AIBU Wedding day drama

[Nellybellyfrillytilly]

Looking for a bit of perspective and advice if possible.

My sister is getting married this year and I was asked to be made of honour (prior to becoming pregnant), since she found out I was pregnant she was angry that her wedding would not be the same as mine because I wouldn’t be able to drink/would have a child to look after (she does not have and does not want children). This caused a lot of tension between us.

Because of covid the original wedding date was moved, I since had our baby but my sister has rarely been present in their life - I’ve blamed covid for a lot of it as everyone is in a similar situation, but she rarely asks about my child over the phone or text.

The conversation came up that my sister would like all the bridal party to stay over at the venue the night before and night of the wedding (it’s tents and camping for everyone other than the bride and groom), at which point I spoke privately to my sister and let her know that I breastfeed my child at night, we are nursing to sleep and often have a wake up in the middle of the night, so I may not be able to stay over - she doesn’t want our baby there with me and I’m not sure camping would be practical - she is not happy, called me selfish and I should be dedicating myself to her for those few days and my husband can look after our child.

We have now not spoken for nearly a month because of this.

Am I being unreasonable, I am sticking to my guns that my child needs me and other ladies in the bridal party have older children or do not breastfeed their children so have that flexibility. I also need to add we have tried many times to introduce a bottle and rocking our child to sleep to give our household some more flexibility and it’s not been a pleasant experience, I would much rather continue breastfeeding.

Thank you for your help ☺️

[RichardMarxisinnocent]

@Queenoftheashes

I wouldn’t be camping and I have no kids. I would say I have no interest in sleeping in a freezing wet tent unless at a festival - certainly not the day before I have to attend a wedding. She’s got an internal cheek.

I wouldn't either. I'm happy to camp in some situations and circumstances, the night before attending a wedding is not one of them. It seems a ridiculous idea.

[takemetomiami]

Your sister is being a bridezilla. Stick to your guns and do whatever you feel comfortable with!

[Oilyoilyoilgob]

Who cares how old your baby is by then (I mean that in a nice way!) what you do and how you choose to feed them is your business only.

The big issue is camping the night before being a wedding guest 😅 nope, whether a tent or yurt this would be my worst nightmare.
If I’m going to any occasion as a guest I like a warm, cosy room/Airbnb with a private bathroom to get ready in peace!

[dotdashdashdash]

It's more your sister attitude that would make me disinclined to go than the baby situation.

[coogee]

I did my own make up, and didn't need help getting dressed

So did I.

I also didn't bother with bridesmaids or maids of honour. It was a virtually stressless wedding.

[RosesAndHellebores]

She is the queen bridezilla of unreasonable.
My response would be where I go, the baby goes and I do not, under any circumstances, camp!

[NeedNewKnees]

Opt out entirely. Are your parents still around? Can they have a word to point out Bridezilla’s lost her marbles?

[RockingMyFiftiesNot]

I think your sister is being very selfish, demanding and unreasonable. That said, a 13month isn't a new born and if it were my sister, I'd find a way of making it work (take DH to look after baby, find other accommodation if you didn't want the baby to camp). Would require you and your DSIS to make some compromises, which doesn't sound likely, but it is doable.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

I dont think it's too much to ask for her to want you there (childfree) with the rest of the bridesmaids for the night before the wedding given that your DC will be 13m by then.

But I can see from this thread that theres no love lost between you both so I understand why you wouldnt want to bother.

[AmyLou100]

It would be a hell no from me. And camping would be an even bigger one. Besides she hasn't even bothered with your DC so she can go do one. My dsis changed her wedding date because she wouldn't even dream of not having my ds there, as he was due a few days before the wedding. Your sister is so selfish and really horrible. I would tell her she can choose someone else as MOH.

[Longdistance]

I can’t imagine any of the bridesmaids have agreed to go camping. I bet she’s fallen out with all of them over this, not just you.
She’s thrown her toys out the pram and blaming you, so she’s having a sulk. Long may it continue. Leave her to stew.

[ddl1]

Wow. She's the one who's selfish! She's acting like a 5-year-old who's jealous of the new baby. Asking your wedding guests to camp is unreasonable at the best of times; asking a new mother to do so is even worse. And your husband is hardly going to be able to breast-feed the baby. If it's that important that her MOH should totally dedicate herself to her, she should find someone else, without a tiny baby, who is willing and able to take a vow of obedience! Is she always this entitled, or is it bridezilla syndrome?

[Sallyandsam]

At over a year you could leave your DC overnight, it sounds like baby is a convenient excuse to avoid camping / giving in to your Dsis.

I’d do it for my Dsis as it’s her wedding and important to her, but it doesn’t sound like you are close.

[lazylump72]

Your sister is being an absolute selfish,uncaring idiot. Tell her to get her act in gear and learn how to be respectful and decent towards you or tell her to sod off. You are not being unreasonable at all. She needs a really good dose of reality.She is rude and ignorant and she could stuff her wedding up her arse of she was my sister and treated me like that,

[Kotatsu]

Oh God, Camping at a wedding, apart from anything else that sounds awful - how's she going to feel about everyone in wellies (can you imagine trying to get dressed up fancy in a tent! Everyone hitting the shower block at once!)

YANBU. But, I wouldn't press the point yet - I BF both of mine to sleep, DS1 was still nightfeeding at 13 months, but DS2 gave up both the night feeds, and feeding to sleep at 8 months (he loved real food), so it might be this isn't a problem at all.

The camping though... if you're not a camping family, that's more of a problem - tell me it's at least provided tents and glamping and takeaways delivered, not you also having to bring all your own gear!

[BeneathYourWisdom]

I wouldn’t camp personally or be dictated to like that.

Not sure I’d use breastfeeding as the reason though, unless baby is a newborn? Most babies will take expressed breast milk in a bottle and you could hand express or pump and discard the milk, so wouldn’t impact your milk supply. She might latch onto that and argue.

I’d just say you don’t want to be away from your baby overnight or sleep in a tent. Not unreasonable and she can’t argue with that!

[Nellybellyfrillytilly]

We got married 2 years ago and I said I will stay over at my mums house the night before, if anyone wants to come we can set up more beds etc and everyone did come, now my sister thinks that gives her the right to make me to stay over all night with her.

She has a dog and compared her boyfriend looking after the dog on our wedding day, so she could be there for us, to my husband looking after our child. At which point I lost my patience with her - don’t compare our child to your dog.

I’ve been as kind as possible and said I will be there at 5am if needed (baby is an early riser) but won’t be staying over and if our child needs us they take priority.

[ddl1]

OK, I see that it's not a new baby, but they're still breastfeeding so it comes to the same thing. And a 13-month-old is probably less likely than a younger baby to deal well with a sudden change of routine. Your sister seems to be combining the worst of all worlds: the worst of the 'basic' wedding, with the discomfort of camping; and the worst of the 'upscale'' wedding with the demands for total dedication. What does the groom think of it all?

[CaraherEIL]

I think say to her, if you want to that you can spend the evening with her while DH or your mum and dad watch the baby, but that is only possible if you stay at a hotel. Camping with very small children can be bearable if there is no pressure the following day, but trying to manage evening and overnight with a 13 month old not being able to do their bath, nighttime routine etc will be a nightmare. Also you are doing nappy changes and any night feeds by torchlight which is horrendous. The sheer amount of stuff you will have to transport to camp overnight with a child that small will be ridiculous.Then having a travel cot in a tent. It gets freezing you can only do if you really are prepared to get no sleep. That is too much. If she wants your undivided attention there has to be some give on how it can be achieved. For my best friend, my maid of honour at my wedding, I paid for a family room in the hotel, that included a cot. There was a hairdresser and makeup person who visited in the morning. I also organised a babysitter so my friend could spend the evening with me. I wanted her to be happy too. I think your sisters lack of interest in your comfort and stress levels is what is really telling here.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

She's being very unreasonable. I didn't even expect my husband-to-be to dedicated himself to me in the days before our wedding. Or anybody else for that matter. The other bridesmaids will not want to be kept away by a small child either.

[CaraherEIL]

Xposted, see you have already told her what you are going to do. Sounds very wise.

[emmathedilemma]

YANBU
camping, even if it's the nicest sort of glamping is not something you can enforce upon people and it's not that easy to leave a bf baby with someone else for any length of time, particularly when it's a family wedding!

[ddl1]

At over a year you could leave your DC overnight

Not with all babies, and not if they're breastfeeding (I realize you could express milk, but some babies depend on the personal contact with their mother). Babies are more likely to have separation anxiety after around 7-8 months than earlier; and a child brought up during the restrictions of lockdown is likely to be more dependent and less flexible than one brought up during more relaxed times. Some babies might be fine with being left overnight, but many would not.

it sounds like baby is a convenient excuse to avoid camping

One hardly needs an excuse for that! It's an outrageous demand for wedding guests.

[MaryShelley1818]

I think your OP sounded like you had a new baby who needed breastfeeding not a 1-yr old toddler.
I breastfed both my children (currently still feeding DD) but was able to leave my DH to settle and care for them and definitely would for my sisters wedding.
I think the issue is you just don't want to not that you can't which is perfectly fine but just be straight with her.

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

The entire thing sounds unhinged. Unless the entire wedding party are wearing Jean's and anorak?
Give it a swerve. You will be there but staying at a b and b. You will bring baby with you.
Or not go. Ball is in her court.