Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

I give my children food whenever they ask. If I’m hungry I eat and so does H. If the children are hungry then they eat too. The dc are big and strong with dense bones like we are. None of us fit the bmi ideal because athletic, muscular people always come out as overweight.

My 8 year old is 147cm and 6st 5. He’s in 11-12 clothes now. When ds2 went for his 1 yr check he was in 2-3 clothes and massive. The HV said he was overweight and asked how many McDonald’s a week he ate . The answer was none and he’d been ebf till 6 months and then ate home cooked healthy food. He’s now 6 and tall and athletic and probably weighs more than all his peers but is in 7-8 clothes.

An average day for my 4 year old (in 5-6 clothes) is porridge and honey and fruit for breakfast. mid morning snack at preschool of bagels, milk and fruit. pasta in tomato sauce, sausage, veg, cake for lunch. Breadsticks and houmous, banana and a flapjack throughout the afternoon as and when she asks. Fish pie and veg and a mini milk/lolly for dinner and maybe some toast before bed if she’s hungry. She’s totally healthy and often asks for food, so I just give it to her.

Ds1 had 2 weetabix (made with formula) and a banana for breakfast when he was 1. He was hungry so I gave him what filled him up. I think you have to take all the averages as generic advice and then sensibly apply them to your own children. You know if they are overweight. You know if they are athletic and need more food.

I think you need to pick back up and carry on the portion control etc you know they physically need and professionals have recommended.

Keep going and eventually they will stop grizzling about it as it'll be the new normal (if you genuinely haven't completely indulged them.) Especially the 3 year old will get used to it relatively quickly- just keep going. The 6-year old might take longer to adjust but will get there in the end.

Develop strategies like not have treats in the house/accessible etc.

I am an ex-PT too BTW and my speciality (level 4) was obesity management.

OP why wont you say what their height is?

"Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food...

...I wouldn’t tolerate this at all."

Why haven't they had a mid-morning snack? They are young children. They need more fat in their diet. It won't make them fat, but it will fill them up.

I posted this yesterday, but children are 242 times more likely to develop an eating disorder than Type 2 diabetes.

Your children are telling you they aren't getting enough calories, and that the calories they do get are mostly empty carbs. Fill them up with foods that have decent protein/fat content. It won't make them fat.

@MrsKoala With all respect I don't think everyone knows when their children are healthy and there are plenty of overweight children out there! Lots of parents over feed their children!

None of us fit the bmi ideal because athletic, muscular people always come out as overweight.

@MrsKoala Nope. If people are above a healthy BMI then they are not a healthy weight, they are overweight. The only exceptions are those such as professional bodybuilders etc. The BMI is accurate for the rest of us.

The BMI healthy range is relatively large to accomodate people with different builds or people being slimmer or more robust.

You need to get you and your husband's BMI under 25 or you are at more risk of several serious health problems than those in the healthy weight range- diabetes, heart attacks, cancer etc.

Are they actually fat, or have you workes yourself into a state?

My son is almost six, this is what he ate yesterday.

Breakfast
Two eggs scrambled on a slice of seeded batch, cherry tomatoes and a glass of oat milk.

Snack
Pea crisps and a banana

Lunch
Veggie quesadilla, onion, peppers, turtle beans, avocado and courgette in two wraps. Chocolate soya milk, dairy free yoghurt and pineapple stick.

Snack
Roti and hummus

Dinner
Glazed tofu, noodles and veg, so stiry fry really, he had onions, beansprouts, okra and peas as his veg.

Today
Breakfast
Two american pancakes with diary free chocolate spread with strawberries and raspberries.

Snack
Pea crisps and a pear.

Lunch
Egg sandwich on seeded bread 1 slice, snack cucumbers, tomatoes, dairy free yoghurt, flapjack.

Snack
Roti and hummus

Dinner tonight is mixed bean chilli with brown rice, tortilla chips and dairy free soured cream.

1.5 weetabix and a banana wouldn’t be enough for his breakfast, he does sometimes have weetabix, he would have two with a banana, berries, oat milk and a small amount of honey.

My son is like this. Breastfed. Eats like a horse. Looks skinny can see a rib or two but not many. We thought he was 50th centile in weight as he always was but got him measured recently and he’s 105% (75% for height). He still wears 9-12 month clothes for it to fit around the waist (he’s 16 months). The HV was stumped, then made a few calls, and has now referred to the pediatrician for further tests liver so he can ‘sign off’ that he’s healthy & she doesn’t need to see him again lol.

@MrsKoala Get on top of the children's weight so they don't enter teens/adulthood overweight. They start out at a disadvantage if the enter adulthood already overweight- people tend to only get bigger in those circumstances.

I know how hard it all can be. But it's not impossible and you need to acknowledge you are all overweight (which anyone except full time bodybuilders are at a BMI of 25+) before you stand much of a chance of doing anything lasting about it.

I might be be skipping few things but the menu does not have enough carbs and why ?

no return by the OP and no response to height question......hmmmm

None of us fit the bmi ideal because athletic, muscular people always come out as overweight.

Yep, I’m a rugby player, I have a BMI of 28 (‘healthy’ for my ethnicity is 23) and a low body fat percentage. If I wasn’t active and had a BMI of 23 I would have a higher body fat percentage than I do now.

My 5 year old would do find with that but my 7 year old would be starving! Up the protein an apple and cubes of cheese wont satisfy add a yogurt too for example. The breakfast wouldnt be enough for either of mine. More protein needed.

This seems such an odd thread. Op you say yourself you haven't weighed your children for years, they just feel quite heavy when you pick them up?

It seems your parents had odd ideas about food and body size which has affected you growing up. Usually when one sister in a family has an eating disorder (in your sister's case bulimia) it affects the other siblings too.

All these issues from adolescence have been triggered by a health visitor's comment on your baby's weight, and have snowballed.

Unless this is a wind up? What's the user name "Hungry Hippos" all about? If it's a reference to your children, it's poor taste.

Sorry you are having a hard time with the OP.
The good news is- they can eat as much as they want, whenever they want and still be a healthy weight. The only caveat is it has to be unprocessed nutritious foods. Raw veg, plenty of fruit, - berries of all kinds, cheese squares, almonds, bananna and almond butter, cooked chicken strips, cucumber and carrot sticks with hummus.
When they are crying because they say they are hungry, what are they hungry for? What would they ask for or what do you give them?
If they say they are hungry at 10:30, give each child a cooked sliced chicken breast (maybe with a marinade to make it more interesting) or offer a bananna (or both)
That should be more than enough to get through until dinner and if they eat that and still are hungry (in between breakfast and dinner for example) then I think there is a medical problem or they are just wanting crap carbs and sugar- which shouldn’t be given.

@MrsKoala

I give my children food whenever they ask. If I’m hungry I eat and so does H. If the children are hungry then they eat too. The dc are big and strong with dense bones like we are. None of us fit the bmi ideal because athletic, muscular people always come out as overweight.

My 8 year old is 147cm and 6st 5. He’s in 11-12 clothes now. When ds2 went for his 1 yr check he was in 2-3 clothes and massive. The HV said he was overweight and asked how many McDonald’s a week he ate . The answer was none and he’d been ebf till 6 months and then ate home cooked healthy food. He’s now 6 and tall and athletic and probably weighs more than all his peers but is in 7-8 clothes.

An average day for my 4 year old (in 5-6 clothes) is porridge and honey and fruit for breakfast. mid morning snack at preschool of bagels, milk and fruit. pasta in tomato sauce, sausage, veg, cake for lunch. Breadsticks and houmous, banana and a flapjack throughout the afternoon as and when she asks. Fish pie and veg and a mini milk/lolly for dinner and maybe some toast before bed if she’s hungry. She’s totally healthy and often asks for food, so I just give it to her.

Ds1 had 2 weetabix (made with formula) and a banana for breakfast when he was 1. He was hungry so I gave him what filled him up. I think you have to take all the averages as generic advice and then sensibly apply them to your own children. You know if they are overweight. You know if they are athletic and need more food.

Big and strong with dense bones?

Your post just really worries me to be honest. You need to calm the hell down and breathe and let them alone. Poor things. I can’t believe you’ve said you’re embarrassed about them. That worries me the most. I have 4 children. They all love their food. And I don’t ‘restrict’ and ‘micro manage’ what they eat. I really hope you read the replies and get off their backs. Poor kids. Honestly I feel you’re doing some long term damage here if you’re not careful. Back off

I do not think the children are getting enough of the right foods to eat at meal times. It is low on protein, carbs and fat.

@godmum56

no return by the OP and no response to height question......hmmmm

She did say she hadn't measured them in a while but was going off their peers they were average

Is your username relating to your kids? I would really worry that is how you see them.

Give yourselves all six months off this obsession and have all "easy" days and see how you all are then.
Have healthy stuff they can have as much as they want , bigger breakfasts etc
You can always tweak things later but just feed the kids and let them and you think about something else.

@BeverlyHa Yes I think the low carbs may be the issue. I’m sure I’ve read that children need relatively more than adults.

OP Have you ever thought of just letting them eat as much as they want for a few weeks to see what happens?

This to me is just like parents who severely restrict how much screen time their kids have. The kids then become obsessed.

[quote FreekStar]@MrsKoala With all respect I don't think everyone knows when their children are healthy and there are plenty of overweight children out there! Lots of parents over feed their children![/quote]
Sorry, I meant the op seems to specifically know they are not as she says they don’t look it so I’m trusting her judgment as she seems to have a realistic grasp of weight issues.

@me4real there are loads of articles where the bmi is discussed as not working very well for very tall people (or very short people). It’s a bit of a blunt tool. I’m not overweight and neither are my children. I’m 5ft 10 and very muscular with a waist of 29in. When I last had a medical in Sept I got asked if I was a professional athlete (I’m not).

My point is in some cases the parents do know better than the health professionals who often have NHS outdated attitudes to food. Recommending low fat, higher carb foods than something with higher fats and more protein. I remember a HV advising me to give the kids low fat biscuits everyday for a snack and telling me that cheese should be limited to twice a week. Whereas I think a cube of cheese is a much better nutrient rich satiating food than a biscuit, but if you are purely looking at calories then it won’t be.

Mine are on the 9th percentile (all under 6) and eat around a similar amount to what you've put on your list OP (as you can tell, I've got the complete opposite problem)..

Have you tried full fat yogurt as part of the mix. It can stave off hunger pangs and a much bigger breakfast. DD always had two breakfast, one the same as you described and then toast and cereal at breakfast club. Kids need fats and carbs and at that age. DD was eating almost the same as me.
Kids tend to go out a bit, then up a bit.
DD has come home from tea at someones house starving as she ears loads more than her peers.
But, she u 140 cm at 10, & I think she will have finished all of her growing early.
Another thing to gear in mind is the red book is based on growth in the 1970's, there is better nutrition now so kids will all be bigger with more demands.

@me4real

None of us fit the bmi ideal because athletic, muscular people always come out as overweight.

@MrsKoala Nope. If people are above a healthy BMI then they are not a healthy weight, they are overweight. The only exceptions are those such as professional bodybuilders etc. The BMI is accurate for the rest of us.

The BMI healthy range is relatively large to accomodate people with different builds or people being slimmer or more robust.

You need to get you and your husband's BMI under 25 or you are at more risk of several serious health problems than those in the healthy weight range- diabetes, heart attacks, cancer etc.

I think you may need to revisit your beliefs. BMI has been all but discredited as it fails to distinguish between fat, muscle and bone density. Yes, it will mainly be sports people who lift weights, play rugby etc but it is not only at the elite level. On a recent thread I pondered how at 5'3" in my mid 50s, I wear a size 12 but weigh 80kg. I am a little larger than ideal but in no way am I fat. People were in two camps - I am obese or WTF. I went to a clinic and had my body fat % measured via both calipers (old school) and a Dual-Energy X-ray Absorptiometry (DXA). My body fat % is 25%-27%. This is a perfectly acceptable body fat %. Ideally I would be just under 25%. I am not unique. Unusual but not unique. BMI is an outdated tool devised by a mathematician in days before we had actual technology to determine fat/muscle and bone density.