Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward at this type of joke?

289 replies

Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 17:47

I’m an MNer, just namechanged (Sistine screamer, softzilla, snapped and farted).

Is it just me who ends up feeling a bit embarrassed and never knows how I’m supposed to react when I’m joked with in the following manner?

I placed an food order today at a local independent food bar via an app. I received a message saying it would be ready at x time.

I arrived, there were about 5 staff there and I think one customer (he was standing around in front of the counter chatting with staff). I said “hello, I’ve come to pick up my order, please. It’s for Jane.”

Dead pan, one of the staff said in quite a haughty tone;

“Yeah, that won’t actually be ready for collection for another 45 minutes to an hour I’m afraid.”

I was quite confused, I’d travelled a fair distance and it would be out of my way to come back, and I got my phone out to check I hadn’t made a mistake. I said,

“I’m really sorry...the app said to come at this time. Just give me a sec, I can show you.”

And he was just staring at me and there was an awkward silence. Then the man I think was a customer said,

“Look love, I know his sense of humour, he’s having you on!”

I looked back up and the man who worked there who made the “joke” wordlessly handed me my meal. It had been right next to him behind the counter the whole time. The other people present laughed. I felt really stupid. A couple of people said “haha your face was a picture” type comments. I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me up. Only one (female perhaps unsurprisingly!) member of staff said “that was weird, what is he like?”

It was only when I got in my car I realised that really it wasn’t actually funny, joke or not and surely the purpose of that kind of joke is just to embarrass the customer rather than actually involve them in something that’s genuinely fun?

I’ve also experienced similar when ordering in restaurants etc

“Please can I have the tomato soup to start with?”

“I’m really sorry we don’t have any.”

“Ok, I’ll have the halloumi then.”

“No halloumi either!”

“Oh...right...erm I’ll just go straight to the main...”

“Haha I’m only joking!!! What is it you want soup or halloumi? Your face was hilarious there!”

And even with friends I’ve have similar experiences through the years. Am I just really humourless or easily embarrassed, or is it actually just about taking the piss out of someone and laughing at their expense?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 30/04/2021 21:29

That was horrible. I'd not be ordering from there again.

Reminds of when I started my new job as a nanny and was shown to my seat. When I sat down I fell through it as they'd removed the base. They all laughed. I suppose I had the last laugh when I left in the middle of the night.

Siepie · 30/04/2021 21:30

A worker at the LFT testing centre told me "that will be £20 please." I knew testing was free and he was "joking", but still felt awkward.

It could panic plenty of people who might believe him that there was a charge.

Grapewrath · 30/04/2021 21:30

Next time just look concerned and say
‘Are you ok?’
Generally works for me in these situations

GreyhoundG1rl · 30/04/2021 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 21:32

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I hate this too OP!!

Years ago under a different username I posted about an experience in Pizza Express where the servers took our order and said "thanks Dave" to my then husband. When I said "oh do you know her" he said he genuinely didn't, I did think internally "has he shagged her" but didn't say it out loud. She kept doing it and we were both Confused. Anyway at the end he asked "how do I know you" and she laughed, a colleague came up who'd went to school with then-husband...and apparently it's a prank they'd been doing all week, whereby if one of them knew a customer a different member of staff served them and used their name and they all watch the confusion.

I was Hmm as I didn't think was especially funny. Posted on MN and a lot of people were in agreement, and we were particularly concerned that this could seriously stoke some issues of the customers were in a jealous/abusive relationship. Ended up calling the manager the next day (on advice of MN, thank you Grin) and complaining and said why I thought it could be a dangerous game. He was mortified and said he'd have a word and apologised, we got a free takeaway that night IIRC Grin

Anyway OP I think either call up and say I want my food not shit entertainment so maybe tell your staff to wind their neck in, or pop it on trip advisor. I'd hate to use a service like that as I don't find "ha gotcha" jokes very funny

I remember that thread!

Bizarre behaviour, literally trying to play mind games and ruin people’s nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 21:33

@GreyhoundG1rl

Any further questions? No, thanks 😂 Maybe it's your snippiness that sees you always being the target, even in the middle of a crowd?
Snippy..target in the middle of a crowd...

Jeez, you do like to confabulate don’t you?

OP posts:
NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 30/04/2021 21:35

Just ignore Greyhoundgirl OP she’s always victim blaming or spoiling for a bunfight Flowers

MeadowLines · 30/04/2021 21:37

I turned up to a concert once and the ticket checker - short fat bloke with small man syndrome - said 'these tickets are for yesterdays concert' I said no they bloody arent and took them from him. The woman security standing next to him told him to shut up and stop being a dick.

Hate this kind of supposed humour, its all about making the other person uncomfortable, its never a genuinely kind person that does it in my experience

babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 30/04/2021 21:39

I was about to hurriedly eat my lunch at work once in between meetings. Someone was standing right in front of the cutlery drawer chatting to a colleague.

Me: "Could I please get a fork quickly?"
Her: "No"
Me: ....
Her: Ha ha ha!!! Only joking!!!

I had literally no idea how to respond so just gave her a funny look, took my fork and walked off. Weirdo.
On reflection, I think that kind of 'joke' in a sign of deep insecurity. A desperate need to be 'funny'...

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 30/04/2021 21:47

I think, not that it’s an excuse, it’s generally something that people who are pretty unhappy in themselves do. They’ve a tiny, pathetic opportunity for little power trip and they take it. To make someone else feel as inadequate and stupid as they do. When I’ve seen it happen, it’s usually been a young guy doing it to a pretty young woman he would have had no chance with or a middle aged man doing it to someone who seems polite and “nice” and reckons won’t cause a fuss...again usually someone that they wouldn’t stand a chance with.

I love the suggestion of making them feel like they made a mistake that a PP posted up thread.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 30/04/2021 21:51

I wouldn't have been amused either OP. Sounds like a thick person with a really shit sense of humour......

Waitwhat23 · 30/04/2021 21:53

No, you are not being unreasonable. I hate that kind of humour where the other person's confusion is the 'joke'. It's just a power trip to make someone feel awkward, particularly in front of a crowd. I would love to say that I would say something clever but the best I probably would manage is a confused 'eh?' look!

Elderflower14 · 30/04/2021 21:55

I had a friend years ago who used to think it was a great lark to get in her car ahead of me and drive off and leave me in pub car parks on my own at night. She picked the wrong car park one night. Unbeknown to her my Mum's best friend lived opposite and I knocked on her door and she drove me home. Friend was worried sick when she came back and I wasn't in the car park. Served her bloody well right and she never did it again!

AnUnoriginalUsername · 30/04/2021 21:56

I hatewhen anyone makes a joke or prank at someone else's expense. Making someone scared/embarrassed is not funny. It's just cruel.

I'm autistic and I really struggle with it, I just don't know how I'm supposed to react

OnGoldenPond · 30/04/2021 21:57

@ClarrieGrundy I'm embarrassed to say that my DM did exactly that to my DH when she got to the church for our wedding.

Said to him "oh she's not coming" when she saw him at the church door. Told me "he went white as a sheet!" when she told me about it afterwards. I gave her such a telling off!

To be fair she did apologise profusely when she realised how upset he was and couldn't understand why she said it. Probably the stress of the day.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 30/04/2021 22:01

'Ah. You're giving me a refund, then. I'll take cash'.

'I was only joking, love'

'I see. Well, cash it is, then'.

'Can't you take a joke, love?'

'No. But I'll take a cash refund now, please'.

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 22:02

@AnUnoriginalUsername

I hatewhen anyone makes a joke or prank at someone else's expense. Making someone scared/embarrassed is not funny. It's just cruel.

I'm autistic and I really struggle with it, I just don't know how I'm supposed to react

That’s what prompted me to post here.

Through working with autistic children and young adults, I know this “joke” would leave them even more confused and anxious than me. Ditto my Mum who has some problems with her brain following a stroke. She’d actually cry at something like this because of how her brain is and the fact she’s always worried about getting things wrong in public and it’s knocked her confidence. I’ve had to say to salesmen etc when she’s said “how much is that suite?” And they’ve said “12 grand, I’ll take cash” and she starts to apologise that she can’t afford it, that she needs a straight answer and can’t tell they are joking.

There’s no way he could know just by looking at someone that they are neurotypical. I’d hate for someone who wasn’t to be on the receiving end of this sort of thing.

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 30/04/2021 22:03

@Gullible2021

Thank you for being angry on my behalf. These things generally sound quite small and insignificant when we relay them. But there is a real undercurrent of nastiness to this sort of behaviour (disguised as a "joke").

It's not us. It's them.

I sometimes consider myself gullible. But I'm not. I'm just sincere and honest and expect others to be too. So I'm caught unawares when they are knobs.

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 22:06

I sometimes consider myself gullible. But I'm not. I'm just sincere and honest and expect others to be too. So I'm caught unawares when they are knobs.

I really relate to this!

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 30/04/2021 22:11

👍

Elderflower14 · 30/04/2021 22:19

My ds2 is autistic and he wouldn't get the joke either. He's a member of a Makaton group on FB. He posted a video on Easter Sunday of him with his eggs and another guy replied and asked what the Makaton for Greedy Bastard was... Ds2 didn't find it funny and neither did the other guy when I reported him and he got kicked out of the group!

crochetmonkey74 · 30/04/2021 22:28

I just dont get what is funny about his 'joke' I can understand all the 'no we dont sell chips ' at a chip shop lame jokes but what is the intended joke of just saying its 45 mins late? So you get angry and they laugh at you? It's so weird!

LitCrit · 30/04/2021 22:32

If you have the chutzpah:

Laugh, so he thinks that you're responding to him. Then get a bit louder, so he becomes a bit anxious. Then a tiny bit louder, so he starts to worry that you are actually a scarily disinhibited weirdo. The whole thing doesn't actually take that long - maybe 6-7 seconds. Then stop very suddenly and at that same moment become completely expressionless.

Don't refer to it again. Enjoy his excruciated discomfort and painful atmosphere.

DenisetheMenace · 30/04/2021 22:40

Bunch of knobs. Clearly bored after a year of lockdown.

It’s them, not you. Get on with your life and don’t order there again. Unless:
A complaint to head office, repeating what you said here and stressing that you won’t be using them again (unless, apology and vouchers)

ShampooForMyRealFriends · 30/04/2021 22:51

This reminds me of this thread from a few years ago.

Most of the posters seemed to find this kind of thing hilarious, or at least unobjectionable, and it actually upset me so much it prompted me to create a Mumsnet account after lurking for several years!

I'm glad to find that I'm not alone in finding this kind of thing utterly weird but also humiliating.