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AIBU?

Varicose veins and 'd'p ...

173 replies

AnxiousWeirdo · 26/04/2021 16:37

This sounds really stupid even writing this but we're having a disagreement and I figure the sharp minds of aibu can help settle it.

I never have my legs out, ever, I have real body confidence issues. I'm a bit over weight (size 16 and 5'11) but I've lost 2 dress sizes in the last year.

I've been wearing shorts today, just normal 'mum' shorts. I felt really proud of myself for even buying them and personally I'm sick of being hot and covered up when it's warm out. I was planning on heading out in a few to pick up a few bits ..in my shorts.

I've just sat down for 10 minutes next to dp and he's talking about something, half way through he says "you need to put your legs away that vein is awful". I basically said ..what? "You should cover up your leg the vein is freaking me out".

I've reiterated the "what?" With something along the lines of what I've said to you guys, that the one time I have my legs out he picks on my vein and makes me feel really crap. I realised that with the way I'm sitting he can't even see the dreaded vein. To which he's explained that he can see all my other veins and he saw THE vein when I was putting moisturiser on a bit ago. He's called me sensitive and thinks I'm blowing things out of proportion. I think he's a dick.

( I understand this sounds childish but I'm genuinely curious as to whether I'm sensitive or not)

Also, I developed the vein during pregnancy with his child...

Go on, let me have it.

OP posts:

Report

Elai1978 · 26/04/2021 19:49

I guess there’s a more sensitive way he could’ve dealt with it. I have a certain scar which freaks my DW out and she can’t bear to look at so asks me to move that particular body part if it’s on show so I kind of understand how he feels.

Mydogmylife · 26/04/2021 20:01

@Elai1978

I guess there’s a more sensitive way he could’ve dealt with it. I have a certain scar which freaks my DW out and she can’t bear to look at so asks me to move that particular body part if it’s on show so I kind of understand how he feels.

I think there's a much deeper issue than just a random varicose vein

Elai1978 · 26/04/2021 20:03

I think there's a much deeper issue than just a random varicose vein

I agree, but I can understand someone getting freaked out by something on their partner’s body.

TrufflyPig · 26/04/2021 20:04

He sounds like a massive twat.

He's pointing it out because he knows full well it will make you feel insecure and self conscious.

Classic abuser tactics.

toocold54 · 26/04/2021 20:13

I have a 6 year old daughter with anxiety problems and depression so I can't just up and go, so I'm making sure things are in place first.

Our children learn from our behaviour. If you have low self confidence (who wouldn’t with that twat around) your daughter will pick up on these things.
Get rid of him, learn to love yourself, and your daughter will improve so much.

AnxiousWeirdo · 26/04/2021 20:17

The reply I sent about my daughter's anxiety sounded rather blunt, I apologise,I was replying as I was in the middle of talking about tooth brushing...

I'm aware the issues she has, at least partly, will improve when we leave, however she really struggles with any change, even a change to her bedtime routine for example can bring a panic attack or at least bad anxiety. I'm having to have her pet put to sleep on Friday, I'm hoping that it doesn't put her back at all as she's come a long way recently.

I know a lot of people won't understand why I'm still here after 8 years but after being emotionally abused by my mother (I've only just come to realise this also), I've also had some traumatic experiences throughout my life as well as being in previous violent relationships. Dp was better than everyone else so it took me a long time to realise what was happening.
In a lot of ways it would be better if he did just hit me because then it's obvious and not so sly. He also has some mental health problems (severe social anxiety and depression) so I immediately stepped into the role of an almost carer to him. It's hard to step out of that, especially as he's never made any effort to improve himself through therapy for example.

I've also lost a baby after a traumatic pregnancy, had 2 cancer scares (going through one now actually), had anxiety myself and depression which I have been through counselling etc for and I've improved massively.

I left 3 months ago but I had nowhere to go, I had no friends or family that I could turn to and I was in debt with the car. He convinced me to stay over after a week of me applying for houses and putting things in place to leave, I knew it was a mistake but he's been so nice to me since (apparently not really) that I've doubted myself again. Hence this thread.

Thanks to all of you, I thoroughly expected everyone to say I was being overly sensitive, it's really opened my eyes to the true situation and I'm grateful for that.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 26/04/2021 20:20

He's a right nasty piece of work.
Not a normal remark at all.

The type of remark that a nasty abusive man would make.

Your child's anxiety is most likely not in isolation.

Glad you are getting your ducks in the row.

He sounds like a pig.

The pixie cut reaction tells me he is in fact highly abusive.

Blueskytoday06 · 26/04/2021 20:24

Oh @AnxiousWeirdo wear your shorts with pride . I know if I'd lost 2 dress sizes I would. I'm so sorry he's pissed on your parade. You deserve to feel special

Blueskytoday06 · 26/04/2021 20:25

Sorry didn't read your update. I really hope you find the courage to leave soon.

Brigante9 · 26/04/2021 20:36

I have a massive chunk out of my calf and horrific scarring. My dh has been nothing but supportive. You deserve so much more than this.

He ignored you for 2 weeks on holiday? What a total fucking wanker. Please garner your strength and kick him to the kerb. He is not worthy of you.

MumInBrussels · 26/04/2021 20:37

OP, you are amazing. One day soon, you will leave this man, and you and your daughter will be happier for it. You've clearly survived some grim things, and you will get through and past this relationship too. Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mother to learn from. Try to be kind to yourself, especially since your partner doesn't seem to be able to be anything other than awful. You deserve so much better than him.

Craftycorvid · 26/04/2021 20:44

My DH is by no means a paragon of either tact or sensitivity but he’d never say anything like this (and for context I used to have a proper zig zag vein at the back of my knee that was navy blue and very visible - had the bugger dealt with ten years ago and never regretted it, er, the vein not the DH).

C152 · 26/04/2021 20:48

That was a dick thing to say to say to you. If he regularly comes out with that sort of shite and worse, I think I'd leave.

theheartofthematter · 26/04/2021 20:50

I hope you didn't take the shorts off. No one would have even noticed your legs whilst you were out getting things done. What a piece of shit. He has really worked you well if you don't even think this is too bad. You have lost 2 stone. Well done you. Now to loose another 12 or so and kick the dickhead out. I hope you really hear what everyone here has said. You should feel happy in your skin and not worry about being hot and bothered because a dick has said your shorts are not nice.

Sickoffamilydrama · 26/04/2021 20:53

I so sorry OP your body is beautiful and worthy of being dressed in how ever you please.

I have thread veins probably from being on my feet for years as a nurse but my legs are also long and slim I used to cover them up then realised that no one cares. In fact I've had a few compliments about them.

Unfortunately these things can get into your brain I used to be "friends" with an awful girl as a teen who regularly used to comment about my pale legs or my big hips as a consequence I was really paranoid about them when I look back at pictures I'm a long legged curvy teen who was gorgeous.

I hope you can leave soon & find peace

MissMaple82 · 26/04/2021 20:56

What an arsehole. Id reevaluate your future with this type of man

AgathaAllAlong · 26/04/2021 20:56

Reading your updates, that escalated really quickly. He is horrible leave him. How dare he talk to you like that .

TillyTopper · 26/04/2021 20:57

That's a nasty comment from him. Well done on the 2 dress sizes too!

AnxiousWeirdo · 26/04/2021 21:08

Thank you for all the compliments regarding my weight loss. I'm really proud of myself! I tried on my pre pregnancy tops and dresses (not trousers because hips) the other day, I was SO happy, I came down wearing this nice berry colour strappy dress, it's lovely, I was all "look! I'm wearing my pre pregnancy dress! " He just looked me up and down and snottily asked if I was going out in that, because it was unsuitable for our walk. I said no, I was just showing off that I fit into it, he said he couldn't really tell and laughed and that was that. Asshole. God, I really need to start a diary and write down what he says because I forget it all until a relevant conversation or situation comes up. It's worse seeing it all written down...

OP posts:

partyatthepalace · 26/04/2021 21:14

Jesus no excuse for that - and clearly a deliberate attempt to run you down and reduce your confidence. Don’t let him do it!

VictoriaLudorum · 26/04/2021 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TDMN · 26/04/2021 21:22

First of all OP - GO YOU for wearing shorts and i bet you look great!! I still struggle with getting my legs out so im pleased for you.

Second of all, apart from the fact you should definitely leave him, i think its worth you sitting down and asking him if he heard a boy say to your daughter when she grows up 'your boobs are saggy' etc whether he'd think that was acceptable, and then make it very clear that if he ever said anything to his daughter about her appearance like that that she will grow up hating him and being self concious. What a vile man.

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AnxiousWeirdo · 26/04/2021 21:22

Yeah I'm over weight. I've also lost two sizes in less than a year. Yeah I have a varicose vein due to pregnancy. Unfortunately treatment is classed as cosmetic because I have no health issues because of it so unless you'd like to pay for me to have it treated, I'm not sure what you suggest?

OP posts:

CheshireCats · 26/04/2021 21:22

@VictoriaLudorum How rude and ignorant! What has op said that means she needs to "grow up"?
What a nasty post.

RantyAnty · 26/04/2021 21:23

Yes, he's a mean arse.

Glad you're taking steps to get rid.

He sounds jealous about your weight loss. That would motivate me to work harder to lose!

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