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Original poster

Feel like I’ve failed, 2 year old still in nappies

253 replies

AgnesWeston · 01/05/2021 13:44

DS is 2 years and 7 months.
He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either.
We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
mayblossominapril · 01/05/2021 20:11

Don’t forget in times gone by children potty trained earlier because mother was fed up of washing Terry nappies and child was fed up of wearing a soggy cold towel.
I was potty trained at 18 months I was in Terry nappies. My brother was over 3 he was in disposables. My DS exactly 3.5 years. I did try earlier and managed to get poo on the potty at 3 very reliably but not wee.
Just try again in a few weeks.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 01/05/2021 20:17

Don't push it if not ready. We pushed our LG to early and she was still in pull ups at night when she was 6. We let our LB take the lead and he was dry day and night within a week. He was just 3. Don't panic they'll do it when they're ready ❤️❤️

PerspicaciousGreen · 01/05/2021 20:21

It's just not worth forcing potty training, imo. Nappies are convenient. What isn't convenient is having to jump up the second your child says "Potty!" because while they can wee in it, they can't pull their own trousers down or open the sitting room door which is in the way. Our son is three now and can manage the whole process of going to the potty (excluding bottom wiping) himself. If he does a poo he goes and does it then sits there calling for us until we come and help him. Now THAT'S potty trained!

Pottedpalm · 01/05/2021 20:21

Being dry at night is dependent on the production of the necessary hormone. It can take a long time for children who are toilet trained in the daytime to become dry at night.

Lemonlemon88 · 01/05/2021 20:22

Mine wasnt dry until just after 3, I think we actually set her back by trying too early

Mamamamasaurus · 01/05/2021 20:26

My DS was about a month shy of his 4th birthday when he potty trained. He smashed it in 2 days though. Because he was ready for it and just needed the 'push', so to speak. I'd previously tried and he wouldn't even entertain sitting on the potty, let alone anything else. I'd even tried a frog shaped Urinal - would only play with it and refused to even try for a wee in it.

You little one isn't even 3 yet, please don't worry!

Echobelly · 01/05/2021 20:30

My son was 4 months off is 4th birthday and 5 months off starting Reception when he got out of daytime nappies. It felt a bit late but not awful. It's unusual for kids to be out of nappies by 2 these days.

hogangog · 01/05/2021 21:00

honestly, potty training is ~yet another~ one of those things that some parents make into a competition. it’s ridiculous that people know only the child’s age and say “that’s too young” (you’d never say that about a child who spoke / walked / crawled). but also that you’d compare your child to others from a facebook group and compare them before you’ve checked any medical guidelines? there’s an age range for developmental milestones, any time within that range is fine, he’s not behind or ahead or whatever. my dd was toilet trained at 22months, but that’s because she was ready. i didn’t brag about it, i didn’t compare her to anyone else, and she did other things at the much later stage of the age range. but who cares?!

also, as someone mentioned upthread, being dry at night has nothing to do with daytime dryness - it’s a hormone that kicks in, the child has no control over bed wetting before that hormone kicks in.

Blakey24 · 01/05/2021 21:26

Oh my, you haven’t failed at all. Mine were much later. DS was nearly 4 (he is autistic and was non verbal at the time though) and Dd not autistic was a month after her 3rd birthday.

I was told by a paediatrician that the normal range is between 2-4 and somewhere in the middle is average.

Most people I know who are parents didn’t train their kids fully until around 3.

My own mil boasts how her DS (my dp) was 15 months old and turned her nose up in disgust when mine were 2+ and still in nappies!

Personally I found training in the summer fab. Where it’s warm and you can just leave their trousers off with a potty out - even in the garden. also school holidays are fab (assuming he’s in nursery or pre-school) as you don’t have to worry about accidents there. Dd finished pre school in July not trained at all and went back fully trained in September! The 6 weeks off pre school really helped!

Needtheadvice · 01/05/2021 21:32

Mine was in nappies when 3, this is rather normal. Kept trying on and off to see if LO was ready, back into nappies when it was obvious that this wasn't the case. I was out of nappies very young, but not my kid. We are all different, the time will come soon enough.

blowinahoolie · 01/05/2021 21:35

If we are playing Toilet Training Failure Top Trumps - I win hands down with my youngest!

He is 3y8m. Have had two holidays trying to train him and had to accept he just isn't getting it. There are developmental delays though and I think this could be part of his issue.

Glitterblue · 01/05/2021 21:38

DD was 3, she was very like how your son sounds - very bright and good at talking but we just couldn't get there with the potty training. She was fine in the house when she could have no bottom half clothes on but as soon as I put pants on her, it was as if she felt it was like a nappy. It just suddenly clicked one weekend when she was 3 years 2 months, and she never looked back. We just bit the bullet, took her out without a nappy and took a change of clothes and she was absolutely fine from that day on. Don't worry, he will do it, they're all different DD was 5 or 6 when she came out of night nappies - I was so worried about that but again it just clicked suddenly

imgoinginsaneinthemembrane · 01/05/2021 21:40

Leave it a month or 2, he's still young. Honestly some parents I know only trained their boys just before starting school, you have ages before people think it's late. I'd say up to 3 is fine, for a first attempt.

My DS was mute when potty trained at 2 years 7 months, he managed preschool without any accidents without being able to say a thing. We did similar to oh crap, bare bum for 2-3 days, staying home, then just trousers, short trips out, then introduce pants. So you need a clear week, we used half term. I'd also say don't over do asking them if they need to go or sitting them incase, they need to be able to hold it for a couple of hours before you potty train.

cs98127634 · 01/05/2021 21:40

@EssentialHummus

Eh? I know three year olds, esp boys, still in nappies. You can try “Oh crap” if you haven’t yet, it has a good success rate, but otherwise just take a big step back and give it longer.
Definitely recommend this book!
demiallen · 01/05/2021 21:42

Oh don't worry. My son was still into nappies at 3!!!!! I've recently thought to my self right that's it no NAPPIES! and now he is full time in pants. he does accidents but what child doesn't. He wees the bed sometimes and some times he doesn't when he doesn't I give him a reward. But honestly you haven't failed my son was the exact same! 3 is an older age so think how I feel 😂 but don't worry! Do your best, that's all I say. Some kids are slower then others !! X

Januaryissodull · 01/05/2021 21:50

A few bits of advice op, if you want it.

Get a thicker skin. When you have small children everyone has an opinion, whether it's nappies, sleep, eating. Learn to ignore most of it.

2.5 is perfectly normal to still be in nappies. Some dc will be potty trained younger, some older, some parents will claim their dc are potty trained when in reality they're have 6534522 accidents a day. They are all different,

Your child will use the toilet when he's ready and in a few years no one will care.

It will feel like it will never happen, but it will be fine,

Wineisrequired · 01/05/2021 21:55

2 definitely isn’t late. I think my son was about 2.5 and I gave it a spin. I think he’d got it by about 3 but had a few accidents or left it to late to go as he was to busy playing. There are no rules for this or timescales so try not to get stressed

Cushionsnotpillows · 01/05/2021 22:13

Hmmmm OP if you've "always worked in primary schools" wouldn't you have covered this in basic child development? Your lack of awareness and knowledge is rather worrying for someone working with small children.

Scratchpostkitty · 01/05/2021 22:53

Take the pressure off yourself and him. I would suggest forgetting it altogether for a while. When you restart let him choose pants. Don't bother with pull ups at all. You'll get there. He is still very young. I have helped toilet train a lot of children 3 plus in nursery.

PerspicaciousGreen · 02/05/2021 08:40

@Cushionsnotpillows

Hmmmm OP if you've "always worked in primary schools" wouldn't you have covered this in basic child development? Your lack of awareness and knowledge is rather worrying for someone working with small children.
No it isn't. Primary school children are (in normal circs) all toilet trained. It's like saying "you've worked with primary school children so it's worrying you're not an expert on breastfeeding".
notveryrelaxed · 02/05/2021 08:41

Mine is sane age, not even started potty training yet - he’s not interested and I won’t force it. Average age for boys is 3!

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 02/05/2021 09:05

Op only skim read and I'm sure it's been said, main thing is to back off, each dc come at these from different times.
There is no rush, no set age or time line.

Relax, forget about it all and come back to it in a few months.
I remember Mil was pressuring us to train and she set our dd back months by forcing her too quickly, at same time an expert was on radio four saying tips but mainly never push it never force it otherwise you can start deeper issues!

WoolieLiberal · 02/05/2021 11:23

First off, I echo the other posters who say this is far to early to be worried.

When “properly ready”, I would not restrict fluids day or night but do watch out for blackcurrent juice and other drinks that have artificial sweeteners in as I’m sure that these are what kept me and later DD’s in night nappies far far longer than would otherwise have happened.

SunscreenCentral · 02/05/2021 12:14

All different. Had a mare of a time with dd who was quite happy in her nappy thank you very much 🤨
Ds was sorted in a weekend at around 18mos 🙌🏻
They all get there so don’t worry

CecilyP · 02/05/2021 13:37

You haven’t failed in any way and your DS isn’t particularly old to still be in nappies.

As he now hates the potty and toilet seat, I would hold off completely for at least a couple of months before trying again or indeed even mentioning potties and toilet seats.