To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

@apooagnuandyou

TableFlowerss

I am loving the mean girl vibe and your random comment about "being new" (?!?) but I think I am better off going back to Mark Twain

Youre really unreasonable and viewing thid frlm an entirely British perspective. It js REALLY common for parents to aim to send their children to boarding school in the UK or USA as it will dramatically improve their future prospects to the point that they'll be way ahead of their (even mlre intelligent) peers. There is a cultural belief that British and American education is superior and so people work their whole lives and go without in order to send their children abroad to study. And why? Not because they're neglectful or bad parents, bit because they love tjeir children so much thay they want to give them the best chance in life despite the fact that it's obviously incredibly difficult and painful to be seperated from their children ESPECIALLY during the global pandemic. Please don't be so thoughtless and judgemental.

Once again, without the typos:

You're really unreasonable and viewing this from an entirely British perspective. It is REALLY common for parents to aim to send their children to boarding school in the UK or USA as it will dramatically improve their future prospects to the point that they'll be way ahead of their (even more intelligent) peers. There is a cultural belief that British and American education is superior and so people work their whole lives and go without in order to send their children abroad to study. And why? Not because they're neglectful or bad parents, but because they love their children so much that they want to give them the best chance in life despite the fact that it's obviously incredibly difficult and painful to be seperated from their children ESPECIALLY during the global pandemic. Please don't be so thoughtless and judgemental.

(I say this as an expat in an Asian country where this is very common and am talking specifically about this country when I mention culture, although could name many countries where this is also true)

It is obvious that OP is oblivious to the lives led by families in other countries and devoid of empathy.

I know quite a few expats who hated the fact that their children chose to board in the U.K. but had to accept their children did not want to stay in the local system. It is very common for children to find the continuing turnover of friends in International Schools hard and to want to finish their education in the context of their main culture. Though they are English medium schools once you reach secondary age cliques of different nationalities develop that speak their native languages in the playground. Pandemic has made this even harder, think that holidays require that their children spend the first two weeks in a quarantine hotel (and of course risk picking up the virus on a plane) and that they have been at much greater risk of catching the virus in the U.K. than in their adopted countries. At the same time the political situation in many Asian countries has become much less stable and actually very dangerous for the young people there. However much they hate it they still had to respect their children’s wishes and make the most of a difficult situation.

In the case of Chinese children those arguments are even stronger. Many middle class parents work very long hours that have a severe impact on any chance of a family life (never mind home schooling). If their children stayed at home it would not be them raising them, it would be (and is) the Amahs. Lockdowns in tiny flats are not exactly conducive to a rich family life either. They want their children to have the benefit of an English speaking education which will give their children an International outlook and critical thinking skills, simply not possible in schools where teachers could be imprisoned for speaking outside the government controlled curriculum or saying anything that might be interpreted as sedition. As to working in such stressful jobs being a choice, well actually even the right to live in the city is not a choice in China. Low paid jobs are done by migrant workers who have to leave their children in rural areas with family so that they earn enough to support them and send them to school there. They have no right to health or education services in the cities, those rights are bestowed by government to those with historic rights or who work in government and business.

We actually returned from a happy overseas stint so that our children could finish their education living at home as a family and in day schools. That decision has come at some personal cost and we will all be leaving the country in serrated directions as soon as it becomes an option especially as my children’s prospects have shrunk just as they emerged into their careers. However I perfectly understand why friends have made different decisions.

@Totalbeach

I’m baffled as to why people think these kids have been in boarding schools over lockdown enjoying the company and facilities and having a marvellous time. Boarding schools closed during lockdown. Obviously. These children were sent home. In many, many cases that meant isolating alone in hotels in their home countries (as children) before they were allowed to enter. That is part of the reason I find it so strange that their parents were happy to then send them back for round two and round three.

Boarding schools did not close during the lockdown. Measures were put in place to ensure pupils’ safety.

www.brightworldguardianships.com/en/news-and-blog/uk-boarding-schools-in-lockdown/

because it's so hard to google and find out the facts apparently.

There are more info to be found, but I am not doing the work for posters!

Well, I kind of get where you’re coming from. Unless my circumstances were seriously dire, (which maybe theirs are) I couldn’t send my kids abroad for school. I just couldn’t be that far from them. I want to be spending time with them, facilitating hobbies and friendships, tucking them into bed at night etc.

'They tell me that they feel very safe in the boarding house, and are enjoying the opportunity to socialise with their fellow boarders.'

From the 'brightworld' link. How spiffing! Everyone else stuck at home isolated and home schooling (albeit with present, loving parents) but it's all jolly hockey sticks for boarders. Jesus.

so what? Do you think they should be punished for the lockdown and kept in a cell for the duration?

In the UK most kids in lockdown didn't stop meeting with friends. Remember the snow days we had for example? Kids were having a great time together. And good for them.

Apologies OP, this is not entirely relevant to the pandemic question but just wanted to give a small sidenote on the resilient Chinese student examples - ( that they have an extraordinary resilience and a work ethic second to none. by @AllThatisSolid) As everything else, this depends on context and personality - i recall conversations with a number of Chinese students who boarded in the UK, and mentioned how traumatised they were due to bullying, and being "thrown out here" without speaking the language or understanding the culture, and not being able to have their safe home to run away from it all.

@JaniieJones You really don’t have any idea what you are talking about. My husband will have been deployed for 9 months of the past 12. He deployed at short notice 10 days after I gave birth last summer. Do you not think people make big enough sacrifices to protect this country and it’s citizens without uneducated and disparaging comments. I’d bet there would be a lot less armed forces if boarding school entitlements were removed. Who is going to protect the country then?

I know of people who were due to come home from deployment last year but were stuck in warzones because it wasn’t safe for them to return home. I know of families where both parents are soldiers, both were deployed to help with the pandemic effort. A little bit of critical thinking and empathy would go quite far.

@JaniieJones

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

So what you are saying is that if you have a bad experience, everyone should suffer in the same way, got you.

You do know that many parents chose to send their kids to school during the pandemic, don't you? I have friends working in marketing, in media, in fashion, some SAH mums who decided against homeschooling and send the kids to school...

I am not the poster, but your post is priceless:

if your dh is in the armed forces he of course be deployed. Were surprised by that?

were did you see anyone was surprised?

In a pandemic boarding schools should have closed imo and the absent parents manage like the rest of us by parenting plus homeschooling. whilst in DEPLOYMENT? 😂 😂 😂

I've taught in a boarding school. I would never have dreamed of sending my own dc to one and am not a big fan of them, but I think it's pretty odd to suggest that every parent of overseas boarding pupils is somehow being neglectful by sending their child back to the school where they are established and perhaps happy, rather than disrupting their education and friendships even further than school closures have already done, by uprooting them and putting them in a local school (which may not even have places available). Only individual parents can know what is best for their children in this situation.

@sipsmith1

@JaniieJones You really don’t have any idea what you are talking about. My husband will have been deployed for 9 months of the past 12. He deployed at short notice 10 days after I gave birth last summer. Do you not think people make big enough sacrifices to protect this country and it’s citizens without uneducated and disparaging comments. I’d bet there would be a lot less armed forces if boarding school entitlements were removed. Who is going to protect the country then?

I know of people who were due to come home from deployment last year but were stuck in warzones because it wasn’t safe for them to return home. I know of families where both parents are soldiers, both were deployed to help with the pandemic effort. A little bit of critical thinking and empathy would go quite far.

I have a genuine question that is totally detracting from the point of this thread but
if only one parent is deployed/in the armed forces then why would it be necessary to send the children to boarding school?
Everyone has the choice to send their children to whatever school they want but I'm genuinely curious why the argument that boarding schools may be required for armed forces personnel if only one parent is in the armed forces?

I am really not interested in a debate about the royal family or how realistic of military experience the interview was, that's not my point at all, and for another thread

I am just laughing at the idea of Harry expected to be homeschooling Archie during that famous scene 😂

I don’t think they could have flown home if they’re Hk chinese. Direct Flights from U.K. to Hk have been banned since mid Dec. To get back, you need to spend 22 days in a third country first and then do 21 days hotel quarantine on arrival in Hk. By the time they’d done that, allowing a week’s grace to book flights etc, U.K. schools were open again. Therefore made more sense to stay put given risk of flights being banned from the third country while you’re there and stranding you. China is even more of a nightmare I believe- borders effectively closed. Gov quarantine on arrival.

@Tallybeebloom my children will be give the a choice once they are old enough, I’d imagine at 13. If they stay at home and we stayed in one place we would be paying for two households.

They’d also maybe see their dad for six weeks per year when he has holidays if he gets to take them (he didn’t last year!) Going to boarding school means they have nearly 6 holidays months per year where they’d be home with both parents plus any weekends they wanted. They’d also be getting an excellent education and all of the opportunities it brings.

My husband went to boarding school and loved it (not army parents).

@JaniieJones I can’t see the message you withdrew but I’m not surprised he was deployed, I’m really proud of my husband but it doesn’t stop it being hard. Rather than calling people neglectful and saying they shouldn’t have had children, try having empathy for people who have different circumstances.

DD was a day girl at a boarding school with a few Chinese kids. None of them were sent here alone at 7, usually a relative would be close by or at worst a sort of paid 'minder'. One lady came out and lived alone with her child whilst her husband stayed working in China which I could never do - her English wasn't great and she must've been incredibly isolated. Why must we shit on other parents trying their best? These countries have different cultures, values and a different job market.

I never boarded but MIL did and loved it. Wasn't fucked up at all. Her dad had to work in Nigeria so it was that or go to a school with a handful of local kids and not be able to go to a British or Kiwi uni as they didn't even run the school up to 18 (was in the middle of nowhere at a time of political instability, aware that there are plenty of very very highly educated Nigerians!) She adored her parents and believes they did the best with the circumstances.

'So what you are saying is that if you have a bad experience, everyone should suffer in the same way, got you.'

No I'm saying restrictions should have applied to everyone. Has anyone got any stats on how many military families have both parents serving and both on deployment at exactly the same time. I'd guess it's not that many.

Boarders should have gone home and been homeschooled like everyone else. Can't believe someone said what about diplomats earlier I mean fgs they more than anyone could have wfh.

'I can’t see the message you withdrew'

I tagged the wrong person. I did ask for the @ to be deleted but the whole post was.

JaniieJones
No I'm saying restrictions should have applied to everyone.

Oh you are absolutely right. EVERYONE been homeschooled like everyone else.

Military, emergency services, NHS staff, food suppliers.. CF! Should have homeschooled their kids like everyone else.

Please do keep going, your posts are amazing. I am guessing you would get on so well with the SAHM who chose to send their kids to school here .

@JaniieJones
No I'm saying restrictions should have applied to everyone.
Boarders should have gone home and been homeschooled like everyone else.

Can you explain why? Apart from because you think so?! I'm genuinely interested the reason you think this. Lots of posters have explained why it might not have been possible for the children to go to where their parents were residing but you seem doggedly determined that they should have done. Why?

'Military, emergency services, NHS staff, food suppliers.. CF! Should have homeschooled their kids like everyone else.'

Oh no I'm all for key workers kids going to school. It's boarders carrying on having jolly japes and getting an uninterrupted education because their parents cba and live abroad I'm on about.

Oh no I'm all for key workers kids going to school. It's boarders carrying on having jolly japes and getting an uninterrupted education because their parents cba and live abroad I'm on about

Oh so its not that you want everyone to be treated the same, its that you have a chip on your shoulder and kids boarding, and shock horror, enjoying it?

At what point in the pandemic do you think children should have been shipped off, alone, to lets say China?