Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

I think they should have called so you or nanny could take a change of clothes with you for her.

I'd have been furious if I hadn't received a call/text and had to walk my son the 45 minutes home with his friends while he's soaked in urine.

But if your son wets himself outside the school and you have no spare clothes with you, he'll still have to walk 45 min home in wet clothes. Do you not normally carry a spare set?

Our school has a box of spares they keep in the office.
A lot doesn’t get returned so they regularly do a shout out in the newsletter for say, girls tights.

As someone upthread said, they need a continence policy. Leaving a child in wet and probably smelly clothes is not acceptable.

@Lweji

The school should have spare clothes. End of.

Why? Why ONLY the school?
And, perhaps more importantly, how?

I didn't say ONLY the school did I?

I said the school should have spare clothes. What do you mean how?

Buy them?
Ask termly if any parents have anything grown out of to donate?

Schools round here work closely with a charity who has a massive drive re school uniforms. Shops donate also.

Let's not pretend it's impossible. As evidenced here, it's not.

I cannot bare the excuse teachers and schools of everything they do wrong as if they are higher beings who cannot ever be wrong. The staff in this situation made the wrong call. I don't think there is any excuse for not at least calling, I really don't.

I do find the no spares due to covid just as ridiculous as some schools not sending home any books for young children learning to read. I feel really lucky that my school has been very strict about avoiding bubble mixing but has otherwise been v pragmatic .

Every school I have worked in has some spare clothes. Even secondary age children sometimes have accidents. The covid excuse is nonsense and anyone who works in a schools knows that.

@Lweji

I'd have been furious if I hadn't received a call/text and had to walk my son the 45 minutes home with his friends while he's soaked in urine.

But if your son wets himself outside the school and you have no spare clothes with you, he'll still have to walk 45 min home in wet clothes. Do you not normally carry a spare set?

Do you carry a spare set? Do you carry a spare set of your own clothes everywhere you go?

Because they should. Because it’s a priority. Because children aren’t always allowed to have their bags with them, because (I now understand why) children are scared to ask to go to the toilets.

All schools should have spare clothes. End of. All schools have huge teams of managers on fat wages. The children ate the priority here

Lweji are you projecting your own feelings of inadequacy as a teacher or something? You seem very determined that a school can never do anything wrong !

@Lweji weirdly enough I have a spare set in my car (for when we go out for the day) so if I'd have received a call I'd have said that's fine I'll drive to the school but may be late if I'd already started walking there. If he had said on the walk home that he needed the toilet, I'd have run with him to the public toilets half way or we would have detoured through the woods. He has never just wet himself without saying he needs the toilet. However, in school I can understand how that may happen with 30 children in a class and set toilet times.

@TrustTheGeneGenie
It's clearly only the school, as you said nothing about the parent. Between ensuring the DD had spare clothes at school and nanny carrying them, the OP failed her DD twice. The school happened not to have spare clothes, or the PA didn't have time or opportunity to find out, for several reasons that other pps with more knowledge of schools have already explained.

This thread is a clear case of shifting blame to teachers and schools already struggling with so much.

I wish the OP and pps were so lenient with the school as they are with the OP's failure towards her DD.
But it's always easier to blame everyone else but ourselves.

I would absolutely expect them to have spare clothes and to cobble something together. I would never hand a child over in wet clothes - occasionally I've handed them over in a slightly odd assortment of ill-fitting clothes if we've had a day with more accidents than usual but I can't see how it would ever be OK to let them leave wet. And no one is going to catch covid from a pair of spare leggings.

It is a shame the Nanny couldn't be phoned, but I can believe how busy it is at the end of the day with 30 children to get ready at home time.
In my school in EYFS indeed we have spares. Mostly provided by myself from my children when outgrown. I also tap into friends and ask for their old clothes instead of sending to a charity shop. KS1 do come and borrow from us, which is absolutely fine.
However, in just a couple of weeks, this supply will have vanished, and nothing ever comes back. There is only so much we can do to collect spare clothing, and as stated, budgets are desperate. School staff already spend a lot of their own money on school supplies and nice extras to enhance the current topic.
Please, ask your schools if they need any spare outgrown underwear, socks, shorts and trousers. I'm sure they will be extremely grateful. Don't forget shoes, we never have enough spare dry shoes either!

[quote Jumpers268]@Lweji weirdly enough I have a spare set in my car (for when we go out for the day) so if I'd have received a call I'd have said that's fine I'll drive to the school but may be late if I'd already started walking there. If he had said on the walk home that he needed the toilet, I'd have run with him to the public toilets half way or we would have detoured through the woods. He has never just wet himself without saying he needs the toilet. However, in school I can understand how that may happen with 30 children in a class and set toilet times.[/quote]
You seem very confident. Never say never.

Schools in this country are doing ok. Lots of heads and academy heads on lovely big wages. Lots of TA posts for mums who want those holidays. To say they can’t even cope with keeping some shorts for kids who might wet themselves is a stretch.

If she had an accident presumably her pants were also wet - pretty sure the school wouldn't keep a lost property supply of young children's pants? So YABU

all schools have huge teams of managers on fat wages.

They do?! I know a school with a headteacher on £60k. No one below them (about 40 teachers and support staff) earns more than 40k (which is the top of the main teacher pay scale, so there are no more managers)

When making points, don't just make up lies. It undermines your point.

If schools can't care for young children appropriately, they have no business taking them. They're in loco parentis and what would be negligent for a parent (leaving a child in urine-soaked clothes) is also negligent for a school. Being overwhelmed is no excuse for inadequate care.

Yes you're right @Lweji my child has never needed the toilet whilst out. I mean I've never needed the toilet whilst out either. I won't donate his old clothes to the school, as like you say a child can wet themselves at any time so just leave them in the wet clothes .

Yanbu. We have plenty of spares at our school for that sort of thing and I hate it when COVID gets trotted out as an excuse for everything! Your dd should never have been left wet like that, horrid for her.

[quote Lweji]@TrustTheGeneGenie
It's clearly only the school, as you said nothing about the parent. Between ensuring the DD had spare clothes at school and nanny carrying them, the OP failed her DD twice. The school happened not to have spare clothes, or the PA didn't have time or opportunity to find out, for several reasons that other pps with more knowledge of schools have already explained.

This thread is a clear case of shifting blame to teachers and schools already struggling with so much.

I wish the OP and pps were so lenient with the school as they are with the OP's failure towards her DD.
But it's always easier to blame everyone else but ourselves.[/quote]
It's not clearly only the school.

But seriously. If your child doesn't have accidents generally, why would you have a spare set of clothes.
Op is responsible for one child. The school's is responsible for hundreds. It makes so much more sense that they would have a few spare bits, doesn't it?

If you can't see that I'm not sure you should even be working in a school tbh.

@Sbk28 the head of a multi academy trust I work with is on £95 plus bonuses

£95k *

@Lweji

1. Why? Because they are in charge of hundreds of children a day. Children who need changed for many weird and wonderful reasons. Many of them from parents who live chaotic lifestyles. Should vulnerable children be forced to walk home soaked in their own urine because their parents have let them down? Not every parent is as perfect as you and has spares.

1. What would have happened if she had an accident on the bus? The trained nanny would have dealt with the situation. I'm assuming by jumping off the bus at the nearest supermarket and buying some pants and shorts. It didn't happen on the bus. It happened under the care of the school and the poor girl was sitting soaked in front of her classmates. If you had an episode of incontinence would you not go to the toilet until a solution could be sorted?

1. How? By asking for donations. As I have said before most parents I know have bags and bags of clothes sitting about their houses waiting to be donated. Ask for shorts/leggings. Keep in cupboard. Easy.

1. No time to sort it out? Great excuse. A 5 year old can easy take of their wet pants and put on clean trousers. All you have to do it get them the spares which should be kept in aforementioned cupboard.

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

If schools can't care for young children appropriately, they have no business taking them. They're in loco parentis and what would be negligent for a parent (leaving a child in urine-soaked clothes) is also negligent for a school. Being overwhelmed is no excuse for inadequate care.

Leaving a child in urine-soaked clothes while out and about is not negligent. It is something that could happen. Not changing them as soon as possible is negligent.

I would question the nanny as much as the school. Why did she persevere with walking the child for 30 minutes in that state? School may have left her wet for only a few minutes, for all we know. Nanny made her walk for 30 minutes. Why not get a taxi to avoid the unpleasant chafing? Why not ask other parents if there was anyone who lived close by and could lend clothes?

OP should write a letter to the head informing them of what happened and making clear that it's not acceptable. They should also make clear to the nanny that it's not acceptable.