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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward at this type of joke?

289 replies

Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 17:47

I’m an MNer, just namechanged (Sistine screamer, softzilla, snapped and farted).

Is it just me who ends up feeling a bit embarrassed and never knows how I’m supposed to react when I’m joked with in the following manner?

I placed an food order today at a local independent food bar via an app. I received a message saying it would be ready at x time.

I arrived, there were about 5 staff there and I think one customer (he was standing around in front of the counter chatting with staff). I said “hello, I’ve come to pick up my order, please. It’s for Jane.”

Dead pan, one of the staff said in quite a haughty tone;

“Yeah, that won’t actually be ready for collection for another 45 minutes to an hour I’m afraid.”

I was quite confused, I’d travelled a fair distance and it would be out of my way to come back, and I got my phone out to check I hadn’t made a mistake. I said,

“I’m really sorry...the app said to come at this time. Just give me a sec, I can show you.”

And he was just staring at me and there was an awkward silence. Then the man I think was a customer said,

“Look love, I know his sense of humour, he’s having you on!”

I looked back up and the man who worked there who made the “joke” wordlessly handed me my meal. It had been right next to him behind the counter the whole time. The other people present laughed. I felt really stupid. A couple of people said “haha your face was a picture” type comments. I kind of wanted the ground to swallow me up. Only one (female perhaps unsurprisingly!) member of staff said “that was weird, what is he like?”

It was only when I got in my car I realised that really it wasn’t actually funny, joke or not and surely the purpose of that kind of joke is just to embarrass the customer rather than actually involve them in something that’s genuinely fun?

I’ve also experienced similar when ordering in restaurants etc

“Please can I have the tomato soup to start with?”

“I’m really sorry we don’t have any.”

“Ok, I’ll have the halloumi then.”

“No halloumi either!”

“Oh...right...erm I’ll just go straight to the main...”

“Haha I’m only joking!!! What is it you want soup or halloumi? Your face was hilarious there!”

And even with friends I’ve have similar experiences through the years. Am I just really humourless or easily embarrassed, or is it actually just about taking the piss out of someone and laughing at their expense?

OP posts:
Letsgetreadytocrumble · 30/04/2021 19:34

And yes, almost exclusively done by inadequate men towards women.

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 19:35

@DaphneDuBois

These people are dickheads. There’s something weird about getting a laugh from making people worried / uncomfortable / upset etc. I also don’t really like people who cry with laughter when other people fall / really hurt themselves. It’s just about having a touch of empathy, isn’t it?
I hate it when people laugh at people having accidents, elderly people falling on escalators etc. I seriously think there’s something quite psychopathic about them. I seriously lost respect for an acquaintance who kept sharing that sort of them during lockdown.
OP posts:
Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 19:37

@OhRene

We had this once that could have potentially caused massive issues. The trains were cancelled last minute and a replacement coach service was put on. We were on our way to a very important wedding hours away.

The Coach was parked up by the village station.
I asked, "Is this the coach for XXX Town?"

Coach driver deadpanned, "No, it's not"

I turned to DH and thought, FUCK! And went to walk away until a lady passenger called us back and told us it actually was. The driver smirked and said something along the lines of, "Of course it is. Why else would I be sitting here?"

Then at another stop a young boy, maybe 13 or 14 asked the same question, the driver did it to him too but clearly upset that he'd potentially not be able to get home or something, he made a quick exit and no one managed to catch him in time to correct what the "fucking hilarious" driver had said. I always wonder if that boy got to where we needed to be.

I will always regret not reporting that dickhead.

This is awful. That poor boy. Sounds like he was unhappy in his life and enjoyed his pathetic little power trips.
OP posts:
Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 19:38

@OhRene

I say put it on a review. It's really not on to try and embarrass customers. I wonder if his manager or employer would be okay with that dickish behaviour?
I’m tempted but I think he might BE the manager!
OP posts:
DissociativeBitch · 30/04/2021 19:39

Your unlucky to experience that often, it's not a joke, like you said it's them taking the piss. Don't go back there again, they don't deserve your custom.

Now you've got me wondering about softzilla though! I never did see what happened after the police had been informed! 😱

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 19:39

@Beachcomber

Years ago I was at a New Year's party in someone's garden and we were gathered round a fire for most of the evening as it was cold. At one point I was standing with my back to the fire to warm up my back and legs. One of the blokes at the party started pointing and laughing and saying "oh look Beach has melted the back of her jacket from standing too close to the fire". I felt awful as I had borrowed a friend's jacket so I took it off in a bit of a panic to see how bad the damage was. The jacket was totally fine, not melted at all.

Twat man then chortled away saying "ha ha your face was a PICTURE".
A couple of the other men chortled with him and I felt ridiculously confused and embarrassed.

I still remember years later how bad it made me feel.

Yes, it is usually men who do this at women's expense. And it makes them nasty wankers. They are the ones who should feel bloody embarrassed.

I’m so angry for you just reading this.

What twats.

Why do men think this is remotely funny?!

OP posts:
Flugbusters4 · 30/04/2021 19:40

@Gullible2021 I had a friend who worked in Pret and she said they are encouraged to engage and be friendly/fun, hence the free items they can give away, but unfortunately I think some of their (male) staff take this as an opportunity to display their sense of 'humour'

Original poster
Gullible2021 · 30/04/2021 19:41

@DissociativeBitch

Your unlucky to experience that often, it's not a joke, like you said it's them taking the piss. Don't go back there again, they don't deserve your custom.

Now you've got me wondering about softzilla though! I never did see what happened after the police had been informed! 😱

It escalated and based on the OPs last update, she couldn’t say anymore about it leading me to think it may have been heading for prosecution/non molestation order Wink. I was far too invested
OP posts:
Wrenna · 30/04/2021 19:41

I was almost engaged to a guy with two little kids (not mine) who regularly would ‘joke’ with his kids this way. They’d arrange an activity and then he’d say, nope we can’t go. Then a minute later he’d say ‘Joking! Yes we are!’

It was a passive aggressive mean streak and thank God I realized it before it was too late!

DeusEx · 30/04/2021 19:44

@EdithGrantham

Best thing is to ask them to explain the joke "Sorry, I don't get it?" They explain it was just a joke etc "I still don't get it, which part am I meant to laugh at?"
Yes to this!
LyndaSnellsSniff · 30/04/2021 19:47

Nope, not funny at all. Vote with your feet.

riotlady · 30/04/2021 19:47

Yes, I hate men who do this- and it is always bloody men!

MerylStropp · 30/04/2021 19:48

I’m tempted but I think he might BE the manager!

In that case ... "Thank you. Your lame attempt at humour just cost you a repeat customer".

Might want to mention something about Trip Advisor too, into the bargain...

OhRene · 30/04/2021 19:53

Is it a chain? Reviews are still good if it is. As a manager his bosses/franchise owners or even the corporate office wouldn't like bad reviews of their staff or representatives trying to humiliate customers. And not to mention, reviews not only make your complaint known to the business, it warns off other customers. If I knew that would be a possibility to happen to me going there, I might pick the place next door instead.

00100001 · 30/04/2021 19:57

So weird.

I mean it might be kind of funny if you went into a milkshake shop and asked for a milkshake,and the person said "oh we don't sell milkshakes here..." In a droll manner.

But for the person in the OP.... Why would anyone immediately recognise that's a joke??

CurlyhairedAssassin · 30/04/2021 20:00

There's only one way to deal with a stupid (unfunny) comment like that and that's to look all superior, and to sniff and say "well, I'm glad SOMEONE in the room found that funny....." and let your voice trail off with your eyebrow raised.

GreyhoundG1rl · 30/04/2021 20:02

I literally don't understand why you go ahead and part with your cash after these people have tried to humiliate you, op.
Next time, please walk away.

Itstheprinciple · 30/04/2021 20:03

I think I'd have just said "Good job you're joking. You don't want to see me hangry" then laughed and walked out. Don't let them see you're bothered. Go along with their wit and humour (!)

OhRene · 30/04/2021 20:07

@Itstheprinciple

I think I'd have just said "Good job you're joking. You don't want to see me hangry" then laughed and walked out. Don't let them see you're bothered. Go along with their wit and humour (!)
See I disagree here. Laughing or making a joke back merely encourages idiots like this. It's not funny. Not a bit. It makes people feel embarrassed and awkward and pretending to laugh to hide your embarrassment helps no one.
thevassal · 30/04/2021 20:10

@GreyhoundG1rl

I literally don't understand why you go ahead and part with your cash after these people have tried to humiliate you, op. Next time, please walk away.
OP said she ordered via the app so presumably had already paid when she ordered? Walking out without the food she had paid for would only mean she would go hungry and twatface would get a free meal!
leftistbimbo · 30/04/2021 20:10

I work in a shop, and customers make those kind of “jokes” to me quite often when I’m behind the till. It drives me nuts! They’re not funny, it just makes me confused in the moment and pissed off when I realise they’re just having me on.

OneThingAndThenTheNext · 30/04/2021 20:17

@GreyhoundG1rl

I literally don't understand why you go ahead and part with your cash after these people have tried to humiliate you, op. Next time, please walk away.
I literally don’t understand why you can’t read the thread and see that the OP had already paid beforehand via the app Hmm
ClarrieGrundy · 30/04/2021 20:22

On my wedding day I was very nervous as I couldn’t actually believe that I was lucky enough to marry my DH.

Standing at the church door with my father ready to go in and the church warden, who I’d never liked, said; “sorry, the groom hasn’t urned up.”

I nearly passed out, my world started to collapse. Then he grinned and told me he was only joking.

I swore at him. Even in front of my Dad who was a church elder.

That bloke was an utter cunt.

3scape · 30/04/2021 20:30

@Clarrie
Definitely a power trip. What a wanker!

diddl · 30/04/2021 20:32

I wouldn't have found it funny either.

And then of course if you say anything you'll likely be told that you've got no sense of humour.

All seems to be bound up in women being conditioned to not cause a fuss.

It's also very hurtful as you wonder why are they making fun at your expense?

What have you done to make them dislike you?

Horrible thing to do imo.