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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at pregnant friends

155 replies

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 11:12

I am just needing a place to vent.

I am pregnant (32 weeks) at the same time as a few friends, who all are on different levels of the spectrum when it comes to approach to covid and to decision making for their babies.

One couple wants to meet in a park in the middle of nowhere, my husband said that it needs to be close to facilities as I need to use the bathroom every 1.5 hours or so, and then said I can just wee in the bushes, and they refuse to come over to our garden as they refuse to go to an outdoor seated restaurant because it's too busy (IMO massive generalisation of all restaurants). Because we have met friends at these type of venues they now refuse to see us up until the point of their child being born (September FGS).

Another is even more ridiculous, the women in a chat group was discussing who was going down the oral route or injection route of giving meds/necessary checks to their newborns i.e. vit K.. I was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.

AIBU for being worked up about both things? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones firing up but I can't help but literally be so annoyed about it!!

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 29/04/2021 13:09

" if you can't do the initial one then how are you going to manage in the future with vaccinations???"

Many people find it a lot more emotionally difficult to vaccinate a minutes-old baby but are completely fine with vaccinating the baby once they're a bit older. I'm definitely not one of those people and my ds had the injection straight away but I do understand why people might think differently. Nothing is black and white.

freecuthbert · 29/04/2021 13:10

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your friend made a thread here judging you for not being cautious enough when planning to meet up during a pandemic and your own decision with vit k?

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 29/04/2021 13:12

I just hope I don't get wound up when the friends decide not to take the MMR jab for example, like some have said, it's their choice to be anti-vaxxers!

Are they anti-vaxxers? Have they said they won’t have the MMR?

As a PP said, there is a valid alternative to the vit k injection. If it wasn’t a valid alternative, it wouldn’t be offered by the NHS. There isn’t a readily available alternative to the MMR. So it’s not a true comparison.

Original poster

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:13

@FlibbertyGiblets no issue per say in hindsight, it's less effective if taken orally and needs precision to do it. It was just me questioning why you would consider a jab as being painful as the reason to go down a route that has less efficacy considering the number of jabs the kid will have in their lifetime. So I will walk away from this learning to hold my tongue and not give them a strong opinion (they asked me which route I was taking and why).

With the husband thing, can people stop bashing him please? He was organising it with the male friend as I wanted him to sort it out for once, I wasn't part of the conversation and I already said, he did exactly what I would have wanted him to do, i.e. I am not going to pee in a bush at 32 weeks pregnant

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/04/2021 13:13

@Darkangel2

I have really turned into a monster the last few weeks and I have no idea why, maybe I'm getting stressed out with the imminent arrival, so once again thanks those who have been kind and reminded me that this is now it will be from now on, I just hope I don't get wound up when the friends decide not to take the MMR jab for example, like some have said, it's their choice to be anti-vaxxers!

And for context, this bunch of friends were also the ones who looked at me in disgust when I said I cook dinner with wine and said it's the same as drinking the stuff from a glass...

That’s ignorance then. Just chalk it off to them following guidelines without critical thinking. It’s not your job to educate them. Some people need to lose children or see them harmed before they understand how vaccines work. My friend lost her son to measles in a foreign country when he was 17 because she was anti-MMR - she comes from a well educated family with multiple doctors who all advised her that those studies were a bunch of crock. But it was her son who died as a result. Several weeks later she got all her other kids vaccinated.

SuperMonkeys · 29/04/2021 13:16

There is nothing to say they will be antivaxxers at all.

freecuthbert · 29/04/2021 13:16

Sorry, didn't see your last message. So I guess the shoe has been on the other foot, as you were judged by your friends for cooking with wine. It's silly and unkind of them to judge you like that, but the same can be said about you judging them and feeling angry about their choices. Hopefully you and your friends can move on from all this and stop judging each other.

RedcurrantPuff · 29/04/2021 13:16

They sound precious and highly irritating but leave them to it.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 29/04/2021 13:17

Why are you bothered about not seeing them until September when you don’t like them much anyway?

NeedNewKnees · 29/04/2021 13:17

Common side effect of 3rd trimester, OP - hormone-induced irritability.

Try to rein it in when talking to people in person, but let ‘er rip on places like MN where you can safely vent without losing friends.

freecuthbert · 29/04/2021 13:17

I wasn't bashing your husband at all by the way, I do think he sounds supportive. I was just a bit confused about the context of him speaking for you, but like I said it would make sense if he's the one making the arrangements, which turns out to be the case

EweandI · 29/04/2021 13:19

Why do you care so much?! Yabu

EverdeRose · 29/04/2021 13:19

That doesn't mean they'll be antivaxxers OP. It's about critical thinking. Does the risk of one thing out weigh the risk of another.
Both me and my partner are medically trained. We agreed that if the birth was untraumatic not to have VitK at all, if it was traumatic to go for the injection as it was safer.

My child has had all their vaccinations, I split the menB to avoid a a very high fever so we had 5 vaccination appointments instead of 3. Again critical thinking.

LolaSmiles · 29/04/2021 13:21

If you're in this state now then it's going to be a long 18 years of being close to losing it over trivial matters.

Nonmaquillee · 29/04/2021 13:21

Goodness, you are already getting worked up about other people's choices and you haven't even had your baby yet...wait until the baby's born...you soon learn your own way of doing things and when to keep your mouth closed if you want to keep your friends.

And I agree with a PP - surely it's up to you to decide when you may need the toilet?!

Original poster

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:22

@NeedNewKnees @freecuthbert thank you both, just really emotional right now, and then I get emotional about not being able to control my emotions!! And yes, just needed a safe place to vent, although not everybody appreciates this!

@TheOneWithTheBigNose the 'park couple' is a different set of friends.

And I wish I could edit the post before but I was supposed to say 'if they turn out to be anti-vaxxers' not when. MN please put an edit function in!!!!

OP posts:

BurbageBrook · 29/04/2021 13:22

Ever heard of ‘live and let live’ OP?

UhtredRagnarson · 29/04/2021 13:22

thanks those who have been kind and reminded me that this is now it will be from now on

Or you could just relax? And enjoy the next 18 years.

BrumBoo · 29/04/2021 13:23

But it's really weird to discuss your toilet habits with random friends. No need to go into close toilets/bush situations just choose a place that's convenient for you. Or use Tena if it's that bad....

FizzyApricot · 29/04/2021 13:23

@Darkangel2

And for context, this bunch of friends were also the ones who looked at me in disgust when I said I cook dinner with wine and said it's the same as drinking the stuff from a glass...

You have a very judgy bunch of friends

Pebbledashery · 29/04/2021 13:23

You do seem very judgemental.

Dipi79 · 29/04/2021 13:23

OP, I felt irritated by everything and everyone during most of the 30+ weeks.
I was, however, able to squat wee without assistance, at 34 weeks, carrying twins, which I was strangely proud of!!!

DKmamma · 29/04/2021 13:26

"Pregna-rage" is real, my friend I remember it well. Things are gonna wind you up like mad but, as others have said, you've got to let it go

We all have different approaches to managing the covid risk. It's a personal choice and whilst you might not feel the same way, you have to accept that it's their choice.

Maggiesfarm · 29/04/2021 13:26

You are taking all this far too seriously, Darkangel. What others do or how they feel, unless directly affecting you and yours, is neither here nor there in the scheme of things. Their priorities will also change from time to time, as will yours.

It seems odd to me to be thinking about medicating a baby before the child is even here, I know it never even crossed my mind when I was pregnant but - each to their own. No harm done.

Chill, enjoy your pregnancy.

BiBabbles · 29/04/2021 13:32

I get it's real emotional now as your expectations aren't being met, but really, the rage isn't going to help and if you want to continue the friendships, it sounds like y'all need to be more understanding.

Due to some 'incidents' while pregnant with my first, I trusted HCP about as far as I could throw them. I delayed vaccinations in part because of that and my mother had sent me all sorts on our 'family medical history' including how my sister was so ill after she had her first ones. Now I'm not sure how much of what she said was true (I've found more than a few lies from her since) and honestly 19-20 year old me didn't know which way was up on the topic after everything and we seemed low enough risk to take a bit longer, but people being pissy with me never made me change my mind - it just entrenched me more into a 'crunchy' group oddly made up of a lot of other people who'd dealt with medical abuse - it took some people being understanding and discussing it with me kindly to help me move forward. Now I've paid private for my children have to more than what's on the NHS schedule. Rage didn't get me there, consideration did.

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