Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

I appreciate all the experiences too. I know a lot of people say my kid eats way more and is skinny as a rake but with all due respect that’s just not the case for my two. I’d never say to a friend struggling with weight ‘oh well I have takeaway every week and eat wheat ever I want and stay exactly the same!’ As everyone is different.

I think you do need to snap yourself out of your part of this obsession as well though because it sounds as if you are driving it as much as they are

They dont look overweight and are strong and muscular so BMI probably doesnt work for them. But also your constant regulation means they just havent been given the chance to work it out for themselves.

Do a week of your no rule days and see what happens it could be that after a day or two they start regulating themselves.

But as you can see here it’s a minefield isn’t it! ‘Feed them as much as they want they’re growing children’ ‘change to a french/African/Mediterranean diet’ ‘have set meal and snack times and don’t feed them outside those...ignore the whinging’ ‘have a free for all snack supply they can help themselves to’. All great advice and I appreciate your time and effort to help me I really do but everything is so conflicting!

@Hungryhippos123

Then sod the advice of others and just LISTEN TO YOURSELF. You are their mother. You don't sound like someone who doesn't know what a healthy diet or lifestyle looks like. Why do you doubt your ability to judge whether your kids are healthy or not? You've said yourself that when you let them eat as much as they want when they want, you're all much happier. Sounds like a solution to me and you discovered it all on your own!

You don't have to let them live off family bags of crisps. You don't have to let them get lazy and rolly and wheezy and fat. But they're not. You can see they're not. They're just hungry. Feed them and stop makin yourself miserable about this non problem.

@Hungryhippos123

But as you can see here it’s a minefield isn’t it! ‘Feed them as much as they want they’re growing children’ ‘change to a french/African/Mediterranean diet’ ‘have set meal and snack times and don’t feed them outside those...ignore the whinging’ ‘have a free for all snack supply they can help themselves to’. All great advice and I appreciate your time and effort to help me I really do but everything is so conflicting!

There’s a lot of conflicting advice, yes, but a very common theme in nearly seven hundred posts is many posters encouraging you to seek some help and support for yourself. I hope you will consider this.

Spoken by the way as someone whose 4yo gets down from the table without eating half her dinner pretty much every night for the last 6mths.. and yes I hate it, I worry but then I look at her growing like a weed and strong as an ox and I think well she's a healthy child, all I can do is keep meeting her needs where she is and if that stops working THEN I'll worry.

Ok good. Well then, keep feeding them well and try to worry less.

BMI really doesn't take build into account and was designed to describe populations, not to focus in on individuals.

I have a solidly-built child who has always been close to the top of the weight centiles and higher for weight than for height. It's been fairly consistent when measured and no-one's ever been worried. Coupled with a tendency to put on fat sometimes, before a growth spurt (normal), or when exercise drops off for some reason, I suspect they have been actually overweight sometimes. My feeling is that, so long as things even out in the end and there are plenty of nutrients and exercise, it's fine.

@Hungryhippos123 have you seen my post about my DD , her BMI history and the fact that the only thing that got her centiles aligned was developing anorexia? Whatever advice you choose to follow, please ignore BMI.

*Sorry my post on page 5

Yes Lottie! Build is the key!!

Thanks everyone yes of course the main takeaway is my attitude and concerns and how that will impact on my kids 100% I’ve taken that onboard. I’m going to really take a step back and be more child led. Thanks for your advice!

I know it sounds bonkers but are they drinking enough? 9 year old DD went through a phase last month where she was crying with “hunger” at bedtime - I switched the menu round so she had a really hearty meal of spag bol and a substantial pudding (assumed a growth spurt) - still “really really hungry mummy”. I suddenly had a lightbulb moment and made her drink a large glass of water despite her protestations that she was “NOT thirsty - I am HUNGRY!” Halfway down the glass of water, she said “oh” and necked the lot. And said she was now a bit too full. And went to bed quite happily.

You could try adopting a diet where eating large quantities is less consequential? Say, a healthy vegan diet?

Well yes, advice on diet is always conflicting. For whatever reason, you've lost all trust in your own judgment Op.

You don't need to follow an "expert's" eating methods or seek approval from doctors or dieticians. You're intelligent and educated, just try to take the emotion out of this issue.

Do what works for your family's well being (physically and emotionally^.)
The general consensus here seems to be
1 Allow unlimited access to healthy snacks
2 .Address your own issues and phobias

Are you going to try anything different as the result of this thread? If you are crying everyday, feel that your life is ruined over this,and consumed by fear that they'll "balloon when they're older" then something has got to change.

As kindly as possible you need to apply some good old fashioned common sense. If they do not look obese they are not obese. Whatever the chart says. They are growing fast at that age and with exercise (children of a physio and a PT I assume are kept active! ;-) they will absolutely have big appetites. Nothing wrong with that. Their diet looks a bit low on carbs (rice cakes as a snack?? It’s like eating air! an omelette for lunch?? That sounds exactly like a weight loss diet. I’m wondering if you and your husband follow a low carb diet? That’s not for children (excluding junk food obviously but nothing wrong with pasta and bread, wholewheat if you must) When we’re anxious it’s easy to become fixated but it’s really important to switch your focus away from this. Maybe try distracting yourself from thinking about it. It will do wonders. Good luck! You sound like a very kind and loving Mum.

The advice of some HVs really should come with its own health warning, OP.

That's what has set you off on this unhappy path.

I'm glad you have had some better advice on here to mull over. Good luck.

Slightly older children here and at least one who wants to eat all the time. They are definitely not obese to look at but definitely 'strong' and one also has some SN which are linked to needing a lot of calories and impulse control. This child eats significantly more than me, adult portions, all my children eat A LOT.

When I look at your children's diet, I can't judge portions but I suspect it would not be enough for either of my children. I would be definitely be increasing the protein, especially at breakfast and adding in more slow burning carbs like oats and brown rice along with salads etc. I would also have unlimited fruit, veg, brown toast with almond butter etc. My only restriction is about teeth (and too many acid attacks) not weight so they can't just graze all day long.

However, it does seem that you could have an issue with how your children look and might be perceived.

Some children will be the heaver ones, yours might be at this point, they might be in the future, or they may not. If they are bigger, it does not mean that they are necessarily not healthy.

Above all else, though it is incredibly important that unpack this and reconcile it somehow so that they don't start getting messages now that being bigger is wrong.

@DaddyJohn1964 - I came back to this thread to see the point where someone suggested Prader Willi Syndrome. It is a ridiculous and unhelpful comment. Please do some research on PWS before you suggest it as a reason for two children feeling generally a bit hungry. One of my DC has PWS and I can assure you it is much more than having a big appetite.

I haven’t read the whole thread but oat of your posts and some of the replies. And yes it’s a mine field.

One thing that stood out for me is Weetabix for breakfast. If I have Weetabix for breakfast I am starving an hour later. Maybe try Greek yoghurt with berries? Or wholegrain toast with Philadelphia and some fruit. Porridge - proper porridge not sachets is also more satisfying than Weetabix. I know you say they have enough protein but try increasing it as it is more satiating and filling. Fruit and most snacks can cause blood sugar spikes as you know. So although they seem healthy they need protein to keep the blood sugar steady. So instead of a cereal bar some slices of apple with peanut butter. Or a Babybel and fruit. Oatcakes and Philadelphia or peanut butter.

There is a really good book by a Dr Andrew Jenkinson - Why We Eat (Too Much) - he is a bariatric surgeon and it’s really interesting about long term weight issues and our environment etc. I’m not in anyway saying your children are at risk of life time issues but if you and your husband have an interest in health and nutrition anyway you might find it interesting.

If they are hungrier in the morning you could try adding more protein into the breakfast meal. Or go for porridge.

Also vegetable snacks are unlikely to cause a problem so you could add these in without issue, carrot sticks, sugar snaps, cucumber sticks, celery, edamame. Although sometimes I just give mine a whole peeled carrot to gnaw on for ease.

Nut butters also good too if they will eat them will vegetables or carb snacks.

Carb snacks might be more filling if you went for oat based, cheese oatcakes are popular in my house. Wholemeal also instead of white if you don't already for pittas etc.

Lunch - marmite sandwich probably not enough to keep them going so add some cheese or more protein. Add potato in the omelette if needs bulking.

Definitely increase hydration, my middle child really has to be pushed and when she hasn't drunk enough will often misinterpret thirst for hunger.

Also don't forget they have growth spurts, so at times they will be hungrier or after illness you will see this too if they have been off their food for a bit. My 11 year old has just slowed down again after a recent period of eating more which coincided with commencing menstruation, now my 7 year old is ravenous and his legs seem to be getting longer every time I look at him and he is pushing through more teeth.

If your kids are active then they might just need more. You don't sound to me like you are doing anything wrong, so try to relax a little and give yourself a break. It is easy to be overly critical of ourselves as parents, especially when you know the consequences of lifestyle choices from working in healthcare.

I do know what you mean about conflicting advice. One of my DC was tiny and thin and well under the bottom line of the charts in the red book for years, although her older siblings were fine. We saw an NHS dietician and had lots of other tests to rule out things. We weren’t doing anything wrong. She was just the way she was. Now an adult, she is fine - slim, though still not very tall. We felt a bit of pressure to “feed her up”, and we did feel judged by healthcare practitioners - we had “failure to thrive”, which was very upsetting - and other parents and complete strangers too.

Hey OP! Sounds really tough!

I have 4 and they are all different shapes snd sizes.

My eldest, aged 11, struggles to stay above the 9th percentile for his weight his height is around this too. He has medication and this is monitored a lot and we are encouraged to get him to eat but at the same time they get it. It's just him. He was born on the 99th though!

My next two are twins. Aged 8

Twin a is taller then my eldest and on 75th percentile for height. He's also monitored due to
Medication and his weight sways between the 50th and 75th percentiles.

Twin b is tiny in height, he's by far the shortest in his class and most of the juniors, his weight is the lowest of my children but he actually carries it so differently. He was super chubby as a baby and toddler and now he's slimmed out a little but still as a tiny tummy. I do worry if he's going to be more susceptible to weight gain but equally he doesn't eat much at all. He's just below the 50th for weight but not sure on height , probably quite low in single figures.

My youngest aged 6 is bang on 50th percentiles for both.

Personally I don't over monitor good. Breakfast they have options like cereals, toast,yogurts, fruit, musseli, milk, juice and whatever else I've gotten in. Sometimes pancakes on weekends. They are pretty much allowed unlimited amounts of any with the exception of yogurts where they could eat a fridge full in one sitting 😆

Fruits always open, as well as bread and cereal, carrot sticks, salad items (which tend to be the favourite), cheese, ham etc and they can help themselves as much as they like throughout the day.

We often make egg based things as we have quail so that's always on offer for snacks too.

They have a biscuit barrel which to a certain extent they are allowed free reign too. Unless they are being gluttonous.

My second and 4th child eat the most by far. My 4th likes crisps but only allow one per day but think that's too much.

To be fair though my hands off approach means they don't ever go wild other than child 2 who has autism and learning difficulties. He's sensory seeking in his eating. Even then it's less eating and more wanting to try everything.

They mostly have a yogurt with fruit and either toast (often with chocolate spread 🙈) or cereal for breakfast.

Lunch is often eggs in some form, or a sandwich with various salad items of their choosing like cucumber, tomato's, radish, salad leaves, cheese.

Snacks are likely crisps (I know terrible) or a biscuit or two, or they will have toast, cereal, fruit, sometimes another yogurt, cheese, radish, cucumber, carrot sticks etc. I try and keep some cut up so they can help themselves.

Tea is usually whatever we are having, they don't all always eat all of it. Always lots of veg or salad options which they love so even if they don't eat the main aspect they have that. Usually some fruit for dessert. Once a week we may have cake it ice cream. They are usually allowed squash or pop at tea time, only time but I found restricting it the way I used to meant they wanted it more other times like parties, so we allow it once a day typically.

We do have a tuck shop where they can earn points for sweets and treats, or towards things they want etc.

Although they have access to a lot of things they mostly graze on veg, eggs, cheese and meats. Fruit occasionally and having no foods being banned I never find them over eating.

My kids favourite foods are

1. Spicy food, radish, banana
2. Jacket potato, eggs, kiwi
3. Dinners with lots of veg, cucumber, pasta
4. Tomatoes, crisps, salad, apples

As long as I have some of the above in they are good!

I found that the less I stressed and monitored they better their eating became. I'm not advocating at all they have the best diets, but i got sick of nagging about food and found when I asked them what they wanted it was often options that I wanted to limit. This way they never really ask, I will tell them we are eating in a certain amount of time but they aren't constantly back and forth for food.

My eldest weight is only low as medication surpasses his appetite so he doesn't eat much during the day when he's on it and so the extended grazing works better for him too. He was losing weight prior to this.

I guess my point is, maybe relax a little, get a basket of items you're happy for them to eat, give them the portions they ask for but just limit certain items. If they are overweight then limit carbs but let them have more options to make up for it.

I always just think if it's not working let's try something nee because we haven't got anything to lose by trying. It's not permanent. Each family and child is different. Talk about health, be active, if it helps use stickers to highlight good foods and less healthy foods so they understand they can't have a small amount of one thing but a lot more of something else.

I read a comment you made about your HV saying that at 18 months old your child was obese, that comment in its self is ridiculous, a child that age cannot be active enough to burn a lot of calories. I was always told I was big as a child and have always lived with people thinking I’m fat when in fact I was just a little curvy, looking back on pictures I feel sad that I lived thinking I was fat. I am now obese and can’t get my head straight to do something about it 😫

Have you thought about worms!?

I read a comment you made about your HV saying that at 18 months old your child was obese, that comment in its self is ridiculous

I agree, that comment did a lot of unnecessary damage.