Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

I agree with thus. I think there is a possibility you yourself have food/weight issues. You said you're a physio, but your kids are not your patients.

Your friends, family and you have mentioned they do not look overweight.

I'm doing my PHD in Psychology and Counselling- I'm not yet qualified, but...in all honesty, and as a Mother - I think you need to speak with someone about your own attitude towards food and body imagery.

I hope you get it sorted.

I suppose I worry that’s what people think when they see my kids.

I think you have internalised your bulimic parent's preoccupation.

I really, really urge you to get counseling specifically directed at overcoming the legacy of a parent with an ED.

They just need a reset. The more weight a person carries, the more hungry they can feel. I would offer an unending abundance of organic water rich fruits like watermelon and grapes to snack on. Certain foods containing non fruit sugars and carbs can incite ferocious hunger cycles (above and beyond natural hunger pangs of growing children). I would take focus off rules around food except that snacks are fruit and dried fruit. And really focus on increasing activity levels to the max in a fun way. Ensure good quality rest, nature, emotional balance, creativity, nurturing talents and passions so that their weight and food has little focus. And also look into child suitable natural supplements, parasite cleanse, and overall gut health.

If they’re hungry between meals, why not just let them eat plenty of fruit? Bananas in particular are filling! Their regular diet sounds healthy, so surely it won’t hurt to let them have larger portion sizes of the healthy food they’re already eating.

They’re obviously fit and healthy, so I think you’re over thinking this and you do need to be careful not to allow this to give your DC hang-ups about their weight. My DM did this to me and I’ve had weight issues all my life.

You should also be grateful that you don’t have DC who are fussy eaters who would rather eat nothing than something they don’t like. They’re both slim and appear healthy, but they can be even more embarrassing when they say, ‘I don’t like this.’

[quote BunsyGirl]@LimeCoconut But you do understand that if you have a child that is very tall for their age, the BMI calculator can class them as overweight. However, a child of exactly the same height and weight but who is older will not be classed as overweight. I have one of the former. At 7, he is 141cm so needs 10-11 clothes. His shoulders, chest and hands are all bigger than his 10 year old brother’s - that’s not fat, that’s his skeleton.[/quote]
Exactly this. If you put my 8 year olds weight in he is overweight. But if you just search for what a healthy weight for a boy who is 4ft 8in then he is within the healthy range. (For an average 11-12 yo probably)

The ideal body weight for 4 feet 8 inch height is between:
37.43 kg - 50.56 kg (metric)
82.52 lb - 111.47 lb (imperial)

I was forever told I was overweight as a teenager but at 14yo I was 5ft 10 and had size 8 feet (and bigger shoulders and hands than most adult men I knew). The fact you could see all my ribs and collar bone poking out meant nothing to people who kept telling me I shouldn’t be 11 stone. I remember being told I looked like a bicycle with a sheet thrown over it by some but still was considered ‘fat’ because of what I weighed. I just stopped bothering with weight because it seemed so unrelated to me and how I looked and felt

Just read the op. It comes across as YOU that has a fo8d obsession.

Also I’d say one of my overriding memories of my youth is a feeling of constant hunger. I was always hungry but was given the same food as my much more petit peers. I’d hate my, also similarly built children, to feel as hungry and unsatisfied and ‘different’ ‘greedy’ as I was made to. If you have a truly critical eye you can see if your child is overweight or not. And I never was and neither are my children, despite what generic tables and HV/nhs tables, who are unable to apply actual logic say.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but I really think you need to chill a bit more about food and their weight. The weight indicators for children are notoriously out of sync with what a normal child is like in real life. Many a parent has had an upsetting note from the school nurse saying their child is over weight when they are nothing of the kind. Please don't make their eating or weight into a big thing for them as the last thing any child needs is for them to get a complex about their weight from an early age. If, as you say they eat a healthy diet then there really isn't a problem just, as has been said previously give them some fruit or healthy snacks. I'd also suggest more milk and less water. Many children are more solid when they are younger then take growth spurt in their teens or younger. So please, please remove this pressure from your lives and enjoy your children.

Ohh dear OP!!

I was about to ask how you know your kids are over weight. How did you manage to even see a dietitian for a 3 year old a d 6 year old in the first place?

I think it’s shocking putting your child on type of diet at those young ages.

My DS is 6. Wears sizes 7-8 and even 8-9.

Feed your kids FGS!! Counting down the time till you can have another meal is really sad OP... I hope this is a joke thread tbh!!

@MrsKoala

Yup. My DS was ‘healthy’ if I put him in 2 years older with same height and weight.

It’s fucking ridiculous because they say they’re using BMI but they aren’t - they’re using centiles. So it’s saying your child is heavier than 94% of children his age. No fucking shit - maybe because he’s taller than 99% of them too. It’s not really BMI - BMI is a ratio pure and simple; it’s a number not a centile.

Whether he’s 6, 9 or 12, the ratio between height and weight is the same.

It makes no fucking sense and it’s making a load of parents paranoid for no reason.

How did you manage to even see a dietitian for a 3 year old a d 6 year old in the first place?*

Eh? Seeing an NHS dietitian is a normal service you get referred to, just like if you’re referred to a speech therapist or audiologist.

@daisypond

How did you manage to even see a dietitian for a 3 year old a d 6 year old in the first place?*

Eh? Seeing an NHS dietitian is a normal service you get referred to, just like if you’re referred to a speech therapist or audiologist.

Yes, but you would get a referral for a valid reason surely!! You don’t just get referred

Hi, I haven't read all the comments, but the only thing I wanted to say was to try and keep to whole grains and low sugar as much as possible. Basically I'm thinking that blood sugar spikes will lead to sugar lows an hour or two alter and that's when you start to feel hungry, or at least your appetite increases.

My DC are the same ages as yours. DS has three meals and two snacks every day, religiously. He also has something after every meal (fruit or yogurt). It drives my DH crazy that he always has something after every meal, but I think it's that element of choice and control that he loves. One of his snacks every day is slices of apple with either cheese or peanut butter. I do worry that in the future when he has more control over what he eats, he might put on weight (not currently overweight, but something like 75th centile.) For now I stick to meal and snack times, watch portion sizes (use small plates) and keep sugary treats down (though still adds up).

My DD is totally different - much more fussy about vegetables and cooked meals in general, but goes crazy for chocolate/cake and bread. However, she isn't bothered about snacks and portion sizes are pretty small (except for treats where I have to reign her in!)

Yes, but you would get a referral for a valid reason surely!! You don’t just get referred

The GP and HV both said the DC were overweight. That’s a valid reason enough to be referred.

@Ariannah

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana Milk = high sugar. Banana = high sugar. Weetabix = pure carbs and has added sugar. I’m not surprised they’re hungry after that. Their blood sugar is probably spiking then dropping. We have oats with almond milk for breakfast and it keeps you full much longer.

Bloody hell that’s bad advice. Weetbix is the lowest sugar cereal out there if you don’t make your own muesli and porridge. Milk is good for children.

Bananas are great too. Stop being a judgey fucker on healthy staple foods!!

They tell diabetics to drink milk if they have a hypo because it’s packed with sugar. It’s common knowledge that bananas are 25% sugar and cause your blood sugar to go high then crash. Grapes are the same.

It is the carbs that I would be concerned about. Whilst children need carbs if you think they are over weight and are constantly hungry I would look at their carb intake.
The pasta/pizza type food as their evening meal could be keeping weight on as well as the milk last thing at night. Either put more protein into the diet and use the pasta as a side dish with vegetables to a mainly protein meal or just swap the pasta and cheese omelette around so they are eating a more protein rich meal before bed instead of a carb laden one.

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals."

Hi Mama Bear,
Just reading what you feed them and in my opinion, you don't feed them enough unless they are huge portions.

Maybe give porridge with fruit instead? More filling. Throw in a piece of toast too with advocado or peanut butter.
Glass of milk too.

Lunch is inadequate for energy levels especially when it's just the omlette. Throw in some potatoes- roast, own fried, mash or something. Throw in some corn on the cob, add some baked beans, some boiled veg. Or Add some Rice.

Dinner add a side of mixed veg and/or chips/ potatoes/ sweet potato fries. Mixed salad to.

Make veg/fruit smoothies.

And in between, go to the park and let them run, burn it off, play Just Dance or something equivalent.

All the best x

@Ariannah No.

Bananas are around 16% sugar if they're very ripe (and we're not talking refined sugar here, let's be clear). In any event, just talking in terms of amount of carbs or sugar in something is unhelpful because it doesn't take account of how quickly it hits your bloodstream or the food matrix of the item in general. That's why GI (glycemic index) is used as a better guide.

Milk is recommended to diabetics to assist with an acute low AFTER the initial intake of a much simpler sugar (glucose tablet, actual sugar etc.) precisely because it's helpful to take in something more slow releasing (that also contains protein) to prevent a further crash after the initial sugar intake has worn off.

@DietrichandDiMaggio
I was advised they were both overweight based on height, weight & BMI and it sent me into a panic and took over my life like the OP. Having been slim/underweight for most of my life, I had assumed they would have my metabolism and let them eat as much as they seemed to need and didn’t really think about the quantity or portion size. Having a health professional intervene felt as though my parenting was being called in to question and I felt I had a responsibility to take it seriously. Happy to report both DC are now a healthy weight with amazing appetites and not fussy eaters in the slightest!

I like porage and make it from scratch but if you think about it a small half cup of oats makes a whole bowl of porage. Mind you that's the case with a lot of cereal - a whole bowl of cornflakes doesn't weigh a lot. Maybe an egg in some form would be better.
And pizza is bread mainly.

@Ariannah

They tell diabetics to drink milk if they have a hypo because it’s packed with sugar. It’s common knowledge that bananas are 25% sugar and cause your blood sugar to go high then crash. Grapes are the same.

I’m a type one diabetic, we are not told to drink milk in a hypo situation.

Milk is only 4% lactose, the lactose is broken down into glucose and galactose in your intestines, milk is low GI due to the low lactose content and because the lactose takes a relatively long time to be broken down into glucose and galactose by lactase.

If you’re in a hypo milk will do nothing for you. When you drink milk it takes 1-2 hours for the lactose to be broken down into glucose and galactose. Or if you’re like me and lactose intolerant you just shit yourself three hours later.

Bananas are also 12% fructose, not 25%. Bananas score 42 to 60 on the GI index, that puts them in the low to medium low category depending on ripeness. The banana I had yesterday due to its size and ripeness would have had a glycemic load of 9, anything under 10 is low.

@daisypond

Yes, but you would get a referral for a valid reason surely!! You don’t just get referred

The GP and HV both said the DC were overweight. That’s a valid reason enough to be referred.

Going by what though? OP probably made a fuss and insisted the GP do the referral. OP stated herself her kids are not roly chinned or anything. Also if the doctors use BMI for kids the same as the schools my DS was also in the overweight category too... he’s not he’s a heavy person as am I!

I’m shocked you justifying children being hungry to the extent of timing food and the next meal and your quick to poor up but bypass a hungry child and the youngest is only 3.

MrsKoala, I had the same issue. I was always taller than the other children and I did an hour’s high impact sport most days from the age of about 8, plus practising ballet on my own. I also did a lot of roller skating and so on with my friends outside. This was my typical diet at around age 9-10:

Breakfast - bowl of Rice Krispies, full fat milk, 1 piece toast with butter and jam, glass orange juice

Lunch - salmon paste sandwich, apple, low fat yoghurt or school dinner such as spam fritter, boiled potatoes, peas, flapjack and custard.

Dinner - pork chop, handful of chips, salad, another yoghurt.

Snack - apple, two digestive biscuits

This is not too bad but there’s just not enough protein for a tall, sporty child doing loads of ballet. It manifested in my mum not being able to find trousers for me as the waists were always too big. I look healthy in my childhood photographs but I do remember a constant sense of not exactly hunger, but running nearly on empty. I also remember other children giving me food sometimes because I would cadge it off them. If we went out for a meal I could put away three courses and that felt about right for me for a main meal at the time.