Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at pregnant friends

155 replies

Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 11:12

I am just needing a place to vent.

I am pregnant (32 weeks) at the same time as a few friends, who all are on different levels of the spectrum when it comes to approach to covid and to decision making for their babies.

One couple wants to meet in a park in the middle of nowhere, my husband said that it needs to be close to facilities as I need to use the bathroom every 1.5 hours or so, and then said I can just wee in the bushes, and they refuse to come over to our garden as they refuse to go to an outdoor seated restaurant because it's too busy (IMO massive generalisation of all restaurants). Because we have met friends at these type of venues they now refuse to see us up until the point of their child being born (September FGS).

Another is even more ridiculous, the women in a chat group was discussing who was going down the oral route or injection route of giving meds/necessary checks to their newborns i.e. vit K.. I was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.

AIBU for being worked up about both things? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones firing up but I can't help but literally be so annoyed about it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:36

@BrumBoo when I ordered husband to organise, I said I will do anything to see them as long as there is a toilet nearby Grin

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 29/04/2021 13:37

was here thinking "please, if you say oral route please give a medically sound reason as to why" and obviously the reason they came back with was 'cos I can't help but feel guilty about hurting the baby with an injection'. I literally almost lost it, luckily it was on WhatsApp. For information purposes to those who haven't had a baby, the main reason I'd go down the injection route is due to 1) the long and precise process to follow of the oral route and 2) the much reduced efficacy of the oral route.
This is absolutely none of your business! It's mind blowingly arrogant to assume it has anything to do with you.
And thanks for the advice for "those who haven't had a baby", too.
That would probably be you, actually.

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:37

@Dipi79 girl, I wish I could at this point still pull my knickers up from the floor!

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:39

@GreyhoundG1rl not sure if you've read the rest of my replies but I did say I needed to calm it and I just wanted to vent.

And around the the 'advice' I was giving, I was trying to give context for those who wanted to say something to me but haven't the foggiest of what it is...

OP posts:
Bellyups · 29/04/2021 13:43

You need a hobby

wombatspoopcubes · 29/04/2021 13:43

Grin In the nicest possible way, you sound very hormonal at the moment (basically a bit nuts). Totally normal in the third trimester but best to keep your opinions to yourself till your baby is three months plus.

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 13:46

@wombatspoopcubes does that mean I can voice em once 3 months is past? Wink

@Bellyups MN is one of em Grin so perhaps you meant a different hobby?

OP posts:
swimlittlefishy · 29/04/2021 13:47

It’s not actually any of your business if people chose to not vaccinate either
That's where you are wrong. It may be your choice not to vaccinate, but it should be my choice to keep my kids away from yours because of it.

wombatspoopcubes · 29/04/2021 13:52

[quote Darkangel2]@wombatspoopcubes does that mean I can voice em once 3 months is past? Wink

@Bellyups MN is one of em Grin so perhaps you meant a different hobby?[/quote]
You CAN voice them now (and get peoples backs up) but you'll probably feel more balanced around then Smile.

Everyone believes that they are the best mum/dad/parent and that their decisions are better than others. That's parenthood. So for instance I believe that I'm doing better than my brother by feeding my baby farm fresh pureed organic vegetables because that's healthy and my brother felt that he was doing better by feeding his then 4 month old chocolate ice cream to include him at dinner and be sociable and other warm fuzzy feelings.

And they all grow up fine.

Rachie1973 · 29/04/2021 13:55

@Darkangel2

Regarding my husband, he knows that I will not pee in a bush so I am happy he advocated that I will not be squatting down to pee behind a bush with a watermelon attached to my stomach, really great if anyone at 32 weeks could to be honest, lend me your tips on flexibility skills please!

On the second point, people are right, I am pregnant with my first and this is definitely going to be long ass journey on other people's choices that are different to mine. It goes to the point of other people have mentioned around future jabs, if you can't do the initial one then how are you going to manage in the future with vaccinations???

As I've said before, pregnancy hormones are really getting to me so thanks for those who appreciate this!

Your first? Lol. We noticed. What really gave it away was the explanation about Vit K.

As the teens would say ‘You do you’.

Uninvited and judgemental advice from other first timers rarely goes down well. You’ll be back asking us why you’re not included in their meet ups and events otherwise.

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 14:00

@wombatspoopcubes thank you for this Smile

@Rachie1973 yeah I've said before but going to hold my tongue even if I am being asked for an opinion!

OP posts:
CarmelBeach · 29/04/2021 14:03

OP why won't they meet in your garden?

Of course you shouldn't have to pee in a bush!

L41K4 · 29/04/2021 14:04

Also OP you think you know exactly how you’ll feel and what you’ll do pre-baby. Then baby comes along and it all goes out the window.

Londonwriter · 29/04/2021 14:15

Vitamin K not your business (sorry Smile)

I can understand why you don't want to pee in a bush. However, as a keen hiker even when heavily pregnant, I have peed in a lot of bushes. A good secluded outdoor spot is genuinely more pleasant than a lot of public loos.

Original poster
Darkangel2 · 29/04/2021 14:18

@L41K4 I hope that I return to the rational human that I was!

@CarmelBeach they won't use our toilet and I subsequently told them they are definitely not peeing behind the bush in my garden!!!

OP posts:
GrapefruitGin · 29/04/2021 14:19

It sounds like you’ve got a lot of time on your hands. What others choose to do, is none of your business and vice versa. Don’t sweat the small stuff and enjoy your last weeks of pregnancy!

L41K4 · 29/04/2021 14:24

@Darkangel2 sadly I haven’t just yet! I’ve gone back on so many things I thought I would definitely do/not do, it’s crazy!

Chewbecca · 29/04/2021 14:27

It's good you've had the chance to vent on here, a, well, relatively, safe space.

I do agree with both of your points but yabu to be getting so mad about it and need to find ways to be calm and not get over troubled by others parenting differently to you as you have a lot of that to come. Perhaps you will be posting on MN a lot more to get it all off your chest Smile

CarmelBeach · 29/04/2021 14:33

[quote Darkangel2]@L41K4 I hope that I return to the rational human that I was!

@CarmelBeach they won't use our toilet and I subsequently told them they are definitely not peeing behind the bush in my garden!!![/quote]
Um...I don't think you're the one lacking in rationality.

If they don't accept you need to be near a bathroom, they are not considerate of your needs. Sorry.

Relax, ignore them, and try and have fun in other ways. Easy to say, I know xx

sundowners · 29/04/2021 14:33

OP- similar stage in pregnancy to you- a LOT will be your hormones. I've had the serious rage this entire pregnancy!!
The first couple iof yours sound like utter idiots. If friends of mine insisted on meeting far away from home/in middle of nowhere right now and then suggested I could just wee in bushes (yeah right- how will that work without toppling over?!) they'd be struck off my list! So much for them saying they don't want to see you until baby is born, I truly hope you cease any more stressful contact/make zero effort whatsoever and let them make the effort- while letting them know how rude their suggestions re. meeting were.

Re. the chat re. medication with other mums to be- I've had to zone out of any pregnant groups/chats as realise we all have such different approaches to babies/pregnancy/parenting as it is normally anyway, let alone on the middle of a pandemic. It's far too stress inducing. Let them crack on with their way and just focus on yours right now x

Angrypregnantlady · 29/04/2021 14:38

You're being judgy and bitchy about the vit K. It's none of your business, it's a perfectly acceptable means of giving a baby vit k and is just as valid as your choice. Get over yourself.

As far as other pregnant women wanting to be cautious around covid and other infections while they're pregnant, get over yourself again. They don't feel comfortable in the packed beer gardens, neither would I. And I'm not meeting up with people who aren't being as cautious as me. If I catch covid or even something that gives me covid symptoms it could affect my antenatal care, and now I'm close to giving birth, it could affect my birth. It's sensible, if you don't think it's necessary then good for you, but they can decide that they're comfortable being around you.

So all in all, you sound judgy as fuck, and up yourself and you need to get over it. You are not right, they are not wrong. If you can't accept other people's ways of parenting without needing to prove why yours are right then you're not going to have friends for long.

Angrypregnantlady · 29/04/2021 14:40

Also, I pee in bushes alot at the moment, I want to walk in nice quiet places with pretty scenery, not packed parks with kids and dogs screaming. If it's not for you, then fine. But they don't have to go where you want either.

Nesski · 29/04/2021 14:41

Wow @Angrypregnantlady there's really no need to come across the way you are, even with a username like yours Confused

riddles26 · 29/04/2021 14:49

Personally I agree with your viewpoint, but you are going to have to relax a bit if you want to keep any friends. There are so many things that you will have different opinions over as babies come and grow up, this is literally the tip of the iceberg.

My friends and I have wildly different opinions on various aspects of parenting but we just respect each others' opinions and leave it there. One was fully against the whooping cough vaccine and Vit K injection at birth and none of her children had either. Being a paediatrician, I was never going to make the same decision (I have seen babies with lifelong breathing problems after catching whooping cough at 4/5 weeks old) but hers was an informed one so I respected her opinion and left it at that.

Likewise with approach to risk during covid - I just wouldnt be seeing that particular friend until they were comfortable to meet somewhere with facilities! We havent seen one family in our group of friends due to the same over-cautious approach to COVID and we just smile and stay 'next time' when they make their excuse for not wanting to bring their children to extra-curricular class/go to the playground/meet in a garden (I am referring to the past 12 months here, not illegal gatherings in lockdown)

Babyboomtastic · 29/04/2021 14:52

The friends that you'd be meeting up with are also pregnant, so also likely to need to pee every 5 minutes. Clearly this has got nothing to do with it being 'impossible' to do a wild wee when pregnant whilst not toppling over as clearly they are comfortable with that, but your squeamishness about doing wild wees at all. And that's your call if you don't want to go behind a bush, but that's no more it less reasonable than their refusal to go to a pub garden. You are friends, so pander to eachothers eccentricities and limits.

For what it's worth, doing a wild wee sounds easy in comparison to the difficulty in doing a wee sample in late pregnancy, without getting it all over your hands, and I mastered that one ;-)