Page 5 | To think that I'm not spoiling the afternoon because I dont want to drink alcohol.

MajorMujer · 2021-04-25T10:38:34+00:00

Going out to a much anticipated Sunday Lunch with DH. No driving involved, DC are adults ( to set the scene ) I've just told DH that I will take the dogs out later as I'm not drinking over lunch. Apparently I'm " miserable " and will " spoil the day" [hmm]. I get migraines if I drink in the day, he knows this. I have no problem sitting with an orange juice whilst he has a couple of pints, he also knows this. I've told him to stop being a knob and that it's quite controlling of him to have said this. He is now backpeddaling like a unicyclist at the circus. So, AIBU to not drink alcohol when I dont want to ?

ChristmasAlone · 25/04/2021 15:23

When me and OH for lunch or something I don't drink most of the time. Unless I'm drinking to get drunk I very rarely actually drink, so 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't have an alcoholic drink. He's fine with that (potentially because I drive home 😅), every one I know is fine with it. It seems a very weird thing to get aggy about.

VegCheeseandCrackers · 25/04/2021 15:27

YANBU. I actively dislike being pressured to drink. My FiL and BiL are bad for this too and it's very annoying and feels controlling as you say.

murbblurb · 25/04/2021 15:27

Only serious saddos think that you can't have fun without booze. What a dickish remark so he should indeed apologise.

DontBeRidiculous · 25/04/2021 15:33

YANBU! Your not drinking doesn't mean he can't. If anything, you're freeing him up even more, because if some emergency came up, you'd still be sober and able to handle it.

I guess he's one of those sad people who think it's no fun to drink alone, so everyone needs to accommodate them so they can have "fun".

I think that the reason some people hate non-drinkers on their nights out (or whenever they're drinking) is that it makes them feel some twinge of guilt, down deep where they may not even be aware of it. Either that or they're afraid you'll remember the stupid things they say when they're drunk.

WarmAndFluff · 25/04/2021 15:53

My DH doesn't drink when we go out, I do. It has absolutely no bearing on whether we have fun or not, it's just a preference! Your DH is BU.

joystir59 · 25/04/2021 15:56

Some of my best friends never drink alcohol. They never ruin anything and I love their company.

Zakana · 25/04/2021 16:03

I’d like him to have a few drinks then try out the pedalling backwards on a unicycle, I’d pay to see that! I’m with you OP, love a drink but end up a cheap date if I drink during the day because I fall asleep within the hour! (Drinking after 7pm not a problem for me though)!

Chloemol · 25/04/2021 16:15

@JemimaJoy

It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree

How sad that you think you need alcohol to have a giggle, says a lot about any relationship you have that you appear to need alcohol to have a giggle

Jaxhog · 25/04/2021 16:16

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

Seriously? Alcohol isn't essential to celebrating or to having a good time. It isn't essential to anything. Period.

Drinking alcohol is a choice.

Blimeyoreilly2020 · 25/04/2021 16:19

It’s so depressing that people think you can’t have fun, or even be fun if you don’t drink. It’s just insane really. However I’ll be interested to see whether in 20 years time drinking booze is considered in a similar vein to how smoking is now...ie, why put your health at unnecessary risk?

womaninatightspot · 25/04/2021 16:23

I wouldn't drink if I was out in a twosome and the other person wasn't. Most people once they've had a glass or two are sadly not as witty or charming as they think they are. Fine if you're all on the same level but tedious for the sober one if not.

Anniegetyourgun · 25/04/2021 16:23

Ah, the classics

JenerationH · 25/04/2021 16:31

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Anniegetyourgun · 25/04/2021 16:42

Here I go again with the multiple posts, sorry... Re one person feeling uncomfortable drinking if the other one doesn't: a full grown adult getting tipsy after a couple of beers with a meal, to the extent that they are on a different wavelength from their partner who didn't, must have a low alcohol tolerance indeed. Being old and out of practice I don't have the head for it I did in my youth, when my party trick was to finish any opened bottles of wine at the end of the night so they wouldn't go to waste (and always got home in one piece!); but it takes a fair bit to get to the stage where someone else would even notice whether it was wine or lemonade in the glass (clue: I'm not fond of lemonade!). I simply do not get how a glass of beer, that you wouldn't be sharing anyway, is spoiled because the person opposite you is drinking something that doesn't contain alcohol, any more than if they ordered an omelet it would ruin your steak.

Disclaimer: I am gradually imbibing a small bottle of fruit cider whilst typing this very post, because it's Sunday and I can.

Ithinkyoucan · 25/04/2021 16:51

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

Think Jemima got a hard time here.

It is different. Sometimes you just want the shared activity of an alcoholic drink together. It was my birthday recently and the two friends I shared it with didn't drink. Good reasons for both of them and I never commented, but I was silently disappointed. It was a different experience. It just was. And I am not talking about getting drunk, I only drink two glasses of wine maximum. But there is something about that shared drink, pouring a glass for each other, commenting on the taste, getting the relaxing feel of the drink together. Its a bit like if you go to a cafe and both try a new cake together. Its the shared experience.

DinosaurDiana · 25/04/2021 16:55

I never drink in the day either. It’s he who has a problem, not you.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 25/04/2021 16:58

It depends really. I drink extremely rarely (maybe 3 times a year) because I have a wierd sneezing response to alcohol which drives me batty (don't even get me started on the ridiculousness of that) but I have zero problem with anyone else's intake. Years working in addiction frankly has taught me alcohol use is a more complex issue than most people realise so I will never know the facts. By all means crack on. Its never been an issue that I don't drink.

I used to have a friend though who would make passive aggressive remarks if she was driving and be an all around bosom Hoiker (in her case literally ) despite the fact that she was incredibly messy when she those to imbibe (which was far more often than she claimed....she seemed to forget it was always with us ). She wouldn't say outright that she disapproved but my god didn't you know it.

She to be fair would recieve a chorus of groans if she decided not to drink because she was giant self righteous pain (until the next time she did drink and we had to pick her up off the floor under the table!)

LeopardSheet · 25/04/2021 17:04

@MintyMabel

It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

Yes. You mean you can’t relax properly and have fun without alcohol. Have you seen someone about that as I’d say it was a problem.

I haven’t had a drink since DD was born 12 years ago, and yet I’ve had plenty of fun when I’ve been out for a meal.

She didn’t say anything about not being able to relax properly without a drink? I hate people pressuring others to drink, but I also hate it when non drinkers say “you can have fun without alcohol you know/you don’t need alcohol to have fun”. Obviously that’s true (unless you’re an alcoholic). That doesn’t mean that drinking isn’t fun.

I don’t have a problem with alcohol but I really enjoy occasionally drinking with my husband or friends. I absolutely have fun with them sober too, drinking is just one way we have fun together sometimes.
I’d never pressure anyone to drink and I wouldn’t voice my opinion, but I would be a bit disappointed if I was looking forward to a boozy lunch/night out with a friend or my husband and then they decided they weren’t drinking. I’d still have fun if they weren’t drinking, but it would be different and not what I was expecting. I really don’t think that enjoying a drink together sometimes is a problem?

Cam2020 · 25/04/2021 17:06

No-one should feel forced to eat or drink anything they don't want to!

LeopardSheet · 25/04/2021 17:12

@Blimeyoreilly2020

It’s so depressing that people think you can’t have fun, or even be fun if you don’t drink. It’s just insane really. However I’ll be interested to see whether in 20 years time drinking booze is considered in a similar vein to how smoking is now...ie, why put your health at unnecessary risk?

I really don’t think many people (even drinkers) think you can have/be fun without a drink. Do you think that people who drink never have any fun when they are not drinking? For most drinkers, drinking is just one way they have fun, sometimes, not the only way. And it is even more fun if everyone in the group is drinking (that absolutely doesn’t mean you should pressure others into drinking though or comment on the fact they aren’t drinking). Enjoying drinking doesn’t mean you never have fun sober or can’t see that sober people have fun too.

LeopardSheet · 25/04/2021 17:13

Can’t not can in first sentence there!

trappedsincesundaymorn · 25/04/2021 17:23

@JemimaJoy

I'd feel disappointed if it were a special occasion and I was excited to have a couple of drinks with my husband and he decided he wasn't drinking. It's not that his drinking makes me 'feel less guilty about my alcohol intake' as a PP suggested. I am very comfortable with my alcohol intake and have nothing to feel guilty about. It just changes the nature of the outing if one person fancies a beer and a giggle and one fancies and orange juice and a sandwich or something. I mean I'm sure you all know what I mean even if you disagree.

How does it "change the nature of the outing"? Why is it any less enjoyable if one of you doesn't want to drink? I've had many a giggle whilst drinking non-alcoholic drinks whilst those I'm with are drinking beer, wine, whatever.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/04/2021 17:32

Ithinkyoucan
But there is something about that shared drink, pouring a glass for each other, commenting on the taste, getting the relaxing feel of the drink together. Its a bit like if you go to a cafe and both try a new cake together. Its the shared experience.

Perhaps this is why I struggle to understand; for me, the experience would be being out with you, chatting/catching up. The liquid being drunk would be incidental. I'd no more talk about wine taste than I would the flavour of tea.

I'm not much one for going out because I did all that when I was younger and being tipsy isn't an experience I personally enjoy. I can understand that some people do like it though and perhaps it is polarising. It will actually make me think about going out with friends in future because I end up apologising for not drinking or making up tosh about antibiotics. I just don't care whether other people want to drink or not, just as long as I don't have to.

InFiveMins · 25/04/2021 17:32

Reading your post - he sounds like an arsehole - but then I realise I have been guilty of this to an extent with my DP. Sometimes I look forward to us drinking together because selfishly I know I will have more fun drinking together than alone. I tend not to drink alone either, because I hate the thought of being tipsy by myself. When DP tells me they are not going to be drinking, I can sometimes feel a bit flat but would NEVER say that I'm disappointed or that the day out is ruined! He is being very unreasonable to almost pressure you into drinking. You don't want to - so don't.

IntermittentParps · 25/04/2021 17:33

I don't drink and find that people can be twats about others not drinking. My household and my main social circle are a mix of those who do and those who don't drink, so it's not a problem. More widely though, with acquaintances/work people etc, I've had a lot of hostility about it over the years. People get really defensive. It's weird.
Anyway, bollocks to him. He's being an idiot and the back-pedalling shows he knows it.