Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

OP I'm not a dietitian but I may be able to help. I don't like to think of anyone crying at night, whatever the reason for this situation might be. Have you had them recently measured? Are they still on the99th centile?
They seem to have a very healthy and varied diet and I think if you took some of the pressure off the children may become more relaxed around food too. If they want lunch at 10.30, have it. You could try a snack box where you set out all the snacks for the day and the children can have it whenever they want, but when it's gone. It's gone. They will soon learn this. Ensure they are getting enough good carbs (whole grain) to help keep them full for longer, along with lean protein. But again, if they're active they will need enough of this. Spread out the snacks little and often throughout the day. They are therefore getting the same amount but they feel they are getting fed.
I might also tentatively suggest that although you don't talk about weight with them, by enforcing strict rules around food you may still be creating unhelpful views of food for your children. Help them to recognise when they are truly hungry and if they want lunch at 11am, have it. But that's lunch done. Talk to them about food. Help them learn that all food plays a part in our lives but it's to be eaten sensibly and as a balance. It won't happen overnight but it may help a little

If they don’t look obese then they might not actually be that overweight at all.

Your poor kids are probably famished. Feed them more. Give bigger portions at mealtimes and give them fruit/veg/cheese/yoghurt whenever they ask for it. They’re probably just hungry and you’re going to give them a lifetime of food issues because of YOUR obsession with what they’re eating.

If you actually relaxed about it all they’d probably stop focusing on it. What else do you talk to them about?

Well done, I read that post and rolled my eyes thinking how pretentious what works for one, doesn't work for all...

I had the total opposite problem with my DD. At 5 months my HV told me she was failing to thrive. I was a first time mum, living far away from my family. I was worried sick but my daughter didn’t have a big appetite. I was referred to a GP who referred me a paediatrician. He spent 10 minutes examining her and turned to me a said there is nothing wrong with your daughter: someone has to be at the bottom of the chart just like someone has to be at the top. My DD is now a healthy 14 year.

Anyway my message is try not to worry. I wasted so much time worrying unnecessarily about my daughter’s diet and weight. Your children have a healthy diet.

OP please try not to stress, my daughter is the same, she's 7 and her small infant brother is following the same. She wears age 12 clothes, and is actually off the centile chart. I am super heavy too, even at a size 8/10 I was 11 stone. (I'm.5ft 8) my daughter was at doctor for something else and when they weighed her, they put her on the nhs healthy start programme, I was like oh great....

She would eat all day long if you let her, when it's the winter/lockdown all she wanted to do was eat!

However, now the weathers nice, she is back out playing all the time, not constantly asking for snacks/food and her weight will come down.. it is a worry, I'm in the same boat, but as long as you just keep doing what you're doing, and make sure they're eating healthy and getting lots of exercise, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AND ARE A FAB MUM! The fact you are so concerned about them that you've thrown yourself into the lions den on here shows that!

People on here need to mind their p's & q's and try the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' don't mind the pretentious/bitchy/know it all comments. Their issue that they can't be nice to a struggling mum, not yours. So much for solidarity amongst women ffs!

Keep doing a great job, and try and relax

OP gone? Came back to see if she's added anything. It's a shame to feel unsupported on MN. It sounds like you are knowledgeable about healthy diet but maybe portion size not big enough at meals. Such a pity you are worrying all the time. Please don't let it get you down. Get them doing lots of activities so they will burn it off but feed them too. I'm sure you're doing your best.

I think a health visitor saying an 18mo is obese was very wrong. I wonder if that's started you off on the worrying. At that age they could have put on weight for a growth spurt.

Are the kids actually a bit bored when they ask for snacks? Mine are like this. Do they finish a large portion of a healthy dinner eg casserole and greens?

Could it be Prader-Willi Syndrome?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/prader-willi-syndrome/symptoms/

I taught a child whose parents locked all the cupboards to stop hi constant need for food and he started going to neighbours and helping himself to their food!

Worth asking the GP.

but as long as you just keep doing what you're doing, and make sure they're eating healthy and getting lots of exercise, YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING AND ARE A FAB MUM!

Og, fgs, the OP needs to change what she is doing. She’s not doing the right thing!

Was just going to say about the food list.

I think they could eat more especially of the good stuff.

My 3 year old has at least 2 Weetabix of a morning and usually blags some of my toast or a some fruit "while he waits".

He's just polished off 2 poached eggs, bacon a toasted English muffin and some asparagus and asked for more ham. While that was cooking he had some grapes.

His 6year old cousin who really is a bottomless pit and stick thin has had same and will nodoubt want a sandwich for elevensis.

We're on sausage and mash for lunch with veg and apple crumble for dessert. He'll easily nail two fat butchers sausages a mash and veg. As will the 6 yr old. She'll go mad for the dessert too but my lad isn't so bothered about sweet stuff.

For tea it's home made pizza loaded with meats cheese , onion , mushroom and peppers. My lad will eat a full 9-11inch pizza (220g doughball) and probably sit with me making them eating most of the toppings. He'll probably blag a red pepper to eat while I make it too.

Three year old is a well set size around his BMI, he's quite fit and will soon be off for a 3,5 mile hilly walk that hell do without complaint. Then no doubt want to ride his bike to the shops.

The 6 year old niece is super thin but very tall for her age her age eight is probably a bit over but when you add in height she's a bit light.

My lad prefers savour to sweet, I think he likes the idea of chocolate and sweets but not the reality. He has a 10p bag of haribo open yesterday at bed time there was most of the bag left. (I ate them - bad dad). We still have selection boxes from crimbo and Easter eggs left.

The 6 year old is a sweet monster so we do have to watch what she eats interms of sugar.

Should also add Weetabix are a good filler. I'll give Weetabix as a bedtime snack I'd it's a late bed time. But also during they day, especially if they have refused a meal.

I would keep on with your healthy meals and they can help themselves to fruits or veg (cucumber, carrots, ...) between meals if they are hungry.

@Hungryhippos123

I’d like to suggest that you change the food you’re feeding them. Maybe it’s not filing them up for long enough.
People will always say the Mediterranean diet for this and the French diet for that but
try a slight Caribbean/African aka black diet.
For years a black diet has been about tasty food that fills you up good and proper.
Breakfasts are cornmeal porridge, oat porridge, you can add bananas.
You could just have weetabix with two whole pieces of fruit, not chopped up and portioned.
Make flap jacks with fruit,they are very quick and easy.
Dinners will incorporate yams, boiled plantain, dumplings/ cornmeal mixed dumplings, sweet potatoes, chunky veg, with a small amount of meat...hearty stews and soups are not that different. Cook rice.

Your babies are part bored and entertained by food as well as a little hungry. They might be under stimulated and food is their most exciting time too.

Just my thoughts
Bye!

@DaddyJohn1964

Could it be Prader-Willi Syndrome?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/prader-willi-syndrome/symptoms/

I taught a child whose parents locked all the cupboards to stop hi constant need for food and he started going to neighbours and helping himself to their food!

Worth asking the GP.

No it is not! They are 3 and 6! They are NOT visibly obese OR ransacking cupboards!

They are just children!

Jesus wept.

Please explain. She is giving healthy food and encouraging active play/exercise.

What's your expert advice then, other than coming inland making a snide completely unhelpful comment?

I'm really disturbed at the idea of children going to bed crying with hunger.

Your account is that you have naturally heavy (broad, solidly-built), active children, who are not carrying extra fat. Thus, who are not overweight, for their height and build. BMI is a very blunt instrument.

They are active and growing, so get hungry. They need to be fed filling, as well as nutritious, food.

You are recounting a tale of your own anxiety. Your main concern actually seems to be 'what do other people think?' over and above 'what is best for my children?'.

Please get help for yourself and loosen up on your feeding regime.

@Richconstance

Please explain. She is giving healthy food and encouraging active play/exercise.

What's your expert advice then, other than coming inland making a snide completely unhelpful comment?

The fact that you said “keep doing what you’re doing”. That is wrong and profoundly unhelpful. The OP is damaging her DC, not helped by the Dr and HV. She needs to stop. The DC aren’t eating enough.

Op have they been tested to rule out a genetic disorder? It really sounds like there could be an underlying problem. I saw a programme recently with a little girl who was quite overweight, and seemed obsessed with food, to the point her mum was getting really cross with her. After some tests it came back that she was lacking a gene or some sort of imbalance (I think) which controlled something in the brain, making her constantly hungry. The paediatrician described it like for her, an hour after eating, felt the same as a regular person going over 12 hours without food. The mum was so upset on realising her daughter actually felt constantly starving due to this condition. I can't remember the outcome, I think there was medication she could take. I'd definitely consider this route, especially with it being both children the same .... Could be pointing to a genetic condition that could be controlled. Good luck

@Ariannah

They tell diabetics to drink milk if they have a hypo because it’s packed with sugar. It’s common knowledge that bananas are 25% sugar and cause your blood sugar to go high then crash. Grapes are the same.

Lol, no. They tell us to take dextrose tablets these days - you can't even use lucozade anymore because they reduced the amount of sugar in it.

Milk is really good for you, I'd offer the kids a slice of toast with breakfast and again at night with a glass of milk.

I understand what everyone is saying but I promise they DONT go to bed hungry. If you look at my posts there was a period of 3 months where we followed the dietician advice of limiting portions which I tried for long enough to give it a go but ultimately stopped for my children’s happiness. They have never before or since gone to bed hungry so please don’t feel sorry for them or worry for them. They eat their fill at meals. As you can see from the posts advice is so conflicting and has been from HCP. Most of them have basically said reduce their calorie intake if they’re eating more than they ‘should’ be but I wasn’t happy with that which is why we now do Ellyn Satter. Please don’t worry that my children are left crying and hungry.

This is exactly why we should bot be measuring children & comparing them in any way IMO

OP I think you should believe the evidence of your own eyes that your children are strong, healthy and not fat, and believe them when they say they are hungry and feed them, rather than obsessing over BMI (notoriously dodgy one size fits noone measurement) and what some HV once said (the lesser spotted good HV has been sighted in the wild, but the far more common "jobsworth busybody" version is not to be credited with judgment).

I agree with others that you seem a lot more concerned with what others think than what you can see about your children's health and happiness. You need to get to the bottom of this insecurity - maybe it's not good issues so much as s basic lack of confidence in yourself as a parent. Is your other half as exercised about this as you are? It sounds like you've had a good number of people, both HCPs and friends and family who know your children well, telling you there is nothing to see here. Maybe try acting on that for a while, meeting your children's hunger with healthy foods, and see if any health disaster strikes - my bet is it won't and they'll just be happier kids as they'll be full up and comfortable and less anxious about whether their needs will be met.

You do need to figure out why you are so irrationally anxious about this when you by all accounts have healthy strong kids. I mean saying them asking for food a lot is "ruining your life" doesn't really give you anywhere to go in terms of proportionate reaction if one or the other ever develop a serious health problem, does it?

I've just re watched the video I spoke about, it's called battling obesity at the age of 5, and the consultant actually said the little girl would be constantly feeling like she hadn't eaten for 3 days due to this gene not working... just imagine. There is medication for it, and she looks to have a bright future ahead once she starts the medication. I'd be looking into this op, as it seems like it's quite an overlooked condition. Obviously could be nothing to do with this, but I'd want to explore every avenue if they were my kids.

The inactive gene present in this condition also means the body doesn't effectively burn calories, which means they're more likely to gain weight despite healthy diets and controlled portions.