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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at pregnant friends

155 replies

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 11:12

I am just needing a place to vent.

I am pregnant (32 weeks) at the same time as a few friends, who all are on different levels of the spectrum when it comes to approach to covid and to decision making for their babies.

One couple wants to meet in a park in the middle of nowhere, my husband said that it needs to be close to facilities as I need to use the bathroom every 1.5 hours or so, and then said I can just wee in the bushes, and they refuse to come over to our garden as they refuse to go to an outdoor seated restaurant because it's too busy (IMO massive generalisation of all restaurants). Because we have met friends at these type of venues they now refuse to see us up until the point of their child being born (September FGS).

Another is even more ridiculous, the women in a chat group was discussing who was going down the oral route or injection route of giving meds/necessary checks to their newborns i.e. vit K.. I was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.

AIBU for being worked up about both things? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones firing up but I can't help but literally be so annoyed about it!!

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 29/04/2021 11:50

YABVU and really quite nasty. I can’t believe you asked them to justify their decision re. oral medication.

It’s none of your business how they parent their child or choose to keep themselves safe.

Triffid1 · 29/04/2021 11:55

@BrumBoo

I met a woman who stopped eating seafood in all forms during pregnancy because she thought it was bad? Was very hard not to respond negatively to that one!

Much seafood is off the menu during pregnant though, and others recommended that you severely reduce. I'm not sure what other people's pregnancy choices do to invoke a reaction where others are chewing their tongue off 'not to say something'. Unless it's going to cause harm in some way, like excessive drinking or drug use or being an anti-vaxxer, I really cannot see how anyone's general diet or medical choices warrant anything other than a 'that's nice' response.

Some seafood is off menu, I wouldn't say it means all seafood is a no go. And I personally think the level of terror this woman expressed at her MIL's suggestion that they have fried cod was ridiculous! But the point I was making was that other people's decisions are just that - their's - and the best thing the rest of us can do is not get too invested and accept that in some cases we may realise people we thought we were on the same page with, are, in fact, NOT. [shrug]
Siepie · 29/04/2021 11:55

@Babyboomtastic

It's going to be a long 18 years for you at this rate.

You've got birth decisions
Feeding -breast Vs formula
Weaning -blw or traditional
Whether to give pain medication for teething
Screen time.
Sleep training
Parenting styles
Rear facing car seats
Disposable Vs reusable nappies.
Cot Vs bedsharing

And that only takes us to the first 18m or so.

Their kids, their choice. If you are going to get worked up over every single thing you'll have a miserable time and won't have any friends left by the end of it. People can parent differently and still be good parents.

This. You can't expect all your friends to make all of the same parenting decisions as you, or you'll have no friends left.
Abouttimemum · 29/04/2021 11:57

I don’t really understand any of the sentence about the medication. Vitamins by injection??

WhySoSensitive · 29/04/2021 12:00

I hate people like you, judging parents before they’re even bloody parents.
Everyone has their own reasons and they make the decision that they feel is best for them.

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 12:00

You sound very judgey. The vitamin K is the parent's choice. The not feeling comfortable to meet up due to covid is a personal choice.

brokengate · 29/04/2021 12:00

@Abouttimemum I'm the opposite! I knew it was given injection when born but did not know it could be oral.

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 12:00

Just focus on your own baby and judge yourself.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 29/04/2021 12:02

@Abouttimemum

I don’t really understand any of the sentence about the medication. Vitamins by injection??
When babies are born they are given a vitamin k injection. There is also an oral form, but it is harder to administer and less effective.
brushlaptop · 29/04/2021 12:02

You sound overly invested in how they live their lives...

Trolleywool · 29/04/2021 12:04

You sound ridiculously judgemental, hopefully it's the hormones and you wouldn't normally judge friends like this.

OwlBeThere · 29/04/2021 12:04

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

Also I have three children. The vast majority of my friends have multiple children. I have no idea how they chose to administer the Vit K dose, and I have never mentioned to anyone how we did it (injection). Why is it relevant to your friendship?
I don’t even remember how I gave vit k 😂
EverdeRose · 29/04/2021 12:05

You're offered vitamin K for your baby shortly after birth. It can either be given in injection form 1 dose or I think 3 oral doses. It's to prevent catastrophic brain bleeding in babies thst can be caused during traumatic births.

The injection is quicker to take effect and your certain they've received the full dose.

The oral doses are fiddly, its likely baby won't receive the full amount due to spillage, spitting out etc, sometimes they're forgotten completely, but no crying baby.

A good few years ago there was hints of a link between the vitK injection and childhood cancers. It's now been proven unsubstantiated, however it had put some people odd. Likewise, there's also a gorging wave of thought that its pointless go give it to a baby who had an untraumatic birth. Likelihood of a catastrophic bleed either way is very low this is just added security and reassurance.

EverdeRose · 29/04/2021 12:06

Sorry that was meant to be in response to @Abouttimemum

TheGumption · 29/04/2021 12:08

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OwlBeThere · 29/04/2021 12:08

@DappledThings

Why would you give too shiny shits about how they choose for their baby to receive the vitamin k?

Because it's a first step on the slippery slope towards full-blown anti-vaxxing and if that's the opinion of anyone I'm hanging out with I'd want to know. And yes I am fully aware that vitamin K is not a vaccine but you'd be amazed how many anti-vaxxers aren't.

I also don't have any idea how many of my friends, if any, declined the vitamin k jab but I mostly assume that as it didn't come up in conversation they just cracked on with it.

Do you have evidence for this ‘slippery slope’?

It’s not actually any of your business if people chose to not vaccinate either.

poppycat10 · 29/04/2021 12:09

I couldn't get worked up over the vitamin K injection, it's not like the baby is going to remember a couple of seconds of pain - that's them projecting their fear of needles I think. But OP, I would suggest that you don't worry about what other people do if it doesn't affect you.

The meeting up thing is more difficult because it does affect you. And refusing to meet you now until September because you have met up with other people in safe outside venue is completely crazy.

As others have said, from the moment you become a parent (get pregnant if you are a woman) you are judged by everyone. You need to stop judging yourself, it's not good for your blood pressure.

poppycat10 · 29/04/2021 12:10

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NataSmith · 29/04/2021 12:10

People are being a little harsh in their wording if you ask me. Get frustrated, have a rant at your husband but don’t take this stuff too seriously. Whatsapp groups are annoying, best to keep some distance from them, do another activity you enjoy to not get too focused on them and the content. It’s normal with your 1st to focus on small things which seem big (like the vit k) and are big first time around but later seem small.

C152 · 29/04/2021 12:11

You are over-reacting a little bit. I wouldn't be happy about meeting in the middle of nowhere with no toilet facilities, but I guess you'll just have to accept you won't see that set of friends until they're more comfortable with the world opening up again.

YAB totally unreasonable about the 2nd friend. Who cares how she wants her child to receive vit k? And it's on WhatsApp, so you can easily ignore it.

TheGumption · 29/04/2021 12:11

🤣 aye okay love

3JsMa · 29/04/2021 12:12

Your plans and expectations of a meeting are understandable but YABU for getting angry that your friends have different views,just don't meet until it's possible or keep it short so you can stop somewhere to use the toilet.
In regards to oral vit.K,you do you,other parents are perfectly reasonable to use oral administration,that's why they were given a choice. Interrogating them about their choice is a bit of poor taste.

DappledThings · 29/04/2021 12:12

Do you have evidence for this ‘slippery slope’?
Plenty, from spending too much time reading shite on Facebook so I can shake my head in despair at some of the ill-informed shite there is out there. Forewarned is forearmed and all that

It’s not actually any of your business if people chose to not vaccinate either.
Depends on your definition of my business. I am quite happy to judge people who don't vaccinate their children and most likely not want to be friends with them. As free as they are to judge me for my judginess. Fine by me!

Bhappy12 · 29/04/2021 12:14

Not your baby. Not your business.

Focus of making decisions that you're comfortable and happy with, and leave everyone else to do the same. I know it's easier said than done but (especially new) parents get so much judgement and unsolicited opinions already - they don't need it from their friends, too.

emilyfrost · 29/04/2021 12:15

Plenty, from spending too much time reading shite on Facebook

@DappledThings So no then 😂