Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

Lunch: omelette with cucumber and tomatoes and yogurt

Mine would struggle without more carbs for lunch.

I have a naturally heavier child and a naturally skinny one who can go most of the day forgetting to eat much even as an adult. The heavier one always felt heavier when we picked her up and was always in the fridge not long after meals. She grew tall early.

Now she does have to work harder to be active and eat well than her wispy sister.
My youngest child is fussy and slim. The older ones can’t believe the range of snacks we have in cupboard now.

It’s hard OP. But I think you and your husband would know if they were obese given your job. Is the fear of having obese children keeping you anxious I wonder?

I don’t think you’ve got an eating or weight issue here I think you’ve got an annoying kids issue. I bet they aren’t hungry but they’ve got in the habit of nagging and whinging and also of having a full stomach. Not having a full stomach isn’t the same as actually being hungry.

You want them to be ‘hungry’ at meal times so I’d keep snacks to an absolute minimum.

I’d stop the milk at bed time too.

I didn’t give my kids snacks unless there was a good reason such as a party or that they had been swimming. I used to do four meals when they were little

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

With the portion control you need to stick to healthier portions for quite to let their bodies adjust. Do gradual reductions, start by keeping the volume of food on the plate the same but swapping for lower calorie options.

3 year olds don’t need low calorie foods. They need nutrient dense, calorific foods from all of the food groups. Do you know of any actual food that is lower in calories (and appeal) than rice cakes!

Hi OP, I think there are some harsh comments on here but also a bit of truth. I think if they don't look obese and are eating healthy foods with exercise then you need to let them eat. If they are hungry I would feed them, healthily obviously. I think in years to come they will come up with a different strategy for weighing children and understanding childhood obesity. But I do agree that you seem to have a big fixation on it and that's not healthy. I would try letting them eat when they are hungry....try it for 6 months and see what happens. You sound like a loving mum who really cares. It must be hard. Try not to obsess about it.

Offer unlimited fruit and veg or encourage them to eat more of that? High in fibre and water and low in calories so they’d fill themselves up before it made a difference to their weights.

They don’t look overweight, are in normal sized clothes and do gymnastics etc... when you have seen specialists they scratch their head.

OP. It sounds like your DC are not obese.
Please stop. They may well find ways to get food if you carry on like this.
You’re a step away from my friend’s situation (you sound very alike) her DC steal food and hide it away in their bedrooms. The older one steals money and buys chocolate and crisps.

Just stop.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.

If your kids are active and hungry, then they are probably not getting enough.

Why don't you try to do a buffet style breakfast & dinner- see how much they eat and adjust the portions.
See if they are lasting longer between meals.

My son is like this, he's now 11 and 5ft 2, if you try to lift him then he's heavy, but he's not fat!
I have a rule that the fruit bowl is always fair game except for just before meal times, it stops them whinging as if they're actually hungry then they'll eat the fruit.

OP I had chunky children who loved food.

I am teutonic in build, wide shoulders, and generally broadly built. My DC were at the upper end of the centres but without an ounce of fat although admittedly heavily thighed and wide. Literally if one of the skinny Minnie's stood in front of them they would be invisible. But I was a build issue and the skinnies had stick out bellies and some of them wobbled. Mine never did.

Fast forward to 26 and 22 and ds has shoulders to counter Atlas and played front row but is incredibly ripped. DD remains broad and well shouldered but there is very little fat on them but nevertheless they are built.

As children their feet were respectively G/H fittings and H/off the scale. Their build followed but without fat.

May I exhort you please op to discard what HVs say. They spew the mantra which fits the average and in my experience are unable to interpret individual statistics or individuality.

I would really disagree with those saying the problem is with the op. Different DC have different satiety levels and it's obvious as soon as they're weaned. The advantage of DC like the ops is that they will eat anything. You could feed them a big pile of vegetables and they'd clear the plate. I'd use that to advantage.

Years of asking for advice from hvs, gps and dieticians They've been tested for medical issues and SEN and the results are that they are healthy children with no SEN. Stop taking them to be poked and prodded by doctors.

On bad days, they have unlimited healthy snacks, rice cakes fruit , more food at meals and they're happy, calm and well behaved There's your answer. That's not a bad day. It's your solution.

You're crying yourself to sleep every night and your anxiety is through the roof. So what if your children are the heavier end of the normal range? Accept it and start enjoying your lives.

Can you keep lots of veg sticks (carrots, peppers, etc) and shredded lettuce in the fridge and if they are hungry between meal times then they can help themselves and eat as much as they want?

They sound similar to my toddler. He will easily eat the same size portions as me, regularly requests a second portion at nursery and is constantly asking if its snack time yet. He is heavy for his age but no rolls etc just well built.

I've been told off about his weight since he was 4 months old and EBF. I now totally ignore the HV as I know he eats healthy meals and isn't gorging on junk every day. Hes just got a large appetite. However, hes also a lot more active than some kids his age and will happily walk 2-3 miles a day, walk back and forth nursery etc. If they are very active, they need the fuel! It doesn't sound like you're basing them being obese on anything solid, and I really think you need to work through this yourself as I dont think its their issue.

@CaramelWaferAndTea

Our son is the same - 98th for height and 99.7th for weight at 22 months. My husband is overweight (BMI 29) mine is 23, my son walks longer distances than peers (0.7 miles each way to childminder, with her to and from school, runs around constantly, plays football with us in the garden after he gets home, swimming, rugby class, etc). He eats a very good diet - whole foods, well made, healthy snacks, milk and water mixed together. Portions half mine. Occasional (and I mean very occasional, once a week) square of chocolate. I am a doctor and not an expert in kids' nutrition, but I have read a fair amount now and believe he is eating well.

Photos of me and my siblings as a child look just like him but we are all slim and fit now and have been since adolescence. I have just decided to stop worrying. I think he will be fit and everything else is in his favour. I think the bell curves have to have exceptions and calibration must be harder in kids. I don't want to talk constantly about his weight.

A square of chocolate once per week?

Poor kids

My toddlers were chubby and had big appetites Mamabear they were also healthy and active like your wee man. I think mums need to trust our own judgment and recognise that official advice is a guideline. Healthy parents generally raise healthy children.

They're now very tall skinny teenagers, and eat me out of house and home

‘Ruining your life’ get a fucking grip OP and be glad you don’t live in a third world country where child hunger genuinely costs lives. What a dreadful title for a thread

I haven't RTFT so apologies if this has already been covered but you say they're overweight and then later in your OP say they don't look overweight. Are they or aren't they?

My 4yo eats more than you've listed on the food diary. He is also very active most of the time so I figure he needs extra food to make up for it.

There is nothing wrong with being on the 99th centile.

They are eating healthily and that's the main thing. I personally wouldn't limit my son if he was hungry.

The only other thing I'd mention is whether they say they're hungry when actually bored. You mentioned your eldest is counting down to snack/meal time.

I feel very sorry for your children Being hungry is miserable and you are setting them up to have disordered eating for life.

Let them have balanced, nutritious meals and snacks. Plenty of vegetables but also complex carbs, protein and healthy fats, preferably at every meal. By all means offer food at set times only (breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, dinner) but let them eat as much as they want. FWIW I think they need a bigger, more filling breakfast. Porridge with toppings, cereal containing fibre and protein, toast with eggs and/or beans, croissant or pain au chocolat, full fat yoghurt (no added sugar) with fruit, pancakes as an occasional treat, etc.

My mother has a strange attitude to food and was on the restrictive side. My sibling and I are both overweight. Obviously as an adult I take responsibility for my own health and my own diet, but it is harder when you haven't learned healthy eating habits (and by healthy I don't mean a restricted diet, I mean a healthy attitude to food).

I think if your children are crying with hunger then you need to feed them.

They are children. They will burn off the excess calories running around. They are constantly growing.

It sounds to me like it's you who is obsessed with food not them.

I get why you’re worried - a friend of mine has a child like this, who used to tantrum when the food supply ran out. She has always been mindful of not wanting her daughter to gain excessive weight while also not wanting to give her food issues and it’s a very fine line to tread.

I agree with others that their intake doesn’t sound excessive. I have a 5.5 year old who is 75th centile for height and weight - the latter surprised me as he is very slim and you can see his ribs in the bath. He is in 6-7 clothes, mainly for length.

On a typical day he would eat the following - not quite as healthy as yours!

Breakfast: 1 or 2 slices of buttered toast, sometimes topped up with fruit or a yogurt.

Snack: fruit at school, usually a biscuit or two at home.

Lunch: if at home, sandwiches (two slices of bread) fruit, probably some crisps. Maybe a biscuit or bit of cake or something after.

Snack: maybe an Organix cereal bar or fruit.

Dinner: something like pasta, chicken goujons, peas, broccoli, or maybe sausage, mash and baked beans. Yogurt/fruit after if he wants it.

Supper: slice buttered toast, fruit or yogurt on request.

He is a fussy eater (much improved, though). He eats well in that he eats from all the main food groups, although his diet is certainly heavier in processed foods and white carbs than I’d like. We have days where he asks constantly for food, but he has grown a lot this year.

That is ruining your life? You are embarrassed by them? Please spare your children's mental health but accessing therapy for yourself to address some of the glaring issues you have raised in this thread.

Are they being fed junk food by another family member and being told not to say anything?? My ex has been feeding my kids rubbish in the very short amount of time he sees them and I’ve noticed the difference in their weight.

My child almost got an eating disorder at the age of 4, not by me but the school she attended doing projects on healthy eating. My daughter refused certain foods because they were u healthy, didn't eat breakfast, found out she didn't have snack during midbreak so basically starved herself to lunchtime all the while taking ill and fainting in gym class. Now I'm not a mum who fed my kids easy meals of chicken nuggets and chips, trust me I tried to have them eat them but they just didn't like chips, nuggets beans ect, they had a wide variety of homecooked meals.
It's dangerous for young kids so young to worry about things like that, after a few choice words at the school and ensuring my daughter ate I stamped that on the head.
No need for children so young to be considered obese, fat ect.

I honestly don’t think you’re feeding them enough (I’m no expert but have 2 very active healthy weight boys and am slim myself). I’d honestly give them more food if they say they’re hungry and recognise that when they get older there will be a multitude of other factors (ie. not just their mother) determining how much they eat. You sound like you’re massively projecting your worries onto this one issue.

Are they very active? My GC seem to eat huge amounts but they are very active and slim but it was noticeable that the eldest did start to put some weight on in lockdown last year. Not going out with his mates, not having football training/matches, no PE at school and probably eating more due to boredom all made a difference. As soon as lockdown stopped he almost immediately looked slimmer and when football and school started in September he was back to normal.