To think that I'm not spoiling the afternoon because I dont want to drink alcohol.

[MajorMujer]

Going out to a much anticipated Sunday Lunch with DH.
No driving involved, DC are adults ( to set the scene )
I've just told DH that I will take the dogs out later as I'm not drinking over lunch. Apparently I'm " miserable " and will " spoil the day" .
I get migraines if I drink in the day, he knows this.
I have no problem sitting with an orange juice whilst he has a couple of pints, he also knows this.
I've told him to stop being a knob and that it's quite controlling of him to have said this.
He is now backpeddaling like a unicyclist at the circus.
So, AIBU to not drink alcohol when I dont want to ?

At least I get fewer comments these days when I refuse my usual beer and ask for cola and say I'm driving.
People always used to try and persuade me to have 'just one'.

year5teacher
However, you will get a lot of comments about how “needing alcohol to have fun” is so terrible!
Usually as a defence to 'fun sponge' or some other twattish judgement.

Live and let live is the only way.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I don’t think anyone’s said that, though, and there’s still a few comments about how people who drink are “not self aware” and it’s a “reflection on them” etc. It always happens.
It doesn’t bother me whether someone drinks or not.

does he possibly want to open a bottle of fizz to celebrate being out in a long time? or to chink glasses?

either way YANBA obviously

Well he knows you don't drink in daytime, I'm the same. If DH wanted a nice pub meal and a couple of drinks with me we would go early evening to suit us both.

Most places have a decent selection of non alcoholic wine and beers.
I'm not sure if the ingredients are similar causing a migraine.

Not drinking is fine, but if you don't drink does it alter the way you are eg will you be critical if he wants another, want to leave quicker etc. My mother doesn't drink, but the problem is that she doesn't want to sit over meals, she eats as wants to go home, whereas we (my brothers and I, we meet up pre covid perhaps twice a year) want to sit around chatting after dessert. When the kids were young I didn't notice it particularly but she's still wanting to leave now!

... @MajorMujer that's my take anyway, not drinking fine, being critical of those who are, I love my mum but so annoying

If he is back peddling after you pointed out his unreasonableness then what's the problem? Enjoy your lunch! :)

@JemimaJoy

I get it - we share a bottle of wine, not the same if the other is drinking oj. Not a case of right or wrong, just not the same. I sometimes choose not to drink for the convenience of taking the car, but changes the evening

Jemimajoy I totally understand what you mean, I find it hard to believe many don't.

YANBU. I don’t drink (health issues) and I have never made anyone feel guilty for drinking, yet I’ve found I’ve always been made to feel guilty by multiple people for my choice to not drink with people saying ‘come onnnnnn just one drink’. They wouldn’t like it if I asked them not to drink so I don’t understand why it’s acceptable the other way around.

YANBU. I avoid day time drinking for exactly the same reason.

I could understand an element of disappointment on his behalf if you’d originally discussed, say, sharing a bottle of wine or prosecco, and then you’d changed your mind which meant it was no longer an option. But if he was only ever going to drink pints then it makes no difference what you drink!

The only way a non drinker would ever ‘spoil’ an event for someone drinking alcohol is by being snidely or openly judgemental about alcohol consumption.

Don't have an orange juice if you are prone to migraines OP. 💐

A lot of people over the years have thought me strange because I do not . nor have I ever, drunk alcohol. In fact a few of my "friends" have tried to spike my drink as some sort of a joke but I can instantly tell. Same goes for drugs of any kind.

Personally I think it's a weakness to consume either.

I didn't drink for years because it just didn't interest me. But the number of people who couldnt handle my sobriety was embarrassing (for them). I'd have people offer to get me a lemonade on a round and get it with vodka just to try and 'break' me. I was the life of the party, first on the dance floor, first on the karaoke, but sober made them uncomfortable. Enjoy a sober afternoon OP and don't let anyone spoil your stroll with the pupsters.

YANBU - as others said, as he's already backpedaled, I'd try to go and enjoy the meal.

Personally, I've had a good giggle and even a few times danced on tables without having touched alcohol and can sit & nurse a drink for hours alongside those who are drinking. For the few years I did try drinking, I only ever had one at any occasion & often didn't finish so would still likely be the odd one out compared to others who drank more freely. Drinking can change things at events, but I don't think it's clear cut or universal in how. It depends on the people and activities involved.

Longingforatikihut You sound like great fun -- though you've made me miss karaoke somethin' fierce .

We teach our children to say no to doing things they are not comfortable with and then as adults, we feel bad not doing things to please other adults!
I hate the pressure of having to drink OP and just bite anyone's head off if they try to make me!
No means no and yadnbu!!

@GinWithOlivesIn

My DH doesn’t drink and it really isn’t an issue. He will sit and drink and chat with people drinking alcohol and enjoys doing so. If it’s a big session he excuses himself when he’s heard the same story from someone more than twice! 😂

I am quite happy “to drink alone” while I’m with him, he is still good company and I don’t feel guilty about doing so. I also feel lucky that he will always drive so I never have to do a turn of not drinking and if there’s been a big night out he is fresher for the kids in the morning.

Since he gave up alcohol I have been surprised by how many people also claim to be teetotal but then drink anyway, and how many people have tried to convince him to have one even when he’s told them he doesn’t drink at all (although there may be a cause and effect between those two types of people, actually). We have a strange attitude to alcohol in this country.

I am surprised your husband was annoyed, he gets to have a drink and then sleep while you do his chore of walking the dog!

There is definitely a cause and effect between those people.

A large number of people in my life believed for a long time that I was completely tee-total.

It wasn’t until I rid my life of the “go on... just have one” bunch that I was comfortable people open about it.

People can be absolutely relentless. And on more than one occasion when I used to just have one people would “accidentally” buy an alcoholic drink and then pressure me to drink it.

Now the people around me are aware that if I have to say more than once that I’m not drinking or not having anymore then it’s highly unlikely I’ll socialise with them again. My parents were alcoholics so sometimes, especially round anniversaries and the likes, I just can’t abide alcohol and I’ll no longer tolerate people with no respect for my choices.

Well I'd say he was just a bit dissapointed. A bit ott to call him controlling!

He is being dickish is his reaction but I do understand why he might be disappointed. One person drinking and another not can be on different wavelengths.

I have a relative who is a recovering alcoholic. People nagging about being unsociable/boring by not having alcohol just makes their life even harder. It is nobody's business if other people choose not to drink .

I think people who like a drink have trouble understanding how others don’t always feel they have to. Both me and dp are non drinkers so no issue there. But I’ve been out with other people. They make such a deal of someone not drinking! Some people are just happy with a soft drink. For me I live in the middle of nowhere and I’m too tight to pay for a taxi so if I go out I have to drive 😂

YANBU. He's being coercive/manipulative.

I don’t drink either anymore ! It’s your choice, your not their to entertain anyone !
Just let them get on with it at least u won’t get a headache 🤕 x