Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

Oh, and if I put his actual age in the NHS BMI calculator he is overweight...but if I change it so that he is 10, he isn’t. It’s ludicrous.

Sounds to me like you are doing everything right. Some kids just have a massive appetite. My daughter was just the same and at 3 or 4 was definitely a little tubby. When she got to teenage she lost her puppy fat and remains slim and healthy. Don’t worry and certainly don’t be embarrassed!

Mine (the ones on the 10th febrile) eat three big meals.
Breakfast: cereal, toast, banana. Sometimes yoghurt.
Mid morning snack: Fruit and yoghurt.
Lunch: Hot meal in school. Usually pasta. Rice with chicken or whatever.
Post school snack: usually fruit. Whatever is in season.
Dinner: Often Indian food. Parathas or rice. Dal. A couple of veggies. Fish.

And sometimes another snack squeezed in before dinner. And as I said they are on the 10th centile. Not the sportiest kids but I make sure they are outside.

I find the thought of a 3 year old being happy and calm when not hungry, and being allowed to be like that only 3 times a year, quite upsetting.

Couple of veggies mean vegetable curries. So two curries, fish, dal. Rice.
And with lunch they’ll have sides as well.

I wouldn't worry, my son is a muscular build and is in age 13 clothes at age 9. He's very tall and can eat more than me. I think some children just need a lot of food.

if you look at a class of children, the size range can vary quite a lot. It doesnt mean the small children dont eat enough or the bigger children eat too much. Its absolutely fine for children to be in clothes sizes that are bigger than their actual age. 6 year olds arent all one size.
Its silly really that they even size them by age

How are they obese but don’t look it?

I haven't read the full thread but I just wanted to sympathise with you, OP. My two youngest DC sound similar to yours. Obsessed with food. They are always asking for it and they are both quite podgy. My 12 yo son is beginning to stretch out now so I'm sure puberty is a bit of a cure for some DC.

Adults want what they cant have...children are no different.
Firstly they may have picked up -soaked up the 'cant have this- not too much of that- ' atmosphere and truly believe - deep down -because of all this 'limit this - not that now'- deep down instinct is telling them they are being with held food.
Consider it mat be for attention . Often children who do not get the attention that they need behave badly and so the cycle goes- no ones taking good notice of me - behave bad - yey! got attention...and so it goes on - they may be in a cycle. Ensure you are (and please don't be offended ) ensure you are attending to all the good stuff- no matter how petty it is- positive attention focused on what is important and special to that induvial child.
And lastly- it is an actual fact that muscle burns more and needs more - if your children are muscular and active that is your answer.
OOps one more....developing brains neeeeedsss loooooads of fuel .
(I'm a mum with two rather grown up and slim children who loved eating were very active but were always called 'well built- gasp!' - I'm a muscular, heathy Teacher and exercise and dance teacher too).

You've had widely conflicting advice on here OP!
I'm overweight myself and wish less pressure had been put on me about it, it becomes a mindset and makes things worse. Equally I have slim friends who are constantly dieting, picking at meals and denying themselves a full diet.
Professional help is often conflicting. My DD1 was almost completely breast fed except for tiny tastes of food but I was still criticized by a consultant when she was examined for another issue at 9 months and he said she was overweight. He thought I was giving her too much solid food. At the same time my HV was criticising me for not giving her more solid food. She's now an adult with a healthy weight.
My DS1 was in the top quartile for length and weight from birth, a stocky but fit child and teenager but now a skinny 6'2".
DS2 was average size and weight and still is.
DD2 was an 11lb baby, always long and skinny and now a svelte 5'10.
All four had a similar straightforward diet and just ate as much or as little as they wanted - everyone is different. Mostly I cooked from scratch but we had our share of treats, puddings and meals out.
Please stop stressing OP, it sounds as though you've managed not to give them any food issues and that's the way to go.
The only thing I'd suggest is that (since they're obviously children who like to eat until they feel full) you give them more real filling food, fish as opposed to fish sticks, porridge or eggs for breakfast, grilled and roast meat, meat sauces, all served with some sort of carbohydrate. There's nothing wrong with carbs, just not the super processed ones. The Glycaemic Index is interesting, it tells you which foods/carbs are processed more slowly by your body so keep you full for longer: new potatoes, oats, brown basmati rice. Basmati is the best of the white rice. I was never able to persuade my children that wholemeal pasta was anything but disgusting, but brown basmati was a hit.

(And fruit and vegetables included in the meals too, obviously).

I used to feel permanently starving as a kid, and looking back, it was probably because I was incredibly active, loads of ballet and tennis, but my mum was basically feeding me salads and yoghurts a bit too often when I actually needed more stews and solid fare to balance up all the activity. She was a diet fad person and I think she tried to impose her fads on me. Once I grew up I just ate more hearty food and felt much better for it.

OP,

children have small stomachs so they need filling up more often.
obviously not with with adult size portions etc. What calorie intake they have?

from my training
"a child aged between one and three years needs approximately 1,165 to 1,230 calories per day. A child between four and six should have around 1,545 to 1,715 per day. Children should not be given the same size portions as adults"

Did your children were checked by professionals??

you need to find the root of this behaviour coz you don't want food disorders when they are older.

What situations they are asking for food?
Are they bored?
Need your attention?
What happen when you give them bigger portion??

Wheatabix is not filling break ast. Cereal is not filling. If they had a fistful of nuts with it maybe. And not enough brotein to fill them. That omelette would be better breakfast.
Lunch has no meat. Dinner doesn't mention meat.
Pasta has high glycemic index. Surely dietitian knows this. They should have chicken. When growing up we always had soup and main for lunch at home. That would fill them up beautifully without making them fat. Many people, if you check what my family eats in a day on YouTube will give kids cereal and then cooked breakfast to fill them up till lunch. I do too with my children

I meant to say should have chicken or other meat

I don’t know. They’re in the overweight category but don’t look overweight yet they’ve been characterised as obese by a health professional. This doesn’t really add up. Either they are overweight or they’re not, which should be obvious from looking at them.

DH is classified as overweight by BMI without a speck of fat on him, because he’s muscly and plays a lot of rugby.

But children, however big build their bones are (and some children do have much bigger frames than others) simply don’t have the quantity of muscle for that to apply.

Wrt to the incessant eating - I think this is addiction, even in little kids. They’ve grown up demanding food and getting it between meals and it’s snowballed. Now they’re dependent on it for their happiness. It’s like a reward pattern.

I’m sure the same would happen if you did an experiment with mice. Food on demand at certain times of the day. If you then take it away - mice are unhappy and confused.

Personally I would go back to the 3 meals a day plan and sit out the whining. Their appetites and stomachs and emotional response would recalibrate eventually.

I think you just need to chill out and not project your neurosis on to them. Kids eat intuitively

They're eating healthy balanced meals. Not much crap there. Seems normal to me

Presume they're active and burn a lot of energy?

Just let it go. Relax. You're doing a good job

@Hummingbird18

Not sure if this has been said already but could they have the genetic condition Prader-Willi? As soon as I read the post that's what I thought. It's very rare though.

I wish posters would stop perpetuating this bollocks. It’s misinformation.

Prader-Willi Syndrome isn’t just regular kids who are hungry all the time. There’s so much more to it than this. It’s a rare genetic disorder which causes hypotonia, feeding difficulties at birth usually, failure to thrive, metabolic disorder, developmental delays and hypogonadism. Children have learning disabilities and often have behavioural issues.

If you have a regular kid who has a large appetite the chances of them having PWS are vanishingly small.

I’m really sorry your HV said that to you about your 18 month old but she absolutely shouldn’t have - what a ridiculous thing to say about an EBF child who has been weaned onto healthy foods at that age! My daughter was 99th centile at birth and For many years after. When she started school they did a height/weight check and I got a letter about childhood obesity... it went straight in the bin. She ate big portions at mealtimes and regular snacks but no junk food/sugary drinks etc etc only water/milk when little/one small glass fruit juice a day when older. As she grew older she slimmed out and then ate masses again when going through growth spurts and recently going into puberty her appetite rocketed too. I always thought as long as what she was eating had nutritional value then it was all good and often encourage say porridge instead of weetabix or a bowl of oats and banana as a pre bed snack to keep her going. Truly I wouldn’t worry about it - your attitude will affect their weight when they are older more than eating a lot of healthy food now will!! Try not to worry about it. See what happens if you put it out if your mind for a week or two and consider maybe talking to a therapist yourself to offload some of your anxiety and unhappy childhood memories around your parents/sister and her ED. Take care of yourself

If anything, stop giving milk as a drink perhaps. Unnecessary calories

Anorexia is so much worse! I’d say main meals, as much fruit and water as they want , and they’ll grow out of the excess weight in time.. try not to fret about it, you very healthy happy children, enjoy them snd give them the right attitude to food.. you’re a lovely mom, don’t beat yourself up about it...

@Mermer11

Wheatabix is not filling break ast. Cereal is not filling. If they had a fistful of nuts with it maybe. And not enough brotein to fill them. That omelette would be better breakfast. Lunch has no meat. Dinner doesn't mention meat. Pasta has high glycemic index. Surely dietitian knows this. They should have chicken. When growing up we always had soup and main for lunch at home. That would fill them up beautifully without making them fat. Many people, if you check what my family eats in a day on YouTube will give kids cereal and then cooked breakfast to fill them up till lunch. I do too with my children

Not filling for whom? I had Weetabix for breakfast all the way through school.

The example listed an omelette for lunch and lasagne for supper.

The kids are 3 and 6! They’re eating plenty of food for kids that age. Far more than I or my kids ate at that age.

@Hertsgirl10

How are they obese but don’t look it?

Obese is a category on the BMI scale, an objective measure. It’s used because there’s evidence to show that being obese comes with additional health risks and it’s a simple generalisable way to measure whether someone is at a weight that’s healthy for their height. Sometimes it can be unhelpful, for example with someone who is very very athletic and muscular, who is healthy despite being overweight, but they are still carrying more weight than is ideal and aren’t necessarily shielded from the complications of obesity due to their muscle mass.

It would be very very unlikely for a toddler or young child to be so densely muscular that their BMI measurement is unhelpful. In the vast majority of cases it is fat. Toddlers aren’t very muscular to begin with (but based on this thread you’d think 90% of obese children are just super muscular... unless they’re training regularly in a sport that builds muscle, they aren’t).

Parents are notoriously not good at judging whether their own child is a healthy weight hence why we have a BMI scale that takes the facts and gives a score. It’s just a tool. But a child can absolutely be obese and look like a healthy weight to their parent or someone else. Hence why children are measured at school, because very few parents of obese kids will autonomously recognise that and put a plan into place. Often obese kids are the children of obese adults being raised in an obesogenic environment. There’s an example pages back (won’t tag the poster) of a parent who was informed her son was obese, got incredibly offended, had it written on his school and GP record he wasn’t to be weighed again and refused any support because ‘I’m not having some professional tell me he’s not good enough’. Weight is emotive, especially when it comes to our children. We love them and often feel unable to admit that we might have played a part in worse health outcomes for them.

As a whole, kids and adults have got fatter. One in ten kids aged 4-5 are obese with another one in ten at that age being overweight. If you see overweight and obese kids regularly everywhere it’s easy to start thinking a child who is obese doesn’t look it.

This is about self perception rather than perceiving your child’s weight but very enlightening:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.businessinsider.com/obese-people-in-uk-unaware-they-have-a-weight-problem-2018-4%3famp

“ The study from UCL and Cancer Research UK, published in BMJ Open, found that most people who are obese are probably in denial about it, with just 10% of clinically obese people admitting they have a weight problem.

Researchers analysed survey results from 2007 to 2012, and found that out of 2,o00 adults, 11% of obese women accepted they were in fact "obese," while just 7% of men acknowledged it.

Only 10% of participants knew the BMI threshold for obesity (a BMI of over 30). Those who did were more likely to class themselves as such. The authors of the study suggest this could be because being bigger is the new "normal."

"It's a real worry that people don't recognise that their weight places them in the obese category, because it means they aren't aware they are at increased risk of a number of health problems including cancer," said Professor Jane Wardle, director of the UCL Health Behaviour Centre and coauthor of the study.

But we also asked people whether they felt they were 'very overweight' and the majority of those who were obese did not accept this term either," she said. "This is a real problem, as it means they are unlikely to identify with health messages on the subject of weight."“

You can easily see how a child can be obese and their parents not think they look it.

So according to you your kids don't look overweight but are and are embarrassed when they ask for food I front of others as they are hungry. I appreciate you asked people to be kind but for fucks sake it's obvious the issue is with you. I had ED for years in teens and 20's and refuse to put my body issues onto my child who at 6 is a but chubby but she eats healthily and has plenty exercise. You seriously need help before you really fuck your kids up with their own body image