To think referring to your partner as your fiancé is a bit naff?

[RosieGuacamosie]

Lighthearted

I have no idea why I find this irritating 😂 I suppose I just find it a bit naff when people refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend as fiancé in general conversation as in “oh my fiancé is a teacher too”. The majority of people I know say boyfriend/girlfriend/partner until they actually married.

Is it a bit cringe or am I a miserable bitch?

It’s the correct term, I can’t understand why it bothers you 🤷‍♀️

I find "boyfriend" ridiculous past the teen years, personally.

@OneRingToRuleThemAll my auntie and uncle were engaged for 25 years before they got married

I think it was said in a funny way in 80s sitcoms so in my head it’s said in a funny accent. Think because it’s such a French word sounds abit ridiculous said in English!

I think to be fair it's been a bit of a naff word ever since it was coined back in Victorian times, I think partially because any foreign word when anglicised but particularly french gives a bit of a breathy, try-hard Hyacinth Bucket type air - made worse if your accent means it comes out more of a 'Fee -an- saaaay' - but then again even worse if you try and say it with a 'proper' french accent (unless you are actually french!) so there's no winning .

That combined with the fact there is an underlying implication there's something special and changed about the relationship, so that you need to make sure whoever you are talking to knows you are engaged and not just in a 'regular' living together/long term relationship type situation - which might well have been the case back in victorian times but not really so much today.

Ofc I'd never ever openly criticize someone for using the word and it's technically correct terminology, I think it's just a bit archaic and it's absolutely fine to say boyfriend/partner/'ova arrrrfff or whatever you prefer in 99% of contexts!

I’m the opposite, I find partner the worst and a bit cringy as it’s so vague.

It’s like ‘wow that gives me absolutely no insight into your situation, have you been dating 6 months or together 6 years with 2 kids?’ It’s also hideous when the partner has a gender neutral name because that just raises more questions than it answers. Now I have no idea of your commitment level or their gender and would feel like an a** to assume either.

Of course no one is entitled to this info but usually when you’re using the term ‘partner’ or ‘other half’ it’s because you’re engaging in a conversation to give the other person a bit of info about your relationship/situation.

If engaged it's fine
Under 30 and not engaged boyfriend/girlfriend fine
Over 40 and not engaged "significant other" works fine
My mother who is nearly 85 refers to her widowed/divorced friends as having man or lady friends.

Partner strikes me as appropriate for unmarried long term relationships. I was asked about my partner circa 1994 by a midwife. I told her I didn't have one and she put on her patronising face and empathised about the braveness of being a single parent. Then did the NHS eyeroll when I said actually, I had a husband and that's why I had I had introduced myself as Mrs Hellebores. She told me they didn't use titles because not everyone was married and it made unmarried women uncomfortable.

Chelsea & Westminster.

It’s fine as long as they are actually planning a wedding otherwise I don’t believe they are really engaged.

I loathe the term partner - you're not a firm of solicitors!

She told me they didn't use titles because not everyone was married and it made unmarried women uncomfortable.
What an odd stance.

I think it depends on your view of marriage. Personally I see a big difference between just living together and being married (controversial opinion, I realise), so the fact that someone has committed to get married is quite a big deal and deserves its own word! As others have said, "partner" can mean pretty much anything.

Agree with everything maxelly said my thoughts exactly. Doesn’t bother me particularly if others say it just would never say it myself as know I would put on a silly accent if I did 😁. Was only engaged a year so not an issue !

Fiance is a bit 1950s. And especially ridiculous if you live together and have a few children.

@8monthsinandcranky

I’m the opposite, I find partner the worst and a bit cringy as it’s so vague.

It’s like ‘wow that gives me absolutely no insight into your situation, have you been dating 6 months or together 6 years with 2 kids?’ It’s also hideous when the partner has a gender neutral name because that just raises more questions than it answers. Now I have no idea of your commitment level or their gender and would feel like an a** to assume either.

Of course no one is entitled to this info but usually when you’re using the term ‘partner’ or ‘other half’ it’s because you’re engaging in a conversation to give the other person a bit of info about your relationship/situation.

Yeah I hear you, I'm very awkward conversationally myself and worry when people are vague in case I put my foot in it, but TBF in this day and age where it's equally likely people get engaged within 3 months as live together unmarried for 10 years (or indeed get engaged but never married), how much more does how they describe their significant other tell you? When you're asking an acquaintance what they're doing at the weekend does 'my fiance Sam and I are going to the beach' really tell you that much more than 'my partner Sam and I are going to the beach' - either could be a relatively new honeymoon phase relationship or a together 10 years with 2 kids type situation, Sam could still be a man, woman or imaginary friend ?

If it's the kind of thing where you really need to know surely you'd ask and if it's just more making polite conversation you can follow up with further questions/comments either way?

It depends on the situation. I know someone who refers to their partner as their fiancé but they've been engaged for over a decade and still haven't set a date so it seems a bit ridiculous.

I never really used fiancé when I was engaged. It felt like I was making an announcement every time I used it or people felt like they had to ask about the wedding plans to be polite. I used partner from when we moved in together until we got married and now it's husband.

I think it's really cringey. Especially if there is no date for the wedding.

It's ok I suppose.

boyfriend and girlfriend sounds silly but maybe I'll use it if I have one when I'm 80. Maybe even something sillier like amour or lover.

Partner makes me cringe for some reason.
The missus, Australian saying, makes me cringe.

I always referred to my fiancé as my boyfriend (he wasn't bothered!) but I was constantly corrected by my friends and family... But he's your fiiiiiaaaaannceeeee

Lol Christ threads like these make me think whatever you do, or say, someone will be cringing

Yep! And having to sprog with every 'partner' you get with.
That's what proves he's your partner, innit.

Isn't the use of French words generally considered naff and try-hard? Hence why the upper classes don't say "pardon"?

I don’t like any of those terms. Boyfriend/ girlfriend is ridiculous if your divorced and /or older. Partner is so vague and dismissive. Fiancé I suppose is factual but seems a bit silly if you’ve been engaged for ages and not getting married any time soon
Hubby/ hubs/ hubster/wifey/ wifette/ wifelet all yucky

I found it a big elephant in the conversation, like an invitation to change tack and talk to me about my wedding as if I was waving my engagement in their face. Awkward.

Referring to them as a partner sounds so try hard.