Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

@Merryoldgoat

When my eldest was 18 months the HV told me she was obese

This is the shit I’m talking about.

Absolutely agree! Never went to the health visitor with my 2nd as I realised they knew no more than I did and actually less given they didnt know my dc as people and not all kids are the same.

How do you know your dc are obese if you say they don't look it?

If it's those stupid BMI tables they've been proven to be inaccurate. Obese at 18 months! Unless massive I doubt they were... I ne er got mine weighed at school because I didnt want some arbitrary statement of their weight that was inaccurate.

As a physio you know enough about the human body and how it works to keep an eye on your kids weight and activity levels.

Let them eat a bit healthy foods more otherwise food will become an issue. Tberes not many carbs in their daily intake mine ate 2 weetabix at two years old, they could easily have two at their age and that might fill them up more early on.

Oh, bless you. I think it sounds like you're doing a great job.
I can't believe a HV told you your baby was obese at 18 months. Some people are in the wrong jobs, and I think her words set you up for this.
I would try and relax. You're all fine. And I'd bet my bottom dollar that they'll turn out to be slim adults!

My son has always been 99th centile and we have always been reassured by health visitors rather than told he was obese. I honestly think bmi is not always accurate. My dd is very skinny and eats very similarly to my ds but he is heavy and very solid.

Yes. When my dd was 2 the health visitor told me she wasn't good at sharing and interacting with other children!!! At 2 children play parallel to other children. Not usually together as such.
She is the most social child ever now at 9.
Such shit

Op, apologies if this has already been suggested but why don’t you do snack boxes every morning? So they have their usual 3 meals but they each can choose some healthy snacks to put in their boxes, this is to last the whole day and once it’s gone it’s gone. They can eat it all at once or pace themselves, it might be a fun way for them to take some control and to stop nagging you?
I understand why you’re worried but honestly take the pressure off everyone and see how it goes.

No faith in health visitors

So at school the teacher made it clear that food wasn't available between meal times and now they don't ask. But at home you sometimes have free for all days where they can eat as much as they want between meals? I would say the problem is that they find eating very rewarding (as many people do) and if food is available they will want to eat it. I would stop the free for all days of any sort and be clear that food isn't available between meals. If the teacher can do it then so can you, they just know exactly how to get round you. You need to put in the 'constant effort' and be consistent. They quickly learnt at school but they know you're a soft touch.

I think you need to stop worrying about this. When parents regulate what children eat too much they can end up wanting more food and it can lead in the long run to eating disorders. As long as they are eating healthy food and getting plenty of exercise there is nothing more you should do. But if they pick up on you obsessing about what they eat, it is storing up a problem for the future.

[quote Yaya26]@AliceMcK Did you read my second post. Let me clarify. I do not think it’s sad that an 8 year old hasn’t had Coke. I think it’s sad that the little girl felt under such pressure about it that she felt she had to lie.

Please climb down from your high horse. I I had no idea until after the child had drank the inch of coke that she wasn’t allowed. The first I knew of it was the little girl told me “that’s the first time.., I’ve ever had coke.. I’m going to have to lie when I go home”I made absolutely no comment either way one because 1) I was surprised 2) I didn’t want to say anything that might undermine the Mummy such as “what harm will it do” 3) appear to condone lying to parents. I reacted by saying “really”and didn’t offer any more. I didn’t make a big deal of the lying comment as it was a birthday celebration and it wasn’t the time to deliver moral lessons to my daughters classmate who I don’t know very well. I have only ever had contact with at parties. I deduced that the mother was exceptionally strict from the constant comments the little girl makes. BTW if you were bringing your daughters friends on a picnic do you provide parents with a full list of every possible food/drink that may pass their lips beforehand? I don’t. I never have been given such info and would never expect anyone too. I obviously check if anyone has a gluten free diet or has a nut allergy but besides that I’d expect parents to inform me of any special dietary requirements. If people are kind enough to look after and feed my children I tell my children to eat up and say thank you. Yes sometimes they get things that I don’t really approve of and wouldn’t give them but I accept that you have to take the rough with the smooth.[/quote]
Why were you surprised an 8yo had never had coke before? I find this very strange in this day an age where parents don’t want their children drinking unhealthy fizzy drinks like this.

As for parties, yes I do let parents know, I say we are having pizza or hotdogs or here is a list of the menu if going somewhere food is provided. I’d also check if there are specific foods they are not allowed, like fizzy drinks, but I’ve never offered fizzy drinks at any children’s party I have ever thrown as I don’t think they are appropriate at children’s parties. If parents want to give their children fizzy drinks that’s up to them but I’m not going to be the one offering someone else child one. The same applies if I have a child coming to my house I know full well what that child is and isn’t allowed to have because I make it my business to know what I can give them while in my care.

So 6 year old is generally in 7-8 and 3 year old in 3-4 and 4-5 stuff. I haven’t done height or weight for a while but looking at them they’re v average height but feel heavier than friends kids (well younger anyway I don’t generally pick up other peoples 6 year olds often!). They aren’t rolly, double chinned etc or anything like that.

My 21 month old was seen by her paediatric dietitian this week, she has allergies, she is on the 98 centile for height and in between the 75 and 91 centile for weight and is in clothes for aged 3 to 4 year olds (admittedly they have been tumbled a lot when DD1 wore them) and the dietitian was happy with her size as she is in proportion. DD1 is 5 next week and in clothes for 7 to 8 year old as she is also very tall.

You say they are overweight then sai f&f say they aren’t

A more filling breakfast and might not need a snack or ask for one

One weetabix for a 6yr doesn’t sound a lot

Lunch for Pre school my just 4yr has

Sarnie ham marmite cheese
Cucumber and pepper
Fruit
Yog
Crisps
Snack bag of biscuits

At home may add mini sausage cheddars more fruit if wants it

If they are very active, maybe they should have more carbs?!
Also do you eat peanuts? Apple slice with peanut butter? Or rice cake and peanut butter (or almond butter).
And porridge for breakfast with milk?

@sausagepastapot

I agree with lots of PP and I really think you are making this a huge problem, which will instil very odd, obsessive food-related or controlling behaviours as they grow up.

I really think- in the nicest possible way- you need to chill the fuck out. You do sound like you're taking this way too far and being extremely controlling and weird.

Thanks for all your comments. For comments like the above- I appreciate you are trying to help but it’s a bit unkind. I’ve said already- I’m not weighing them or food. They eat their fill at mealtimes. I’m not restricting them, rolling my eyes, criticising them. I’m not stopping them eat unhealthy foods I just moderate it like most parents. I appreciate my posts sounded extreme and I am worried so reached out for help but I’m honestly not standing over them noting down everything they eat. I only wrote down a days food because I was asked my numerous PP. I don’t stop them at 1.5 weetabix if they are still hungry...I do give them more.

I do need to chill out. But there’s so many posts on mn saying ‘how can parents not see when their kids are obese’ and so many posters calling It cruel, ignorant, poor parenting etc. I suppose I worry that’s what people think when they see my kids. Certainly some HCP don’t seem to believe me when I say they eat well. I appreciate the comments though especially people who have experienced similar and their kids are fine.

Where are they on a typical day? School? Daycare? Who else is looking after their feeding and what response are they getting to their requests then? Eg if younger one is at a childminder and getting fed extras when asked for, its going to be completely normal for him/her to keep that up at home. I know you said the teacher tells older one to wait for snack time. But where does the child go after school, maybe he/she is getting extra food on demand there?

If 5 days a week the kids are having their extra demands met, of course they will keep up the demands on the weekends...

I haven't read the full thread so please correct me if I am assuming! But all I know is mine ask for food when they are bored or when I am busy (and therefore not giving them attention) what are they doing prior to asking for food? What are you doing OP? Are you present for them? Keeping them busy and keeping their minds active might be the answer AT TIMES. Just a thought.

I'd never offer fizzy drinks (or even juice) at a children's party since many children don't drink anything but milk or water these days.

But there’s so many posts on mn saying ‘how can parents not see when their kids are obese’ and so many posters calling It cruel, ignorant, poor parenting etc. I suppose I worry that’s what people think when they see my kids.

This is your issue, OP. You really care what other people think. Why?

Please don’t underestimate the level of orthorexia and fairly serious food issues endemic in MNers.

‘ But there’s so many posts on mn saying ‘how can parents not see when their kids are obese’ and so many posters calling It cruel, ignorant, poor parenting etc.’

Have you? Where? I haven’t, but I’m not looking for them. I hope this resinates a bit with you.

Are they bored? My daughter is like this and I made a snack box for her so that she can have access to snacks and help herself but once it’s empty that is it.
She stopped badgering me for food.
I don’t have to use it anymore.

DS was 7lb 4oz when he was born but was quickly at the 98th percentile. He ate a lot but did lots of exercise and from the age of 7 was in a football team. He is a young adult now and is 6ft 5. He was eating two weetabix when he was a year old.

Many children are overweight but I do think the issue may be in your head exacerbated by your sibling having an eating disorder.

I too think you are over thinking and need to worry less. You may not be commenting on how much they eat, but they may be picking up on your feelings towards mealtimes.
If they don’t look obese they probably aren’t,bmi is a blunt instrument and there will always be outliers.
It isn’t a bad idea to have set mealtimes and snack times and let them eat their fill at these times. You say they have accepted it when teachers tell the to wait for mealtimes so you just need to be consistent. You are also feeding them healthy food.
I think what I am saying is that the only thing that needs to change is you need to worry less. You are doing all the right things and they are just a little larger then average but it sounds like that is nature not nurture.

My friend has two DC like this. As soon as one meal finishes they asking about the next. If you don't physically remove one from the table at a party she'd clear the rest of the party food. They do lots and lots of exercise to combat it. Bike riding, swimming, dancing, football. More than going for a walk type exercise. I think I'd be inclined to give them fish, boiled potatoes and broccoli rather than pizza and lasagne. Your food sounds lovely though. Give them some dull lower calorie meals instead. Mine can take or leave food. I'm a boring cook though. You are right to combat it imv. I was shocked to see the class photo of dd at the end of primary. A good third of the class were obese by that time. It isn't obvious when they're 5.

Just as an idea do you try and eat low GI- whole grain pasta, rice, bread etc? It’s more nutritious, more filling and less of a sugar ‘hit’. Things like cereal bars and rice cakes are high GI so not really any better than giving chocolate bars. What type of yogurt are you giving? Many have loads of sugar in. Nothing else jumps out from your menu at all, I’d personally go with the dietitian rather than HV/GP

1.5 weetabix? Why not 2 plus some toast. There doesn't seem to be a lot of sugars in your kids diet, perhaps try some apples, grapes, strawberries. I suspect you restrict them more than you think.

Op it seems you’re kids are not obese though. They are fit and healthy kids who aren’t getting fed enough to are hungry and have to ask constantly for food.

I’m really not sure of the wisdom of calling posters unkind when you have turned food into a battle zone in your own home like this

good you take on lotsa opinions. suspect any tougher to hear caused by "ruining your life"declaration.#keep it real