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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I'm not spoiling the afternoon because I dont want to drink alcohol.

144 replies

MajorMujer · 25/04/2021 11:38

Going out to a much anticipated Sunday Lunch with DH.
No driving involved, DC are adults ( to set the scene )
I've just told DH that I will take the dogs out later as I'm not drinking over lunch. Apparently I'm " miserable " and will " spoil the day" Hmm.
I get migraines if I drink in the day, he knows this.
I have no problem sitting with an orange juice whilst he has a couple of pints, he also knows this.
I've told him to stop being a knob and that it's quite controlling of him to have said this.
He is now backpeddaling like a unicyclist at the circus.
So, AIBU to not drink alcohol when I dont want to ?

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 25/04/2021 11:40

I get migraines from drinking too. They’re awful. You can have a nice fun relaxing lunch without booze.

Howshouldibehave · 25/04/2021 11:41

Is it just the two of you going out? Why does he care if you drink or not? I don’t get the relevance of the dogs-does he want to have a long leisurely lunch but thinks you’ll be wanting to leave early to walk the dogs?

AuntieDolly · 25/04/2021 11:42

I don't drink during the day for the same reason. Do what is right for you. I've never understood why someone not drinking spoils it for someone else.

AdaFuckingShelby · 25/04/2021 11:43

Of course YANBU. It sounds like he wants a drinking partner cos he wants to get drunk. You don't have to get drunk to please him.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 25/04/2021 11:43

@AuntieDolly because it allows others to feel less guilty about their own alcohol intake.

FlyingBurrito · 25/04/2021 11:44

Nobody is ever unreasonable not to have an alcoholic drink. I literally can't think of a situation where it would be compulsory.

As this clearly isn't some rave where people might feel uncomfortable getting totally pissed when one person wasn't why does he care?

Original poster
MajorMujer · 25/04/2021 11:45

@Howshouldibehave it's his turn to walk the dogs, I said I would - if he drinks in the day he will fall asleep as soon as we get home . I enjoy taking them out for a leisurely stroll so I offered.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/04/2021 11:45

Alcohol isn't compulsory for fun.
Fun is spolit when people comment on others drinking or not drinking
(Caveat... Roaring drunk and alcoholism aside)

Original poster
MajorMujer · 25/04/2021 11:46

It's not as if he is a big drinker - 2 pints is his normal limit, once a week.

OP posts:
CirqueDeMorgue · 25/04/2021 11:47

Of course you're not being unreasonable but if he wants more than 'a couple of pints,' is he allowed to do that?

JemimaJoy · 25/04/2021 11:47

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

BeneathYourWisdom · 25/04/2021 11:47

Of course you shouldn’t feel forced into drinking when you don’t want to!

I often decline alcohol as it gives me headaches.

stackemhigh · 25/04/2021 11:47

So he is willing for you to have a migraine just so he doesn’t have to drink alone? Is he always this selfish?

EmeraldShamrock · 25/04/2021 11:48

He is being ridiculous.

JemimaJoy · 25/04/2021 11:48

(I'm not saying I agree with him, I'm just saying I can understand his disappointment, although maybe he should have felt quietly disappointed)

VettiyaIruken · 25/04/2021 11:55

I wonder if people who get huffy if someone else isn't drinking realise that it feels (to me anyway) that they are saying you're a boring fuck unless you have alcohol to lighten you up.
It's pretty hurtful.

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/04/2021 11:59

Strange thing to say when he knows the situation with you, ie migraines etc. He’s being a bit of a twat today! Drink, or don’t, it’s your call, not his…

Awalkintime · 25/04/2021 12:00

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.
Can you not giggle if you drink orange juice?
emilyfrost · 25/04/2021 12:02

YANBU. I’m teetotal. I find that those who drink alcohol feel guilty about their own intake so regularly take it out on those who don’t.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/04/2021 12:02

That's ridiculous, I don't drink at all and nobody else comments.
Did he think maybe you'd be up for sex if you had a drink?

MrsSugar · 25/04/2021 12:02

I can’t understand why ppl are like this ! I can’t see how you not drinking causes any hassle. I don’t drink at all, I just don’t like it and I sometimes get comments like this. I just ignore it as much as I can. I’m happy for others to drink I just personally don’t enjoy it ! X

Aprilshowersandhail · 25/04/2021 12:02

My dh and dc accept I don't really bother with alcohol.. Migraine sufferer here also.
Would rather have Coke with ice tbh!
Order your own OJ. Tell dh it's vodka and orange...
Then tomorrow remind him you all had a lovely time - with you on the OJ.
He is ridiculous of course..

emilyfrost · 25/04/2021 12:03

It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

@JemimaJoy No, I don’t know wheat you mean Confused You can have fun and a giggle without alcohol, you know.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/04/2021 12:04

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.
A beer and a giggle is just as possible as an orange juice and a giggle. I don't understand the difference? If you're with a person you get on with, have a laugh with, the drink of choice won't change that, will it?
daisypond · 25/04/2021 12:05

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.
No, I don’t know what you mean. How does it change the nature of the outing?