Varicose veins and 'd'p ...

[AnxiousWeirdo]

This sounds really stupid even writing this but we're having a disagreement and I figure the sharp minds of aibu can help settle it.

I never have my legs out, ever, I have real body confidence issues. I'm a bit over weight (size 16 and 5'11) but I've lost 2 dress sizes in the last year.

I've been wearing shorts today, just normal 'mum' shorts. I felt really proud of myself for even buying them and personally I'm sick of being hot and covered up when it's warm out. I was planning on heading out in a few to pick up a few bits ..in my shorts.

I've just sat down for 10 minutes next to dp and he's talking about something, half way through he says "you need to put your legs away that vein is awful". I basically said ..what? "You should cover up your leg the vein is freaking me out".

I've reiterated the "what?" With something along the lines of what I've said to you guys, that the one time I have my legs out he picks on my vein and makes me feel really crap. I realised that with the way I'm sitting he can't even see the dreaded vein. To which he's explained that he can see all my other veins and he saw THE vein when I was putting moisturiser on a bit ago. He's called me sensitive and thinks I'm blowing things out of proportion. I think he's a dick.

( I understand this sounds childish but I'm genuinely curious as to whether I'm sensitive or not)

Also, I developed the vein during pregnancy with his child...

Go on, let me have it.

"Yes, soon you will have to change your name to CONFIDENTweirdo!"

I'm so coining confidentfruitcake

He's a horrible man, my legs are covered in varicose veins and my partner encourages me to get them out and he massages them when they're aching and always makes sure I don't feel embarrassed when they're out.. you deserve better 💕

Oh what a lovely partner you have 💓

Some boys take a beautiful girl,
and hide her away from the rest of the world...

I measured myself for the first time in ages and I've lost 11 inches 💪🏻

@AnxiousWeirdo

I measured myself for the first time in ages and I've lost 11 inches 💪🏻

Once you dump that negging twat, you'll lose even more dead weight.

I will refrain from the obvious joke about him and 11 inches that don't exist...

😂 absolutely not 11 inches going on there!

And he's about 5'7 so height is usually a touchy issue given that I'm 5'11 .. and 3 quarters 😉😂

It's not ok for him to point out your imperfections. It sounds like he is just trying to find negatives because you've lost weight. If he loved you he would want want you to feel confident and proud of your weight loss. My husband has quite prominent varicose veins on his legs and feels quite self conscious. He wears shorts all the time now but it took me buying him shorts and telling him that despite how he feels about them no one else would notice. It sounds as if your dh is just looking for ways to put you down. Wear your shorts with pride. I bet you look lovely.

That was at Anxious's last post!

I’m envious of your lofty height! At 5ft 7.5 (the half is very important to me!) I know I’m not short but I’ve always been secretly miffed that I’m not taller!!

Thank you! I'm definitely appreciating the height more as I'm getting older. I was always so shy but I stuck out like a sore thumb constantly! Plus heels, I love heels, never wear them because I feel like gigantaur 😂 its definitely handy for things like changing light bulbs and hanging curtains though 😂😂

AnxiousWeirdo, that is a lovely dress and it looks great on you.

I'm really glad you've posted because what you're experiencing isn't normal loving or relationship-nurturing behaviour. Your partners sounds horrible - and he's working so hard to pick at your confidence so that you have none left.

I'm really hoping that you're making your own plans in your head, ready to put them into motion and get away from this twat. Imagine the sort of blueprint he's putting on your daughter, showing her that she is normal and what she can expect in her own future. Yuck.

But then she has you.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Thank you, I'm glad I posted too. He's been so nice and on the ball lately that I really doubted anything was wrong at all, hearing other people's opinions and experiences ..and also other people's lines that they draw has helped so so much.

I'm definitely making plans, I have been doing for a few months in some ways, like putting my name on the lease through the landlady and paying off the car, doing courses etc.I'm currently looking for houses though there isn't much right now I've been sharing a bed with DD for 4 nights as she's been poorly and I don't want to go back to sharing with him at all. Of course if I say that it's not going to go down well and I'm having my daughter's pet put to sleep on Friday so I don't want to cause her stress. She also has a hospital procedure next week. So I'm treading carefully right now for her sake. My foot is still down though.

You looked stunning in that dress , I first thought your photo was an example of the dress in an online photo aka model !

Aw wow thank you so much ❤️

The dress looks amazing on you - I thought it was pictures of a model in the catalogue

Good God woman, you are a total hottie!

I'm honestly gobsmacked by these comments. I haven't thought of myself as attractive for a very long time!

Well you are - he knows it & doesn't want anyone else noticing!

@AnxiousWeirdo

I'm honestly gobsmacked by these comments. I haven't thought of myself as attractive for a very long time!

He's been working hard at that.

But if you really were as unattractive as he says, he wouldn't need to say it, would he? I mean, if you had some kind of vein-charged, man repelling force field, he wouldn't need to tell you how bad you supposedly look because men would all be running screaming automatically, wouldn't they?

Let me guess, it's got worse as you lost weight?

I was thinking back to when it started, I mean I can't remember specifically but he's always been pretty vocal about how I look. I mean he'd say things like "you'd look nice with brown / pink / grey hair" and I'd do it that colour simply as I get bored of my hair easily and I've been every colour under the sun as it is, I think he must have been taking that as some kind of submission? He did go through a phase of telling me I'd look good wearing so and so or I don't look nice wearying x,y,z. I guess by that point I just assumed he was looking out for me or something. He's gotten worse since I stopped doing what he wants or "listening to his opinion" as he put it. My point about the dress was, I appreciate your opinion but I like the dress and I want to wear it. Telling me I look awful in it and you hate it at random periods in the day isn't telling me your opinion anymore, it's being mean.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I've come down with dds bug and I feel awful! Agreed to get his parcel now as well, ffs what a mug. I will be picking up some coke and some treats though whilst I'm there!

OP - you're clearly an attractive woman. I'm willing to bet that your 'd'p's behaviour is partly down to the fact that he's just a horrible person and partly because he's jealous/paranoid - you're taller than him, you're losing weight, wearing nice clothes etc. He's deliberately trying to belittle you and keep you down in case you decide you can do better than him (which you certainly can!).

I've come down with dds bug and I feel awful! Agreed to get his parcel now as well, ffs what a mug.

Sorry to hear you've caught the bug but I really think you should cough all over that parcel before you hand it to him.

Hope you and DD are feeling better soon