To ask how do I deal with an "annoying" work colleague?

[Vindicated2021]

I'm her line manager.

There is nothing wrong with work. It's her personality. I've had various members of my team "complain" about her and that she needs to be told. I eventually turned round to one today and said "What do you want me to say? You've got a shit personality, change it?!"

A few things:

She shouts loudly when on the phone.

Over enunciates every single word.

Repeats herself endlessly.

Talks to herself constantly.

We mentioned a saying that a colleague (who has sadly passed away) used and now tries to put it into every single sentence.

She broke down in tears when another colleague announced they had the all clear from cancer (she has known him 2 months tops) and said "good things happen to good people" (despite her knowing full well my FIL is stage 4 terminal - my issue).

Laughs at the most stupidest things (today she dropped a piece of paper - the most hilarious thing ever apparently)

These are just a few things. I've mentioned in her one to ones that she needs to reign it in a little as she can be a bit "over excited" at times, but she just doesn't stop!!

I'm at the end of my tether. I just don't know what to do with her!!

We are moving offices in a short while which will require some moving about. As of today I have had 5 requests asking not to be sat on the same bank of desks as her.....There's only so many seats so some are going to be VERY disappointed!

Any advice???

I agree with others about addressing her talking too loudly on the phone, but some of the other stuff just sounds like colleagues being bitchy about her, and as for people not wanting to sit next to her, come on, this isn't school. You're all supposed to be adults in a working environment.

Have your team ever said anything to her directly? I appreciate you're the manager and do need to deal with it directly, but they are all presumably adults and could say "Jean, could you keep it down please I'm trying to concentrate" or similar.

Agree with PPs that you can only tackle the specifics - so not yelling while on the phone, not chattering to herself or others. You could probably even point out that some people find it upsetting to head her use the phrase your colleague used and ask her not to.

No idea what to do about finding dripping paper hilarious though 😬

You'll presumably have answered all the people who requested not to sit next to her that they are professional adults, and as there is nothing wrong with this person's work, they need to just get on with theirs?

It sounds a very toxic group of people, but if your line manager is happy for the bitching to go on, there's no wonder really.

i agree with hotdesk

buy everyone noise cancelling headphones, or allow them to bring them in?
it could be worse - At least she doesn't have BO (or if she does, you didn't mention it

Yeah you need to rein this in.

Not the colleague in question, but the rest of the team. You don't want to be seen to be fostering a divisive working environment. Why are people putting dibs in on the seating plan anyway? Allocate them where they need to be in line with their strengths and duties while accommodating any additional needs. And model good behaviour and a cooperative attitude. If they come to you bitching about bits of dropped paper, just let them know that such matters are not relevant concerns. People speak at different volumes. People have vocal quirks. All of this is a complete non issue and you need to make it plain to them.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

No, this isn't an issue. She sits over towards one side of the office and has no issues hearing what the other side are discussing. It's one of the things she's been pulled up on before, conducting conversations across the office. Which has stopped following her last one to one.

Weren't you investigated and found not guilty of gross misconduct a few weeks ago?

Starting a thread like this is highly unprofessional on a public forum where both you and this woman would be recognisable to other colleagues.

If you have trouble managing this woman, speak to your manager rather than the internet or you could find yourself in trouble again.

@FuckyouCovid21

She doesn't sound that bad, I think you're all being very mean

If 5 people have complained about her, that's enough to need to do something about it: her behaviour is disrupting other people.

On the other hand it's really hard when some of it just boils down to "you're just really fucking annoying". I feel for you OP - I had someone like this on my team, we could constructively pick up on the bits that were directly relevant to work (she was also distractingly loud) but it was hard not to be able to deal with finer personality based things - she was someone who took criticism/disagreement very badly, so nobody really liked her because unless you agreed with her idea she was sulky and visibly miserable. Whenever I tried to bring that up gently in 1-to-1s, she would cry and say she wasn't sulking she was just sad cos she felt like they'd disagreed on purpose cos they didn't like her, even if her idea was patently wrong or inappropriate... And then you could just go round in circles, they didn't like her because she was a brat about getting her own way, etc.

It was very difficult to manage, she clashed with everyone on our team and eventually left and now works freelance cos she's "never met a colleague who wasn't rude to her and she hates feeling like that". No recognition that the common denominator was her - it's a shame, she's a really nice person if you treat her with kid gloves and manage her in a very specific way that is both pandering and not appearing to pander. I feel for her in some ways, but bosses are not personality coaches and it's not our job to teach grown adults how not to rub others up the wrong way.

You have my sympathies, OP!

@FOJN

"What do you want me to say? You've got a shit personality, change it?!"

There's nothing wrong with her work and you spoke to her like that. I'm not sure you are cut out for management if you are unable to deliver feedback more constructively. I would lodge a formal complaint against you if you spoke to me like that. She may be irritating but you and the rest of the team seem very unpleasant.

She didn't say it to her.

She said if about her.

I hope she doesn't hear or OP will be for the high jump.

Tbh I think the rest of your colleagues need to get over it. If her work is fine and she's just annoying then that's really a they problem

You could address the repeating herself by maybe addressing and working on her communication, and same maybe with the shouting on the phone. But laughs at silly things, well she's allowed to laugh at silly things and tbh someone who complains at you forthis needs to be told to control their frustrations

She sounds nervy and seedier are to fit in. She can probably sense that you all hate her and it’s making this behaviour worse. You all sound mean and bitchy why bother try being nice to her?

I sympathise I work in the next office to a very nice woman who huns tunelessly all the live long day and who has a chair that creaks every time she moves.

This morning at 7:30 I snuck in and WD40'd the chair. Still trying to think of a solution to the humming.

You need to give a review, explain the issues with some suggestions on how to moderate her most annoying traits. Then review and review until it sinks in.

OP, I think you need to sit down and get clear in your head which of the things this person does are actually negatively affecting other people and/or performance issues and which are simply nasty judgments based on someone having a different personality/being wired differently.

Once you can see the difference between those two sets of behaviours in this specific scenario, it will be easier for you to respond appropriately to colleagues who complain about her.

I would be challenging people who complain about her personality - at the moment, it sounds like you're condoning the nastiness and encouraging it - and then acting on the concrete issues where you should be taking steps to resolve them (like talking too loudly and disturbing others).

It's also worth noting that telling her to talk quieter might not work if she's not aware or has sensory processing/hearing issues, etc, so it might be a case of finding another area where she can make calls, or letting her colleagues wear headphones, etc.

At the moment, it sounds like you're seeing this person as the problem because everyone is complaining about her, but I think you should be looking at this in terms of it being a problem of how best to co-exist. It doesn't sound like this woman is having an easy time, and she's bound to have picked up on the hostility directed at her, even if she has less self-awareness and social skills in some areas.

Oh god that sounds just like someone in my office. He's so LOUD. Fortunately I only work part time so I can escape but I know the other people in the office are at the end of their tethers.

I opened this as I thought it might be about my office 😂 we have an annoying colleague. When I first joined I thought it was just bitchiness as she's a bit posh and it felt like people were mean, but now I've been there longer she is so fucking annoying! How do people get through life so unaware of their impact on others.

Difference is her work is shit too. She is slow, always late and apparently it has never changed in the ten years she's been there. We're NHS admin so plenty of managers about but no one willing to do anything or say anything 🤷

@WorraLiberty

Weren't you investigated and found not guilty of gross misconduct a few weeks ago?

Starting a thread like this is highly unprofessional on a public forum where both you and this woman would be recognisable to other colleagues.

If you have trouble managing this woman, speak to your manager rather than the internet or you could find yourself in trouble again.

Well I never.

I note a lot of comments use the word "bitching". I can see how it comes across like that but it's not. The comments are not being made in a snidey, nasty way.

I'm in the office with them so see first hand what goes on, which is why I have had discussions with both her and other members of the team before.

Five people haven't complained.

Five people hava bitchily said they're not sitting beside her ( 🙄 ) .

Tbh, I think if someone comes to you and complains that a colleague laughed, there does need to be an element of just telling them to get on with it. It's very juvenile- 'Miss, so-and-so keeps laughing!'

@Vindicated2021

I note a lot of comments use the word "bitching". I can see how it comes across like that but it's not. The comments are not being made in a snidey, nasty way.

I'm in the office with them so see first hand what goes on, which is why I have had discussions with both her and other members of the team before.

In what way is saying she has a shit personality or all not wanting to sit beside her and talking about her not bitchy?

By the way, your first two complaints about her could be because she has hearing loss. Which, as you know, would be a protected characteristic.

I agree. In fact all of the behaviours could be due to a condition that amounts to a disability. Eg verbal processing difficulties, social and communication impairment etc etc.

And none of them are even remotely related to performance or obstruction or wilful interpersonal provocation or anything that a line manager should be paying any attention to other than to clarify to the rest of the team that hostility and back-bighting is not tolerated.

Room sharing can be fraught, but needs addressing if she is disturbing others. That said, don't allow complaints to turn into bullying. Talk about the need to remain professional at all times ( no laughing / giggling) as customers may overhear if her roommates are on the phone.

Loudness is harder, but let her know so she can make an effort.

Does she have mental health issues?
I know not, try to be kind eh

YABU and you were very unprofessional to badmouth one staff member to others.

You don’t do anything about it. You don’t entertain the people complaining - you shut it down as soon as it starts.