Children’s hunger ruining my life

[Hungryhippos123]

NC as I’ve spoken to lots of friends and family about this.

I have two lovely DC 6 and 3. They are both happy lovely children but in the overweight category and have HUGE appetites and this is literally ruining my life. It sounds dramatic but it takes over every day. I’m a physio and my husband runs a business but is an ex-PT. we are both healthy, slim, eat well, exercise. Both kids were normal birthweight, EBF but 99th centile by 6 months and have stayed there since.

I spend huge amounts of time ensuring they have a healthy balanced diet. They eat well, cooking from scratch, loads of veg, enough protein to fill them (in theory). But they are always always hungry. We tried portion control at the recommendation of an nhs dietician for 3 months solid and gave small portions but they cried constantly (every waking moment, didn’t adjust to the new portions, waking in the night hungry etc. We now do the Ellyn Satter method where we have set meal and snack times but they eat their fill of healthy food. But still between these times they constantly moan they are hungry. Now the eldest can tell the time she counts down to the snack and meal times.

Days out are ruined by them wanting the picnic or lunch but 10:30am. When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight. At parties/buffets they want to eat constantly. I allow them the odd ice cream/biscuit/treat and let them to wild at parties as don’t want the single them out and Also don’t want to demonise any food and make it super exciting.

I sought help from my HVs, GPs and dieticians for years. Advice ranges between they are obese you’re a terrible mother stop feeding them rubbish (I wasn’t!), ensure they have correct portions however hungry they are (everyone was miserable), that’s just they way they are (just accept they will be obese?!). They’ve both been tested for thyroid issues/health problems but all clear. They have no other indications of a health issue, no SEN etc.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry. Or tell me I’m lucky to have good eaters and try having a fussy/low centile child. I’m so worried about the impact on their lives especially when They’re old enough to buy food or move out as I’m sure they will balloon. I go to sleep hoping they will snap out of this food obsession. I’ve looked into hypnosis etc but they don’t do that for children.

We encourage healthy diet, theyre v active walking, swimming, park lots etc. I never talk about weight, never call them greedy never say fat. We just talk about healthy choices and waiting for meal and snack not grazing.

Honestly I’m at the end of my tether. I’m close to tears every day and cry often when they’re in bed as I worry so much about it. I’m embarrassed, worried for the future and exhausted by the constant effort to stop them eating or whinging. When I’m really bad we have no rule days where I let them eat whatever all day (maybe 3 x a year). They’re so happy, well behaved, calm, chilled on those days. They eat loads but I still generally offer healthy things so it’s not a junk free for all. Part of me thinks screw it ill do this every day as it makes life 100000 x easier and we are happy but realistically I can’t.

Anyone had similar? Please be kind I’m so worried upset and am acutely aware of the risks of obesity in childhood so I don’t need to be told this more.

@Viviennemary

If a child is still hungry after a meal not enough food is being provided for their needs. If I knew somebody restricting food like this to children I would contact Social Services.

You are posting some seriously batshit stuff on threads today 😡

Don't be insane.

they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular

Are they actually fat? Higher than healthy percentage of body fat? If not, what's the problem?

They used to ask at school but the teachers made it clear to wait until lunch so they don't ask now

There's your answer.

They love food. They know that if they constantly pester you then you'll give in.

FWIW, My DC aged 6 would have:

Breakfast: Beans on toast or PBJ toast and a fresh banana milkshake or cereal with milk and diluted fresh juice

Packed Lunch: cheese and marmite sandwich, carrot sticks or cucumber chunks, a bag of crisps or popcorn or similar, a yoghurt and piece of fruit

Hometime snack: chunks of fruit and a biscuit or cracker with a glass of milk

Dinner: chicken with pasta or fish with rice, peas, carrots, sweetcorn, then a pudding like chocolate mousse or creme caramel

Supper: crackers and cheese, more milk.

They were skinny as rakes and I was told by the doctor to add the supper to help them put on weight. I think they had more than your DC.

Your youngest sounds like mine - 3 year old wearing 4-5 clothes, she’s so heavy she’s hard to carry but doesn’t look fat at all - just a very big, heavy built child - active and surprisingly agile! She eats the same as her older sister who is 6 but like a waif and wearing the same clothes! They’re just differently made up, but I give them exactly the same food - and the same amount. Maybe you have two built the same way. Sounds like you should maybe follow their appetite and see what happens. Maybe nothing if they are active and burning off what they need.

I have solid children, 99 percentile for height and weight generally , although both have at time been slightly over the weight technically at times as active and muscular. For example at 2.5 my DS would walk a whole dog walk. He is just turning 5 and has really leaned out and grown like a weed, although still bang on the same percentiles for height and weight.

Looking at what you feed yours I personally would ask do you still give them full fat milk? And I would cut the milk drinking, I think this is only necessary for poor eaters. Yours eat well and have calcium through cheese/ yoghurt. You can always give a calcium chewy as a back up. Drinking too many calories isn't filling. So avoid fruit juices too.

Otherwise I would just keep going and stop worrying. I think sometimes kids are extra hungry as they are growing giving grapes, crisps/ snacks occasionally , popcorn, ( make it yourself and add something like a few drizzles of honey)

For contrast my DS age 5 will have 1 weetabix with semi skimmed milk with a portion of fruit ( this morning blueberries)

I would also ask maybe your kids are bored sometimes, I eat when I'm bored too.

So what is your children's percentile on weight v height. And remember kids grow by chunking up and then shooting up.

My DS is 21kg at 5 years ( next month)
My DD is 15kg at 15 months

I can't remember their heights at the moment but when I plotted it in the red books it was spot on ( although DD was at +100 on both height and weight )

The meals you listed seem very sensible and it’s all good stuff.
I do wonder if they need some denser filling stuff in there like porridge with a blob of honey for breakfast and a half a piece of jammy toast.
Maybe a jacket potato or with the omelette a few potato wedges.
Still keep it healthy just add a bit more carb.
Instead of those crappy organix snacks that are all air have a banana or half a bagel with cream cheese doesn’t have to be big portions.
I think you are trying to do very healthy foods but they just end up not satisfying in the same way as old style “nursery” food but smaller portions.
Anyway just a suggestion.

It's hard when they're overweight. My DS is a compulsive eater too and he'll only eat certain foods but wants a lot of it.
He is constantly exercised but clearly can't keep up with the slim DC at 99 centile too at least 2 inches taller than peers.
I'm reading with interest.
DD is super slim.

I think you need to take the whole BMI thing with a pinch of salt. The health visitor might be unnecessarily following things to the letter. The NHS BMI scale is odd sometimes. For my height the lower acceptable end of the scale is 49 kilos. When I was 49 kilos I was not allowed to give blood because it was considered I didn't weigh enough. I was also diagnosed with anorexia so just how this fits with 49 kilos being acceptable for the BMI calculator is beyond me!

I haven’t done height or weight for a while but looking at them they’re v average height but feel heavier than friends kids (well younger anyway I don’t generally pick up other peoples 6 year olds often!). They aren’t rolly, double chinned etc or anything like that.

If you haven’t done height and weight, how do you know they are overweight? It is only BMI (height to weight ratio) which would show they are overweight. Presumably, the 99th centile at 6 months was just for weight? Are you and DH tall? I have cousins who are huge amounts of food when children who are now very tall.

Hi OP - in the nicest possible way I think you need to chill about this. My 7 year old ate yesterday:
Breakfast Large bowl of strawberries, raspberries and blueberries. Large bowl of special K red berries.
Morning snack - 2 slices of thick raisin toast.
Lunch - Ham and tomato wholemeal roll, yoghurt, tub of grapes, apple crisps, packet of chocolate rice cakes
Afternoon snack - banana
Dinner - made large spanish omelette with 6 eggs - he ate at least half if not more.

Some days he eats less, some more - he doesn't get enough to eat with school lunches so those days feel like he eats constantly between getting home and school.

I really would stop all the programmes and stress and see where you are in 6 months.

I think the programme isn't working.

I really really would stop looking at the charts too. They are rarely helpful and children do have growth spurts too - it's not necessarily a linear process

Children need milk for the easily assimilated calcium. Semi skimmed milk is more healthy, but skim milk is loathsome. The combination of fat and protein helps fill you up. Avocados are not a traditional British food, and very expensive.

How on earth do you ban a child from asking?

I literally said how in the post!

What if they are going through a growth spurt and are genuinely hungry?

You feed them more at their regular mealtimes.

@Yaya26 you think it’s sad a child hasn’t had coke at 8yo but you are ok giving 8yo children coke without their parents approval because you don’t agree with their parenting rules. You also seem ok with an 8yo lying to their parents. You said these parents seemed strict, meaning you don’t know them well enough to know what their reasons are for not allowing their child fizzy drinks, how do you know that they don’t have valid medical reasons? And it shouldn’t matter what their reasons are, you should not be giving any child anything that their parents have not agreed to.

I think it’s sad that as a parent you are ok with undermining other parents. Let’s hope no one dose this with your children.

Just for comparison my almost 5yo who is about 60th centile for height and 40th for weight will eat.

Breakfast: 1 piece whole meal toast & large portion of mixed berries or 2 weetabix & some fruit or bowl of porridge & fruit

Snack: banana & oaty bar or apple & buttered crackers

Lunch: 2 small sausage rolls, pasta salad, cherry tomatoes or beans & toast or ravioli and a petit filous afterwards

Snack: similar to morning snack

Dinner: bolognese, macaroni, chilli, pizza, sausages, mash & carrots

But probably 4 or 5 days a week he'll have some small chocolate, biscuit or cake too.

It really doesn't look like your kids are eating too much, that might just be how they are especially if they were on that centile as breastfed babies.

Hi OP, fellow physio here, I get where you’re coming from. I have two children (10 and 6) and my eldest was so similar to yours at a similar age. She never had a ‘full’ switch, would eat off others plates, always wanted more and could finish a large child’s meal when she was a toddler if she had the chance. My children have always felt heavy...when I lift their peers they feel like there are made of light honeycomb compared to mine!! She’s 10 now and remains on the 99th centile for height but is slim and well proportioned, and her eating habits now pretty much match ours just smaller for her. She absolutely grew out of it. She comes running with me sometimes, DH is fit too so our household is always out doing something and your children will be too. Give it time. They are your children and will have your genes, and will naturally be active as their parents show them how much fun it is. You’ll all be fine 💐💐

@Cowbells

Have you wormed them? Seriously, children can pick up worms and that can affect their appetite.

Our cat is hyperthyroid and screams for food all day long. Constant hunger. Might be worth checking their thyroid levels too.

Bear in mind that growth spurts create incredible hunger. DS1 used to eat as much as a grown man when he was 6/7 years old but on a growth spurt.

Do you give your cat Thyronorm? Works wonders for ours!

Not sure if this has been said already but could they have the genetic condition Prader-Willi? As soon as I read the post that's what I thought. It's very rare though.

My son was the same. If he was tired or bored, he mistook that for hunger. Children can't always communicate or understand their own needs. My son was briefly obese as a result age 11. I made sure we never had biscuits, cereal (full of sugar), cake, crisps etc in the house. My other son was always slim and had no issues. I never cried about it and it certainly didn't ruin my life! You need a hobby or something to take your mind off your worries.

When we are with friends I get so embarrassed by the constant requests for food especially as they are overweight.

I speak to family and friends but because they don’t look obese or even overweight as they’re v heavy but strong and muscular they tell me not to worry.

So do they look overweight or not? Do they have excess fat or are they just heavy in weight?

@Hummingbird18

Not sure if this has been said already but could they have the genetic condition Prader-Willi? As soon as I read the post that's what I thought. It's very rare though.

Jesus Christ. Could all the amateur doctors give themselves the day off?

These kids have been on the same centile since birth. They do not have Prader-Willi. Nor do they have hypothyroidism (screened for at birth btw). They have parents who are - through the best of motives - overly anxious about their weight.

You’ve said they are on 99th centile for weight, but what centile are they for height? If they are on the same or a similar one then they are either in proportion, or broadly in proportion. You can’t view the weight centile in isolation from height. Or from its position over time. They have been on this centile from birth. Please also think about that.

Centiles are a range for the entire population. SOMEONE has to be on the 99th. The same as someone has to be on the 2nd.

From what you’ve said, they don’t look obese or overweight, and I think you’re unhealthily fixated on this to the point where you’re going to seriously damage their lifelong relationships with food. And very probably the relationships with you and your husband too.

I know that is a increadibly harsh thing to say, but I can vividly remember the shame came with well-meaning comments from family members. It did not help. Into adulthood, I feel badly about how they made me feel when they were the adults and I was the child, and I see - with wiser and older eyes - that any issues I might have with food now were seeded then by behaviour like that, but the problem was absolutely not the perceived issues with my size or appetite that they saw.

Please just leave your children alone unless they are measurably clinically metabolically unhealthy. Which yours do not seem to be by your own admission.

OP, I honestly mean this kindly, I know it's hard to tell when it's written down. I get you are worried but your kids are healthy and thriving. You are giving them good food, so give them so more of it!! It's not like they are being raised on junk food. Please do yourself a favour and stop worrying about this. Let them eat the good stuff! And don't ever be embarrassed, just try and accept it. Trust me, it wouldn't be a bigger issue if they weren't eating! Also, the fact that it's both your children suggests to me that they may genuinely be hungry and not greedy. Again, I mean this very kindly and by no means would I want to criticise you. You seem like a very caring and thoughtful Mum!