Feel like I’ve failed, 2 year old still in nappies

[AgnesWeston]

DS is 2 years and 7 months.
He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either.
We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

My youngest was over 3 when she was out of nappies. We waited until we thought she was ready and then it took 3 days to crack it day and night.
DD1 had been potty trained at just over 2 but was still wearing pull ups at night until she was over 4.
I only potty trained DD1 so early because my mum kept mentioning it but it was definitely easier second time around.

Only just got DS out of nappies at 3.3! He's bright enough although no mini Einstein DD was 2.10. I tried too early with both of them. It was a disaster. With DS we gave up after two attempts then tried again once his nursery was open. He got it within a week. I'd say to anyone, don't worry about the age, just go with when you feel they are ready. Oh and don't read Oh Crap if you're really worried - the pressure to have them trained before they turn 2 is insane!

That said, I'm so happy I don't have to ever go through potty training again. I bloody hated it!!

My DS flatly refused to use a potty or a toilet seat thing, knew if he needed to go but would say "I'll use my nappy" and then suddenly, just before he was three had a complete about face & flatly refused to have a nappy at all day and night including pull-ups

Potential nightmare but TBF he only had a couple of accidents - being older helped I'm sure.

I don’t have children but years in a nursery - don’t panic and don’t listen to the pressure that your child is behind! They’re not. Many still weren’t trained at 3. He will potty train. It will happen. When he’s ready. Go too early and your just setting yourself up for accidents every half an hour.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Keep things like the potty in sight (so just leave it in the bathroom) and the toilet seat. At some point he will take interest, particularly for example if he sees other children at nursery using them. At some point the nappy will be uncomfortable.

Hold fire, take a deep breath. You have done nothing wrong, you’re not failing at all. 2 years 7 months is still very young. He will get there

DS was just turned 3 and showed no sign of being ready or interested in potty training. We decided to go for it one weekend and he was receptive. DD was with grandparents so he had our full attention all weekend. He cracked on pretty quickly and after the initial weekend had very few accidents. DD on the other hand decided at 2y2m that she wanted to use the potty so we followed her lead but it was a much longer road to accident free. They are all different and do things at different times.

Boys tend to be later than girls as a general rule.

And as someone who used to run a playgroup, a child that is deemed to be "potty trained" and isn't reliable is no fun whatsoever. Most parents push it too early. I always feel that 3 is a good benchmark to be aiming for and when you stand a chance of them understanding. Anything earlier is a bonus.

Night time dryness is governed by production of a particular hormone. If the child dies not produce the hormone yet they will be wet overnight. It’s not something they have any control over. Daytime dryness is different. If the child is ready at 2 there is no reason for there to be ‘continual accidents’, as those who advocate late training claim is always the case.

Why are you pushing your child beyond their limits and their appropriate stage.

No one wins awards for being the fastest to learn to pee in a pot or recite the alphabet, you will just stress him out and burn him out before the important stuff actually starts.

I'm pretty sure my son was still in nappies at that age. He's now a Robotics Engineer with a Masters Degree. You'll be fine!

Mine went straight to the toilet, with a really secure seat and step. Potties are pretty gross, really.

Are you joking? I recently read that paediatricians recommend not even attempting potty trainkng with a little boy until 3 as they're generally not ready. babies acheving things early really mean very little - babies who are potty trained/walking early etc are no more likely to be intelligent when they're older than a child who does it at the "normal" (most common) age or a little later. I don't know why parents feel the need to be competitive about stuff like this, it's a lot of stress for nothing. Einstein didn't even start speaking until 5 years old so chill 😂😂😂

My first was 3yrs 2 months, second, 18 months, third 3 and half. When they were ready, it took days. If you try too early you drag the process out. Friend of mine was under so much pressure from her parents to potty train her children, she was constantly clearing up mess in their pants. As long as he is ready before he starts school!

Goodness me, that’s completely normal. Leave it until he’s ready! Much less hassle and upset!

(agree this OP sounds like a not-so-stealth boast!)

My daughter is 2.5 and still in pull ups.. I really wouldn't worry, she's casually potty training at the moment.. I won't force anything at all. In her own time.. And I'm definitely no failure.
Don't think of yourself like that.

I know a few at his nursery of a similar age who are out of nappies already.

Are they? I feel sometimes that I am really odd, as I never knew parents at DS' nursery let alone be able to talk to them to know if their children were in nappies

I can highly recommend The Gentle Potty Training Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It's very reassuring about signs of readiness including an interesting section on physical development that needs to happen before they're ready.

2 yrs 7 months is totally normal to still be in nappies. Some kids do it sooner some later. My first was about 2yrs 11m when he was ready, my second was 2yrs. They're all different. Stressing about it now risks making it worse down the line hence I'd get the book. Once he's ready her method is very effective too.

If the child is ready at 2 there is no reason for there to be ‘continual accidents’, as those who advocate late training claim is always the case.

So therefore, a child who was “trained” at 2 and is having continual accidents was not, in fact, ready and is not actually potty trained.

Ditch the potty for good. When your dc is 3 start toilet training - on the toilet.

@AgnesWeston

DS is 2 years and 7 months. He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either. We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

wait for warm weather (only 6 weeks or so). Take off his nappy for the whole day.
Give him a set of very attractive patterned light cotton underpants. Stay home.

On day one, when he pees in his underpants it will run down his legs; wet/ soggy/puddle.
When he poos in his lovely underpants it will hang heavy and smell.

He'll soon work it out for himself. Just stop making a big drama of it.

I work in a nursery. Children don't start with us until the term last their third birthday. Usually we have around a quarter of new starters still in nappies and those in pants aren't all always reliable.

When they're ready it all falls into place. Don't worry.

I don't get why children used to be able to train earlier in the past but apparently can't now.

Mine were between 21 months and 31 months (3 boys and 1 girl, who was the latest) and all really were fully trained at those ages (I saw some posters saying kids trained younger weren't really trained - all I can say is that mine were).

Good luck with your training.

Take a break for now. Wait until summer & a warm spell & let him run around naked. My DS was 2.5 & did this...he was ready for potty by day 2 & it was fairly plain sailing after that. Take the pressure off yourself, he'll do it sooner or later. And pay no heed to everyone else's training schedule.

My son was in nappies til he turned 3, it’s fine. He just wasn’t interested, then about a week after his third birthday he suddenly got it and was dry day and night immediately. They do it when they are ready, don’t be concerned.

Ds was 2y 11m. Just stop trying for 2-3 months. Maybe he’ll be ready then.