To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

'I agree OP it's completley sketchy at the best of times to send such young children overseas alone, in a pandemic where its not as simple as getting on a plane ASAP its downright irresponsible. What do you do if they become severely unwell?'

Maybe matron looks after them or perhaps they cite exceptional circumstances to visit.

'The boarders DID actually follow YOUR rules because they stayed at school, which is their HOME'

But it isnt their home as absent parents like to tell us on mn all the time when their kids are living in an institution. They have half the year off. It is for education purposes only and for the trillionth time (yet again) if schools were closed then parents of boarders should have stepped up and home schooled them at their actual home.

@JaniieJones

'The boarders DID actually follow YOUR rules because they stayed at school, which is their HOME'

But it isnt their home as absent parents like to tell us on mn all the time when their kids are living in an institution. They have half the year off. It is for education purposes only and for the trillionth time (yet again) if schools were closed then parents of boarders should have stepped up and home schooled them at their actual home.

It doesn't matter what parents "like to say", the FACT is for residential purposes the school IS their home, which is where some of them were home-schooled!! They spend 24 hours a day, eat there, sleep there, play there. IT.IS.THEIR.HOME, despite the fact that doesn't fit with your view of things. Which bit of that don't you understand?!

Ps. they don't have half the year off!
And as for "Living in an institution"... Watch out, your negative bias is showing! 🤣🤣🤣

So now we are expected to make our decisions on our children’s education on the chances of a perfectly healthy teenager becoming severely unwell. As opposed to them being unhappy in a local school and desperately wanting the stability of being educated in an English boarding school where they will have many family and friends nearby, or the local system providing an education that will be detrimental to their life choices, or the risk to their health of being in a country in the grip of a wave of Covid even worse than our own has been, or living in a dangerously polluted environment made worse by the indiscriminate use of tear gas, or in the grip of an unstable and oppressive political situation. Or indeed that you are expected by your employer to work so hard and such long hours that you are unable to give your children the quality of educations support that they need or you can only afford to live in a tiny flat (£800000 for a 300 sq ft flat, yes that is 30 ft by 10ft of space) and sending your child to a school with space to run in is appealing.

All of these are reasons I can respect but I am sure it is beyond the bounds of your empathy and experience.......

Janie Jones Do you have problems distinguishing between apples and pears? Because day schools and Boarding Schools are not the same, they are entirely different environments just as day schools and pubs and restaurants are entirely different environments and so have different regulations. We do not all abide by the same regulations, I am not allowed to go in and sit in a badly ventilated 25 by 25 feet space with 30 others to share my virus and then take it home on a bus to spread it to my family and neighbours. That doubtful privilege is reserved for day school pupils and their teachers.

'Seriously, being so bitter and jealous is toxic. Don't impose that on your kids.'

Hmm some defensive posters who think attacking me justifies their decisions. I'm neither bitter nor jealous. I absolutely support private education, I just prefer to parent my dc and not have them living at school. We are discussing boarders staying in school in lockdown!! parents leaving kids living elsewhere in a pandemic when they should have been with their parents. It should not have happened. The ex pat communuty or I bet there were even those in the same country should have looked after their own dc like everyone else had to. HTH.

@JaniieJones

But its not as simple as previously. There are less planes flying in and out, hoops to jump through regarding Covid testing.

Matron may be there, but she's not mum. And I for one would want to be there to care for my child.

And something that is undoubtedly beyond your experience, and most of the rest of British society, is that Boarding Schools have actually responded to a pandemic before. Like Asia, in 2003 they had to quickly come up to speed with the processes of infection control. So they are practised in the hygiene, distancing and quarantine processes that keep pupils safe and could swing them straight into action, as Asian countries did. My teacher friends in day schools do not have the protection of even the most basic of these infection control processes and are rightly anxious. I am sure they would appreciate the difference between a Boarding School bubble and a day school one......

When OP says in a I suspect borderline xenophobic comment that all the boarders are “Chinese” ( as in a country of a billion people with huge regional and rural / urban contrasts ) then she obviously did not appreciate what a good thing that is. Schools and pupils that are implementing sound effective infection control processes. Something that is definitely not happening in British day schools

'Matron may be there, but she's not mum. And I for one would want to be there to care for my child'

Totally agree.

@JaniieJones

'Seriously, being so bitter and jealous is toxic. Don't impose that on your kids.'

Hmm some defensive posters who think attacking me justifies their decisions. I'm neither bitter nor jealous. I absolutely support private education, I just prefer to parent my dc and not have them living at school. We are discussing boarders staying in school in lockdown!! parents leaving kids living elsewhere in a pandemic when they should have been with their parents. It should not have happened. The ex pat communuty or I bet there were even those in the same country should have looked after their own dc like everyone else had to. HTH.

why do you think it remotely matters what you "prefer"? Do what you want for your family, you are in no position to judge others.

(and how do YOU reply to parents who judge you for not homeschooling, and look down at you for institutionalising your kids by sending them to school? Just wondering...)

Your problem, that you have repeated many many times, is that others didn't have the same lockdown as you did. We get it, you are miffed.

should have looked after their own dc like everyone else had to.
ahem, no, not "everyone else" what you want to say is like I had to

I don't know what the heck you did during the lockdown, but honestly, work on it, it IS toxic. Competition to the bottom and trying to drag people in your misery doesn't help your situation. HTH

I don’t know a single parent with a child in Boarding School who did it because they didn’t want to look after their kids or who does not worry about what happens if they are ill or have an accident. In my experience the decision is never taken without a lot of heartache, worry and guilt.

However I do not know a parent who could say to a child who wanted to go away to a school in the same country or a different one for very good reasons that they could not do so because it would be too difficult and painful for them emotionally. I have friends who absolutely hate the idea that they have sent their child to Boarding School, who are not just anxious but worry about the Boarding School stereotypes and what sort of entitled empathy free adults they are going to emerge as (they needn’t have worried, they had already planted their own values and they have thrived). However they couldn’t limit their child’s educational choices because of their own emotional needs and attitudes.

I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised that mothers who have never faced those difficult choices would assume their own emotional needs would come first and would have no empathy with those who have. This country’s culture is riddled with that sense of entitlement to a small but comfortable life.

'why do you think it remotely matters what you "prefer"?'

You must remember what you've just said. My 'I prefer' was in response to you wanging on about me 'imposing' things on my DC. Keep up!

'don't know what the heck you did during the lockdown, but honestly, work on it, it IS toxic'

Just did my bit really, thinking so was everyone else. Seems not. Of course we had some flouters proud of flouting but I did believe at least all schools were acting responsibly but apparently not.

I did believe at least all schools were acting responsibly but apparently not. What is irresponsible about allowing pupils to continue their education in a Covid secure environment?

Day schools were closed because they were acting as the number one vector for infections, the virus is still most prevalent in the teenage age group. Although I take my hat off to the efforts made by many teachers and school communities to keep day schools safe the fact is a lot are falling short of what they should be doing, mainly because of the lack of government support but also I know some management teams are letting their staff and pupils down. So responsibility amongst day schools is certainly a variable.

Boarding School however are in a much better position to act responsibly and provide a Covid secure environment. It is just not a comparable situation...

The only explanation for your reasoning (or lack of it) is that you actually believe consciously or unconsciously that you had a very bad time and everyone should have just as bad a time in exactly the same way because you cannot conceive of lives led outside your narrow paradigm.....

'The only explanation for your reasoning (or lack of it) is that you actually believe consciously or unconsciously that you had a very bad time and everyone should have just as bad a time in exactly the same way because you cannot conceive of lives led outside your narrow paradigm.....'

No we're all very resilient and managed fine thanks! Obviously live lessons aren't ideal but the school was brilliant and understood why restrictions were needed in a pandemic. Lots of support from the teachers, dc high achievers and doing fabulously. Sadly not all dc are.

Nothing to do with narrow paradigms , just again in a pandemic in lockdown all kids should have been living with their parents having remote learning, or day school for the dc of keyworkers. Boarding in a crisis is just ridiculous.

Boarding in a crisis is just ridiculous. Ridiculous to your narrow values maybe, but I can understand that children staying within their normal educational environment (which actually might be more Covid secure than their family environment) that is ring fenced with rigorous infection control processes, extensive testing, track and trace, genuinely secure quarantine, mask wearing, the space and numbers to enable distancing, and genuine bubbles is not at all ridiculous and that it might be the most sensible, emotionally secure, as well as safe, environment for a child.

You do realise that by far the largest proportion will be 13+ , and able to make their own decisions anyway? That they would also be able to get on with remote learning without parental intervention? Last time around my then 10 year old got on with her remote learning, it was the 6 year old that had me watching grass grow outside with envy at the greater speed of it.

It certainly represent absolutely no threat to your safety or that if the school’s neighbours like OP, unlike day schools.

Honestly save your resentment for more ridiculous and threatening parts of society like anti lockdown and anti vaccine twats and the government .....

I’m going to assume here OP has never been to China nor has taken any time to understand the state curriculum in China and therefore why Chinese parents may want to educate their children abroad.

I love that you have to report my post when I disagree with you AND QUOTE YOU!

It's not me who is insulting and accusing other parents of neglect and other sins! It's you!

@JaniieJones

just again in a pandemic in lockdown all kids should have been living with their parents having remote learning,

Ah , changed your line of attack now since you can't argue that they should have been "at home". What is your reasoning as to WHY the children should now be living with their parents doing remote learning? Why would that be better than them staying at HOME at the boarding school where it was safe and they could continue with their education and as near to a normal life as they could? What selfish parent (you, obviously) wants to uproot their child from a safe environment and their normal life being with their friends in order to drag them to a lonely life in an unsafe, covid-stricken country, making them attend live lessons during the night! Can you not see why staying at boarding school was safer and enabled the children to continue with as much normality as possible? Why is it so important that these children are with their parents when they aren't during normal times? Children need routine and companionship of their peers, why would any parent deny their child that if they don't have to? I am sure in their hearts, their parents of course wanted their children near them, but instead, they went with their heads and did what was in the best interests of the child, no matter how heart breaking that would have been.

From other posts you are clearly an intelligent woman, why can you not see the reasoning on this thread? I'm genuinely sorry if you have in some way been affected perhaps by your experiences of either covid or boarding school or childhood relationships, but you have to realise you simply aren't seeing the bigger picture here. 99.9% of parents do what they feel is right for their children, and aren't selfish enough to keep them at home simply because they can't imagine being without them when that is not necessarily in the best interests of the child. You must realise that not every family has the same personalities, dynamics and set up that yours has?

Feeltherush Oh but no it is far better for the child to physically be with their mother, and hooked up to a drip at school to enable them to rote learn model answers shaped by the CCP for more hours of the day, than be with their friends in a Covid secure environment having a broad, balanced and stimulating English language education, the support of their Guardian in parentis nearby (I have performed that role for my children’s friends) , their parents available on zoom / Skype or whatever. Friends just put it on when school finishes and chat as they get on with their evenings until bedtime. It always struck me that they probably had more chatty interaction with their children than I did with my teens who disappeared upstairs to do homework and the important business of keeping up to their social media.

The absolute only way to parent a child is to inflict your constant presence and emotional needs on them. I think we have all learned from the last year that there are other ways to love and nurture family when we are not able to be physically present.

'From other posts you are clearly an intelligent woman'

Thankyou, this is true.

'What is your reasoning as to WHY the children should now be living with their parents doing remote learning? '

Zzz. Because there was a pandemic you see, lockdown, we had to stay at home (institutions don't count as home). It is my opinion that this should have applied to everyone, regardless of who decided to live in a different country to their young dc. Anyhoo. It's over now, they're all back, just some have a bit more catching up to do than their privileged counterparts.

'The absolute only way to parent a child is to inflict your constant presence and emotional needs on them.'

Well now you're just making stuff up, I don't 'inflict' anything on mine. I would suggest the only way to parent a young dc is at least have a parent living in the same country preferably the same home address until they’re what, university aged perhaps?!

In a pandemic rules about fairness and equity often have to go out the window. The 2 key issues are to reduce transmission and to enable the basics of life to continue even in lockdown. Ergo, day schools were closed as the emergence of the Kent variant sent cases skyrocketing in day school pupils who were passing it to each other/school staff/people on public transport/families/families colleagues etc. But this didn't happen in boarding schools. DDs school of 800 pupils and 400 staff had 3 cases in Michaelmas term all back office staff who don't get onsite accommodation. So actually the really logical thing to do would have been to have boarders back at school and day pupils at home - but that would understandably have been inequitable.

The second issue is that all schools needed to stay open for key worker and vulnerable children. By the time the schools were open anyway then they might as well have the international boarders back as they would be a lesser transmission risk at school than anywhere else.

Try to take the emotion out of it and just look at what was the best solution for the common good (rather than children on an individual basis) in what was a really shit solution all round.

@JaniieJones
Zzz. Because there was a pandemic you see, lockdown, we had to stay at home (institutions don't count as home). It is my opinion that this should have applied to everyone, regardless of who decided to live in a different country to their young dc.

"Institutions", i.e boarding schools DO count as as "home" whether you like it or agree with it, sorry, but that's a FACT! Sorry that doesn't fit with your narrative. And I'm glad you have finally admitted to the fact that this is just your opinion and your interpretation of the rules. You haven't actually offered any explanation as to WHY you think they are better off with a parent in a potentially dangerous and covid-stricken country than in a safe, normal environment that they are used to, just that anyone who thinks otherwise is a cruel and selfish parent, which is personal conjecture not a reasonable factual argument. Right now you are basically saying "I'm right, you're wrong, so there!" with a petulant swish of your hair and a stamp of your foot. If you can give a valid reason (not just because you think it should be so) then maybe people will listen to you, I certainly would. I might still disagree with you, but at least you would have a valid reason for your point of view, other than "because I said so"!

@JaniieJones @Emilyontmoor @PricklesAndSpikes and anyone else who is still arguing about boarding schools being allowed to stay open and function normally while all the plebs had to do home schooling, let me spell it out again (and see my long post from yesterday) - THEY WEREN’T.
Boarding schools were closed and pupils sent home. I know plenty of pupils based in Asia who were having to stay up late to access lessons and a family in the US who were getting up at 4.30am.
Any who might have had to stay at school for safeguarding reasons in a few random schools (as per an article linked to yesterday) were a tiny fraction (think 10 in a school of 600), and I can imagine every other option had been exhausted. They would not have been getting any of the extra-curricular activities or in person teaching you’re envisaging. Every single pupil in both my DC’s schools (both big name public schools) was sent home, and that was the case for all the other schools I know of.
So that element of your squabbling can be laid to rest at least if any of you bother reading this properly