To think it’s totally wrong to board children in another country during a global pandemic *title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[Totalbeach]

I live in a town with two boarding schools (junior and senior) and there’s another 3 - 18 school nearby. All are day as well as boarding. I assumed that they’d empty due to the pandemic but they are as packed as ever. As far as I understand, kids have always been able to fly home to parents as essential travel even during lockdowns etc, but many kids haven’t gone home for holidays due to quarantining restrictions either end. Pupils at the schools are largely from China but there are other nationalities too (including U.K. boarders of course).

AIBU to be totally shocked that even during a global pandemic families are willing to send their children overseas to live? I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral. And I’m quite surprised that it’s even legal to have children age 7+ boarding in another country in the first place.

YABU It’s fine
YANBU It’s awful

Well of course it's great! Wouldn't we all have loved it if DC's education had continued uninterrupted. Thing is, we were reducing the spread of a deadly virus not accommodating the lifestyle of parents who bizarrely choose to live in a different country to their young dc.

Boarding schools don't present the same infection risk as day schools so long as the children remain in their school bubbles. In any case, they did shut alongside other schools earlier in the year.

This thread has been a real-eye opener. I've never been keen on the idea of boarding schools however some of the well-thought out and considered posts have highlighted another side to it for me which has helped me to understand better why some people may decide to send children to boarding school. Some of the less well-written posts though actually highlight undertones of classism and elitism, suggesting that other schools are 'average' and therefore children attending them will be, calling people ignorant or stupid for having a differing opinion or working in a less well-paid job, or suggesting that people who don't attend boarding school aren't capable of learning other languages. If these are the attitudes that going to a boarding school fosters then I absolutely would not be wanting to send my children there. However experience, as well as the more considered responses on this thread, tells me that it's likely (and hopefully) just the attitudes and weak writing skills of those individual posters.

Initially I did agree with you OP, it's hard to get your head around the idea that someone might be okay with their child being on the other side of the world in a situation which means they may not be able to get to them if necessary. But some of the posts have shown me a different side and I can understand why for some this may be the best choice for their children, particularly in places where they feel their child would actually be safer away, such as India. I don't think it's something that's really clear cut because while on the surface you may think, "how could you have your children away from you when you may not be able to be there for them when you need them?" I think it comes down to individual needs and there may well be some that this is truly the best choice for.

I don’t know why but the thought of boardinh school just breaks my heart. I am obviously wayyy too attached and anxious about DS!

'The reason day schools shut was that children were going home and mixing with their families every night and with their classmates every day and often travelling on public transport making perfect spreading conditions'

I loathe the 'but it's different for us, the risk is much less' flouting excuses. Everyone thinks they're a special case and they’re more safe.

If schools had to close, except for key workers, then all should have closed.

Parents living overseas should have had to have their dc live with them, wfh and manage. Honestly as if privately educated kids aren't privileged enough without have an undisprupted education added to it 🙄

it wasn’t a case of “oh look, here comes a pandemic, let’s pack them off to Hogwarts on a one way ticket”, more a case of getting caught out by circumstances and not knowing how it was going to pan out,

Exactly. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. These kids were already here before the pandemic started. No-one knew quite what to do, things were chaotic. The most sensible thing to do given that flights were being cancelled all over the place was to stay put.

I loathe the 'but it's different for us, the risk is much less' flouting excuses. Everyone thinks they're a special case and they’re more safe.

You really can’t see the difference between a contained community like boarding school, that can control who comes and goes, and a day school exposed to thousands of community contacts?

Seriously?

Parents living overseas should have had to have their dc live with them, wfh and manage

And if they couldn’t wfh?

It's not an 'us' thing for me
I don't send my kids to boarding school and am against private schooling generally and I volunteer and use my skills to improve the quality of local state education for all. We home educated our kids despite being eligible for keyworker places because it was possible for us and the right thing to do.
Nonetheless I don't see the need to carp about people who made different choices or had the means to do so.

It is factually correct that a boarding school is less of a Covid spreading risk than a day school and to say they should shut just because you don't like them and think people should be punished and have to suck it up like the rest of us is just jealousy.

Some children would be more at risk to go home. From Covid in India or Brazil right now and from social and political unrest in other countries much of the time. I had friends growing up whose parents didn't want them to be educated in Myanmar or the Central African Republic. Not every country in the world has an expat school you can send your DC to. I can't say I blame them.

I think it’s actually neglectful to the point of being deeply immoral.

Your opinion isn’t very relevant outside your own head though. Official bodies don’t think it’s neglectful. Most people can see that complex circumstances might require difficult choices.

I’m sure there are parenting decisions made by everyone of us that someone sees as ‘neglectful’. Doesn’t mean they’re right.

Not a lot of forces jobs lend themselves to working from home.

Parents living overseas should have had to have their dc live with them, wfh and manage.

Why, because you want everyone to be punished for daring to live how you determine?

Well, thankfully you and bitter people don't make the rules so there was no reason for many of those boarding to go back to their native country.

But then, my eyes also glaze over when I see a post with the word 'flouting' in it.

Have we had 'selfish' yet?

I don’t know why but the thought of boardinh school just breaks my heart. I am obviously wayyy too attached and anxious about DS!

It’s not ‘too attached’ to want to be in the same household as your child.

@apooagnuandyou

TableFlowerss

People in Britain can afford decent houses and live on a part-time, term-only job with no help? Wow, tell us where, we might consider moving there!

There's a big leap between a pro-rata salary earned by a TA and someone on a £100k.

No point in being obtuse to try to get your point across. It doesn’t make your point more valid.

Plenty of people work in low paid jobs. Do then own £500k houses, drive around in brand new sports cars and have 3 luxury holidays per year? Probably not, but I’m sure most of them would prefer their modest income and their life as oppose to earning mega bucks but never seeing their children.

People will moan that they’re skint but I bet if the choose was given to them, they wouldn’t send their kids away!

It’s about priorities and not everyone thinks like you (pretty sure the majority don’t actually... sorry that upsets you)

@JaniieJones

'I think it is great if your children were allowed to stay in school Olaf'

Well of course it's great! Wouldn't we all have loved it if DC's education had continued uninterrupted. Thing is, we were reducing the spread of a deadly virus not accommodating the lifestyle of parents who bizarrely choose to live in a different country to their young dc.

Boarding schools, like hotels etc should have closed and they should have had online learning like everyone. Of course a few key worker's dc attended school but they didn't live there.

This is really very silly and show a severe lack of critical thinking. Have you read the thread? Do you imagine diplomats, armed forces personnel etc can just... WFH? Do you think children should be forced to homeschool in the middle of the night due to time differences? Do you think those in unstable countries should magically be able to find security (and a secure and stable internet connection) because you... don't like that other people chose to send their kids to boarding school.

I find it very hard to imagine sending my young DD away to boarding school. I found it very difficult to imagine my teenage DSD going to boarding school! But off she went (on a full scholarship to a school where 81% of the students are either on full or part scholarships, before someone who hasn't read previous posts leaps in and decides we're rich). She loves it. It's provided a more secure education for her in these times. If my DD wanted to pursue a similar route... well, I'd find it hard, but I'd support her.

OP, you sound ignorant of the reasons a family might make this choice, and also of their circumstances during the pandemic, and of the options for alternative schooling available to them wherever they live. Also, ignorant of life at the schools and the mental and emotional wellbeing of the children in question.

So essentially you've formed a strong negative opinion of a situation you know nothing about.

No point in being obtuse to try to get your point across. It doesn’t make your point more valid.

Keep up, I am replying to a poster who claimed that it was preferable to be a TA (nothing wrong with that) than not seeing your kids...The point was that you CANNOT survive on a TA salary alone.

But feel free to take my answers out of context to suit your little story.

It’s about priorities and not everyone thinks like you (pretty sure the majority don’t actually... sorry that upsets you)

Who's upset? . Surely even you must have noticed that some parents homeschool, others parents want time off during the day and send the kids to nursery and schools and others to boarding school!

Clearly every parent has different priorities and opinion on what is best for their own child. Feeling superior because you can't admit that your choice is not valid for others, and being completely blind on their circumstances is laughable.

Feel free to forget all the parents whose kids suffered from being stuck home during the lockdowns and who would have been happier with friends.

Feel free to forget the children who have a blast in boarding school and an interesting life by visiting parents in their various postings. Sorry if that upset you that some people chose to have an exciting career and give opportunities to their own children instead of a mediocre life.

If you were that secure on your choice about your own children and the opportunities YOU are given them, why so angry, bitter and antagonistic?

@apooagnuandyou

No point in being obtuse to try to get your point across. It doesn’t make your point more valid.

Keep up, I am replying to a poster who claimed that it was preferable to be a TA (nothing wrong with that) than not seeing your kids...The point was that you CANNOT survive on a TA salary alone.

But feel free to take my answers out of context to suit your little story.

It’s about priorities and not everyone thinks like you (pretty sure the majority don’t actually... sorry that upsets you)

Who's upset? . Surely even you must have noticed that some parents homeschool, others parents want time off during the day and send the kids to nursery and schools and others to boarding school!

Clearly every parent has different priorities and opinion on what is best for their own child. Feeling superior because you can't admit that your choice is not valid for others, and being completely blind on their circumstances is laughable.

Feel free to forget all the parents whose kids suffered from being stuck home during the lockdowns and who would have been happier with friends.

Feel free to forget the children who have a blast in boarding school and an interesting life by visiting parents in their various postings. Sorry if that upset you that some people chose to have an exciting career and give opportunities to their own children instead of a mediocre life.

If you were that secure on your choice about your own children and the opportunities YOU are given them, why so angry, bitter and antagonistic?

‘ Keep up’ - I think you need to take your own advice. It was me, I was that poster! I think you need to keep up 😂

Your clearly outraged that I disagree with you. You obviously went to a boarding and perhaps it makes you feel shit that people wouldn’t do it to their children. It’s clearly touched a nerve with you as your whole tone has been arsey (to the point another poster actually referred to your derogatory tone and how off putting it was to your argument. They are completely right and how if that’s that type of person produced by a boarding she would hate to send her child there!)

Regarding your last paragraph 😂😂 talk about projecting!!

I loathe the 'but it's different for us, the risk is much less' flouting excuses. Everyone thinks they're a special case and they’re more safe.

If schools had to close, except for key workers, then all should have closed.

Parents living overseas should have had to have their dc live with them, wfh and manage.

Bizarre argument. Having boarding-school students return to their parents rather than stay at school might actually have heightened the risk of spreading the virus (and put the children returning home at huge risk of contracting it on crowded flights). Britain was a virus hotspot at this point and they could have taken the virus home to their countries with much less advanced medical systems.

Lockdown measures weren't brought in to ensure social equality or address privilege, they were brought in to contain the spread of the virus. Hence, it is not justified to impose restrictions which do not achieve that end with the aim of being "fair". Is it fair that some children could attend school simply by virtue of their parents being key workers? Not really as far as individual children are concerned. But it was necessary.

Honestly as if privately educated kids aren't privileged enough without have an undisprupted education added to it

This is a valid point but it goes to the question of whether private education should be permitted at all which is an entirely different debate.

TableFlowerss

wow, you do get a lot from someone who simply has another opinion!
Do you take everything else so personally or is it just the boarding school issue that is making you react and project like that?

I love the MN bingo, and the outrage/shocked/fuming/upset.

Do you care so much about kids being homeschooled or at school or is it just the boarding element that makes you so worked up?

@apooagnuandyou

TableFlowerss

wow, you do get a lot from someone who simply has another opinion!
Do you take everything else so personally or is it just the boarding school issue that is making you react and project like that?

I love the MN bingo, and the outrage/shocked/fuming/upset.

Do you care so much about kids being homeschooled or at school or is it just the boarding element that makes you so worked up?

Can’t you make your own argument? Why do you keep using the same terms are the posters your replying to, out of curiosity? “Projecting” being one of those terms....

You can tell your new on here- that’s for sure!

*you're

'This is really very silly and show a severe lack of critical thinking. Have you read the thread? Do you imagine diplomats, armed forces personnel etc can just... WFH? '

Yes I do. Diplomats can zoom like everyone else, if both parents are in serving in the forces I suppose that provides logistical problems, makes you wonder why they bothered having kids though tbh.

If non boarding private school pupils had to be home schooled like everyone else and they were then of course boarders should have been too.

We were told to stay at home, not stay at home unless your parents cba to look after you.

@apooagnuandyou

*you're

Smart arse. Shut you up though 😬

TableFlowerss

I am loving the mean girl vibe and your random comment about "being new" (?!?) but I think I am better off going back to Mark Twain

'This is a valid point but it goes to the question of whether private education should be permitted at all which is an entirely different debate.'

Oh private education is ok, I've no problem with that. I would have had a problem if they'd all have stayed open throughout lockdown as their parents were too important to wfh. It's this thing that boarders and their absent parents didn't have to adhere to restrictions that I can't quite understand.