Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

As for someone saying cut out milk, I'd say give children assuming they aren't allergic plenty of milk as it helps bones and teeth.
What planet are some parents on that say cut out milk. Anything that helps develop a healthy childs growth should be encouraged not banned!

One and half a weetabix - is this because they get two but only eat one and half or do you break a weetabix in half so they can share?

Seems like a silly point but if you are concerned about what an half a weetabix might do to their then I think you need to consider your response to your children’s eating.

Sounds like some shit professional advice has got you here and you need to regain some sense and trust in yourself and your children. Please stop making all your lives miserable and let them eat more.

[quote Hungryhippos123]@SeaTurtles92 I know it’s painful even writing that but it is embarrassing. When they’ve had snacks, a generous lunch and eaten every scrap of food I’ve brought out when friends kids just eat a normal amount and prioritise playing etc. over food I do get embarrassed.

I’ve never had an ED but my sister had bulemia. My parents often commented on her weight as a teenager (normal puppy fat) and I am desperate not to cause that. I never mention weight to the children ever. Before this I never was worried about food! Would eat a massive pizza no concern, generally ate well, probs drank too much when younger but never worried about food or eating.

@MitheringSunday so a normal day:

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.[/quote]
I think that's a substantial amount of milk and cheese per day. They need dairy yes but that is just too much, plus its fattening. If you're using the whole milk, then it's not good at all.

Otherwise the meals seem healthy enough.

[quote Hungryhippos123]@SeaTurtles92 I know it’s painful even writing that but it is embarrassing. When they’ve had snacks, a generous lunch and eaten every scrap of food I’ve brought out when friends kids just eat a normal amount and prioritise playing etc. over food I do get embarrassed.

I’ve never had an ED but my sister had bulemia. My parents often commented on her weight as a teenager (normal puppy fat) and I am desperate not to cause that. I never mention weight to the children ever. Before this I never was worried about food! Would eat a massive pizza no concern, generally ate well, probs drank too much when younger but never worried about food or eating.

@MitheringSunday so a normal day:

Breakfast: glass of milk, weetabix (1.5 each and a bit more if still hungry) banana

Snack: chopped up apple and cubes of cheese

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt or cheese and marmite sandwich, veggie crisps and a couple of quorn mini sausages

Snack: organix type cereal bar thing, fish sticks, hummus and pitta or similar

Dinner: lasagna and sweet corn or home made pizza or tomato and veggie pasta or similar

Milk before bed

The free for all days are basically the same but if they ask for snacks in between I’ll let them have some crisps, more fruit, rice cakes etc and let them eat as much as they want for meals.[/quote]
My 2 year old eats more than this in a day and he's followed the 50th centile for weight since he was a few days old. It definitely doesn't sound like their intake is an issue to me.

Has the HV/GP or anyone professional ever actually told you they are overweight, or that you need to do something about their weight?

OP I haven’t RTFT but this is what I would do.

Give them the healthy, balanced meals you are providing, but let them serve themselves as much as they want from dishes in the middle of the table at meal times, even if the portions seem too much. Offer them fruit/ natural yogurt/cheese and crackers for dessert.

Every time they ask for a snack, you offer them a drink of plain water and fruit or cut up raw vegetables or half a boiled egg, or some avocado on piece of toast etc. Something not very exciting, but healthy.

See what happens. They might naturally start to regulate their food a bit more if they are allowed to have the freedom to have more control over it.

Also, depending on what milk you use, you could switch to skimmed if you use semi, or semi skimmed if you use whole.

@IwantYouBack this is nonsense: plus its fattening. If you're using the whole milk
Whole milk is only about 5% fat. Plus, no food is ‘fattening’ - it has to be taken as a whole diet.

In the absolute kindest way possible, you are obsessing over what sounds like a non issue. They can't be unhealthily overweight if they don't look it. I have two children exactly the same ages as yours and they eat LOADS and I mean ridiculously LOADS but healthy like yours. I couldn't even tell you how much they weigh because I can look at them and see they are healthy, they absolutely glow, beautiful skin, shiny hair, mountains of energy and always in a good mood. I don't give a toss about how much they weigh or what they BMI is or anything else when it is so blatantly obvious how healthy they are.

Not saying this is perfect but just for easy comparison of portions (I know it is a lot trust me, its like feeding two teenagers)
Weekdays (literally what they ate today):
Breakfast 7am: two weetabix with strawberries on top and honey.
Snack in the car on the way to school at 8.30am: banana and rice cake
3 year old has unlimited access to a fruit bowl during the morning and makes good use of it!
6 year old has to take a healthy snack. Today was two rice cakes with philadelphia cheese and a handful of grapes
Lunch at 12.15: School dinners are very conscious on being healthy in the country where we live. First course was courgette soup with croutons. Second course was oven baked cod served with brocolli and carrots. Dessert was kiwi. I bet my left arm both of my children had seconds of everything.
Home time: 16.00 apple in the car each
Tea at 17:00 Tuna pasta bake. (2 serving for the eldest) Fruit smoothie with oat milk for pudding.
Before bed: 19.30 small cup of porridge.

They both do 5h of sports a week in different ways plus daily dog walks with our dog for at least 45mins an evening. They play non stop and love everything about food, growing it, cooking it, experimenting recipes, trying new foods whatever.

Please don't make yourself miserable over this!

Op, I'm so sorry to hear some of the posts that have been written. I think you are right to be concerned and I personally worry far more about parents who feed their kids junk food all day.

I think the problem is more psychological with the kids. They have got in the habit of asking you for food and thinking snacks can be provided when asked. By saying they are hungry, they get you to run around after them. It has become a habit so they now think they need it. But... they accepted no snacks when the school said so. I think this is what you should do as well.

A breakfast containing eggs to guarantee they are full as well as their weetabix. A larger lunch if poss, the same dinner and have a fruit bowl with three simple fruit in it. Apples, bananas and satsumas for example. If they are hungry between meals then point to the fruit bowl and tell them to help themselves. Most kids want/crave crisps, rice cakes and other carb snacks. They don't need it. Fruit is sufficient. I will never understand parents giving their children endless snacks.

My children are now in their teens but when they were younger, they had 3 quite large meals and never asked for a snack because there weren't any in the house. We had a fruit bowl but they rarely bothered taking any. Their bodies were used to waiting. Bin the snacks and increase meal sizes. Without snacks, they will eat bigger meals.

OP, what is their BMI? That is what determines obesity, NOT weight.

Aren't all kids obsessed with food though? It's the first thing any of mine say on walking through the door from school, getting up in the morning, coming out of their bedroom at 7pm etc 'what is there to eat?'

My 8yo wants to know what's for breakfast when she goes to bed. She wants to know what's for tea when she's finished breakfast. She eats constantly in between times. All I hear is can you buy such and such next time you go shopping? When are you going shopping? Can we have McDonald's? Can you order pizza? Can I make a cake? It's constant.

Aren't all kids like this?

Some kids are just more solid and feel heavy when you pick them up. My 6 year old was always small and is now very slim. She is just over 3 stone and doesn't feel heavy to pick up. My youngest who is 3 is the opposite and feels heavy to pick up. She was 3 end of last year and is wears 4 to 5 clothes. She isn't fat and there isn't a problem but she is taller for her age and bigger than my eldest. I offer them the same foods it's just how they are.
If they don't look fat i wouldn't worry too much. Maybe let them eat what they want for a while and see how it goes. Even my eldest who isn't a big eater would eat a lot more for breakfast than that. She could have a crumpet, cereal and fruit some days.

I'm a Paeds HCP. I also have 2 children the same age that eat lots. More than your two and less healthy.

If they are eating healthy as you say I would not worry about them being 99th centile. Check height centile. If they are 99th on height too they are in proportion.

We see a lot of kids chunk up before growth spurts. I notice that with my kids a lot.

Also look at what you and family were like as kids.

Knowing many physio colleagues they are very clean eating and sporty. I can imagine many would be horrified to have a child they consider overweight. There are a lot of genetics that influence.

[quote cardibach]@IwantYouBack this is nonsense: plus its fattening. If you're using the whole milk
Whole milk is only about 5% fat. Plus, no food is ‘fattening’ - it has to be taken as a whole diet.[/quote]
Her children are having two glasses of milk and milk in their cereal. That is a lot.

Ob*sity is a filthy word and BMI means fuck all unless you're an American and wish to purchase health insurance. It's a good measure of precisely nothing whatsoever. FWIW op, my kids are constantly staaarving and talk about food all the time. They're all very very lean and athletic (genetically and they are generally fidgety can't keep still types). They have 3 square meals and absolutely anything (within reason, I draw the line at multiple bags of Crisps but they will sometimes eat two in a row) between meals. Yeah they still talk about food a lot, and ask for it. Tonight for example, we had big KFC meal as a treat. Not much more than an hour later they were all asking for a snack. I'm not worried, you can see their ribs. Kids eat loads more than adults ime!!!

If they're not living an unhealthy lifestyle and are generally healthy is this really a problem?

Maybe you need to ask yourself what it is you are really afraid of. Are you afraid of their future health prospects or what they may look like in the future?

Op i read what they had for food in a day, that seems really nornal! My 6yr old has always asked for loads of food and probably eats more than that some days. Could it be boredom with them or habit of asking? Just relax and feed them its fine

On what are you basing your assessment? (In context of “they don’t look overweight”).

Can you cut out the dairy to reduce calories?

Can they help plan their meals for the day? Get them to write out their meals and times so they are in control of when and what they eat (obviously from the food choices you have to hand)
My brother used to binge on biscuits as soon as they entered the house- he would sneak them, and do everything he could to make sure he got his biscuits.
At the time we just thought he was greedy and selfish but he was just worried he wouldn’t get one.
My dad started buying him his own pack of biscuits that only he could have but he had to make them last a few days we were all forbidden to touch his biscuits.
It worked and he stopped stealing biscuits. He just wanted control.

Arent all kids obsessed by food? good point! I always get The what's for tea? What can I eat? What food do we have mum? Can I make a banana sandwich? When are you go going shopping, we have no nice food!

I cracked potty training using the chocolate button reward method! It's amazing what a 3 three old will do for a chocolate button.

Op do you think any of this advice has been useful? Do you think you might be able to implement some changes or try anything different?

Apologies, no time to read full thread.

Gut instinct, if my kids didn’t look overweight, I wouldn’t be as concerned as you seem to be.

And remember milk is there to turn calf’s into cows.
The casein is addictive and is there to help the calf bond to mum.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/cheese-triggers-same-part-brain-hard-drugs-study-finds-a6707011.html%3famp

Weetabix are empty rubbish. I'm hungry after Weetabix. Try porridge instead. Add more veg to meal's. Veggie pizza is quickly digested.

I disagree with chunky/stocky not being an issue. That generally means chubby.

I don’t really have much advice op but mine are the same. They have big appetites and very food orientated! They are always asking for food too. It’s always with Dd as she will eat fruit and veg whereas DS will not (he is autistic and fussy with what he eats by he eats a lot of what he does like).

I try and be strict, also try and get them exercising as much as possible, cutting meal sizes etc. I’m at a loss like you.

Dd is nearly 6 and 4 stone which is large for her height. DS is 10 and 6 stone which is also large for his height. Both don’t look very overweight but certainly on the more solid side with bellies.

I wouldn’t take a huge amount of notice to bmi. It’s a bad way of looking at things. How do their clothes fit? Are they in the right size clothes for their age, bigger or small? Do they look big?

Like I said, not much advice but you aren’t alone so I’ll be following this thread with interest! 💕

I would suggest you need to be looking at giving them some more food, because they are clearly hungry if they’re asking for more food. They will regulate themselves eventually.

I'm sorry but this isnt true. We have an obesity crisis because of this. Many children have learned to override satiety signals and will feel hungry if given less food than usual, they do not in fact regulate themselves to a healthy weight. They need to give their body time to adapt & relearn to feel full from a healthy portion.

Give them more fat! Otherwise they won't feel satisfied no matter how they full they are. Kerrygold is your new best friend OP. Also good for teeth and eyes.