To be annoyed at pregnant friends

[Darkangel2]

I am just needing a place to vent.

I am pregnant (32 weeks) at the same time as a few friends, who all are on different levels of the spectrum when it comes to approach to covid and to decision making for their babies.

One couple wants to meet in a park in the middle of nowhere, my husband said that it needs to be close to facilities as I need to use the bathroom every 1.5 hours or so, and then said I can just wee in the bushes, and they refuse to come over to our garden as they refuse to go to an outdoor seated restaurant because it's too busy (IMO massive generalisation of all restaurants). Because we have met friends at these type of venues they now refuse to see us up until the point of their child being born (September FGS).

Another is even more ridiculous, the women in a chat group was discussing who was going down the oral route or injection route of giving meds/necessary checks to their newborns i.e. vit K.. I was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.

AIBU for being worked up about both things? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones firing up but I can't help but literally be so annoyed about it!!

Sounds like they are quite anxious re covid, however you sound overly invested in their choices re medical procedures for their children. Mind you own business!

How is it any of your business how other parents-to-be want to medicate their kids? They hardly sound like massive anti-vaxxers in general!

Is this your first baby?

I am in agreement with you on both things but they're also decisions that they are perfectly entitled to make for themselves. Is this your first baby? If so, this is good practice for learning not to talk about parenting decisions with friends because people get so het up about things that later seem so inconsequential. I pretty much lost a friend entirely because she said I had abused my DS by doing sleep training with him, which seems more and more ridiculous (both the comment and the falling out) as time goes on, and I wish we'd just never had the conversation!

I literally almost lost it

Massive overreaction

I think you’re being pretty unreasonable tbh. Everyone has their own choices and nothing makes your opinion more worthy or valid than someone else’s.

If they were planning to tattoo their babies when they arrived or something you’d have a point but these are really just differences of opinion and view. You’ll have to chill out a lot cos when the baby actually gets here there is SO much more than you ever thought about that you’ll end up having a very strong view on.

Why would you give too shiny shits about how they choose for their baby to receive the vitamin k?
Why is your dh deciding if you need to be near a toilet?

The injection thing is simply none of your business. Learn this lesson now, otherwise the next few years may be tough. Some people make shit decisions for their kids. Some of those shit decisions are obviously, bell-ringingly, visible from space shit. Still none of your business.

The meeting up thing - you either find something that suits everyone / that represents a decent compromise, or you don’t and don’t meet up.

While I agree with your opinions on both of those things, neither of them are really anything to do with you.
You’re already judging your friends parenting and decision making with regards to the vit K thing... will you be happy for others to judge the decisions you make regarding your baby?

You are massively over invested in what other people are doing with their babies. It’s not a debate club. If these conversations are going to have such an extreme effect on you then don’t have them, change the subject and talk about something non triggering for you. You’re going to seriously alienate all your friends otherwise.

It’s also absolutely fine to feel guilty about giving a baby an injection. When you see someone else inflicting physical pain on your child, it’s really hard to watch. No matter the reason why, and that it’s for their own good, and that it’s infinitely less painful than getting measles / TB etc etc it still isn’t particularly nice.

YANBU to get worked up about any friend expecting you to wee in a bush as part of a social get together.

The rest... [backs away, holding hands up]

Mind your business! It's their decision how they medicate their own child.

If you don't like the proposed arrangements for meeting up, don't go.

Also I have three children. The vast majority of my friends have multiple children. I have no idea how they chose to administer the Vit K dose, and I have never mentioned to anyone how we did it (injection). Why is it relevant to your friendship?

It really sounds like you're over reacting. I think it's sensible for them to want to meet in open spaces. Is it the end of the world if you need to wee behind a bush (and why is your husband deciding when you need a wee?)

The Vit k thing is their choice? Why is that making you so cross?

Don't get so invested in other peoples business

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

Also I have three children. The vast majority of my friends have multiple children. I have no idea how they chose to administer the Vit K dose, and I have never mentioned to anyone how we did it (injection). Why is it relevant to your friendship?

Yeah, this. I have no idea how a single child in my friendship circle received their vit K dose.

@shouldistop

Why would you give too shiny shits about how they choose for their baby to receive the vitamin k? Why is your dh deciding if you need to be near a toilet?

That bit was weird to me as well. I'd be totally 'what the fuck' if my husband was announcing my piss-schedule to friends. Is he going to be type who starts sharing the toddler's first potty poo on social media??

To be honest it sounds like irritation from pregnancy hormones. How they choose to meet up and give vit D to their babies isn't really something for you to concern yourself with. I'd sit tight and not say anything, when the babies are born, it's good to have a group of first time mum friends to vent to and get advice from. Its really not worth rocking the boat because you have different standards and will make different choices to them.

It's going to be a long 18 years for you at this rate.

You've got birth decisions
Feeding -breast Vs formula
Weaning -blw or traditional
Whether to give pain medication for teething
Screen time.
Sleep training
Parenting styles
Rear facing car seats
Disposable Vs reusable nappies.
Cot Vs bedsharing

And that only takes us to the first 18m or so.

Their kids, their choice. If you are going to get worked up over every single thing you'll have a miserable time and won't have any friends left by the end of it. People can parent differently and still be good parents.

Also I have three children. The vast majority of my friends have multiple children. I have no idea how they chose to administer the Vit K dose, and I have never mentioned to anyone how we did it (injection). Why is it relevant to your friendship?

Exactly this. Op you're going to be embarrassed about these conversations in a couple of years.

Yes. YABVU. You (and your husband) sound a little controlling tbh.

I'm confused why your husband is speaking for you and your need for toilet, unless you mean he is the one planning the meet up via text or whatever so something he mentioned to them when arranging. Sorry it's not very clear.

Not sure this is worth getting so worked up about, why do you care so much about someone else choosing the oral route for vitamin K? It's not something I ever discussed with friends, not something worth discussing imo. The oral route is offered by the NHS so surely it must be good enough, personally I just chose the injection because it's less faff. Some of my friends have done far more questionable things in pregnancy/parenting, but it's really not my place, I'm sure people disagree with how I do things as well. At the end of the day, are you willing to lose friends over this?

Aaah, I don't blame you for finding it ridiculous, but you need to let it go. Having said that, someone once told me that children can absolutely break friendships when you discover that the person you thought was your BFF parents so very differently to you that the two of you can't reconcile on it and I think it's sadly quite true.

If it's any consolation, I met a woman who stopped eating seafood in all forms during pregnancy because she thought it was bad? Was very hard not to respond negatively to that one!

Why would you give too shiny shits about how they choose for their baby to receive the vitamin k?

Because it's a first step on the slippery slope towards full-blown anti-vaxxing and if that's the opinion of anyone I'm hanging out with I'd want to know. And yes I am fully aware that vitamin K is not a vaccine but you'd be amazed how many anti-vaxxers aren't.

I also don't have any idea how many of my friends, if any, declined the vitamin k jab but I mostly assume that as it didn't come up in conversation they just cracked on with it.

I met a woman who stopped eating seafood in all forms during pregnancy because she thought it was bad? Was very hard not to respond negatively to that one!

Much seafood is off the menu during pregnant though, and others recommended that you severely reduce. I'm not sure what other people's pregnancy choices do to invoke a reaction where others are chewing their tongue off 'not to say something'. Unless it's going to cause harm in some way, like excessive drinking or drug use or being an anti-vaxxer, I really cannot see how anyone's general diet or medical choices warrant anything other than a 'that's nice' response.