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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward at this type of joke?

289 replies

Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 17:47

I’m an MNer, just namechanged (Sistine screamer, softzilla, snapped and farted).

Is it just me who ends up feeling a bit embarrassed and never knows how I’m supposed to react when I’m joked with in the following manner?

I placed an food order today at a local independent food bar via an app. I received a message saying it would be ready at x time.

I arrived, there were about 5 staff there and I think one customer (he was standing around in front of the counter chatting with staff). I said “hello, I’ve come to pick up my order, please. It’s for Jane.”

Dead pan, one of the staff said in quite a haughty tone;

“Yeah, that won’t actually be ready for collection for another 45 minutes to an hour I’m afraid.”

I was quite confused, I’d travelled a fair distance and it would be out of my way to come back, and I got my phone out to check I hadn’t made a mistake. I said,

“I’m really sorry...the app said to come at this time. Just give me a sec, I can show you.”

And he was just staring at me and there was an awkward silence. Then the man I think was a customer said,

“Look love, I know his sense of humour, he’s having you on!”

I looked back up and the man who worked there who made the “joke” wordlessly handed me my meal. It had been right next to him behind the counter the whole time. The other people present laughed. I felt really stupid. A couple of people said “haha your face was a picture” type comments. I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me up. Only one (female perhaps unsurprisingly!) member of staff said “that was weird, what is he like?”

It was only when I got in my car I realised that really it wasn’t actually funny, joke or not and surely the purpose of that kind of joke is just to embarrass the customer rather than actually involve them in something that’s genuinely fun?

I’ve also experienced similar when ordering in restaurants etc

“Please can I have the tomato soup to start with?”

“I’m really sorry we don’t have any.”

“Ok, I’ll have the halloumi then.”

“No halloumi either!”

“Oh...right...erm I’ll just go straight to the main...”

“Haha I’m only joking!!! What is it you want soup or halloumi? Your face was hilarious there!”

And even with friends I’ve have similar experiences through the years. Am I just really humourless or easily embarrassed, or is it actually just about taking the piss out of someone and laughing at their expense?

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 30/04/2021 20:33

I literally don’t understand why you can’t read the thread and see that the OP had already paid beforehand via the app hmm
Op says she's had similar experiences sitting in restaurants. If this current incident was a one off I wouldn't have said what I did. But it happens frequently, apparently, and she just laughs it off.

PerspicaciousGreen · 30/04/2021 20:37

@ClarrieGrundy That is the worst example of this sort of "joke" I have ever heard in my life. What an utter utter bastard. You poor thing.

Aunthe · 30/04/2021 20:41

ClarrieGrundy Shock what a vile little man.

fluffysocks89 · 30/04/2021 20:42

I’ve had it done to me, only by men I might add. I think it’s to make you embarrassed about your reaction. Pathetic idiots.

NoddyMcPintsAlot · 30/04/2021 20:43

Normally I’d ignore a ‘joke’ like this and roll my eyes but one day last summer I had waited patiently in a Q to collect a food order. When it was my turn I said ‘order for noddy’ and the guy way too chirpy goes ‘ yes, here it is. 1 Pizza, 3 fries, 1 chicken burger ‘ I replied ‘ no my order was 1 beef burger, 1 Nacos and 2 fries’ again with a stupid grin on his face he goes ah yes that’s right ‘ 2 beer burgers, 4 fries and 1 Nacos no cheese’ I then realise he’s taking the piss and thinks this is hilarious I just internally snapped and said ‘ no that’s not my order, never mind’ and I walked away. He starts roaring pissing himself laughing after me ‘ ah I’m only messing, I have your order… ah calm down it’s a joke’
I just ignored him and calmly walked back to my car.
He appears at my car banging at the window slightly panicked .. ‘ eh I’m really sorry, this is your order and I need you to take it ‘

I was going to drive off but as I’d fucking paid for it and was going to have to ring to complain to get a credit note I took the order and advised him to stop being a twat and to serve paying customers more professionally.

ClarrieGrundy · 30/04/2021 20:46

Thank you for the nice replies.

To be honest I nearly threw up as well.

I have pretty shit self esteem so it really hit home. It really was my worst nightmare.

I have to wonder how little empathy that man had. As I said, he was a cunt.

Allwokedup · 30/04/2021 20:48

I usually make deadpan “ha ha” with a straight face when people make “jokes” like that and move on swiftly.

LagneyandCasey · 30/04/2021 20:48

God I detest this type of thing. There's a guy in my local chippy who thinks he's a comedian.

'Sorry love, we don't sell fish'
and
'Do you want chips with your chips?'
ha fucking ha Hmm

Funnily enough he's never done it to dh. If it wasn't such a good chippy and the only one for miles I'd go elsewhere.

I'm liking the comebacks I this thread and hope I'm brave enough to try some out.

3CCC · 30/04/2021 20:48

Yadnbu

I hate the sort of joke. There's a guy at work who does them regularly.

When He does it when it's been a really stressful day to cheer me up, it makes me want to punch him

When it's a calmer day I just feeblely giggle HmmHmmHmm

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 30/04/2021 20:50

I hate this too OP!!

Years ago under a different username I posted about an experience in Pizza Express where the servers took our order and said "thanks Dave" to my then husband. When I said "oh do you know her" he said he genuinely didn't, I did think internally "has he shagged her" but didn't say it out loud. She kept doing it and we were both Confused. Anyway at the end he asked "how do I know you" and she laughed, a colleague came up who'd went to school with then-husband...and apparently it's a prank they'd been doing all week, whereby if one of them knew a customer a different member of staff served them and used their name and they all watch the confusion.

I was Hmm as I didn't think was especially funny. Posted on MN and a lot of people were in agreement, and we were particularly concerned that this could seriously stoke some issues of the customers were in a jealous/abusive relationship. Ended up calling the manager the next day (on advice of MN, thank you Grin) and complaining and said why I thought it could be a dangerous game. He was mortified and said he'd have a word and apologised, we got a free takeaway that night IIRC Grin

Anyway OP I think either call up and say I want my food not shit entertainment so maybe tell your staff to wind their neck in, or pop it on trip advisor. I'd hate to use a service like that as I don't find "ha gotcha" jokes very funny

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 30/04/2021 20:52

@Phineyj

Mostly men do this to women in my experience. It's a way of asserting power.
Yep! It's ALWAYS male shop assistants or similar. I once had my bicycle helmet in my hand in Lidl and the "hilarious" chap said "Now I might be taking a really wild guess here, but do you ride a bike?" Hmm I gave him a hard stare.

Of course these days if you say anything back you're accused of being a Karen. Misogyny comes in many forms

fluffysocks89 · 30/04/2021 20:57

I’ve had men in shops hold out the change for me then snatch it back, eventually giving it me with me stood there with my hand stuck out. It’s all about trying to make you look stupid or embarrassed.

IndecentCakes · 30/04/2021 21:05

It's always men doing this to women, it seems. Just asked DH if he had ever had anything like it - nope.

ThemilkybarsRonme · 30/04/2021 21:08

It's not always men. My sister does this to me a lot and it can get really upsetting. It's a way of putting the target down and making themselves feel superior.

ChikiTIKI · 30/04/2021 21:09

Yeah it's always men doing it to women.

Me and my sister had something like this happen to us in a restaurant when we turned up with balloons for our Grandma's 90th birthday meal. Said we can't have balloons in the dining room. "haha just kidding"... Moron.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/04/2021 21:11

I had this in a doctors a few years ago. I felt really really ill, went to the local walk in and asked to see a doctor (male) receptionist said no. He was joking. It was not funny or appropriate

I saw the doctor and made a complaint, she made him come in and apologise. I hope he got some training.

JackieWeaversZoomAc · 30/04/2021 21:12

@EdithGrantham

Best thing is to ask them to explain the joke "Sorry, I don't get it?" They explain it was just a joke etc "I still don't get it, which part am I meant to laugh at?"
I hope I can remember this response next time I need it. Chances are at the time I'll just be confused and flummoxed 😶
ZZTopGuitarSolo · 30/04/2021 21:15

I hate it.

Fortunately since I left the UK I no longer experience this, except for one Scottish friend here who I don't see too often. Last time I saw him he thought it was SO HILARIOUS to repeatedly do this, and yes, it was always to women.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 30/04/2021 21:17

@EnjoyingTheSilence

I had this in a doctors a few years ago. I felt really really ill, went to the local walk in and asked to see a doctor (male) receptionist said no. He was joking. It was not funny or appropriate

I saw the doctor and made a complaint, she made him come in and apologise. I hope he got some training.

Your doctor sound amazing!
Staffy1 · 30/04/2021 21:18

What a stupid "joke". Not remotely funny. I would be tempted to put on a really false over the top laugh, like the one Rick Mayall used to do in Bottom.

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 21:18

@GreyhoundG1rl

I literally don’t understand why you can’t read the thread and see that the OP had already paid beforehand via the app hmm Op says she's had similar experiences sitting in restaurants. If this current incident was a one off I wouldn't have said what I did. But it happens frequently, apparently, and she just laughs it off.
I didn’t once say I laughed it off, please don’t make things up Hmm.

To clarify, in 35 years it’s happened about 5 times. Twice in restaurants. I don’t know about you but I don’t tend to eat alone in a restaurant. It would be very rude to walk out on family or friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 21:21

@ClarrieGrundy

On my wedding day I was very nervous as I couldn’t actually believe that I was lucky enough to marry my DH.

Standing at the church door with my father ready to go in and the church warden, who I’d never liked, said; “sorry, the groom hasn’t urned up.”

I nearly passed out, my world started to collapse. Then he grinned and told me he was only joking.

I swore at him. Even in front of my Dad who was a church elder.

That bloke was an utter cunt.

That is fucking awful. You poor woman. And a church warden at that!
OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 30/04/2021 21:21

Ok, fine. What do your friends and family do when they see this happening to you?

PurpleWh1teGreen · 30/04/2021 21:21

@Vursayles

Hate when men do this. And it usually is men isn’t it, doing it to women?! They rarely do it to other men.

It’s painfully unfunny at best and pretty rude shitty customer service at best. I wouldn’t be going back.

This. It's always men doing it to women isn't it?
Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 21:28

@GreyhoundG1rl

Ok, fine. What do your friends and family do when they see this happening to you?
Say “that was a bit weird”, give them a look and refuse to tip them or get involved with further jokes. Which is fine for me. It’s not my friends and family who are the problem.

Any further questions?

OP posts: