Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

They don't look overweight, correct? And your concern is that they're on 99th percentile for weight? How about height? My 3yo is 99th percentile for weight, but also for height, so yes she looks bigger than her peers, but she's also muscularbut is by no means overweight, she's just not average for her age.

Carbs and veg makes you hungry, you won’t go long on them until you are hungry again. Rare slow cooked meats, raw dairy and kefir, cream, fish, egg - these are more bio available foods that will fill them up and won’t make their body so hungry. Fat doesn’t make you fat it’s a myth. Pasteurised dairy makes us puff up a bit as the molecules expand when it’s cooked. I personally stick to raw dairy. The food pyramid is just insane, why put grains at the top which turns into sugar in your body and gives you very little bio available food. They are hard work for our body to digest and can lead to obesity and cancer. If you want to give them grains soak them for many days yourself to pre digest them and give in smaller amounts. Fruit and heavy cream is a good snack not processed carbs. If you mainly feed your kids pasta, bread, cereals, rice, veg, fruit and a little meat/fish you are mainly giving them sugar and they will be hungry a lot. So give them bio available foods with a little water between meals so they don’t flush out the nutrients in their food. Drinking lots of water makes your body hungry as you are flushing out nutrients. Hydrate with fats, fruit juices and dairy as well as some water

She gave a detailed account of what they're eating of a day, and given their ages it seems a perfectly normal amount.

What's your advice then? Or are you just looking to come on and spread negativity? Unsure why you have even commented, as nothing you have said is helpful.

I'm in a very similar position with my children, and I think she's doing a good job, healthy eating, and activities, so not sure what else you think she should be doing?

3 decent meals with snacks in between 8s plenty, and some kids just ask for food all the time and say they're hungry but are far from it....

Please do share your thoughts on what your advice is then.... and please don't say more food as that's clearly not the answer...

Porridge. It's the way forward.

@Hungryhippos123 I used have 6 weetabix for breakfast everyday and on one occasion (it's a joke amongst family now) I ate 16 new potatoes for supper. I'm a slim size 10 and still eat all round me when I'm at an event or at someone's house 😂 The kids sound as if they're hungry then I'd feed them more, especially with carbs and proteins. My two year old already has 2 weetabix for breakfast and he's fitting into 4/5 year old clothes. He's a bit of a beast but not obese

@Bippityboo2

They don't look overweight, correct? And your concern is that they're on 99th percentile for weight? How about height? My 3yo is 99th percentile for weight, but also for height, so yes she looks bigger than her peers, but she's also muscularbut is by no means overweight, she's just not average for her age.

Hi @Bippityboo2 sorry lots of people have asked similar and the answer is I’m not 100% sure their exact height and weight but I know last time their weight centile was higher than their hight centile such that their BMI was 97th centile or so, so overweight/obese. I know it sounds weird but they don’t look obese or even overweight just solid but they are coming up as obese in the charts. I do ignore them to an extent and look at the kids but the health professionals obviously use things like BMI to make decisions and when used independently it’s always ‘intervention needed’.

Also just to clarify- someone asked for an example day. They don’t have weetabix every day!! They have porridge, scrambled egg, dippy eggs, pancakes etc etc depending on the day they just happened to have weetabix the other day when I did the diary!

Are you vegetarian? sorry if I missed this earlier.

The best thing to do is change your health visitor I never had a health visitor doing developmental checks (UK) after the first few visits when they were babies. I think she washed her hands of us after that.

Surely a 6 year-old wouldn't have a health visitor? Unless this is a routine service now. I did have my children nearly twenty years ago.

OP, going of the food topic a bit, but when you tell your hildren No in other areas do you mean No or do you cave eventually?
I also have a 6 and a 3 year old who both have big appetites, mine are both slim though. My 6 year old in particular doesn't stop eating she gets a mix of snack foods and fruit, lots of cards and protein, but always seems to be hungry. It used to be the same for us as it is with you, if we refused food she would kick off big style. The problem was we would say no, she would kick off and then we would give in. We had to learn to stick to our guns and when we said no, we meant no.
It took a while and she still has the odd day now and again but on the whole it is much better.
Also she is allowed 2 snacks when she gets home from school, one piece of fruit and 1 bag of crisps, then wait for tea. We try and keep the same rough times for snacks when she isn't at school. Distraction also helps, some times it is just because she is bored.

I have to ask are you 100% sure there is no SEN? My DD has suspected SEN, we are still awaiting a full diagnosis, but it is looking like either Dyspraxia or ADHD, my DH also has dyspraxia and he was a bottomless pit growing up. I remember going out for a meal with him and our DP's and he ate all of his main, finished off his DM's, my DM's and his step dad's meals, then had his desert which he cleared and the rest of his DM's desert and mine.

@Lourdes12

Carbs and veg makes you hungry, you won’t go long on them until you are hungry again. Rare slow cooked meats, raw dairy and kefir, cream, fish, egg - these are more bio available foods that will fill them up and won’t make their body so hungry. Fat doesn’t make you fat it’s a myth. Pasteurised dairy makes us puff up a bit as the molecules expand when it’s cooked. I personally stick to raw dairy. The food pyramid is just insane, why put grains at the top which turns into sugar in your body and gives you very little bio available food. They are hard work for our body to digest and can lead to obesity and cancer. If you want to give them grains soak them for many days yourself to pre digest them and give in smaller amounts. Fruit and heavy cream is a good snack not processed carbs. If you mainly feed your kids pasta, bread, cereals, rice, veg, fruit and a little meat/fish you are mainly giving them sugar and they will be hungry a lot. So give them bio available foods with a little water between meals so they don’t flush out the nutrients in their food. Drinking lots of water makes your body hungry as you are flushing out nutrients. Hydrate with fats, fruit juices and dairy as well as some water

I’ve tried (and failed) to find a single sentence in this post that isn’t complete and utter effing nonsense.

To be fair - raw dairy will make you thinner... Because Listeria.

Not to say TB.

It just shows how some people shouldn't be health professionals. My daughter is Autistic and has an extremely limited diet but because she's growing and gaining weight NHS dietician wouldn't accept referral though did go as far as to say she likely has ARFID but only to get referred if she stops growing and loses weight instead of tackling it before it becomes a major issue. However both her paediatrician and health visitor have gone to great effort to state that it does not mean she's obese because she's on 99th percentile (47lb at 3y 7m), she's clearly in proportion. Though tbh it was never a concern of mine that she was obese. I urge you to let common sense prevail, allow them to eat their fill, not doing so may create problems in the future and (I'm not being bitchy) maybe consider counselling for yourself, rightly or wrongly this is taking over your life and making you incredibly anxious 💐

What you haven't answered OP is about your username, is that based on your kids? Do you call them hungry hippos? Have you referred to them as such?

@Quitelikeacatslife oh my god no! I have never ever called them a hippo or anything similar ever! We never talk about weight, being fat and I would never call them names even as a joke to them. I would also never talk about my worries with them in earshot and am careful to shut down any comments tactfully if friends say anything about their eating. I am really sensitive to stuff like that after my sisters issues. We are all positive about eating and food and eat as a family most meals.

The fact your subject line states my child's hunger is ruining my life speaks volumes about how self centred you are and are only thinking about how your perceived kids weight reflects on you.

My DS ate 6 weetabix for breakfast age 2. Yours must be ravenous with only 1.5.

He ran around all day and was completely full-on until 7pm when he'd conk out. He ate decent lunches and snacks at creche, a full dinner at home then quite often porridge before bed. I have no idea what his BMI was, but he was essentially solid muscle (had a six-pack aged 4 or so) so i wouldn't be surprised if it was over 25. He was not fat. He had a little bit of roundness to his face and that lovely softness kids have due to subcutaneous fat.

How are you deciding their 'fatness' apart from bmi? How have you established portion size? I think that the issue is with you/the adults, not with the kids

Oh, 2 things I've just remembered after reading one of your posts -

1. My DS was incredibly dense. Other kids the same size you could pick up like a feather, but he was like a neutron star;
2. He's always eaten more than all of his friends. Like at McDs (occasional) - they'd have a happy meal and he'd have a happy meal Plus another 3 plain burgers. At least.

Just had a thought - are your DC girls? Are your thoughts being coloured by their sex and it's seen as good for a boy to have a healthy appetite, but not 'ladylike' for girls?

A doctor told my mum I was going to be obese when I was about the same age. I currently weigh under 8 stone.

and am careful to shut down any comments tactfully if friends say anything about their eating

Maybe you should tell your 'friends' to bugger off?

It's the one-point-five weetabix that's a bit sad, I think, for a 3 and 6 year old. They get the remaining half 'if they're still hungry'.

So the end result is, you're always talking about food. And if they're hungry or not.

i know last time their weight centile was higher than their hight centile such that their BMI was 97th centile or so, so overweight/obese.

That’s not how BMI works OP, it’s body mass index, not centiles. Their BMI will be a number, not a centile.

Have you actually weighed and measured their height recently to calculate their BMI and find out once and for all if they are actually overweight or obese?

@ChameleonKola

But that’s the problem - it IS centiles when they look at kids which makes it fucking useless.

Ah you’re right! Sorry OP. I just tried the calculator and realised that the same calculator for adults and kids does spit out a centile result for children, I assumed that as it was the same calculator it’d be the same measurement for both. Thanks for the correction @Merryoldgoat