To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

Now I am confused.

Are people upset about parents being horrid and sending away their children ( ie poor children)?

Or are they upset about those “poor children” having an amazing time at boarding school and the parents not homeschooling them?

@BritWifeinUSA

YABU to keep calling it a “global pandemic”.

Not so. A pandemic is not necessarily global.

I am guessing some posters take the saying "misery likes company" VERY personally 😂

“The food was awful and the portions were too small” springs to mind...

'Or are they upset about those “poor children” having an amazing time at boarding school and the parents not homeschooling them?'

Not 'upset', just pointing out that fair enough I suppose if you decide to live a life that involves sending your young dc away to live, but when there is a pandemic you should follow restrictions and they should stay at home. Haven't you heard of lockdown?

@JaniieJones
but when there is a pandemic you should follow restrictions and they should stay at home. Haven't you heard of lockdown?

Are you aware that school IS home for boarders? It's where they are registered for purposes of residential abode? So using your own argument, they should stay at school and not to travel to their parents' residence which for most of the year is NOT their home. Argue that one...

Not 'upset', just pointing out that fair enough I suppose if you decide to live a life that involves sending your young dc away to live, but when there is a pandemic you should follow restrictions and they should stay at home. Haven't you heard of lockdown?

They were at home. They weren't supposed to fly off to other countries. Haven't YOU heard of lockdown?

'Are you aware that school IS home for boarders'

How very sad that sounds, yet we hear all the time from defensive and absent parents that it isn't home at all!! I'd be interested to hear from boarding staff to know how many have both parents deployed on urgent military business at exactly the same time or rather how many are sahps in an ex pat community abroad who still didn't want their kids at home, even in a global emergency.

@JaniieJones

'Are you aware that school IS home for boarders'

How very sad that sounds, yet we hear all the time from defensive and absent parents that it isn't home at all!! I'd be interested to hear from boarding staff to know how many have both parents deployed on urgent military business at exactly the same time or rather how many are sahps in an ex pat community abroad who still didn't want their kids at home, even in a global emergency.

You seem utterly confused. Do you think British boarding schools are only for British children? Do you think all their parents are British or have ever lived there?

(But we learn Spanish/French and the like...)

On a side note, this is completely untrue. I’m yet to meet anyone who studied French or Spanish GCSE in the UK with whom I can hold a conversation in that language. Bilingual and A-level/university language excluded of course.

A conversation on any topic I mean, they know how to order coffees, talk about the weather and describe my green eyes and curly hair, but you couldn’t give them a French newspaper and talk about an article fluently.

The (compulsory) English we learn in other countries goes all the way up to fluent conversation. Which is obviously massively improved if the child spends some of his education in an English-speaking country.

@JaniieJones so basically you are jealous of children being able to continue their education and have a nice time with the friends because yours didn’t?

@everybodysang - Assume same school as DD goes to if they are that generous with the scholarships....

DDs school had a very high proportion of keyworker children as they offer very substantial financial help - this meant quite a lot of them were in during the last lockdown, alongside international pupils who had already arrived and were quarantining at school (there are regulations to allow boarders to quarantine at school rather than in a hotel) and those who had not left the UK over Christmas - in many cases it wouldn't be desirable due to the political situation at home.

DD went back early ( key worker) and was in a bubble of 8 girls in her year. 3 of those are from HK and their parents think they are safer here, 1 both parents are teachers, 2 are from single parent families with HCP parent and the other has a clinically extremely vulnerable family member so the fewer people at home the better.

Other schools were able to stay open to provide for keyworkers and vulnerable children so why not boarding schools?

I'd think the decision may have similar logic to the UK's decision to suspend deportation during the pandemic. Some countries have at some times been closed to international arrivals even from their own citizens and residents. Some have had no flight incoming for months. Some require 14 day quarantine in a selected hotel (which I don't see how you'd manage for a child travelling alone). If parents try to come get a younger child, they may have quarantine on both sides of the trip. And as far as I've seen all the advisories have been for no inessential travel, stay put if you can. They'd likely still have had at least a few children who COULDN'T go elsewhere - might as well give the option to everyone (from outside of the UK, at least) to stay.

how many are sahps in an ex pat community abroad who still didn't want their kids at home

the bitterness and jealousy is very strong on that one

I think it is brilliant that boarding schools could provide this.

I just cannot understand this judgemental attitude to other people’s parenting choices. We all do our best. And just because children are not boarding doesn’t mean that the parents are able to give their (living at home) children all attention.

We had this really unusual situation last week. A girl wanted to play some computer games with DD (year 6). We have a screen ban on school days and I had never heard of the girl (not one of DDs closest friends). DD told me that it was the girls birthday and that she really wanted to “play” with her remotely. So I allowed it (I checked the the teacher and it was her birthday).

I just hope that girl’s parents spoilt her rotten later in the evening. Sometimes we cannot be there even if we want to.

'so basically you are jealous of children being able to continue their education and have a nice time with the friends because yours didn’t?'

It isn't about being 'jealous'. We have had a year of disrupted education where many dc have lost out massively. It is beyond belief that boarders continued boarding throughout.

Our dc live in a loving family home, not an institution, with plenty of hands on parenting so have had a 'nice time' as far as lockdowns go of course. Also they've had live lessons throughout. If they were boarders I'd have followed restrictions and kept them at home.

We have had a year of disrupted education where many dc have lost out massively

it is just me, or you don't give the impression to actually give a monkey of other children - wherever in the world they are - when they are missing out but yours aren't?

@JaniieJones

You keep avoiding questions you don't seem to like, but in case you missed them - can you explain why you think "restrictions should have applied to everyone. Boarders should have gone home and been homeschooled like everyone else." (other than you think it should be that way) and when I explained that school is classed as home for boarders you turn it around and say How very sad that sounds, and yet we hear all the time from defensive and absent parents that it isn't home at all!! But, irrespective of what parents might say and what you personally feel about it, the fact remains that as per your reasoning ( when there is a pandemic you should follow restrictions and they should stay at home. Haven't you heard of lockdown? ), by staying at school and not travelling to where their parents' are residing they are following your rules. But that doesn't suit your agenda does it so you just throw out how sad it is, totally avoiding that you scuppered your own argument.

It is beyond belief that boarders continued boarding throughout

Why? How would sending them home have cut transmission rates?

I am just trying to understand the thinking here better.

It appears that the current think is that parents of boarders are horrid because their children were in school during a pandemic?

What about parent where only one parent is a key worker and still sent their children to school? Are they horrid too?

To @JaniieJones and other posters who seem a bit confused about the situation in boarding schools in lockdown...
I have three boarding DC (am UK based) and know a LOT of other boarding families. I don’t know of any boarding schools who just kept on with “jolly japes” unaffected by the lockdowns.
In every school I’m aware of, all UK based children were sent home in both lockdowns just like all other school children. All the non UK based children got home before the first lockdown (or at least out of school to guardians etc) and the schools closed completely. My DC’s schools weren’t even open to key worker children who might have been locally based.
For the second lockdown, Boris’s very late in the day announcement was just in time for most of the children not to travel for quarantine (given that most private schools start term later than state schools). So the only children in boarding schools in this most recent lockdown (as in that article) would have been a small number of overseas students who had already arrived or hadn’t been able to leave over Christmas for whatever reason.
I can assure you that I have had my boarding children home for the vast majority of this past year - which I have loved for most of the time as, contrary to the prevailing view of boarding parents, I do actually love them - but they were absolutely desperate to get back to their friends when lockdown finished!

'I can assure you that I have had my boarding children home for the vast majority of this past year'

Good to hear. Well done!

For those asking about boarding schools for military kids - even if only one parent is in the forces their deployment is disruptive and leaves the other parent (if there is one) effectively a single parent. As recognition of this it is possible to claim boarding school allowance. If you claim boarding school allowance the family has to move with your deployment or the allowance is removed (see the recent case of the army officer who was convicted of making false claims).

Deployment isn’t always to a battlefield. Your postings change every 2-3 years and you may be posted to a foreign country for the entire period. The constant moving is why military families may put their kids in boarding school, for stability. And you don’t know where you are going next, right now it may be Plymouth but the next posting could be the Falklands - right in the middle of your child’s GCSE course.

When I was growing up there was also an expectation that wives would play an active support role to their serving husbands and therefore it would have been viewed with deep suspicion if the family didn’t move. If we hadn’t moved I wouldn’t have seen my Dad at all, except for brief visits, in 6 years of my childhood/early twenties and for many of my friends it was more years than that. And nor would my Mum, who despite despairing of him often, does love my Dad and wanted to be with him for more than the odd week or two if she could (different story now he’s retired!)

I have no idea how families with two serving parents do it, it was almost unheard of when I was growing up.

@JaniieJones I don’t understand your bitterness towards families whose kids stayed in boarding during lockdown. It was hellish, but I wouldn’t wish that on others just because I had to go through it.

What is the point of this post? 🙄

@Totalbeach

Why does the pandemic affect it?

Because having your children thousands of miles away during a global crisis means that you can’t be sure they can get home or that you can get to them in a crisis.

They generally have appointed non school Guardians in this country.

I’m in the U.K. and have a Chinese friend who lives near me. She had a Chinese kid she doesn’t know from Adam living with her over Easter. The kid’s parents had arranged a guardian for holidays but the guardian was poorly. So someone who knows someone who knows someone knows my friend and she was emailed asking to help. There’s quite the culture of helping like this in the Chinese community even for strangers and the kids seem very unbothered by it.