AIBU Wedding day drama

[Nellybellyfrillytilly]

Looking for a bit of perspective and advice if possible.

My sister is getting married this year and I was asked to be made of honour (prior to becoming pregnant), since she found out I was pregnant she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine because I wouldn’t be able to drink/would have a child to look after (she does not have and does not want children). This caused a lot of tension between us.

Because of covid the original wedding date was moved, I since had our baby but my sister has rarely been present in their life - I’ve blamed covid for a lot of it as everyone is in a similar situation, but she rarely asks about my child over the phone or text.

The conversation came up that my sister would like all the bridal party to stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom), at which point I spoke privately to my sister and let her know that I breastfeed my child at night, we are nursing to sleep and often have a wake up in the middle of the night, so I may not be able to stay over - she doesn’t want our baby there with me and I’m not sure camping would be practical - she is not happy, called me selfish and I should be dedicating myself to her for those few days and my husband can look after our child.

We have now not spoken for nearly a month because of this.

Am I being unreasonable, I am sticking to my guns that my child needs me and other ladies in the bridal party have older children or do not breastfeed their children so have that flexibility. I also need to add we have tried many times to introduce a bottle and rocking our child to sleep to give our household some more flexibility and it’s not been a pleasant experience, I would much rather continue breastfeeding.

Thank you for your help ☺️

[wusbanker]

Maid not made

[Carefree1]

I will break the mould here I’m afraid.
It is your sisters wedding and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to stay with her and the other bridesmaids the night before the wedding. Will your child take a bottle for that one night? It would be different if you had a newborn or very young baby.
Her behaviour is a bit unreasonable, but, the wedding day is about her. Hope whatever you decide all is well x

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

Camping-hell would freeze over first. I hate it and we have turned down an invite before because of this as there was no other option-that and they wanted us to dress up as cowboys and indians 🤦‍♀️

[Voomster953]

How old are you and hole old is she? Is she the younger sister per chance?

I’d nightwean personally if I were you, but not because I could then go to the wedding, but because you’re so limited if you don’t.

[HoppingPavlova]

stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom)

Fuck that. That would have been my first Hard No, irrespective of a baby or no baby. It’s not a Carry On movie. I’m outraged on behalf of the very guest they actually think this is acceptable for, can’t believe anyone would consider this remotely acceptable/normal.

[Cathie102]

Right, I'm going to take a contrary view here - there was a line in your original post which struck me. That her wedding would be different from yours. Did she do lots for your wedding? I'm the younger sister and my big sister had a baby 5 months before my wedding and was absolutely fab for me and did everything for me that I did for her. That included staying with me the night before the wedding when I was nervous. We slept together the night before both weddings in a double bed in our mums house. I love my nieces and nephews so much and had them included in our day - so maybe that's different.
I think we have to respect each others life choices to have a good relationship. Babies don't necessarily trump everything else, there is a way to do both.
(PS, I'm pregnant with a baby so not a bitter childless person, love children so much!)

[JimBobNoJob]

Bugger that, even if you didn’t have the baby to contend with, I’d certainly not be camping in a tent the night before the wedding. Getting ready for a wedding in a tent in any circumstances regardless of whether you are a bog standard guest or part of the bridal party would be a big no from me.

Stick to your guns op!

[idontlikealdi]

I dunno, if it was a baby baby not a toddler I'd be with you, but a 13mo I'd find a way to make it work for my sister.

[starfishmummy]

she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine

Has she always had jealousy issues?

[coogee]

can’t believe anyone would consider this remotely acceptable/normal.

Not everybody wants normal. Our wedding wasn't normal.

That said, I don't think it's reasonable to expect everybody to stay in tents unless it's a proper glamping setup.

[Crayfishforyou]

Not a chance in hell I would have left my breastfeeding baby for a night. Bottles gave her full on rage and my tits would probably explode if I didn’t feed.
Camping for a wedding is shite. Unless it’s a glasto themed wedding where hair, makeup and outfits don’t matter.
Your sister needs to accept that just because she doesn’t want her own baby doesn’t meant she gets to tell people to abandon theirs.

[Fatarseflanagan09]

Where are you supposed to get a bath, do your hair and makeup and get dressed in a pissing tent, seriously, she wants her guests to crawl about in a tent?
Honestly I can’t believe the cheek of the entitled behavior of someone who expects everyone to bend over backwards because she wants to be a princess for a day.

[MeridianB]

She sounds like a nasty brat. Please don’t pander to these ridiculous demands. YADNBU!

[HPFA]

@RampantIvy

Why on earth does a bride need someone to "dedicate themselves" to her?

When I got married in 1981 my sister had a bath before I did, so mine was lukewarm. I didn't have a strop about it - well I might have done actually .

I went to the hairdresser in the morning just to have a nice cut and blow dry, and when the hairdresser was making small talk and asked me if I was doing anything nice that weekend I told her I was getting married that afternoon. She nearly dropped her scissors in surprise.

I did my own make up, and didn't need help getting dressed.

So why are so many brides so high maintenance these days?

This trend for "performance weddings" is ridiculous. Fine that the couple get to have venue, food, dress how they like it. But demanding your guests effectively take part in some cosplay you have in your head is just inconsiderate.

A friend of mine was invited to a wedding - a long explanatory note from the couple said the venue was miles from anywhere, there weren't any nearby hotels, children not allowed and all the guests were required to wear green as they thought it would look nice in the photos. Needless to say, they decided not to bother attending.

[MaMaD1990]

As someone getting married soon, your sister is being a grade A Bridezilla. She shouldn't be dictating where you stay at the expense of your child. Hopefully she bucks her ideas up, but in the meantime I'd be killing her with kindness but holding strong on the decision you've made not to stay in a tent.

[PinkPomeranian]

YANBU. Well done for standing up to her and setting out your boundaries. I'd do (and have done) the same. My kids wouldn't be left overnight and I always went along to as much as possible and stayed separately with my kids at the end of the night. For a special occasion with very close friends or family, my husband stepped up to make it work. No point in stressing yourself or your little one out before the big day anyway, it's just a recipe for disaster. Good luck!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Your sister is a prize dick.

No way would I be accommodating any of her stupid "you must abandon your baby for MY brattish needs" nonsense.

Just keep saying No to the overnight tent thing - she's being ridiculous about that - and if she carries on, step down as matron of honour because by the time the wedding comes around, it's likely neither of you will be speaking to the other anyway!

[BrownEyedGirl80]

Fuck that yanbu.I won't stay in anything that hasn't got solid walls and electricity so it would definitely be a no from me.

[Frazzled2207]

Yanbu at all. Turn up to the actual wedding if you can but total no way to all the camping etc .
I just can't get my head around taking a young baby camping then getting ready for a wedding in a tent with a breastfed baby? I think to some extent people who've never had a baby don't realise what it's like but there is no excuse for her attitude.

[Atalune]

Camping the night before? Fuck that shit. Terrible nights sleep before a big wedding! On that basis alone it’s a no.

[MrsMcGillicuddy]

Just tell her no. Just no. I've been breastfeeding two DC to sleep for 4.5 years now, I've been met with a lot of ignorance. I've said no to wedding invitations, work networking evenings etc. for similar reasons. Some people simply don't know or don't understand how breastfeeding and attachment works. Before having kids, I had no idea either, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't have questioned a mother that told me 'look, this is how it works, I can't leave my baby overnight'. A baby's needs should be the absolute priority, it's truly depressing that sometimes societal expectations push us to ignore them.

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

Camping the night before? Fuck that shit. Terrible nights sleep before a big wedding! On that basis alone it’s a no.

Actually that might be the point that makesyour sister change her mind re camping: 'you do realise that no-one will sleep well so all your bridesmaids will have bags under their eyes and look like shit and spoil your wedding photos'

[trevthecat]

Why do some people that are getting married think it is acceptable to act like this. Yes it's 'their' day, but not everyone else's!

[greeneyedlulu]

You lost me at tent!! Your sister is being a twat

[RampantIvy]

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to stay with her and the other bridesmaids the night before the wedding

I do. This isn't the Victorian era where the bride is terrified of the wedding night. She really doesn’t need anyone to hold her hand the night before the wedding. And if she does, is she mature enough to get married?

I’m sorry, but I disagree with you @Cathie102. If weddings are such a nerve-racking thing to have then maybe the bride should scale back the event and simplify it so there is less to go wrong. Was your sister’s baby exclusively breastfed? I bet it wasn’t. You really can not leave an exclusively breastfed baby for a night. The baby will be really distressed, and the mother will have exploding boobs.

I suspect that all the posters on here who say it is OK have never had the issue of a baby who won’t take a bottle.

Babies don't necessarily trump everything else

Yes, they do.