Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

My friend has two sons and when they were young they were always eating. To be honest ll was shocked at how much they ate and what she let them eat but they were always hungry. They did look overweight. They both grew to be at least
6' 4" and are in great shape now for their height. I often thought they seemed to know they needed to eat up to be ready for that massive growth spurt that came. Otherwise they would have been total bean poles. Is there a lot of height in your family?
Also kids always want what they can't have so l wonder is there too much emphasis on food. I genuinely never mentioned to my kids that they had to eat healthy. I just gave 5hem food at meal times and didn't talk too much about it.
But l did ration screens and made a fuss and my eldest became obsessed.

Oh poor Mum! It never stops does it, the worry!

For what it’s worth (I say from a point of NO expertise), chill out. They are healthy, well cared for with a loving Mum. If their weight becomes an issue deal with it later.

Organix oat snack bars have like 112 calories in. Those types of "healthy" snack products aimed at children used concentrated fruit syrups or honey etc which are essentially just sugar.

There are generally too many calories from milk & snacks in that day imho.

My son (4 but height of a 5 yr old) will have

4oz milk

Porridge with fruit

Snack- fruit or veg or rice cake 50-60 cal max

Sandwich, salad, yoghurt, fruit for lunch

Snack: as before

Dinner: shepherds pie or similar. Homemade pancake etc for pudding

BMI is nonsense. Just ignore, relax and enjoy them.
They sound fine.
You don't want them to remember always being hungry.

It's rather sensational to elevate cheese to the addiction level of hard drugs.. I doubt anyone has resorted to theft and prostitution to fund a cheese habit.

Of course certain foods trigger the pleasure receptors in our brain. It's the reason eating out is a real treat, or a chocolate cake for your birthday, eating an ice cream on the beach is pleasurable.

I don't think it's helpful to demonize any food as "addictive". People who self medicate with food, or emotional eating is a complex issue rooted in psychological issues, past trauma or poor mental health.

I don't think it's helpful to a mother of young children.

My 2 and 4 year olds eat more than your kids. And they're not obese. I genuinely wonder if you're worrying about nothing, especially if they don't look overweight. Maybe they're just really hungry?
If it's any help, for comparison, today my 4 year old ate

• Fruit Smoothie and a Sausage Roll
• handful of cubes of cheese, half a apple, a few breadsticks
• Bowl of chicken curry and rice
• 4 mini rice cakes, handful of pistachios, maybe 4 dried apricots

_ 2 slices homemade chicken& veg pizza

• yoghurt, 2 cream crackers with jam, glass of milk.

Maybe could you seek further support from a Dietitian?

It seems to me that it is the GP and the health visitor that have caused this situation. They are the ones who told the OP that the DC were overweight.

If you feed them proper food, in proper portions they will not be hungry.

Forget about these silly fads- you can follow them yourself if you wish as an adult- but they are not, only too obviously, working for these children.

You seem to have a real problem with food, and foisting your methods on young children has simply not worked- but you cannot seem to make this link.

Their typical day meals seem fine to me? Mine eat similar but not overweight. Incidentally in your first post op you said it's emba3wgen you're with friends as the ask for food and are overweight but then you said they don't look overweight? What % are they?

Both my 2nd and 3rd children have been said to have a high BMI and were classed as obese. They were county gymnasts/are competitive dancers and as such train many hours a week and have bodies made of solid muscle. They are completely different shapes, one is tall and long limbed the other short and solid muscular shape. They both eat what they want and work it off. If I went with what the HV or scales said they would be soo hungry

If they don't look obese, they're not obese. Stop worrying for no reason. Kids get hungry - they're growing, they're active, running around, learning, using up energy. Find a real problem to worry about.

I'd maybe give them a bigger breakfast and introduce some more protein. Also, an omelette without carbs is not very filling.

If they don't look overweight they could just be big builds in which case I'd ignore the centiles.

@daisypond

It seems to me that it is the GP and the health visitor that have caused this situation. They are the ones who told the OP that the DC were overweight.

Yep! How frustrating to say the least.

HV's, well tbh I wouldn't trust them as far as I could kick them. I had one turn up here sometime last year with a plastic apron and visor on. I'm sorry but anyone working in a healthcare capacity should know this isn't protecting anyone and just makes you look really ignorant to the actual research on masks. FUN FACT: They don't work.

GPs', well they're a 'general' practitioner aren't they. GENERAL. Again, I wouldn't trust they actually know what they're talking about in regards to things like this. There was a Dr at the beginning of this thread who admitted as much.

Best bet is a dietician as already suggested. Interestingly enough NOT an NHS dietician was emphasised. People should really know by now the NHS is as corrupt as the day is long.

But now that I've had my little rant honestly this sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. These children need more meat in their diet and bigger portions overall. Somedays my 3 year old can eat a tonne and other days not so much. Maybe I'm too laid back but I never worry about it. And I was told by the midwife when she was being 'checked out' of the hospital after she was born that the next time she'd lose weight, after the initial normal weight loss, would be when she got anorexia when she was 16. Go figure.

'Medical professionals' take EVERYTHING they say with a bag of salt IMO.

@Aquamarine1029

All I see when reading your posts is a woman being trampled by anxiety issues, and her children's weight is where her obtrusive thoughts are being focused. I really think all of this is your issue, not your children's weight or diet, and I think that for whatever reason, your anxiety was triggered by that idiot of a HV who said your 18 month old was obese. Funny how many of our babies are "obese" yet grow up perfectly healthy. My "obese" son is now a trim, fit 6'4" 24 year old.

I implore you to keep on providing healthy food but forget about all these plans, formulas, and gimmicks, and please see a doctor about your anxiety. It is robbing you of the happiness you should be sharing with your kids. Everything you've written about your children says they are normal, healthy, active, and happy.

This, this, and this, OP.

It sounds to me like you have massive anxiety issues. It is honestly not normal to obsessively consult GPs and dieticians and HVs like this. The fact that you say you are tearful every day about it speaks voluimes.

The problem is, even though you say you make no open comments about DC's weight or your concerns, they WILL have already picked up on your anxiety and they WILL be aware that you are anxious and worried all the time and they WILL be aware that you think they're too big and fat and they WILL be acutely aware that you think they eat too much. DC always, always pick up on this kind of stuff, no matter how fervently parents think that they don't.

Think about it. In five years' time your 6yo will be walking to secondary school on her own and you will lose a huge amount of control over the access to food that she has. If you continue to restrict her in the way that you are, that will have a huge impact.

Please please stop restricting their food. If they are 'happy and calm' on the days you do not restrict them, that has got to tell you something. If you carry on much longer you will almost certainly cause longer term issues in both DC and that would be so sad.

Please get some help for your anxiety, stop talking obsessively to professionals about your DC's weight and eating and instead talk to a sensible one about your own issues.

My 4 (almost 5 year old) is the size of a tall 6 year old and I've just started buying 7-8 clothes for her. She's taller and probably heavier than most of her peers but she doesn't really stand out from the other 5 year olds as the tall one or the overweight one.

She asks for snacks when not at school all the time (especially when she is bored I might add). I have recently started to only offer healthy snacks at set times. She's not overweight for her height but I think she would have potential to be if we didn't watch it.

The more active you are the hungrier you are in between meals - simple biology, but you know this.
My son 7 not a strip of fat on him, never has been - he'll eat anything, literally anything but prefers little and often and he never keeps still.

Maybe lay off 'diets' for a while and feed them in ratio to energy expenditure.

Everyone comments on how tiny my seven year old is ,she's slim and small in height but she weighs a ton if you pick her up 🤷‍♀️
Everyone even the doctor were surprised at how heavy she is 🤷‍♀️
She eats healthy but is a grazer and needs to eat often. Try not to worry some kids just weigh more than they look like they should but it doesn't mean they are going to be obese later in life.

Their diet looks lovely. The only thing that I can think of is that their breakfast could be adjusted. Weetabix and other cereals have a huge amount of sugar in them which is full of calories but doesn't fill you up. Perhaps they could try toast or eggs or a pancake instead? Then they won't be so desperate for a snack mid morning. The other thing to think about is that it is very easy for children not to do any exercise- especially at the moment. Do they do any kind of sports clubs?

go on your instincts here, this is an area you have experience in with your background. The kids are fit, healthy, and athletic. They don't look chubby or obese, but their BMI puts them in that category. Well, BMI is not a perfect metric. Get that HPC monkey off your back.

Go on skinfold thickness, or just eyeball them and decide if they are too fat or not. If not, keep feeding them healthy stuff as you are doing until they are full. Maybe try porridge with cream for breakfast to help fill them up instead of weetabix - I'd be STARVING after a weetabix or two. full fat greek yoghurt, scrambled eggs with butter, toast with peanut butter... things with a bit of fat and substance to make sure the blood-sugar rollercoaster doesn't get going in the morning.

You sound like you know what's right, but the BMI number is doing your head in just now. Ignore it, and trust your instincts and the natural instincts of your kids.

Meh, wheetabix is not high in sugar.

Weetabix is not high in sugar!

My 5yo could easily eat on a typical day:

Breakfast: 2 weetabix and milk
Snack: 2 crumpets with almond butter
Lunch: pasta and veggie tuna sauce
Snack: banana pancakes (maybe 6 small ones)
Dinner: 2-egg omelette with cheese inside

I follow the division of responsibility approach as you have mentioned, and ensure he eats his fill at each meal/snack. He doesn't eat outside of those times but doesn't usually ask for snacks either (apart from after school when it's the first thing he says when I pick him up!)

I always make sure he has some protein, fat and fibre at each meal/snack to fill him up.

Agree that your kids sound fine and normal to me!

If they’re ok on the days you don’t restrict or time the food, then this isn’t actually about food, it’s about power. It sounds like they don’t stress over it as much they’re allowed to eat when they feel they need to and when set times are introduced they might be feeling anxious about being hungry outside the set times and being denied food if it’s not “the right time” rather than actually being physically hungry if that makes sense. If they know you’re heavily invested in them eating less/only eating at set times, this is how they might be trying to claim back some power in your relationship.

Hi
I haven’t read the whole thread OP. But looking at your daily diet for the children you are giving them quite low calorie meals. It’s as if you are feeding an adult who is watching their diet. So they might well be leaving main meal times feeling hungry and so never satisfied.
Some changes:
Try porridge but loaded with banana and dates/ dried fruits/Greek yoghurt for breakfast or scrambled eggs with adcocado
Lunch - omelettes never fill me. Try something more dense - baked potato, cheese and tuna toasty, even sausage and mash.
Dinner - more fat and carbohydrate, nursery puddings.
You might find that the grazing stops if you calorie up the main meals.

If they’re on the same percentile they’ve always been on there’s nothing wrong. Children should not be crossing growth curves.