Feel like I’ve failed, 2 year old still in nappies

[AgnesWeston]

DS is 2 years and 7 months.
He hates the potty and won’t entertain a toilet seat cover either.
We’ve tried to talk about him being a big boy, we’ve tried to make it into a game, we’ve bought books about potties and toilet training.

He’s very bright, he recognises every letter of the alphabet already and can tell us the correct phonic sound for each one. He can count 1-10 and recognise each number individually. His speech is fantastic.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

Thanks for reading!

When it's the right time, it's easy and done quickly. I tried a couple of times with DS between 2½ and 3 but it was a disaster and I quickly abandoned it but still talked about it in a neutral way around him and kept the potty out but didn't suggest he use it. When he was 3 and 2 months old he asked to use the potty and that was it. Done. Poos took a while longer, he wanted a nappy on for those, but one day I've slipped out when he was on the potty and that problem was solved!

DD asked when she was 2 years 9 months and bar a few accidents over the next year or so (far more than DS ever did), she was sorted.

No stress, job done.

Oh come on. We didn’t even try with DD until she was 2 years 8 months due to various circumstances. Leaving it till she was that age meant it was piss easy to do. Friends who started at exactly 2 seemed to have it dragging on for ages, and I’m just too lazy for that. For us it was all sorted in a weekend with no accidents since, dry day and night. The children around her age in the room at nursery were (according to the teachers) about 50/50 nappies or potty trained.

Mine was just past his 3rd birthday and got it in a day or two! Felt like I was waiting ages but then he just got it when ready. You haven’t failed x

Hmm from my experience those out of nappies much before 2y6m aren't really. Lots of accidents.
One son was well over 3y6m before he was dry during the day and he is very high IQ. He had Far more interesting things to be doing. His brother was younger but he had chicken pox and I suggested that his bum might be more comfortable without nappies but he would have to use the potty. He had one daytime accident.
When the time is right, he will move to the potty.

I wouldn't worry, there is plenty of time yet. Some children take to it earlier and easier than others. I always say that if children don't crack potty training within a week of starting then they aren't ready. That might be physically not ready, developmentally or just not interested.

I would go back to nappies and try again in a few months. Summer is perfect for lots of nappy free time too.

@AgnesWeston

Reassuring to hear it isn’t an issue.

My parents keep mentioning it and I know a few at his nursery of a similar age who are out of nappies already.

They may be out of nappies but I bet they aren’t fully dry

My sister likes to brag that her dd was potty trained at 18 months. In reality, she was wearing knickers yes, but she was changed 10 times a day because she kept having accidents

My eldest wasn't ready until just before his 4th birthday and no amount of pushing and forcing from nursery, hv or family changed that. When he was ready he got it within 4 days.
There's no proper time to potty train, it will only work when your child is ready to do so.

Children used to train earlier because of cloth nappies and also because they usually had a parent at home full time to chase them around over it. The world has changed, your DS is not late. My DDs were both 2.5 exactly - with DD1 we had an earlier attempt because I felt the pressure (all her peers in toddler group were 'trained', which looking back equalled their mum asking them if they needed to go literally every half hour). Earlier attempt was a complete disaster. When we tried again it was because she refused to wear a nappy. Within a week she was dry and clean, doing everything on the big toilet at home, happy to use potty out and about. Very few accidents. With DD2 we just waited for the nappy refusal and the same thing happened. Night took longer, you can't really train that, but they were both sorted by 4.5.

It’s not a competition- he’ll do it when he’s ready. Must kids his age aren’t (properly) potty trained. Parents might say they are, but properly potty trained means no accidents.

Op you’ve not failed. He needs to be able to feel it, and the ability to do that,I think it’s hormones but someone will correct if wrong, develop at all different Ages.

You need to do it when you know he can feel he needs the loo. Then let him use the loo or potty.

I wouldn't worry. My 10 year old is still in pull-ups at night although we've just had two dry weeks. He was dry during the day before he started school - one day at nursery he refused to have his nappy back on after a change, spent the week commando style at nursery and that was that.

@didireallysaythat

I wouldn't worry. My 10 year old is still in pull-ups at night although we've just had two dry weeks. He was dry during the day before he started school - one day at nursery he refused to have his nappy back on after a change, spent the week commando style at nursery and that was that.

That’s actually reassuring to me a little bit. I worry about ds not being dry at night aged 6

He can go several nights dry and then suddenly soaking wet pull up.

OP when my son was about the same age as yours, a wiser woman than I am said, if you start potty training at 2 they'll be dry by 3. If you start potty training by 3, they'll be trained by 3.

I think it holds good despite some obvious outliers at either end, the kids who really are potty trained at 2, and those who take longer and are at school or beyond.

And it's not a reflection on you, kids do it when they are good and ready.

Kids are their own people, they don't just do what their parents want.

@IWentAwayIStayedAway

Who is telling you this is an issue. Children used to be out of nappies earlier years ago but only due to toilet timing. Not that they were toilet trained.

That’s rubbish. Mine and the majority of their friends were fully daytime trained around 2 1/4 to 2 1/2. Toileting independently without prompting, though I would always suggest a loo visit before leaving the house. Night time dryness is a different matter altogether.

Mine is 2.5 and sounds the same as yours. I'm not stressing about it.

So I’m not sure what more we can do?

You could back off and stop putting pressure on him. He sounds like a perfectly normal two year old and like all two year olds, there is a range of normal with some being out of nappies and some still in them. If you make it much more of an issue, he will probably in nappies for longer or end up withholding which will cause far more problems. In my experience when a child is ready, it’s a very quick process. Your child isn’t ready. It has nothing to do with his understanding or speech because his bowels and bladder are not ready. It’s like saying you don’t understand why your baby can’t walk when they can clap their hands and wave.

Successful potty training requires five things:

1. The ability to feel and control one's bladder and bowels
2. The ability to physically get yourself to the potty, remove lower clothing and sit down
3. The ability to communicate with adults to say you need to go (verbally or otherwise)
4. The ability to perform a sequence of actions in the correct order (trousers down first, THEN sit!)
5. A desire to do it on the potty, for whatever reason

We did our boy around your boy's age and while it seemed to go OK, I regret it now. We didn't have a massive problem with ongoing accidents, but it happened often enough that DH and I were often on edge worrying about it. DS was very verbal and articulate but still struggled to tell us he needed to go at the right moment, and it was hard to see where in the full sequence of events he was making the mistake. (He still won't tell anyone other than me or DH he needs to go and he's 3yo. Friend has offered to take him out for the day and I'm worried he'll wet himself because he won't ask her to go, to I'll have to give her a briefing about instructing him to go.)

So yeah, you can wait! Choose an easy life. Just because other children aren't wearing nappies doesn't mean they're toilet trained. It might well mean their parents would rather change their clothes than their nappies. Even if it does, so what?

We did Oh Crap! and I cautiously recommend it with caveats about how judgement it is and that she writes the odd absolutely bananacrackers thing. No way do you need to set an alarm to wake your 2yo up twice in the night so you can night train at the same time as day training! That's crazy talk! And she says they're ready when they can sing the alphabet song. Oh right, the alphabet song that DS still doesn't know because we never song it? Anyway, I liked her attitude that potty training isn't cruel and that you don't have to wait until your child spontaneously asks to use it, but proceed with caution.

Best thing is to quit as He’s not ready and try again in a month, 6 weeks time or a bit longer.
I found it worked with both of mine.

My first trained at just turned 3 but was totally rubbish at it until he was 4 and it all clicked. No issues since. He was an early reader and could read fluently before he was reliably potty trained.

My second has recently trained at 3 years 5 months after many failed attempts. He's doing pretty well with it now.

2? Try 4 and reading chapter books! They are all different

That's not late. Mine did it just before age 3.

Take the pressure of yourself.

Children develop differently. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. Just because he is advanced academically, doesn't mean he should be advanced physically too.

I know various people obsessed by their DC being trained about 2.5y, my sister is one. Most of those 'trained' early we're having frequent accidents and wearing night nappies for a long time.

I just waited and it was like a light switch moment. DC just didn't want to wear nappies any more and was dry overnight and that was that. Very few accidents.

Your OP reads like a very un-stealth boast at how advanced your DC is but honestly just take a breath. Let him develop at his own pace. If he is going to be a top surgeon or prime minister or whatever, he'll still be that in his own good time. Let him be a 2 year old.