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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at pregnant friends

155 replies

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 11:12

I am just needing a place to vent.

I am pregnant (32 weeks) at the same time as a few friends, who all are on different levels of the spectrum when it comes to approach to covid and to decision making for their babies.

One couple wants to meet in a park in the middle of nowhere, my husband said that it needs to be close to facilities as I need to use the bathroom every 1.5 hours or so, and then said I can just wee in the bushes, and they refuse to come over to our garden as they refuse to go to an outdoor seated restaurant because it's too busy (IMO massive generalisation of all restaurants). Because we have met friends at these type of venues they now refuse to see us up until the point of their child being born (September FGS).

Another is even more ridiculous, the women in a chat group was discussing who was going down the oral route or injection route of giving meds/necessary checks to their newborns i.e. vit K.. I was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.

AIBU for being worked up about both things? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones firing up but I can't help but literally be so annoyed about it!!

OP posts:
Bancha · 29/04/2021 12:40

It’s not for you to feel annoyed about how other people manage risk (covid) or make parenting decisions (vit k).

I know someone who had a late miscarriage due to covid. It was heartbreaking. If I was pregnant I would be very cautious, and I’m not an especially anxious or cautious person. But I wouldn’t think any less of you for being less cautious than me. Live and let live. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

babyt2020 · 29/04/2021 12:41

The ones who won't meet are being way over the top! I personally am with u and would just do the injection but people are just different I guess. I lost a friend because her paranoia over covid drove me nuts and she kept cancelling meetings, I just couldn't be arsed!

apooagnuandyou · 29/04/2021 12:42

@Posyc

Another one who doesn't understand why your husband is saying where /how often you should go to the toilet. That's really odd!!
not sure ignoring his wife needs and HIM telling her to pee in the bushes would be better? Confused

Husbands really cannot win on MN Hmm

BiBabbles · 29/04/2021 12:42

I hope the vent helped you feel better, but yeah, you're being unreasonable and a pretty harsh 'friend'.

I hope everything goes as well and comfortably as possible. It will go better if you accept you can't control how others' make choices and it's a waste of energy and possibly counter productive trying.

I've never had anyone ask about my children's Vit K post-birth other than medical professionals, and they haven't since they were a couple of months old (and only one of my four children had it at all as his birth was more traumatic with getting his shoulder stuck, I don't even recall it being offered with DD1).

Personally, with my first, some acting like they were making the superior choice and I was just not smart enough never made me sway away from ideas that weren't "medically sound". I had a lot of weird ideas back then, a lot of them based on fear, and the internet is full of all sorts of 'research' to back up anything around this sort of thing. It took people who could understand that my fears weren't a sign of a lack of intelligence or entirely unreasonable when you've dealt with some very untrustworthy, abusive medical professionals, to talk me through my ideas into seeing things differently. I don't recommend you do it unless you can actually have an understanding mindset, but this rage isn't helping anyone and won't change anyone's mind.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 29/04/2021 12:46

The OP is in for a world of pain once she and those around her have actually had their babies and the parameters of differing choices and what it is possible to judge/be judged on blows wide open Grin

firstimemamma · 29/04/2021 12:47

I'm sorry op but I don't get it. We did the vitamin k injection but I literally couldn't care less if someone else did things another way.

You're really going to have to learn to let stuff go and accept everyone is different or I'm afraid your life will be a misery once you've had the baby. Weaning, sleeping, big bed transition, potty training - a million different approaches to everything. Your friends will do things differently to you.

EmbarrassingMama · 29/04/2021 12:51

Let's hope you don't have to have an EMCS and struggle with breastfeeding....

Get a grip.

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 12:52

Regarding my husband, he knows that I will not pee in a bush so I am happy he advocated that I will not be squatting down to pee behind a bush with a watermelon attached to my stomach, really great if anyone at 32 weeks could to be honest, lend me your tips on flexibility skills please!

On the second point, people are right, I am pregnant with my first and this is definitely going to be long ass journey on other people's choices that are different to mine. It goes to the point of other people have mentioned around future jabs, if you can't do the initial one then how are you going to manage in the future with vaccinations???

As I've said before, pregnancy hormones are really getting to me so thanks for those who appreciate this!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/04/2021 12:54

Oh, your parenting years are going to be such fun!

BobbidyBob · 29/04/2021 12:55

You’re going to have to get used to people parenting differently to you or you’ll find yourself a very lonely Mum who has pissed off all the people who might have wanted to hang out with you and your baby on maternity leave.

PattyPan · 29/04/2021 12:55

Yabu to care about the vit k thing but yanbu about the garden thing - they won’t come to your garden? What exactly is the risk there compared to a park?! And refusing to see you until September presumably despite negative Covid tests just because you’ve been to outdoor restaurants is ridiculous. Is this their PFB by any chance?

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 29/04/2021 12:56

It goes to the point of other people have mentioned around future jabs, if you can't do the initial one then how are you going to manage in the future with vaccinations???

That’s for them to concern themselves with, not you.

SoupDragon · 29/04/2021 12:56

if you can't do the initial one then how are you going to manage in the future with vaccinations???

It's quite straightforward - one of these scenarios has a perfectly viable alternative, the other does not.

user1493494961 · 29/04/2021 12:57

Maybe they don't really want to see you, you sound hard work.

SuperMonkeys · 29/04/2021 12:58

Riiiight, so you all have the same level of experience when it comes to parenting? As in, zero?

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 12:58

*lend me your tips on flexibility and how you don't get pee all over your legs and feet if you can't squat properly! Leg on tree like a male dog perhaps and hope it's not a trickle? Grin

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 29/04/2021 13:01

Somewhat off topic but my baby cried far more when I tried to give her oral medication than when she had an injection. Plus we both got covered in calpol.

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/04/2021 13:03

You need to stop judging people who choose to parent differently otherwise you won’t have any friends left. You feel superior now but further down the line they may do things with their kids that you feel inadequate. Stop comparing from now and just enjoy your pregnancy and impending motherhood.

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/04/2021 13:04

@Darkangel2

*lend me your tips on flexibility and how you don't get pee all over your legs and feet if you can't squat properly! Leg on tree like a male dog perhaps and hope it's not a trickle? Grin
I used to wear maxis and no knickers and just stand with the skirt up to my thighs and my legs wife apart. Worked well.
Abouttimemum · 29/04/2021 13:04

@EverdeRose @TheOneWithTheBigNose ah I see! Thank you both.
DS was prem and whisked off to neonatal as soon as he was born so i either knew nothing about it or did and have forgotten in the chaos! He had injections and cannulas every day poor bairn.

Anyway in response to OP I couldn’t muster up any energy to be bothered about it!

freecuthbert · 29/04/2021 13:06

It's nice that your husband has your back, why was he advocating for you rather than you advocating for yourself? That's why I was wondering if he was the one arranging the meet-up so communication through him, which would make more sense.

I'm sure everyone (or most people I'd hope) would agree it would be unreasonable to expect you to squat and pee in bushes. But it's also unreasonable of you to expect others to meet up in settings with a level of risk that's uncomfortable to them. I had a high risk pregnancy during the pandemic and did everything to keep me and baby safe, you don't know the full extent of your friend's circumstances. What if she's previously experienced a loss and is being cautious to prevent that happening again? There is no need to feel angry about this, if you can't agree on arrangements for meeting up then simply don't meet up for now.

And as far as I know, it's not like other vaccinations have the option of an oral dose instead of a jab, so I don't really get your point about future jabs. They could have just refused the vit k altogether but didn't, so clearly they are not anti-vaxxers and see some benefit of their baby having it.

FlibbertyGiblets · 29/04/2021 13:07

What is the issue with oral meds pls?

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:07

I have really turned into a monster the last few weeks and I have no idea why, maybe I'm getting stressed out with the imminent arrival, so once again thanks those who have been kind and reminded me that this is now it will be from now on, I just hope I don't get wound up when the friends decide not to take the MMR jab for example, like some have said, it's their choice to be anti-vaxxers!

And for context, this bunch of friends were also the ones who looked at me in disgust when I said I cook dinner with wine and said it's the same as drinking the stuff from a glass...

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 29/04/2021 13:07

Oh op, I was the perfect parent with strong opinions as well, until I had a kid 🤣🤣

You declined an invite for your own reasons, but you're annoyed at friends for declining for their own reasons.

I have had 6 dc by now and have had literally zero conversations with anyone about how they administered vitamin K, you choose for your kid and let others choose for theirs.

In 10 years time you'll look back and laugh at what you find super important now. I know I certainly do.

Ohnomoreno · 29/04/2021 13:09

Hmm. Well, I think your pregnant friends sound a bit precious. I'm not sure why you linked that obviously annoying behaviour to their choices for their as yet unborn babies though. I think maybe what you're trying to say is they may well turn out to be the people in my NCT group who said "I will smile at him every time I change his nappy, no matter how much it stinks". Seemed a bit random given they'd never changed a nappy before. I'd love to see how they got on Grin