Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

Looking at the average daily menu I'd say it's too carby. Breakfast is all carbs, and they only get a tiny bit of protein and that's much later.

Increase protein -- serve it at EVERY meal, and increase fats.

I think up the protein and the good fats abit. Houmous, nuts, Avocados. If I make a veggie lasagne I put some red lentils in the tomato sauce to push up the protein I also always add lentils to homemade soup. Eggs are also great for breakfast, protein really does digest more slowly and it is much hard to overeat than carbs. I wouldn’t drop the cheese. Fat also slows down digestion and will keep them fuller longer.
I would weigh them and gets their heights only because you seem to be panicking about a comment made years ago without any idea if it is even relevant anymore.

That doesn't sound like an awful lot of food to me. My DS had a huge appetite and as a 12 month old would eat all that. At 6 he was eating much more than me. He was very active and never overweight and still isn't despite eating like a horse.

I understand you are worried about calories but you are making yourself ill with all this. I would feed them until they are full and see how it goes.

Sorry Xposted with Callme, yes never serve a carb without a protein that will reduce carby spikes and resulting hunger very effectively.

You’re getting mixed messages here about carbs but I wouldn’t give children omelette for lunch with no carbs. I would always offer whole meal toast or wholemeal bagel or similar alongside what you’re serving.

It’s obvious when children are fat as opposed to just heavy. They sound a bit like my children, same ages, Always hungry, always asking for snacks. No one would describe them as overweight in the slightest but they are tall and ‘solid’. They are quite heavy but I’ve always assumed they are just muscular as there’s fat on them. They are very active children. It does sound like you’re making an issue of something that’s not there. I’ve rarely weighed my children, wouldn’t have a clue where they lie in percentiles. You’ll give them an obsession.

I think I would try to work out first whether they are hungry or just bored. If they bother you for food between meals, I would offer unlimited porridge or plain toast. If they're hungry, they'll eat it.

Do they complain about being hungry at school or have they accepted that they only eat at set times there?

My two god daughters are adopted and have sensory issues and your post reminded me of them in a way. They are obsessed with food, and constantly asking about when they can next eat, and don't seem to be able to regulate their hunger in any way. They both have attachment disorder - is this something that could be the case with your children?

You’re getting mixed messages here about carbs That's something of an understatement!

Your issue here is your anxiety about food and weight. As a result I think they have developed an anxiety about whether they will have enough food bizarre as that sounds. if they are constantly kept on what they think of as short rations, they will be always thinking about food then you get more anxious, then you regiment food more, then they get more anxious etc etc.

honestly, I would give yourself a trial of 3 months not thinking about food at all except insofar as most of us do - is it reasonably healthy and balanced, is there enough of it, does it taste nice. For the first while give them what they want in between meals (well i would limit having junk in the house like all parents do) and then eventually if they are asking for a snack before dinner say "dinner is in 10 minutes so don't bother with that snack". I think they will learn to regulate their own appetities if there isn't the constant feeling that someone else is regulating them for them.

Well, I’d stop the milk straight away! They don’t need it. And it’s so fattening.

If this thread isn't a damning indictment of our society's obsession with obesity I don't know what is.

You are setting those poor children up to be super obese one day when you stop controlling their intake.

And short - since inadequate nutrition during a growth spurt can curtail said growth spurt.

Provide healthy, tasty, food and exercise opportunities and let them find their own level via intuitive eating.

Do you really want all their childhood memories to be about being hungry and mummy being annoyed about it?

What does your husband think about it all?

Personally protein doesn’t fill me up. If I don’t have enough carbs I am starving. Your typical day looks low on carbs to me. I’d change the omelette to a granary sandwich with egg in it or on the side and increase the fibre from veg, so serve it with carrot sticks rather than tomatoes for example.

My eldest was the same but has (mostly) grown out of it. Parties are still an embarrassment for me.

@Hungryhippos123

Hinestly, I would ditch the food diary/ scatter thingy that you’re going on about. Give them three meals a day. If still hungry, give them more. You can regulate what ‘more’ you give them without getting obsessed over a certain plan or procedure or diet or whatever. If they are hungry let them eat. My kids eat 24/7 and are not huge hippos. They are tall and skinny. They were wee chubby babies. I think you’ve got yourself convinced there’s an issue when there’s not. Perhaps some counselling for you would be apt - you seem so very anxious and stressed about food. It’s obsessive and that’sWhat’s unhealthy and needs addressed, I think.

@Viviennemary

If a child is still hungry after a meal not enough food is being provided for their needs. If I knew somebody restricting food like this to children I would contact Social Services.

And if they saw the healthy diet, set up after talking with dieticians and the fact that the children are a healthy to high weight, what do you think they would be saying. Not saying the current setup is healthy, but yours is a ridiculously dramatic response.

If you are feeding them a proper diet, not junk, and they don't look "fat", but just big and muscular and you have ruled out thyroid etc- then calm down!

They are 3and 6 I think you said, and in cloths a year or two older.
My son was always "big" and between 6 and 15 looked quite chunky. Then he shot up another 6 inches, topped out at 6'4 and is now while is pretty muscular (builder) carries no excess fat.

My granddaughter also in the 99th centile pretty much from birth was a hungry chubby toddler- not fat, but tall, solid with apple cheeks. At 13 she is just over 6', all in proportion and developing a lovely figure where did that baby go?

My grandson- the HV described him as fat at 18 months. 6 years later- he's stick thin.

Feed them properly, they shouldn't be crying with hunger, as long as they don't stuff them selves with junk they will be fine.

“I’ll speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry.“

So what is the problem then if they’re not obese or overweight? Are they just tall solidly built children. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. If they’re eating healthily (usually) and active. - they’re perfect. You can’t turn a solidly built tall child into a petite doll no matter what you try.

I personally believe parents should be relaxed about diet, children need to have some junk occasionally and don’t put a big emphasis on it. It’s sad when parents turn into dictators. We had a picnic recently for my 8 year old’s birthday. I had a couple of cans of Coke and divided it between 5 kids. (Fixzzy drinks aren’t a regular feature in our house)Never thought anything of it. One of the little girls whose mum seems very strict downed the Coke and then went on to say it was her first time ever tasting it and that she was going to lie to her Mum about it. Very sad. How does that make sense when Mum and Dad enjoy downing vodka and wine regularly?

I knew a child who, it transpired, had a physiological disorder which was (I believe) something to do with her hormones - the ones that control satiety and appetite. She was huge and the rest of her family were whippet slim and super healthy. They were carrying out tests at the hospital and had had to go to Cambridge for tests (hundreds of miles from where we live so I'm assuming whatever was up was quite uncommon and that there were specialists there).

Her mum said it had taken years to convince the health professionals that they weren't just feeding her full of junk and that there was actually something wrong.

It's been ages since I last saw them, and they were still at an investigative stage, so I don't know the outcome. Could you pursue medical investigations? It really does sound like there's something up.

Sorry if I sound vague - we were chatting at a soft play!

They don't do it at school
Are there any problems at school? if they were suffering lack of attention, low energy , things that indicate hunger, you would expect to have been told

Beyond the wails, is there any evidence that they are really hungry, really not getting g enough food?

You may have to just tough it out, if they don't do it at school they don't need to do it at home

Distract distraction distract

It doesn't seem like they are eating a huge amount to me. Perhaps the key is breakfast and they are 'chasing' the hunger through the day. My two (3 and 7, tall for their age) who I don't think of of having a particularly big appetite have more than that for breakfast. Typically two weetabix, a yogurt, a slice of toast and some fruit. It seems like loads to me as it's more than I have but it sets them up for the day. They seem to like to front load as they don't then eat a huge amount for their other meals but I do make sure they get their veg and they will have a couple of snacks and a smoothie later in the day. I definitely found in lockdown boredom was a trigger for asking for loads of snacks and it has calmed down since school opened again.

I think stop giving them the milk every morning and evening before break fast and after dinner. That will save some calories. Breakfast it might be better to do something high protein like a pancake made from 1 banana, 2 eggs and 1 tablespoon of almond butter. Cooked in coconut oil. Also when my kids are hungry i give them a bowl of unsalted pistachio nuts as it takes them a while to get through the shells. Then maybe make meals smaller to allow for more snacking. My kids are slim but dont eat much at meal times. They snack alot instead. Seems your kids want to snack all day too so maybe the meal size portions should be reduced.

My son is 8 and has also always been on the 99th centile. He fluctuates between the top of the healthy range to the bottom of the obese range. It actually takes very little change in weight to do this and his appearance doesn't change at all. I did worry a bit about this but my HV was quite clear, this was his normal weight range, he ate healthily most of the time, he was active and could run, and he wore normal clothes for his age without problem, so don't worry about it. He's fit, well and healthy. Perhaps the issue is that your HV/GP is a bit too obsessed with the numbers.

I think your food looks quite light, mine (similar ages) have a school dinner at lunch & in the evening & they are always hungry but very active. They are skinny (can see ribs) but quite solid. I was a barrel as a child - stuffed with potatoes, etc then just grew straight up & was underweight (even though I ate lots) I have also noticed mine seem to eat a lot, then have a growth spurts.

Different children are different. For example, my DS1 (who, being honest, is overweight now at 10, after a few dramatic life events, but we're working on it), at 6 was an average weight for his height - bang on 50th centile. His cousin, 8 months younger, only a little shorter, looking at them you'd think that they were roughly similar (albeit cousin a bit shorter), but he was light as a loofer - I nearly through him in the air picking him up compared to my son. Some kids just seem.. denser.. than others, without it being chub.