Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

I agree with the other posters, if they dont look fat then they are fine. I think the HV unfairly put a fear of them being high BMI into your mind because there is a lot of focus on childhood obesity at the moment. As long as they get plenty of exercise and are eating healthy food they will be fine.

Looking at your daily meal plan it struck me that there was a lot of really good healthy food but not much carbs, I think kids need more carbs than adults...you could give high fibre carbs that will fill them up more such as brown bread toast.

If you have to actually feed them more than is healthy maybe just increease their exercise accordingly.

Children are different. DS - in reception - is skinny as a rake. Is 9th centile for weight. 75th for height. But listen to his standard weekday diet -

Breakfast: 1 buttered toast, 1 poached large egg, 1 large banana, 1 glass of milk.

School snack: cracker, milk, 1 fruit

School lunch: who knows - a hot meal.

After school club: sandwich with various options plus cheese plus one fruit.

Dinner at home: Whatever was cooked last night - chicken curry rice, noodles with beef - veggies - guacamole (daily - he loves this) - one while avocado and one whole tomato in it each time. Main course portion size half of an adult easily. Followed by pudding which is full fat yogurt, muesli. Large glass milk. Often extra cheese on the side for a post-pudding still hungry thing he does.

Drinks lots of water. Lots of milk.

Skinny as fuck.9th centile.

I don’t think their daily diet you set out sounds unusual at all OP. I have two DC age 5 and 2. Both tall, when my older DC was 6 months he was 91 centile weight, 99th height, so he has always been big. His BMI now makes him a normal weight, and his diet is roughly the following:

B: 1 weetabix and half a banana and a handful of raisins
S: mini soreen loaf and another sugar-filled-disguised-as-healthy-snack like a Bear yo yo
L: wholemeal pitta bread with soft cheese, cucumber slices, grapes, Pom bears or quavers
S: organix style bar or similar
D: he probably eats less at this meal to be fair as he’s suddenly become fussy age 5. Small/picky portion of risotto/quorn chilli/pasta with soft cheese and veggies/quorn sausage roll and veggies/meat and veggies. Followed by fruit and yoghurt.

That sounds very similar to what your DC have? My 2 year old has about the same to be honest, he has less for lunch at home but it sounds like he hoovers everything in nursery.

You've talked a lot about the physical, but not a sentence about the emotional tone of your home - other than you being stressed. It may be they've picked up on your tension about this and are pressing buttons in the way only children who know how to.

The few women I know who have very controlled attitudes to food all have daughters who are big/very big.

Have you tried giving them porridge in the morning? It is really filling, probably more so than weetabix.

Also I think for one meal a day lunch or dinner. A proper meal with a pudding is great for kids, fills them up properly.

Definiately milky drink and snack before bed. Kids hat going to be bed hungry, hard to sleep.

My daughter is 18 and size 8 .. she is small in height 5’3 and her BMI says she’s is close to being obese. I don’t believe that everything is taken into consideration with this whole BMI thing.
She has no fat on her, eats well and very active. But she says she must be fat because of this BMI result. So now she’s obsessed with losing weight, that she definitely doesn’t need to.

I have DC like this and I completely understand where you’re coming from! It’s so hard not to compare them to other kids and wonder why yours are raiding the picnic bag whilst all the others are off playing!
I made a few changes which seem to have worked. One of them is to make sure they’re drinking a litre of water a day. It gets a bit boring nagging about water but it really does make a huge difference to their appetite and mood! The second is porridge made with milk topped with fruit for breakfast and a slice of toast. There’s a really noticeable difference if we stray from this breakfast menu!
From what you’ve said your DCs eat, I think you could do with upping the starchy carbs - my understanding was one serving at every mealtime and snack time but that might be out of date info!!

All your anxiety is transferring to your kids and making a huge issue out of it. It could be their body type, not yours or their dad’s (maybe a grandparent). You’re doing everything right except the obssessing. Try to find a way to relax about it so the kids don’t feel it’s such a huge deal. Good luck

My youngest loves his food. My eldest was only 6lbs but my youngest was 9lbs. I never bothered taking my youngest to be weighed as I was pretty sure they'd say he was too heavy. When it came to the weight/height measuring they do at school in reception he was just within normal range, but he's a solid chunky boy. Definitely not fat though, amazingly coz he can eat! Luckily he eats a lot of healthy things and never stops. He's technically a few pounds lighter then his older brother (even though he's almost 2 years younger) but he feels much much heavier when you lift them both up. Boredom plays a part for sure, so I try to keep them busy and active and they overall have good diets.

I do need to chill out. But there’s so many posts on mn saying ‘how can parents not see when their kids are obese’ and so many posters calling It cruel, ignorant, poor parenting etc. I suppose I worry that’s what people think when they see my kids. Certainly some HCP don’t seem to believe me when I say they eat well. I appreciate the comments though especially people who have experienced similar and their kids are fine.

People say that about parents when children are visibly overweight, but you say your children don't look overweight to others, so it's not as if they have rolls of fat, but you are dismissing it as normal - they really are not fat. I don't understand why, if they don't even look overweight to others, you would be embarrassed about them asking for food in front of friends.
It just seems to be that because of what they weigh you have decided they are obese, despite the physical evidence to the contrary, and are underfeeding them, which unsurprisingly causes them distress.

hertsgirl10 I think your daughter must have faulty scales. I'm 5'2 and a size 12ish (I've been losing wroght since September) and I'm not in the normal range. If your daughter is a size 8 in clothing and 5'3 then she must weigh less than me at 9stone 10lbs. Please check her scales.

*losing weight

I'm now in the normal range, so now longer overweight. Sorry for the typos.

It just seems to be that because of what they weigh you have decided they are obese, despite the physical evidence to the contrary,

The GP and HV tell her they are overweight.

@LimeCoconut But you do understand that if you have a child that is very tall for their age, the BMI calculator can class them as overweight. However, a child of exactly the same height and weight but who is older will not be classed as overweight. I have one of the former. At 7, he is 141cm so needs 10-11 clothes. His shoulders, chest and hands are all bigger than his 10 year old brother’s - that’s not fat, that’s his skeleton.

@Isthistherealthing

I have DC like this and I completely understand where you’re coming from! It’s so hard not to compare them to other kids and wonder why yours are raiding the picnic bag whilst all the others are off playing! I made a few changes which seem to have worked. One of them is to make sure they’re drinking a litre of water a day. It gets a bit boring nagging about water but it really does make a huge difference to their appetite and mood! The second is porridge made with milk topped with fruit for breakfast and a slice of toast. There’s a really noticeable difference if we stray from this breakfast menu! From what you’ve said your DCs eat, I think you could do with upping the starchy carbs - my understanding was one serving at every mealtime and snack time but that might be out of date info!!

Is your child overweight, or are you just bothered because they eat a lot? If they are slim, why is it a problem? I was always a slim child and had 'hollow legs'; by about 8 years old I could eat almost as much Sunday dinner as my dad, and would be looking for a snack half an hour after tea. I remained a slim adult and have always eaten whatever I want, having only had to be a bit more careful not to overdo the cakes as I have hit my fifties. Some people just eat more than others, and as long as they are not gaining extra weight, there is nothing wrong with that.

It seems to me that you are focusing too much on healthy eating and already creating issues on them with such a healthy/restricted diet. The problem seems to be you and somehow it looks like you have been affected by what you went through with your sister and your parents.

They are growing children and are developing, they need more food than you and your husband. I would allow them wholemeal toast with jam, peanut butter, a hot chocolate to fill them up, pancake with fruit, eat, occasionally pudding.

The GP and HV tell her they are overweight.

But is this solely based on BMI, or by actually looking at the children.

This is a bit like the reverse of what happens on here when people talk about weight for adults; some people are convinced that as long as your weight falls within the normal range for your height (which is a broad range), you can't as an individual be fat/overweight. I know at the top of the range I would have rolls of fat and would consider that as overweight, unless I had taken up serious weightlifting and gained almost two stone of muscle.

Right. I’m stepping in here with my big old feet. This is YOUR issue. Not theirs. “They don’t look obese”. That’s cuz they’re not. YOU have an ED and you’re projecting that onto your kids. That’s abuse.

Wish I could help OP but all my DC are very thin and need to put weight on. It's a real concern whichever side of the fence you are on💐

Possibly a day late and dollar short on this one but my casual observation of one of my neighbours growing up was they had three children oldest and youngest stick thin. Middle child was a big big lass growing up. They all ate the same at mealtimes but middle child was a snacker and aways hungry. She just couldn't walk past food and would tour pretty much eveyone's disgust one day take a couple of finger fulls of butter from the butter dish passing and lick it from her fingers.

Easily the plumpest child in her classes. But this was in the day before schools worried about stuff like that. Mum a Dad did try to persuade her to cut back and eat less but didn't make a huge issue of it, but I dare say they did worry a bit.

Then she hit puberty and she just shot up, she's head and shoulders taller than her siblings now. She didn't have any sort of issues or dieting. She's early thirties now and we've lost touch. But I've just checked her Facebook and she's a very health looking size 12 at the most. The majority of her Facebook pictures are of her doing outdoorsy she seems to be a keen walker and a bit of a bike-packer. Married and happy.

Id go as far as to say she looks healthier than her painfully thin elder sibling who I know is the permadieting mind what she eats sort.

Point is, ensure a healthy diet, ensure activity and opportunity and a PMA for all. You kids will pick up and detect your stress.

I on the other hand always ate like a horse and my BMi was always under healthy. When all the BMI tosh came out my GP raised it as an issue and had me eating 2 complan meals in addition to my normal meals still my BMi didn't change.

Sometimes were meant to be the shape we are.

It’s great that you are aware and are looking out for them. They are still so young though and their bodies will change. Maybe a trolley with a snack box each which they can help themselves to each day, once it’s gone it’s gone. Fill it with fruit, ready made small pots of whatever, nuts, even a few unhealthy things. Once it’s gone it’s gone. Be firm with them about not asking for anything else after. When my daughter is growing she is constantly hungry and it’s a full time job feeding her, it’s hard work!

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana
Milk = high sugar. Banana = high sugar. Weetabix = pure carbs and has added sugar. I’m not surprised they’re hungry after that. Their blood sugar is probably spiking then dropping. We have oats with almond milk for breakfast and it keeps you full much longer.

Your kids are at an age where they will start to notice your obsession with their weight and food and at that point it becomes an issue with them and they will become ashamed of their size and eating. Please don’t do this to them.

My eldest child was very fat, always had been and visibly so but since hitting puberty I see changes to her shape and she’s getting taller. The dieticians will have told you to let them grow into their weight and now I’m seeing that happen. My youngest on same meals and activity level is built like a rake. We saw dieticians and paediatricians and every single one told us she’d be fine and not to worry about it. And she is fine now and she will be fine in her teens and adulthood. She’s still heavier than her peers but she’s more active and doesn’t eat junk food to the same extent. It may just be how she’s meant to be… we’ve tried so hard not to make her feel ashamed of her size and for her to accept her body as it is and as it changes.

Please allow Your kids a childhood free from unnecessary medical intervention because you have problematic relationship with body image and food consumption.

@Ariannah

Weetabix is so low in sugar that it is a recommended breakfast for diabetics.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends up to 2-3 cups of cows milk per day for a child because of the important nutrients it contains. Almond milk is fine if it's calcium and vit-D fortified but it's low in protein (so is in fact not likely to make you feel fuller for longer).

Bananas are enthusiastically endorsed by any reputable medical association you'd care to mention due to the nutritional punch they pack. The sugar level will depend on ripeness but in any case fall within low or just into medium GI brackets and have a lot of fibre that helps to lower blood sugar and prevent spikes.

I honestly don't know where you're getting this stuff from.