Absolutely fuming - in laws

[I8toys]

I just need to calm down before I take it out on my husband.

In laws are looking to downsize to our area - that's another thread on its own - not happy about it.

Heard a conversation between dh and them last night about popping around and parking outside our house whilst they went for a wander around the area. I said remind them I'm working please - ie don't knock on or come in. Oh that's okay we've got a flask they said.

Just finished a zoom with my boss and the door goes. Husband is at work. A delivery and my fil standing behind the delivery driver. WTF. Can we go the little boys room mil asks. What can I say no! So she goes to the downstairs loo and then they proceed to enter the house and wander around - looking in the garden. Still made no attempt to leave so to be polite I had to offer a cup of tea as they were here so long. Then they mentioned lunch but luckily it was too early.

So there I am answering emails whilst fil just chats away about eff all. They would never do this with my husband and his job but its as if they don't respect I'm working but just at home. It maybe an age thing.

I didn't say anything because I thought WTF but they aren't even supposed to be in my house. We're not in a bubble. They have had both jabs but I haven't. They could give it to me.

Am I overreacting?

@MrsTerryPratchett I don’t get your post? I wasn’t being snide?!

IMO - they deserved a warm welcome, a half hour of your time (no I don't care how busy you are), use of the loo and a hot drink.

There are SWs at home dealing with child protection. Doctors taking calls about serious medical conditions. And even if it's not a job like that it pays for the house their children live in. Just FYI I AM that busy frequently. Many people are.

@sHREDDIES19

Can you honestly say you couldn’t spare 10 minutes to have a chat and offer some basic hospitality to your family? It does sound as if you hate them. Take a step back and see it for what it is, really not worth being angry about!

Can you honestly say you'd expect a man working from home to drop everything and entertain in-laws when he told them he was busy at that time with work, @sHREDDIES19? She was at her place of employment. How many women entertain their in-laws at work? Do you honestly not see how misogynistic and sexist your attitude is, expecting the woman who is WORKING (and the in-laws KNEW THAT) to tell her boss to wait because her in-laws want a cup of tea? get real.

"The in-laws behaviour however, that the OPs work isn't important and she should host them whenever they want because she's a women, is sexist."

OP rarely sees them so it's hardly a regular occurrence, and 'whenever they want' is a bit of a stretch.

Also - they are relocating to the area, in their 80s, and were willing to park on the drive and disappear, no argument about this frankly shocking instruction, full compliance with the barmy, mean request.

The only reason they ended up inside at all is because they happened to arrive at the same time as a delivery and needed the loo enough to consider asking.

Who would ever consider leaving their elderly parents outside, desperate for the toilet? Somebody with a skewed set of priorities IMO.

[quote stackemhigh]@MrsTerryPratchett I don’t get your post? I wasn’t being snide?![/quote]
Quoted the wrong poster.

My apologies and

" Just FYI I AM that busy frequently. Many people are."

Yes, sure, me too. The whole world is wfh and knows exactly what it's fucking like.

They never visit. They were told not to knock and didn't. Making your 80yo parents piss behind a tree after a car journey is cruel. Get some bloody perspective.

"Can you honestly say you'd expect a man working from home to drop everything and entertain in-laws."

Yes of course. Gender irrelevant. Entertaining? Use of the loo and a hot drink, half an hour max? Funny entertaining at your house.

You are not over reacting. They are unreasonable and they shouldn’t have come in.

@rawlikesushi

"The in-laws behaviour however, that the OPs work isn't important and she should host them whenever they want because she's a women, is sexist."

OP rarely sees them so it's hardly a regular occurrence, and 'whenever they want' is a bit of a stretch.

Also - they are relocating to the area, in their 80s, and were willing to park on the drive and disappear, no argument about this frankly shocking instruction, full compliance with the barmy, mean request.

The only reason they ended up inside at all is because they happened to arrive at the same time as a delivery and needed the loo enough to consider asking.

Who would ever consider leaving their elderly parents outside, desperate for the toilet? Somebody with a skewed set of priorities IMO.

Oh come on @rawlikesushi 'happened to arrive' my arse, wake up, they deliberately used the delivery guy as an excuse. They were told OP was at WORK. Working. They knew this. They were specifically told this. If it was the son at home working, they never would have called in. They were driving around. They had a car. Access to public toilets etc. Some people are playing daft or truly cannot see how manipulative the in-laws were being in this instance. You might have a point if they used the toilet and then left straight after. They didn't. What proves it is that they hung around after using the toilet, and expected a cuppa and to be entertained. Because she's a woman and her 'work' can't be that serious if she is working from home, right? The sexism is blatantly obvious, and their disrespect for OP's work was also blatantly obvious.

If you say so coke. You seem to know a lot about their motives and innermost thoughts. I wonder how they knew to wait around for hours on the off-chance of a delivery. Let's hope you are never on the receiving end of such shit treatment from one of your adult kids.

" and expected a cuppa and to be entertained."

No they didn't. OP offered.

@rawlikesushi

If you say so coke. You seem to know a lot about their motives and innermost thoughts. I wonder how they knew to wait around for hours on the off-chance of a delivery. Let's hope you are never on the receiving end of such shit treatment from one of your adult kids.

I intend to respect my adult child's choices and requests.

@rawlikesushi

"Can you honestly say you'd expect a man working from home to drop everything and entertain in-laws."

Yes of course. Gender irrelevant. Entertaining? Use of the loo and a hot drink, half an hour max? Funny entertaining at your house.

Sorry, don't believe it. If it was a man in the middle of back-to-back conference calls for merger negotiations you would not.

They were driving around. There were public toilets. Shopping centres where they could have had lunch and used the toilets.

She was at her PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT. Not just her 'house'. That's what you don't get. Perhaps you don't work? If you do, next time you go to work, invite your in-laws to pop in at an odd time and knock on the bosses door and tell him/her that you are going to make your in-laws a cuppa and take half an hour out - even if he needs you for an urgent staff meeting.

Good luck with that!

Coke oh look, turns out you know lots of stuff about what I think too, what a talent.

@rawlikesushi

If you say so coke. You seem to know a lot about their motives and innermost thoughts. I wonder how they knew to wait around for hours on the off-chance of a delivery. Let's hope you are never on the receiving end of such shit treatment from one of your adult kids.

They wanted to park outside the house, so it was already arranged they'd park there, as the OP said.

I know that I would never show up to the place of my DC's employ and demand they make me a cuppa then take half an hour out. I have too much respect for them and their job to do that.

@rawlikesushi

Coke oh look, turns out you know lots of stuff about what I think too, what a talent.

Well you're either grossly irresponsible and selfish, or unemployed. One or the other.

"I intend to respect my adult child's choices and requests."

Me too but sometimes circumstances change - you need the loo, you're delighted to see your DIL for the first time in ages, she offers you a cup of tea.

If you really think about the crime, it doesn't warrant the outrage.

"I know that I would never show up to the place of my DC's employ and demand they make me a cuppa."

Well they didn't do that either.

@CokeDrinker
Won't be the worst thing I've ever been called 😂😉

@rawlikesushi

"I intend to respect my adult child's choices and requests."

Me too but sometimes circumstances change - you need the loo, you're delighted to see your DIL for the first time in ages, she offers you a cup of tea.

If you really think about the crime, it doesn't warrant the outrage.

Not when the in-laws were specifically told not to come.

If you're unemployed, of course your boss sacking you for not doing your job doesn't warrant outrage.

What doesn't warrant outrage, is manipulative in-laws being called out for what they are. Manipulative, sexist, and very disrespectful.

"Well you're either grossly irresponsible and selfish, or unemployed. One or the other."

No, none of those. You're either callous and unkind, or lack the imagination to see a different point of view. One or the other.

@rawlikesushi

"I know that I would never show up to the place of my DC's employ and demand they make me a cuppa."

Well they didn't do that either.

They showed up to her place of employ and hung around after using the toilet, the inference is quite obvious. If they had any decency at all they would have left after that.

You’re not over reacting to be annoyed and a bit anxious about how this will pan out - maybe fuming is a bridge too far!

I defo wouldn’t have offered tea!

@rawlikesushi

"Well you're either grossly irresponsible and selfish, or unemployed. One or the other."

No, none of those. You're either callous and unkind, or lack the imagination to see a different point of view. One or the other.

Nope, none of those. I simply take employment seriously, and dislike callous, unkind sexism and disrespect.

"If you're unemployed, of course your boss sacking you for not doing your job doesn't warrant outrage."

Why are you banging on about being unemployed?