Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

Been teaching for years and I have never yet had every child in the class turn up with their PE kit, water bottle and book bag. There’s always someone missing something so parents can also be very bad at giving their children what they need!! Human error.

Personally I think YANBU. I agree with @bedtimeshoes' response and think it's cruel to have done this.

I have dealt with about 5 wetting incidents so far this year, and I work in Y3. We always give them spare uniform.

We have very firm COVID rules (e.g. everyone masked) but think using that as an excuse is lame. We have 3-day quarantine for things like returned books etc. and uniform would normally naturally be sat that long before being needed, as it's not a frequent event.

Surely they should call so you could bring a change at pick up?

I don't think the school should have spare clothes of their own, but they should have called ahead so that you/the nanny would have had the opportunity to bring spare clothes to school and at least save your DD travelling home in wet clothes. Appreciate it was close to pick up time (how close?) but they took away your/your nanny's choice to try to sort something.

How is your DD? Was she upset by the way things were handled?

My sin has a kidney issue that also affects nerves in bladder and therefore urgency. I send him in. With spare clothes and changes that he can do himself (it isn’t daily but there are phases of often), however, the other day he had an extra accident that meant he had no clothes left. The teachers kindly lent him trousers and socks. I would have been cross if this hadn’t happened, leaving them wet can cause issues around embarrassment and going to school as well as being unhygienic. It’s the most common reason for someone with urinary system problems to be put on a medication to help - school refusal due to embarrassment. I find the pe kit comments weird, it should be school clothes really, not a pe kit.

Stop making excuses for a lack of human compassion. Its nothing to do with covid. If you don't have a lost property box put a message on the fb group and ask parents to donate some leggings or shorts, most of us have garages full of old clothes while charity shops aren't accepting donations.
Things they should have done

1. Find trousers or shorts of any size. I don't really care if they are going commando for 15 minutes until we get home but I do care if they are sodden.
2. Call the mum/nanny who would have brought clothes/nipped in past a shop. Its not 1980 and everyone has a mobile, saying that they would have left the house already isn't good enough.

To those saying its a timing issue...
I'm a nurse and say I was about to discharge your granny and she is incontinent. I'm about to handover and have a million last minute tasks to do and there's no nursing assistant on the floor and I have someone acutely unwell. Do I let her walk out soaking wet? Of course i don't, because that is neglect. My fitness to practice could be quite rightfully called into question by that family. If you expect better care for your granny then I expect better care for my child.

And finally, when all else fails and you screw up you look the parent in the eye and apologise and find a way to ensure that never happens in the future.

Also, why is there an assumption that parents will always be able to leave work at a moment's notice to deal with accidents? Just not the case. NHS workers, midwives, surgeons, teachers, nursery nurses... There are lots of jobs where parents can't just walk out to come and deal with their children because actually other vulnerable people are depending on them.

If you email the head ask for them to review the spare clothes policy so this doesn't happen again to another child.

Very well and good to ring the parents, but not all parents are SAHM or have jobs just around the corner.

If there were no spare clothes, that is not the TA's fault.

While I understand the madness of pick up times even without an accident, they should've rang so the nanny /you could bring spares with you, unless it literally happened minutes before when it was reasonable to think you were on your way and nothing could be done.

Communication in the playground in front of everyone is another issue that I'd mention. They need reminded/retraining about confidentiality and discretion.

I think it could be a whole mix of issues. We usually have a central store of clothes as children in one year group need a surprising range of sizes! We can't do this because of COVID. In my class so far this year (OK reception where there are more accidents) we have gone through at least 20 pairs of girls pants that haven't been returned- I know because I've bought them out of my own money. I have now said I'm not buying anymore and parents get a phone call to bring spare clothes (they're recommended to have spares in school anyway). If it was a child who'd had their first accident the parents might think this was unfair but I think that the responsibility needs to be with the parents to provide the clothes. We don't have an unlimited supply and parents know that children have accidents - especially at the beginning of term.

Our school just appealed to parents for unwanted uniform as spares had not been returned recently , special request for smaller sizes

I think that it’s understandable not every school would have “spares” especially at the moment.

I think it’s abhorrent that your 5/6 year old was left for any amount of time in urine sodden clothing.

Would the TA be ok being left like that?

So what if it was close to home time? You should have been called immediately. You could have picked her up early or on time with a change of clothes so she was clean and comfortable for the ride home.

Was she also expecting you to put up with getting your car seats or the bus seats getting soaked in wee from the clothing? As well as your daughter been wet, uncomfortable, embarrassed.

The woman sounds lazy, inhumane and dirty. Write to the governors as the teacher is clearly useless too.

Why not? What about the kids whose parents don’t make them a priority and the ones who don’t have anyone?

I can understand why they don’t have spare clothes, however with it being so close to the end of the day the VERY least I would have expected would have been a call to say your DD had had an accident could you bring spares along with you to pick up!

Tbh if it had happened earlier in the day you'd have received a call, as it happens it happened right at the end and the nanny would have presumably already left/been nearly at school as it was half an hour away. Obviously this isn't nice for the dc but as she didn't have any spares with her and school don't have any so not sure what the other options could be. Just send some with her in future. It's common for even the most reliably trained child to occasionally be caught short in a distracting school setting. As another poster said we don't have any spares as we had a spate of accidents after returning from lockdown and the dc have gone home with them and not brought them back.

Completely agree

unless the accident happened five minutes before home time, in which case, it would have been too late.

This is exactly what they have explained happened. Unfortunate but a lesson to always send dc with a spare set of clothes for at least the first couple of years of primary

Again people are assuming the TA could walk off and leave the class unattended to make phone calls at the office. They really cannot do that! They would need a spare pair of hands and that’s difficult at the end of the day when everyone is at their busiest. Throwing around words like neglect is unhelpful.

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

Also, why is there an assumption that parents will always be able to leave work at a moment's notice to deal with accidents? Just not the case. NHS workers, midwives, surgeons, teachers, nursery nurses... There are lots of jobs where parents can't just walk out to come and deal with their children because actually other vulnerable people are depending on them.

This.

Poor thing, that’s awful. Our kids are not allowed to take bags in so “popping a spare set in” is not an option. I agree with PP who pointed out that obviously they must be prepared for this in reception and somebody should have gone round and borrowed stuff from there.

I know schools are hard up etc and that teachers wrongly have to provide things out of their own income, but this is a matter of basic humanity. It’s not like whiteboard pens. The Head should be aware of it and make sure there is some stuff available.

If this had happened in an adult social care setting where someone was sent home in soiled clothing, my team would be launching a safeguarding enquiry.

I find the way we treat children in this country appalling sometimes.

Incidentally, my year 3 DS recently fell in a load of mud at school and came home in some trousers the school had in lost property. So it can be done.

💯

I would be really upset about this and I would be taking it further, to the head to find out exactly why they don’t have spares or why they didn’t call.
Our school requested spare pants, socks and clothing from parents for emergencies and they got so many donations in all sizes. So there’s no excuse to say ‘oh well we can’t afford to provide clothes etc.’ A cupboard is all that’s needed.

In a lot of primary schools, children don’t have their bags in the classroom with them. Do you expect a child to put their hand up and ask to go to their bag without being asked ‘Why do you need to go to your bag?’ Causing further embarrassment.

So if the alternative was using school clothing (schools can't possibly provide unlimited clothing though) she'd still have to communicate that, and leave and change - however then the teacher would have to take time out of the class to go and find it causing much more of a disruption than if she could just discreetly get her things.

I'm sorry, but you're the main culprit for not supplying the spare clothes. And yet your post is very much a complaint about the school and just briefly about your part in it.

How do you expect a school to keep spare clothes? And, yes, particularly during the pandemic?

Glad your LO now has spare clothes, but you're the one who should be apologising to her.

The woman sounds lazy, inhumane and dirty.

Or maybe just thoughtless (unaware of the length of the journey home) and constrained by policies that she had no hand in making. If it happened at 3:07 and pick up is 3:10 even with a phone call, the nanny would've had to go back home, or find a shop or whatever. Possibly even earlier considering the length of the journey and bus/walking.The child would've still been in soiled clothes for a lengthy period of time. The issue is having no spare clothes at all in. Whether this is by circumstance or policy, it needs explaining and worked on.

She might've even asked the office to ring and they said no need as it's home time anyways.

That's why OP needs to challenge the policy on it's own as it puts all the children that don't have a SAHP or with parents that work just around the corner in a flexible job or parents that can't answer the phone right away in a situation of spending quite some time in soiled clothes.