nappies back on and tried again around age 3 and a bit and they got it. Friends whose children were trained by 2 were generally still having quite a few accidents until 3.

The older generation may have used used cloth nappies which were uncomfortable when wet and a hassle to washv so both adult and child keen to get out of them ASAP. But Children definitely had accidents after that, I remember age 3 lots of children at my preschool wetting themselves

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 03/05/2021 15:34

1st child potty trained at 3.5yrs he just wasnt ready before that and he wasnt dry at night till a year later.

2nd child potty trained at a week past 2yrs and she hasnt had a nappy on since including at night.

3rd child potty trained at 2.5yrs and is still in nappies at night at 3yrs.

Subordinateclause · 03/05/2021 15:35

[quote House2home21]@Subordinateclause see this is the thing it it’s isn’t it, if we weren’t so obsessed with being beholden to ‘rules’ we’d wait until they had the motor skills to go to the toilet and skip straight to that.

Of course your just 2yo hasn’t got the motor skills to get on and off a toilet, but you could have waited until they did and avoided having open latrines scattered around your house 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Open latrines 😂 We have a potty in the bathroom next to the toilet. She's not lacking the motor skills to reach the toilet, she's lacking the height. Not dealing with numerous nappies a day is worth it until she grows I think. For what it's worth she trained in a couple of days so was more than ready.

ladygindiva · 03/05/2021 15:42

Chill. One of my dc was still in nappies at past 3.5. Another was about 3yrs. Only one of my 3 was out of nappies at 2ish. Don't stress, I promise its not worth it, it doesn't reflect on you, and it's all normal!

House2home21 · 03/05/2021 21:01

@Subordinateclause and I bet she’s knows her all her phonic sounds and the alphabet and can count to 50 to boot.

Love these threads for a bit of competitive Mothering 👌🏻👍🏻

Subordinateclause · 03/05/2021 21:11

Eh?! I said she was toilet trained, no more than that, and that she is too short to reach the toilet so uses a potty. How on earth is that competitive parenting?! What an unpleasant response. No she can't do any of those things you mentioned...

JustAddCoffee91 · 03/05/2021 21:29

Mine turned 2 in December... he's not ready, I'm not ready so I'm not going to worry about it, he's also bright as a button doesn't mean he's ready so I'm just going to concentrate on the things he's interested in at this moment in time, also the ones that are "totally out of nappies" in nursery are probably the ones that have 7000 "accidents" per hour... but yeah they are completely potty trained 😂

Zeb81 · 03/05/2021 21:32

It's as much to do with hormones as intelligence. Most boys aren't potty trained at 2.5, you may find the summer makes a big difference

Santastealer · 04/05/2021 09:35

[quote House2home21]**@Subordinateclause and I bet she’s knows her all her phonic sounds and the alphabet and can count to 50 to boot.

Love these threads for a bit of competitive Mothering 👌🏻👍🏻[/quote]
That’s a ridiculous statement- by 2.5 my son knew all his phonics sounds and could count to 50.... wasn’t potty trained though!

Just because training young doesn’t work for some it shouldn’t be instantly dismissed. Like @Subordinateclause we also use a potty because my just turned 2 year old can’t climb onto the toilet with pants round her ankles. I trained her early because she wanted to wear pants like her brother and screamed when I tried to put nappies on her. She rarely has an accident. Her brother was much closer to 3 when he was trained, we also used a potty with him too for the first few months because it helped him to build confidence before using the toilet.

EvilOnion · 04/05/2021 09:45

Leave him and don't stress it - I've yet to meet anyone over the age of 5 who's in nappies full time just because they didn't potty train!

My eldest was 3y8m when he just decided no more nappies - he refused several attempts before this but never had a daytime accident after and was dry at night within the week.

My youngest however decided she wanted to be "a grow up" just after her 2nd birthday. She refused nappies but had absolutely no concept of needing to go to the toilet and it stressed us both out. She had atleast 5 accidents a day and went to nursery with atleast 3 changes of clothes every day until she was 4 then it finally clicked! Thankfully she would wear pull ups at night Hmm

Basically leave them until they're ready, gently encourage - let him pick a potty/toilet seat, pick pants, sit on toilet whilst bath is running - but don't force it and definitely don't feel like you're a failure!

PreggoFeminist86 · 04/05/2021 10:25

He's just not ready yet. Potty training is a developmental milestone like any other, some children will arrive there earlier than others.Putting too much pressure on it just causes unnecessary stress for both him & you.

My son was similar to yours, very bright & really struggled with potty training when I first tried him at 2 & 1/2. I waited, put him back in nappies & tried again a month or so before he turned 3... he 'got it' within a few days.

I'd advise keeping the potty somewhere visible (next to the adult toilet if possible) & give it a few weeks. He'll probably start to show some natural curiosity about it xx

Mistressinthetulips · 04/05/2021 10:28

I have boys and waited till they were three each time - they trained within a couple of weeks as were ready for it.
It will all work out.

Spring2021 · 04/05/2021 10:36

They are all different. My youngest and very articulate, stubborn DD was adamant she wasn’t going to wear nappies anymore on her 2nd birthday and she didn’t. But when she needed a wee and we were out she needed to wee very quickly so it was quite stressful. But also she took much longer to get out of nappies at night.

Whereas our older DS was almost three when we decided to try and potty train him and he was the last in our first time mum group of babies to be in nappies. However, he was out of nappies at night far quicker and at a far younger age than DD and we also had more warming from him saying he needed a wee to him having one.

Spring2021 · 04/05/2021 10:37

Maybe try on a nice warm day in the garden and when you don’t have much else on.

WarriorN · 04/05/2021 10:38

He'll use it when he's in the right mood but hasn't worked out he has to go before he's gone in his nappy...

Eldest was about 3.5 or a bit older, and it was very variable for a while. It was only when he really wanted to wear pants that we cracked it.

WarriorN · 04/05/2021 10:39

Definitely wait till summer. So much easier.

PerspicaciousGreen · 04/05/2021 13:32

Potties as open latrines...! Hilarious! We have one in each bathroom, next to the toilet, tipped straight in every time (by our son!) and rinsed out almost every time (by an adult).

Here's a tip: Our toddler didn't wear pants for about six months. Not that he was naked from the waist down - he was dressed normally, just no pants underneath it. When we did introduce them, we bought a size or two up. It made a huge difference for his ability to manipulate clothing and follow the correct sequence of actions. Adding "and pants" was apparently the last straw for him, so we stopped using them until he was really confident at doing the whole shebang by himself. And having them looser (just ordinary briefs, but bigger) has made it much easier for him to pull them down and, crucially, up again!

MuddlingThrough1724 · 04/05/2021 15:15

I would say this is perfectly normal. Go back to nappies, ready the excellent "Oh Crap" toilet training book if you haven't already, and try again in a few months.

ToastyFingers · 05/05/2021 08:34

Both my dds were 3 and one of them was nowhere near ready at 2 and a half. It's generally quite acceptable nowadays for kids to be in nappies as long as they need to.

Mrsdarwin · 05/05/2021 08:46

@AgnesWeston don’t worry most people who say there kids are potty trained are not in my opinion. They are having multiple accidents or one accident a day....that isn’t potty trained in my book. We waited until my boy was closer to 3 he was completely ready on his terms, he’s had a handful of accidents over the following weeks and wet the bed once.

I had a person from our baby class who said their kids was potty trained online but went through 5/6 outfits a day due to wetting themselves when you spoke to them. I wouldn’t believe everything 🙈😂

blowinahoolie · 06/05/2021 10:16

Agree with others, go with the flow.

Pinkyavocado · 06/05/2021 11:11

@ReggaetonLente

OP my daughter is 2y8m and I've been feeling the same as you so thank you for starting this thread, reading it has made me feel loads better. My mum has had a lot to say about lazy parenting etc (my siblings and i all trained by 18m apparently...) so I've been feeling really crap, pardon the pun.
I was chatting to a friend with a just 2 year old once about potty training. She was driving herself crazy with it. I told her mine were much older and pretty much trained themselves and just to leave it a few months and try again. Her mum was there. Later I heard her mum telling her not to give up and it was only lazy parents (aimed at me 😂) who waited! We had caravans next to each other and I watched her chasing her daughter around with a potty and constantly cleaning up accidents for the next 6 months.
littlepeas · 06/05/2021 11:27

My 3dc were all 3 before we even bothered trying. Dd was the quickest, but she was still 3. They are all perfectly intelligent and capable pre-teens now. My experience was far less stressful than my sister’s, who desperately tried to get her dc to potty train earlier. It was very straightforward because they were ready.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 06/05/2021 11:29

Later I heard her mum telling her not to give up and it was only lazy parents (aimed at me 😂) who waited!

I’m not lazy I’m efficient! Why spend 6 months cleaning up wee when I can wait a few months longer and have it all sorted in a weekend? I am also a bit lazy but only for things that don’t matter

Pieinthesky11 · 08/05/2021 13:58

Totally normal, wouldn't push it if it's stressful, have another go in a couple of months x

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