Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely fuming - in laws

433 replies

I8toys · 29/04/2021 13:38

I just need to calm down before I take it out on my husband.

In laws are looking to downsize to our area - that's another thread on its own - not happy about it.

Heard a conversation between dh and them last night about popping around and parking outside our house whilst they went for a wander around the area. I said remind them I'm working please - ie don't knock on or come in. Oh that's okay we've got a flask they said.

Just finished a zoom with my boss and the door goes. Husband is at work. A delivery and my fil standing behind the delivery driver. WTF. Can we go the little boys room mil asks. What can I say no! So she goes to the downstairs loo and then they proceed to enter the house and wander around - looking in the garden. Still made no attempt to leave so to be polite I had to offer a cup of tea as they were here so long. Then they mentioned lunch but luckily it was too early.

So there I am answering emails whilst fil just chats away about eff all. They would never do this with my husband and his job but its as if they don't respect I'm working but just at home. It maybe an age thing.

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF but they aren't even supposed to be in my house. We're not in a bubble. They have had both jabs but I haven't. They could give it to me.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 20:41

"If they had any decency at all they would have left after that."

Or, having retired at least 15 years ago and almost certainly never wfh, and having not seen DIL for ages, they chatted for a bit too long. I mean, it could just be that couldn't it? It's nice to see the best in people, you could try it.

AmberIsACertainty · 29/04/2021 20:43

[quote EL8888]@Batteriisincluded exactly. I’m working from home and would appreciate a long interruption. I would then have to make up the time, especially as we are so busy. My working day is long and draining enough already thanks! I think there’s a wider issue with people not realising working from home, is actually working from home[/quote]
There's a wider societal issue of women's work not being valued, even by the women themselves sometimes, which can be seen on this thread. At one company I got so fed up with doing two people's work because I was so often covering a colleague who couldn't come in to work for a domestic dilemma. If a child was off sick from school, a home repair was needed, there was a parcel coming or the husband's car broken down, it was always the wife collecting the child from school and being nurse, cancelling work to wait home for workmen or delivery, giving their car to husband because heaven forbid he should have to take a day off due to his own broken down car and of course neither of them could possibly use public transport to get to work. This wasn't just one person, it was lots of them.

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 20:43

"dislike callous, unkind sexism and disrespect."

Callous old bastards, asking if they could use the loo. Very cruel and unkind.

I wonder what term you'd use for not allowing a desperate 80yo to use the loo.

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:43

@rawlikesushi

"If they had any decency at all they would have left after that."

Or, having retired at least 15 years ago and almost certainly never wfh, and having not seen DIL for ages, they chatted for a bit too long. I mean, it could just be that couldn't it? It's nice to see the best in people, you could try it.

If it was me I would have said to my DIL "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from work, I'll phone you tonight/next weekend".

They knew she was working, their own son even had a word with them about it so they knew. Come off it!

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:45

@rawlikesushi

"If you're unemployed, of course your boss sacking you for not doing your job doesn't warrant outrage."

Why are you banging on about being unemployed?

Because a person who holds down a job especially working flat out would not be so selfish and so entitled.
CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:46

@rawlikesushi

"dislike callous, unkind sexism and disrespect."

Callous old bastards, asking if they could use the loo. Very cruel and unkind.

I wonder what term you'd use for not allowing a desperate 80yo to use the loo.

Oh, for god's sake, don't spew such bullshit. I repeat from earlier;

They were driving around. There were public toilets. Shopping centres where they could have had lunch and used the toilets.

OP's house that they were parking outside and waiting was not the ONLY access to a toilet they had.

ShopoholicIn · 29/04/2021 20:47

Yes Yabu

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:48

I think a few people on here are pulling our legs or truly think so little of women.

Hollywolly1 · 29/04/2021 20:48

Why have they a key to your house?

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:51

There's a wider societal issue of women's work not being valued, even by the women themselves sometimes, which can be seen on this thread.

Yes, I sincerely hope some of them are trolling @AmberIsACertainty but the blatant irresponsibility, the sexism and disrespect is astonishing. If I told my boss 'hang on, MIL popped in, she wants to talk for an hour', I would....be.....SACKED. And yes, I do know this for a fact.

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 20:53

"Because a person who holds down a job especially working flat out would not be so selfish and so entitled."

Are you really asserting that a random internet stranger is unemployed because they see things differently to you?

Just to be clear - unemployed people are selfish and entitled?

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:55

As a previous poster said above, what if it was a call centre (perhaps 999) or Police Emergency/Social Worker/Domestic Violence/lifeline etc) the OP had dialled in to and was taking call after call after call (previous experience working in a call centre - they come in on top of each other as soon as the previous one ends)? Sure, she could press 'Not Ready' on her end, but her minutes on NR and counted, believe you me!

Or online counselling of an explicit nature? Or Paramedic work?

Would those 'oh come on, the 80 year old PILs just want a cuppa and talk' give the same 'lecture' to these frontline emergency personnel working from home? I'd love to see them try!

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 20:55

"OP's house that they were parking outside and waiting was not the ONLY access to a toilet they had."

They are relocating to op's area. How far had they travelled? Do they know where all the public loos are? Are they a bit nervous of public loos due to covid? My 80yo dad pees about ten times an hour. Just be kind, always, especially to family, especially if they're elderly, especially if you hardly see them.

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 20:56

"hang on, MIL popped in, she wants to talk for an hour', I would....be.....SACKED. And yes, I do know this for a fact."

This isn't what happened. Stop making stuff up.

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:57

We need a headbanging against a brick wall on this site. Confused

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:57

'icon'

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 20:57

@rawlikesushi

"hang on, MIL popped in, she wants to talk for an hour', I would....be.....SACKED. And yes, I do know this for a fact."

This isn't what happened. Stop making stuff up.

You DON'T KNOW IT WOULDN'T happen, do you? Use some common sense.
MoreWater · 29/04/2021 20:59

Haven't RTFT.

I WFH. Self employed.

I think the OP should have taken it moor in hand.

"Oh hi! Sorry I can't really chat, I'm on a call/preparing for a call/writing a report /whatever. Of course you can use the loo. Just make yourselves a drink! You ok just letting yourselves out? Great. We'll call you tonight.

Then just go and work.

MunchyCat · 29/04/2021 20:59

"It's nice to be nice."

Aka: women, know your place.

CokeDrinker · 29/04/2021 21:00

@MunchyCat

"It's nice to be nice."

Aka: women, know your place.

Exactly!
rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 21:01

"Would those 'oh come on, the 80 year old PILs just want a cuppa and talk' give the same 'lecture' to these frontline emergency personnel working from home? I'd love to see them try!"

Well op had finished her meeting and was able to answer the door for her parcel so I don't get the sense that lives were hanging in the balance.

If I was carrying out urgent work I'd have showed them the bathroom and the kettle, and disappeared back to work, probably arranging an off-duty time to catch up later, after work.

I wouldn't have chatted for longer than I was comfortable with, offered tea and stood drinking it with them, or posted about being fuming on mn.

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 21:02

"You DON'T KNOW IT WOULDN'T happen, do you? Use some common sense."

Stop shouting friend. Think of your blood pressure.

LesleyA · 29/04/2021 21:03

It’s not all or nothing here. 1. You could have said ‘would love to offer you tea but I have a work meeting ‘ 2. You’ve had jabs unfortunately I havent so until then I’m sure you respect that I really don’t want to risk anything as you both wouldn’t have hence having had your jabs’. You’ve got to find your voice to them otherwise you’ll be ranting in your thoughts all the time.

rawlikesushi · 29/04/2021 21:04

"Aka: women, know your place."

Good to be kind.

Cinderellashoes · 29/04/2021 21:04

Do you never take 10/15 minutes at work and have a chat with a friend? I do. I’m a nurse so pretty busy right now. But I don’t work constantly! Tbh it sounds like you don’t like your in laws very much. Is there a reason?