Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. And one does gymnastics. You and DH are well versed in exercise/nutrition and have expectations based on tables, charts etc.

Basically STOP! Your kids are, as you have already pointed out, muscly not fat. They exercise a lot and are happy, active kids.

Put the height/weight, percentiles and every other chart you have in the bin!

YOU are making this a problem, Stop before you cause your kids a lifetime issue.

If you believe one new thing today make it that the height /weight charts, no matter where you get them from are fatally flawed, useless with kids and are only ever used as a guideline.

If you want a second ask your exPT OH - muscle vs fat and the comparative weight/size.

But most of all tell those GPs and HVs that your kids are not overweight, they are fit active kids with a greater body% of muscle than the average kid and you won't be starving them to meet some out of date, one size fits all table!

And then let our kids appetite guide you!

My dd’s friend (12) and in the school year below from dd is tiny and slim. She eats as much as dd despite being over a foot shorter and probably weighing not much more than half my dd’s weight - she’s about the height dd was at 8. For reference, dd probably eats about average for her height / build. I laughed when I saw the amount of food this friend eats. It’s incredible for her size.

Personally I would say keep feeding your dcs the food that they’ll eat and continue giving very healthy food. You could try reducing the carb and upping the protein. It may keep them satiated for longer. My dd eats a lot of protein. She used to eat more food than other children and I upped the protein and it helped. From my experience, children’s appetites vary a lot.

Their diet doesnt seem excessive TBH. What about swimming lessons,Football or gymnastics.Then maybe some wholemeal bread /Toast with Marmite/Peanut butter instead of the snack? Cereal is not terribly filling on its own .They just sound like normal DC with healthy Appetites! Maybe some garlic bread or a small jacket potato with Supper ?

Have they had antibiotics? I would try Kerfir and probiotics. There was a bbc programme a while ago with an overweight child who ate healthily and they discovered his microbiome was knocked out from antibiotics and fixed it and the weight dropped off. Make sure they're having full fat dairy, milk, Yogurt especially as the fat will fill them up. Fat, fibre and fermented are the latest buzzwords!

Hi OP, few suggestions:

I'd be looking at establishing meals that are filling and satisfying ie kids don't feel hungry within an hour (tho my ds can be hungry an hour after a good dinner!) and that means protein and fat.

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana
Make sure it's full fat milk (which is still a low fat food as 4% fat). Increase to 2 weetabix. My nephews would often eat toast after cereal and fruit too

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt
Add couple slices if bread and butter, or peanut butter sandwich. Full fat yoghurt
or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing
I'd ditch this, generally just high in sugar which can then cause more hunger once its worn off, couple of digestive biscuits with peanut butter on actually less sugar, more nutritious and more filling
, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar hummus and carrot is a good option too

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar check you have enough protein (and some fat) in last 2 options. If you are able, something like crumble and custard for pud adds more carb, fruit and protein. If you can make yourself, don't add sugar to fruit and it's not too sugar heavy

Kids of that age should be having about 7 cups of water/drink a day.

I also have friends whose boys have weetabix and milk, or toast before bed as they're hungry again. My ds is hungry by 9pm after a good dinner.

Only other comment would be that this meal plan has wheat at each meal. Can you substitute:
weetabix for porridge sometimes
pasta meals for ones with potatoes (oven chips not too bad) or rice?*

They'll be ok 💐

All I see when reading your posts is a woman being trampled by anxiety issues, and her children's weight is where her obtrusive thoughts are being focused. I really think all of this is your issue, not your children's weight or diet, and I think that for whatever reason, your anxiety was triggered by that idiot of a HV who said your 18 month old was obese. Funny how many of our babies are "obese" yet grow up perfectly healthy. My "obese" son is now a trim, fit 6'4" 24 year old.

I implore you to keep on providing healthy food but forget about all these plans, formulas, and gimmicks, and please see a doctor about your anxiety. It is robbing you of the happiness you should be sharing with your kids. Everything you've written about your children says they are normal, healthy, active, and happy.

Oh have just seen the diet. Mine wouldn't have the snacks but would have sourdough and eggs in addition to cereal. On a weekend we'd have a big lunch then lighter stuff for supper. A snack would be banana and Nutella on sourdough but then they wouldn't want much for tea.
And also if they're not actually fat what are you worrying about!

@UhtredRagnarson

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food

I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. I would ban them from asking for food at any point tbh. They get enough food and they get it at regular times throughout the day- they do not need to be asking for it. I would tell them every time we leave the house “do not ask me for anything to eat. I will provide food when it is time to eat. If anyone asks me for anything to eat we are coming straight home.”

How on earth do you ban a child from asking? What if they are going through a growth spurt and are genuinely hungry? Doesn't sound like their breakfast is very big to me so I can see why they would want something big at 10:30. A three-year-old does not have the impulse control to stop asking for something either. You are connecting punishment to food which is never a good idea.

I can tell from this post you don't have children who want to eat like this...

If my children know we have food they literally won't stop asking for it, will ask until it's lunch time anyway!

You need to remember that a lot of energy is required for the process of actually growing.
My DS always eats like a horse for a month, lays down a bit of fat and then has a growth spurt and the fat is virtually "stretched " out.

[quote Hungryhippos123]@SeaTurtles92 I know it’s painful even writing that but it is embarrassing. When they’ve had snacks, a generous lunch and eaten every scrap of food I’ve brought out when friends kids just eat a normal amount and prioritise playing etc. over food I do get embarrassed.

I’ve never had an ED but my sister had bulemia. My parents often commented on her weight as a teenager (normal puppy fat) and I am desperate not to cause that. I never mention weight to the children ever. Before this I never was worried about food! Would eat a massive pizza no concern, generally ate well, probs drank too much when younger but never worried about food or eating.

@MitheringSunday so a normal day:

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.[/quote]
Honestly my 2 year old eats more than this! 1.5 weetabix for breakfast? Most 2-3 year olds I know eat at least 2 and sometimes 3 when having a particularly hungry day, normally followed by an apple or grapes. It sounds a bit concerning how much you're restricting food and given that you're not offering copious amount of sugar/junk I would let them eat as and when they're hungry.

Still not much meat there. Ground or chopped Nuts with their weetabix?

So your kids don’t look overweight, eat a healthy balanced diet, are quite muscular and dieticians have scratched their head over why they’re there but you’re still convinced they’re obese…. The problem is with you and you’re frankly bizarre and controlling behaviour around food.

As others have said I wouldn't worry so much. My kids are both always hungry too -- they eat much the same as your but probably 2 weetbix, a hot lunch at school and a fair bit of snacking. I make them a big plate before meals of fruit, veggies, rice cakes, peanut butter and apple etc then I don't worry so much if they have pasta for dinner. They always have yogurt and bananas or icecream for dessert.

Evenings they will often say they are still hungry and they get toast or rice cakes. We go through a lot of peanut butter. Your free-for-all days sound like my normal days.

Honeslty I would have every day a free-for-all and I think you will find they will soon ease off. It may be that because they know their food is limited it makes them anxious to stuff it all in when they can.

@MitheringSunday

As kindly as possible, OP, I suspect the problem isn't with them.

Could you tell us something about what they eat on a typical day according to your rules, and on a typical 'let them eat whatever' day?

You seem to be obsessing about food OP, rather than them. Do you have an unhealthy relationship with food? Are you projecting your fears on to them? Kids get big but also do grow. If they're hungry and crying it's better to ensure they have access nutritious food like you are than try and restrict it.

@MrsMoastyToasty

You need to remember that a lot of energy is required for the process of actually growing. My DS always eats like a horse for a month, lays down a bit of fat and then has a growth spurt and the fat is virtually "stretched " out.

Mine does this too. Just when I think 'Hmm he's looking a bit chunky, maybe I'll ease off on the cheese' he suddenly shoots up again.

Your obsession with weighing food and the children is extremely unhealthy! Stop doing that to them straight away it's ridiculous.
You restricting their food os causing them to want it more. Stop obsessing about making everything healthy. Just give them a packet of crisps or a biscuits a day if they ask for it.

@UhtredRagnarson

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food

I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. I would ban them from asking for food at any point tbh. They get enough food and they get it at regular times throughout the day- they do not need to be asking for it. I would tell them every time we leave the house “do not ask me for anything to eat. I will provide food when it is time to eat. If anyone asks me for anything to eat we are coming straight home.”

All that teaches a child is that they shouldn’t listen to their own bodies or trust their own instincts. And that food is linked to punishment and anger. Bizarre advice.

Op . Two of my three kids would eat way more than that. They are very fit and active though and don't have a pick on them so I've learned to relax about it. I would honestly feed them all the healthy food they look for . I guarantee you that they won't get obese on that.

They probably aren't hungry, but I would try including more cars in their diet to see if that fills them up more.

I’m sorry but some of the stuff your writing op feels utterly ridiculous. Some children eat and eat and never feel full, I’ve got a couple myself. Children are growing and need food to give them energy. With my 3yo she can go through so much food. An example, last week she ate 2 bananas before dinner then ate a large bowl of pasta, bacon, at least 2 raw carrots & half a cucumber. She then ate an ice cream cone but still asked for food. There are times she’s tired and dosnt want to eat, last night was a case in point, she had pizza, her favourite, she had 2 mouthfuls and wasn’t interested in anything else.

You say they are obese, based on what? Lots of children are big and heavy when they are little. One little girl in my antenatal group I couldn’t pick up by 3 months she was like a brick and in 9-12 months baby grows. She’s now 9 and looks perfectly healthy, she’s bigger than my DD but so are all my DDs friends.

Also clothes size means absolutely nothing. My 3yo wore a pair of her sisters leggings today, age 5-6, they were baggy on her but I needed something to cover her legs under a dress she really wanted to wear, the dress was age 2-3. She can wear anything from age 2-5 depending what it is and the fitting. My 9yo can get away wearing 5-6 clothes and my 7yo can easily wear 8-9 clothes.

I feel sorry for these children to see they have been through thyroid testing as they really don’t sound like they need it, a child with thyroid issues would surely look obese. Children need energy food to keep them growing, their food habits will change as they grow.

Your menu sounds quite restrictive and regimental for them and is obviously not hitting the mark in terms of filling them. Maybe look at giving them a bigger filling breakfast to start the day. I’m fairly relaxed with food with my DCs as I don’t want them having food issues. I use to give cereal for breakfast but not anymore unless they want it. They get cooked breakfasts, saussages, bacon, eggs, beans, what every they ask for, one will have sausage and egg, another sausage & beans the third all 3 or they may have bacon butties etc.. I’ve found they eat the whole breakfast now without issue and are far more awake and full of energy in the mornings and it keeps them going. My children have always had access to the food cupboard from an early age, if they are hungry they can eat, I only restrict junk food as in if they have already had a chocolate bar they aren’t having another. Most meals they decide for themselves, unless I’ve got something planned for us all but even then I work around them quite a lot. I don’t force them to eat the same a DH and I because as adults we have different pallets. Last night we all had pizza, my DH and I had ours and the DCs had each of their favourites. Tonight DH and I will be having lamb shanks but the DCs don’t like them so will be having sausage, Yorkshire puds, one will have chips another mash and the third both mash and chips. One will demolish all the veg, 2 will only eat a few mouthfuls.

The fact your child is counting down time to be allowed food dose not sound healthy at all, it’s like she’s in prison and can only eat at certain times.

If they are active children as you say then they will also need lots of energy, it dose not look like your diet is giving them this.

I think a lot of this is in your head and to say your children ruin days out because they want to eat early and to say they embarrass you to me means you are the problem not your children.

When my eldest was 18 months the HV told me she was obese. It was at that point I started worrying

Well, colour me surprised!!

A LOT of Health Visitors cause more problems than they ever solve. It's a 'service' that needs doing away with.

Go with your 'free' days every day. Focus on your children being happy not hungry & it will all be fine. What you are doing now is setting them up with eating issues for life. Whether you recognise that now or not.

I know you mean well, but you're not doing the best thing for them, or you, living like this.

Plus start the day with some protein. It's all carbs/sugar. That won't be helping them at all.

It sounds like they’re eating a balanced diet with good foods & are quite active.

So maybe they are just built bigger? My two are in clothes ranges above their age group. I have a 6yr old in 7-8 clothes. He’s slim to look at. he’s a grazer & just eats what he wants until he’s full. He snacks on a lot of fruit. He also gets hungrier if he’s having a growth spurt. Some days it’s like he can’t get enough.

My eldest will constantly ask for food if he’s bored. This has waned though as he’s got older.

Can you relax a little about it for a month or so & see if they dramatically gain loads?

And unless they are having massive portions, they should not be over weight on that amount of food.

You spend to much time worrying about healthy children. Children are meant to have a layer of fat on them as they have multiple growthspurts until they hit full height. The fat is to accommodate these spurts. All you are doing is giving children a complex that will make them want to eat to comfort the negative feelings you have. You don't mention how tall you or your husband are, that's a helluva lot of growing for those kids if you both are tall.
3 and 6 years old and their parents have put them down as overweight.. Jesus.
I looked underfed as a kid, skeletol and ate all the time, now I'm an adult I'm on the heavy side. Your weight as a child does not map you out what you will be when you are older.
Get help, for yourself for God's sake woman

Have they had medical tests? I was watching an old documentary a few weeks ago where a child of around 6 was always hungry. She would steal food if not given it. Her mum said she would even eat toilet paper if she refused to feed her anything else.

She had tests and was told that she has a condition that means that she’s always hungry. The hunger that we would feel if we hadn’t eaten for days is how she would feel all the time. I’m pretty sure that it was NOT Prader-Willi syndrome.

It just sounds pretty relentless to me which would suggest there is more to it. What you listed as their daily food intake is more than I would eat at 5’6” and nearly 10 stone.