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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how do I deal with an "annoying" work colleague?

167 replies

Vindicated2021 · 28/04/2021 18:01

I'm her line manager.

There is nothing wrong with work. It's her personality. I've had various members of my team "complain" about her and that she needs to be told. I eventually turned round to one today and said "What do you want me to say? You've got a shit personality, change it?!"

A few things:

She shouts loudly when on the phone.

Over enunciates every single word.

Repeats herself endlessly.

Talks to herself constantly.

We mentioned a saying that a colleague (who has sadly passed away) used and now tries to put it into every single sentence.

She broke down in tears when another colleague announced they had the all clear from cancer (she has known him 2 months tops) and said "good things happen to good people" (despite her knowing full well my FIL is stage 4 terminal - my issue).

Laughs at the most stupidest things (today she dropped a piece of paper - the most hilarious thing ever apparently)

These are just a few things. I've mentioned in her one to ones that she needs to reign it in a little as she can be a bit "over excited" at times, but she just doesn't stop!!

I'm at the end of my tether. I just don't know what to do with her!!

We are moving offices in a short while which will require some moving about. As of today I have had 5 requests asking not to be sat on the same bank of desks as her.....There's only so many seats so some are going to be VERY disappointed!

Any advice???

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 28/04/2021 18:31

@FOJN

"What do you want me to say? You've got a shit personality, change it?!"

There's nothing wrong with her work and you spoke to her like that. I'm not sure you are cut out for management if you are unable to deliver feedback more constructively. I would lodge a formal complaint against you if you spoke to me like that. She may be irritating but you and the rest of the team seem very unpleasant.

She didn’t say that to Ms Annoying, she said it to the colleague who was complaining.

I’m not sure you’re cut out for Internet forums if you’re unable to read comprehensively.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/04/2021 18:31

@kalikkma

Room sharing can be fraught, but needs addressing if she is disturbing others. That said, don't allow complaints to turn into bullying. Talk about the need to remain professional at all times ( no laughing / giggling) as customers may overhear if her roommates are on the phone.

Loudness is harder, but let her know so she can make an effort.

OP and the other women aren't being professional.
Pottedpalm · 28/04/2021 18:34

@WorraLiberty

Weren't you investigated and found not guilty of gross misconduct a few weeks ago?

Starting a thread like this is highly unprofessional on a public forum where both you and this woman would be recognisable to other colleagues.

If you have trouble managing this woman, speak to your manager rather than the internet or you could find yourself in trouble again.

I agree. You are coming across as very unprofessional here. You shouldn’t be siding with some colleagues against others. If you are unable to cope with your job you could ask for some training .
raaaasss · 28/04/2021 18:35

Oh my, are her initials MG? Luckily she was only based in the office one day a week and we were allowed to wear headphones. Could your team do this? Although I expect she'd sing along to whatever she was listening to...

LonginesPrime · 28/04/2021 18:35

The comments are not being made in a snidey, nasty way.

I'm struggling to see how a colleague commenting on the fact she found a non-funny situation funny and responds inappropriately to social situations could be anything other than nasty.

Clearly the colleague wasn't musing with you as to whether this woman could be neurodivergent and might therefore need more support, as you seem to think her behaviour is definitely just "personality", and you've dismissed the notion that she might have protected characteristics related to her behaviour upthread.

So it really doesn't sound like you were talking about her inappropriate behaviour in a concerned way.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/04/2021 18:35

@WorraLiberty OMG!

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/04/2021 18:36

If her work is great and she needs minimal supervision, I would personally ask her if she wants to be more remote / home based and just make it happen. But I would also pull up the others for gossiping / bullying & if there are members of the team who aren’t performing reliably I’d follow whatever performance management policies you have in place.

EpitomeofAnOldBattle · 28/04/2021 18:38

Look at the list
Decide which items on it are legitimate complaints that have an objective, adverse effect on other people, eg distracting them from their work, offending on a sensitive issue that any reasonable person would be offended by etc
Raise those giving clear examples, why its wrong and the effect its having
Tell them what you want to see instead

Are you really a line manager??

You can't tell someone something vague like they're a bit over excitable and need to reign it in a bit. You have to be clear and objective about defined behaviours.

And yes, it's a bit awkward but that's why you're a manager, because you're expected to handle those situations.

You tell the complainers what your approach will be - which things are legitimate complaints and which are a 'personality clash' that they will have to handle themselves (within the bounds of the dignity at work policy)

MinnieJackson · 28/04/2021 18:38

A few things like the loud talking and over enunciation, repeating things and talking to herself sound like things my autistic son does. Also if she's heard you using a phrase fondly that an ex college used previously, she may want to integrate herself more into the team and thinks that's an appropriate way to do it.

KarmaStar · 28/04/2021 18:39

The woman doesn't sound quite right. Or Is it just me ?
Has she mentioned any physical or mental health problems ?
As her work is good the suggestion she may drink is not something you'd say was an issue?
Maybe if there is something wrong,you invite her in for a chat and she tells you you can get to the bottom of it.
But this behaviour,I don't know,I'm probably wrong,but it's very similar to someone I used to work with who was an alcoholic.

ElderMillennial · 28/04/2021 18:41

I think you can make a list of specific behaviours that are distracting to colleagues and ask her to be mindful of thrm

Streamside · 28/04/2021 18:41

Does every office not have someone like this.Surely you can all be professional and deal with this in an adult way.Could she be distanced slightly from other workers to get around the loudness etc.
Your reference to your ill fil is a bit bizarre.
What about some team building For the entire team rather than thinking you can discipline someone for their personality quirks.

Original poster
Vindicated2021 · 28/04/2021 18:42

@WorraLiberty

You are correct. The allegation was completely unfounded. However I have never made mention who I work for, or what I do for a living. So how this post can identify me and or other colleagues I fail to understand.

I could be in any office, anywhere in the world dealing with this kind of situation, as is evident by other posters.

OP posts:
SuziQuatrosFatNan · 28/04/2021 18:43

Yeah don't invite her in for a chat to quiz her about behaviour that isn't incompetence or misconduct.

Or, actually, do. Is it still the case that employment tribunal awards for disability discrimination are uncapped?

chilling19 · 28/04/2021 18:44

Check out ask a manager - this has been covered lots of times. www.askamanager.org/2017/11/my-annoying-coworker-is-driving-everyone-crazy.html

Tambora · 28/04/2021 18:45

Send round a blanket email to everyone asking that all staff make sure that they do not speak loudly on the telephone as it is distracting for colleagues, and could be a confidentiality issue if other callers overhear what is being said.

Then if she carries on, you have a reason to reprimand her over it.

One thing at a time.

Original poster
Vindicated2021 · 28/04/2021 18:45

@Streamside

I don't want to discipline her. It's her personality. I'm sure I have personality traits that people don't like!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vindicated2021 · 28/04/2021 18:47

@chilling19

Thanks for that link 😊

OP posts:
Butwasitherdriveway · 28/04/2021 18:48

[quote Vindicated2021]@Streamside

I don't want to discipline her. It's her personality. I'm sure I have personality traits that people don't like![/quote]
Is it true you've been done for gross misconduct? If it is, id get the thread pulled.

LonginesPrime · 28/04/2021 18:49

Has she mentioned any physical or mental health problems ?

Lots of neurodivergent adults (especially middle-aged+ ones and especially women) are undiagnosed and don't realise they have ASD, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, etc.

In fact, many women only find out they have these conditions after experiencing workplace issues.

Original poster
Vindicated2021 · 28/04/2021 18:50

@EpitomeofAnOldBattle

Thank you for your last paragraph. Taken on board.

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 28/04/2021 18:50

I think you need to go on a managerial training course, OP.

Allwokedup · 28/04/2021 18:51

I feel sorry for her, you all seem a bit nasty.

Butwasitherdriveway · 28/04/2021 18:51

Right so she hasn't done anything wrong, you just don't like her personality and neither do the women who bitch about her, so what's the problem?

IEat · 28/04/2021 18:52

OMG it’s me