Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

From what you posted of their diet, I think it’s no wonder they are hungry, to be honest. That’s all Carby food that turns straight to sugar in their bodies. You need to substantially increase fats. Instead of weetabix and fruit for breakfast, give them eggs scrambled in butter, avocado and some peanut butter on apples. Or chia pudding made with coconut cream if they like sweeter things. For lunch, roast chicken pieces covered in mayonnaise and broccoli with butter. Dinner could be steak and spinach with lots of butter, strawberries and double cream for pudding. Sure if they want a piece of toast as a snack, let them, but keep their main meals fat and protein.

Children that are age 6 and 3 who “Don’t look obese or even overweight” really aren’t obese at all and you should take them off the shitty diet and calm down.

They are not moaning about having more snacks but then not eating their meals. They are moaning all day about being actually hungry. I would increase the portions of all 3 meals a bit.

I’ve never had an ED but my sister had bulemia. My parents often commented on her weight as a teenager (normal puppy fat) and I am desperate not to cause that. I never mention weight to the children ever. Before this I never was worried about food! Would eat a massive pizza no concern, generally ate well, probs drank too much when younger but never worried about food or eating.

Here is the problem OP. Therapy my might help or simply unhooking yourself from the past.

I’ve also never seen muscly toddlers.

Also they are 3 and 6. a three year old is still a little one. How could you even tell a 3yeae old is overweight

Overeating stretches the stomach making you want more food. This is why diets such as slimming world don’t work for good. A normal adults stomach is naturally the size of an orange but we all overeat. You need to give less so the stomach goes back to a normal size, that’s the science but I realise how hard it is. But if you were not able to afford it they couldn’t have it. My kids only ever had breakfast lunch and dinner with no snacks unless we were out or at a friends house. Not because I disallowed it but because snacks just didn’t come into it. Good luck I know how hard it is.

There is a gene that can make them co a gently hungry, I watched a documentary on it before. I would ask for a referral to the genetics department and explain why. I did try to find the documentary, but can’t!

So 6 year old is generally in 7-8 and 3 year old in 3-4 and 4-5 stuff

But don't look fat? So not obese? Im sorry but being big for your age is not obese. I have ds1 (10) has always worn bigger clothes (currently 12-13). He very skinny so i don't worry. I cant see me worrying even if he were chunkier provided not fat.

Both my dc were 98 centile at birth. Ds1 stayed that way. He is often hungry. I don't even question it. I try and limit sugar because it makes them hungrier but otherwise offer unlimited healthy food.

He fin ishes tea will maybe leave something healthy then annoy me by asking for food shortly after.

Ds2 (7) constantly hungry. Eats huge meals. I just dish out nearly the same for him as me.

Both of them get a big bowl of cereal for breakfast, 1.5 weetabix seems measly. Just give 2?

I think you are making this into an issue. Give more healthy food. Let them snack in between meals. Not on sugary shit obvs.

It's normal for my dc to have breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch (early ish), post school snack, tea at 5.30, something else for ds1 about 8pm if he's been out at football or similar activity.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=FhVHP3EeM60

HVs spout this shit

Yes but OP is a physio. She should know that weight alone is a pointless metric.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=N-ciIB9-4KM

Hmm your DC are only in the age bigger clothing! That’s not obese. If your 6 year old was in 10 year old clothing (instead of 7-8) then you should worry.

The diet you posted seems high in fast release carbs and low in protein. Up the protein and fibre in their meals. Their snacks look good. They’re probably hungry because they’re active and you’re giving them tiny portions with no protein! 1 1/2 Weetabix instead of 2 sounds weird and controlling.

I’ve also never seen muscly toddlers.

I hadn’t seen a newborn with defined biceps until I met my second child. It was incredibly weird.

He’s actually stretching out as he gets older but he’s a totally different body shape from his beanpole older brother who was born with skinny legs and knobbly knees and 10 years later still has stick thin legs and knobbly knees.

Was talking to friend whose 18mo will eat their dinner, any leftovers from mum and brother and bits off the floor or his shoe!!!

What were you both like as children ? Could you get them more active . Boredom leads to hunger pangs . If you restrict them to the existent you are whenever they get the chance they will gorge . The times I’ve seen this happen with parents that have tried to never let them have party food really . Just check yourself ! Are you trying slow release foods like porridge to start the day ect

They are 3 & 6 if they weren't hungry they wouldn't eat.
Fill them up with what you see as a portion if they want more give it them.. in my experience you can't stuff a child with proper food

All these comments on needing protein for breakfast.... was it just my family that had cereal for breakfast, nothing else till lunchtime, and survived just fine? Now I'm more of a toast and marmite person, but again, I don't collapse with hunger from lack of eggs for breakfast.

Youve said they are overweight but then you’ve also said that your family and friends don’t believe there is a problem because they don’t look particularly overweight and that they are only wearing clothes one size up????

That doesn’t sound like they are huge kids!

I personally would ensure to always have healthy snack to hand, don’t restrict them if it’s veggies, fruit, yoghurt etc. I’d still be letting them have treats for pudding on a weekend, the odd ice cream, biscuit etc - I wouldn’t make a massive deal of it just ensure that the “free” foods are nutrient rich but naturally lower cals.

I was pretty chubby as a kid, when I look at photos now I’m a bit but we ate healthy foods and I was always outside playing, very active. I lost my puppy fat eventually and I’ve always been an active and healthy adult.

It must be a worry but if they are just naturally chubby / sturdy builds then it may well just balance out in time.

Please don’t focus too much on it - no child needs to grow up believing their body is too big

If you’re not careful, your orthorexia and body dysmorphia will rub off onto your DC. In 4 years time you’ll be posting a thread about your 10 year old having body and food issues. They’re only in the size up! That’s not obese. Feed them proper portions with more protein, fat and fibre.

Hello
I sort of feel your pain.
My 3yr old is a food hoover, obsessed with the stuff. His whole day is based around what, when and how much he can eat.
I assumed it was normal until I spent time around other kids his age and realised they could be distracted by play or new environments whereas he is completely focused on food. Has absolutely no ability to self regulate, will eat until every plate is free of crumbs.
He's also lazy, so that doesn't assist.
The obsession with food does stress me out sometimes BUT I cook most things from scratch, so he eats really well, and
because he eats everything he's great with veg and new things on his plate, so I don't struggle with what to feed him.
He definitely has a tummy that he probably shouldn't but I'm going to continue to feed him well, teach him about eating healthily and kick his lazy arse out the door for some running around as much as possible.

Stay calm, and monitor their food. No cereal for breakfast they would get better nutrition from eating the box. If you choose porridge it's more filling and better for them, make time for that. Also encourage some sort of dance/gymnastics they can practise in the garden etc. Don't be too hard on yourself, being fat literally ruined my life, you are being really helpful to them. Also try to get them cooking with you and have family meals. Good luck.

First, I really sympathise how worrying about your child’s eating and how you feel about yourself as a mum (based on others judgements) can “rule your life”. I’ve been there with the opposite problem (child eating very little, despite trying all the tricks in the book).

I’m curious about the crying for snacks, despite them having what looks like a healthy, balanced and full diet. I wonder if seeking food from you is a way of them engaging with you, that eating has become associated with getting close attention... My youngest will shout and shout for snacks (when I know she’s not hungry) when she’s either bored or just wants my full attention (if I’m busy with something else). Are there times when they ask more because your focus is on something or someone else? And you know it’s not about hunger in that moment eg straight after a meal?

I think of self-regulation here. What/how much would they eat if they had free rein?

Also, wondering about why it’s hard for you to refuse them food when appropriate? My eldest will ask for snacks on the way to school - when she’s had a full brekkie and no way hungry - and I’m fine to say “no”. You don’t always have to say “yes”. Not regimented with mealtimes here but (we try!) reasonable boundaries.

The challenge here for you, I think - if most healthcare professionals are saying that they’re healthy - is accepting them for who they are, how they eat and to weather judgement (internal or external).

My 7 year old is in age 10 clothing...because he has the height of an average ten year old!

But every one is built differently. Some kids are solidly built. Others at the same height will be more slight. I am tiny- I am Asian. My husband isn’t huge. We are never going to have giant kids. Most Caucasian kids are much bigger than ours. That doesn’t mean those kids are obese.

These are not the kids who ‘look’ obese. You ‘feel’ that they are heavier that friend’s kids. But if you were my friend my kids are on the 10th centile. (But my 9 year old is also in 9-10 clothing) How would that be a good comparison?

They are active kids. They are in the correct size of clothes. I would bet a lot of money on them being hungry and your childhood issues around food, sparked off by a HV comment when one was a baby, contributing to this.
I bet none of your family and friends think they are remotely obese.

I am a little shocked that two very much small children are being subject to a restrictive diet based on zero medical input (except a random throwaway HV comment when one was a toddler!).