Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

@lweji come off it, the nanny wasn’t even told about needing clothes - why would she walk around with a full change of clothes for a 15 min bus journey for a six year old with no medical issues or history of accidents? Do you take a full change of clothes at every pickup just in case your child who doesn’t ever really wet themselves has? I might have a spare pair of knickers in the car and baby wipes but that’s it.

Why are people so desperate on here to absolve all teachers and education staff of any blame and lay it on the parents or worse the children? I work in education and I get the brunt of lots of less than lovely parents anger and frustration on a daily basis plus being told to f**k off by students and all sorts but I would never expect to not be held accountable for my actions and try to put my kids and families first in everything I do. The child is the priority. It might be hard to believe but I work with people who don’t think like this, who work in a school because of the holidays and convenience and who think very little of many of the kids and families. They should be pulled up on their failings.

I don’t believe that accidents in year 1 are so unusual that there’s no contingency plan. Some children have accidents when they are unwell, for a start.

The school should have a policy and a plan in place for when accidents happen. Leaving a child wets, and in front of their peers, is unacceptable.

My twins are disabled and attend a specialist school so I have a very different experience but I’m always shocked by posts talking about schools and their policies around continence. Really shocking.

Part of the current risk assessment at our school stops lost property or the usual spare clothes being used at the moment due to covid risk. I would expect a child to be offered the chance to put on their PE kit though no matter how close it is to the end of school and mine have theirs in their bag all week for that reason. That said my son had a similar situation in y3 and school rang me to bring in a change of clothes but it was earlier in the day. My issue would be the conversation in front of other children not so much the lack of alternative clothing.

@TheApprentice

I'm sorry this happened to your child. In the school I work in we do have spare clothes ( Covid isn't stopping us using them) but one issue we have is that we keep running out because parents don't return the clothes their child went home in. As a parent myself I don't understand this...surely you wash said clothes and return to school? We had issues a few weeks ago when the Primary ones were getting sodden with mud outside. We had no spare clothes left and couldn't get hold of parent. In the end we had to dress a boy in brand new trousers from the uniform stock that can be purchased by parents. We had put numerous emails out asking parents to ensure their child had spare clothing with them but parents are busy people and sometimes forget.

Can you get a PROPERTY OF X SCHOOL fabric stamp and stamp all over the front of them? No one will bother keeping then!

Most schools have spares for any sort of incident. With the covid rules of going in in PE kit, they should of warned the parents that if something happens there is nothing spare so you need to send it in. My issue would of been the child still needed to get home, they should of called, so that the Nanny could have taken a change of clothes with her to help the situation

Yanbu at all. This is terrible.

And the covid thing is absolute bollocks. There is no more risk sending home a spare pair of trousers and pants and getting them back washed than there is the child attending school. The pants have come from the same home as the child ffs.

Our school have continued to give out spare clothes. It's ridiculous they refused and actually horrific for your child. I would be incredibly angry and I don't think their sorry not sorry email would suffice. Children deserve dignity too. I imagine the teacher wouldn't have stayed in wet pants because it was nearly home time.

I hope your DD is ok OP. I appreciate that schools have different rules but "because of Covid" just seems like a poor excuse for leaving a child soaked in her own urine. My DD had to be given spare clothes one day, i usually have a pair of pants and black leggings in her bag, but she had used them the day before (she falls over a lot and had landed in a puddle in the playground) Same thing happened the next day so the TA found her the only thing she could find, age 9 boys trousers, she's 5 they did the job. I washed them and took them back to school the following week in a carrier bag, they would then be left for 72 hours before being available to use again.

I can see both sides, it would be upsetting to me if it were one of my girls. But as a reception teacher I couldn't help thinking of a child in my class who frequently wets themselves and who is always sent with no, or just one, spare change. By Wednesday last week they had used their own change which had not been returned, and three spare pairs of school extras which had also not been returned. We had to send him home wet as genuinely had no other option, and also had no spares for other accidents which lucky didn't happen as this child had them all at home!

I don’t like the fact that they didn’t contact you, even if it was close to the end of the day. However we do not have spare clothes any more. As previous posters have said, they are not returned when they are handed out. Teaching staff were buying spares themselves but we have stopped doing this. There isn’t spare uniform or lost property lying about either as we are incredible strict about children taking everything home now.
Always have a spare in your child’s bag. Not a decent spare, just old, leggings or something they’ve largely outgrown. My DD11 has spare trousers in her bag in case she falls in mud etc as I know there will be nothing for her to wear in school.

YANBU. Lots of DC have issues with staying dry.

The school should have spare clothes.

I don't see why Covid is a reason for not handing out spare clothes. If they've been there for more than four days they won't be carrying any infection.

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@lweji come off it, the nanny wasn’t even told about needing clothes - why would she walk around with a full change of clothes for a 15 min bus journey for a six year old with no medical issues or history of accidents? Do you take a full change of clothes at every pickup just in case your child who doesn’t ever really wet themselves has? I might have a spare pair of knickers in the car and baby wipes but that’s it.

Why are people so desperate on here to absolve all teachers and education staff of any blame and lay it on the parents or worse the children? I work in education and I get the brunt of lots of less than lovely parents anger and frustration on a daily basis plus being told to f**k off by students and all sorts but I would never expect to not be held accountable for my actions and try to put my kids and families first in everything I do. The child is the priority. It might be hard to believe but I work with people who don’t think like this, who work in a school because of the holidays and convenience and who think very little of many of the kids and families. They should be pulled up on their failings.[/quote]
If it's so rare, why would the school have it?
Tho OP complained that the DD had to walk/take the bus home in wet clothes. She could have wet herself right after leaving school, on the bus for example, or at her sibling's practice. My question to the OP is, thus, why doesn't the nanny normally carry spare clothes?

It seems to me that all carers failed her, but the OP's anger is strictly directed at the school and not at herself for her contribution to the problem.

Hopefully, they would just provide a change of clothes.

They’re sitting in class all day, every day with children whose old clothes have been provided or, in my school’s case brand new ones... so I would imagine the threat of infection is next to 0%

I think it was really poor not to ring you. The nanny could at least have brought clean clothes with her to change into at school.

@Crazycakelady17

I would be really upset in “normal” times but things are different at the moment as usually they would have pe kit etc My DD started her period in school aged 10 they obviously didn’t have any underwear for her age group they tried phoning me but I was In a hospital appointment no signal the pastoral lead popped to the local supermarket 5 mins away from school and bought some underwear. As soon as I received the call I went straight home picked up her bits luckily she had the new underwear.

That is awful, I hope the school has rethought this. At our school we had spare clothes and specific emergency kits for girls caught short with their periods. Little packs of pants, pads and wipes in the first aid room/ year 5 and 6 classrooms with letters sent to girls families at the start of year 5 and 6 every September telling them the procedures put in place for asking for emergency kits, pad disposal etc.

I work in ks1.

It's honestly not acceptable, however all the points previously stated about lack of TA's, no spare clothes, staff on their own with a class are spot on.

If it was at home time, there's pressure to dismiss in your own time slot due to covid. I wouldn't be able to split myself to sort out a child and dismiss outside. I also wouldn't be able to invite the nanny in to sit with the child in the toilet while I found spare clothes (something we did pre covid). I'd have to be late to dismiss and face the wrath of parents, other staff and slt. In normal times 5 minutes late would be understandable and parents would accept that incidents happen.

Please be aware that staff will be trying their best and covid is making things harder.

I honestly think your best approach is an email to the head explaining the situation, suggesting ks1 receives more support to have staff to deal with this, so one member could help the child and another dismiss.

The school should have spare clothes.

The parent should have sent spare clothes.
Fixed it for you.

The school is not responsible for clothing children. That schools may have spare clothes is very nice of them, and it is often dependent on lost and found.
It is the parents' responsibility to ensure the child has enough clothes. As she did at the start of the year, but forgot now. I'd have been mortified by this and not posting on MN about the school.

If it's so rare, why would the school have it?

It might be rate for her but I won't be rare in a year of 60 5 to 6 year old children.

Tho OP complained that the DD had to walk/take the bus home in wet clothes. She could have wet herself right after leaving school, on the bus for example, or at her sibling's practice. My question to the OP is, thus, why doesn't the nanny normally carry spare clothes?

Again, because it's rare for this child.

It seems to me that all carers failed her, but the OP's anger is strictly directed at the school and not at herself for her contribution to the problem

No, they didn't. The school did. The op wasn't aware of the situation until after the fact so how you think she contributed to the situation is beyond me.

I'd be cross too OP, they should have phoned home straight away even if it was at the end of the day. I wonder what the school would have done if the situation was reversed and you'd sent your child in soaked through after an accident? It would have triggered something far more serious than the response you had. I agree with others who say to make sure your DD has a change of clothes with her from now on, just in case.

@Lweji

The school should have spare clothes.

The parent should have sent spare clothes.
Fixed it for you.

The school is not responsible for clothing children. That schools may have spare clothes is very nice of them, and it is often dependent on lost and found.
It is the parents' responsibility to ensure the child has enough clothes. As she did at the start of the year, but forgot now. I'd have been mortified by this and not posting on MN about the school.

The school should have spare clothes. End of.

I do send spare clothes with my child just in case but I can't send infinite sets just in case some freak occurence happens.

Anywhere with many children should have spare clothes. It's common sense.

You could just give the child some clothes

Did the school even try calling you or your nanny OP? It’s unacceptable to not consider the child’s comfort and dignity in the journey home, especially as so many children don’t even go straight home after school.

It’s not exactly unusual for children of that age to have accidents. And as others have pointed out, children might need to change for all sorts of reasons; DD once got soaked walking to school by an arsehole motorist driving through a big puddle.

Whenever DD outgrows pants and tights I hand them over to the KS1 staff at her school and they’re always grateful. If I were OP I’d take a stack of spares in and make it clear that anyone could use them if necessary (Covid risk wouldn’t be a problem after 72 hours). If the school really don’t have provisions or a plan for children who require changing, they really need to!

I'm amazed by the teachers on this thread saying the parents never return the spares. My son would chew his jumper (SEN) and he's had a spare jumper put on him 2 times. Both times I washed the jumper and returned it the following day. I just can't imagine keeping it. What if, as this thread shows, another child needs it? He's year 1 so don't send in spare clothes in case of an accident, but following this thread I will donate all his school clothes that he's grown out of to school.

Also, the school office could have surely called you or the childminder? I can understand them not having spare clothes but I'd have been furious if I hadn't received a call/text and had to walk my son the 45 minutes home with his friends while he's soaked in urine. I actually can't even imagine it. So awful.

The school should have spare clothes. End of.

Why? Why ONLY the school?
And, perhaps more importantly, how?

When I worked in school I took all my dcs old underwear, pe kit, swimming goggles etc into school for spares. All the lot was handed out and never returned. So I can easily see how they don't have spares. I do think they school should have called but it sounds like the nanny had already left anyway.