Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

@Shrivelled

Did your child wet herself?! The school handed your child over at the end of the day covered in piss!!?? This is really outrageous. That would absolutely never happen at my children’s school.

This. I can't believe more posters aren't astonished that the school did this.

God that’s awful. They left a five year old in piss soaked clothes and never thought to ring home?

Worst case scenario the Nanny could have brought her a change of clothes for pick up time. More to the point how humiliating for her, the poor little thing.

Covid or not I would reply to the teacher and outline that you weren’t happy and if this happens again you want a phone call regardless if it’s 3:27.

You’ve learnt a lesson at least, always make sure to send spares. My mum used to force me to take a ‘just in case’ little bag in high school in case I came on my period etc. Keep spares for her the whole time.

I work in secondary and we would provide anything needed.No question about it.

The thing is that many children aren’t allowed to bring their bags into class. Most weren’t allowed to bring bags after first lockdown.

It also begs the question about whether the little one felt she couldn’t ask to go to the toilet.

Act like an adult and show some kindness or don’t work with children.

It’s unfortunate but that is all I’m afraid. Children and adults are encouraged not to bring in any ‘extra’ stuff at the moment- and lots of schools-especially reception/year 1/2 would normally have a stash of clothes but seeing as children get sent home in spares and never bring them back, that also could have been an issue. I have spent my own money on spare pants socks etc and parents can’t seem to be bothered to wash and bring back again.Also if the accident happened so close to home time, it would be really tricky for that TA to stay on and sort your child out as it has a knock on effect.Nit to mention getting 30 other children ready to go hone.Feel sorry for your DD but it sounds like just bad timing.

Some pretty fucking depressing responses on here. She’s five and was left to stay in her own urine for in excess of how long 20/30 minutes?

Covid? Since when does Covid cling to clothing?! I’m stunned they haven’t got a bulk set of underwear/lost property our schools always did. At the very least they could have stripped her off, cleaned her up and popped her in a pair of shorts from lost property.

Five?! Poor baby. I repeat if this happened to your kids would you leave them in their own piss for any length of time?! The fact they didn’t ring home is shameful.

I would escalate this to the head.

Some children get sent home in spares and never bring them back. That is not the fault of the children. Yes, some parents don’t send them back- shall we punish the child?

TAs don’t go home when the bell rings.

Absolute rubbish. I work in a secondary school and there is no way a child/ young person would leave school in wet clothes. There wouldn’t be a discussion about it to compound their embarrassment further either.

That’s ridiculous. And ridiculous to blame covid. Any borrowed clothes can be washed, put in a bag for 3 days for covid safety purposes and then put back into use as school spare clothes. All quite safe!

Absolutely horrific responses on this thread. Covid is not an excuse to remove basic human decency and leave a 5 year old in wee soaked clothing. Would those saying it's reasonable be happy if she had shat herself and been left to sit in it?? I would absolutely be wanting to discuss this further their response is totally inadequate.

For those saying items at school are not returned we used to use a sharpie marker and write in large letters across the items. Yes it looked unsightly and yes it was clear the child was wearing spares but we were much more likely to get them returned afterwards and anything is better than sitting in wet clothing unitl hometime.

Honestly, there is a serious lack of humanity on this thread.

Not a chance in the world that I would allow a 15 year old to go home without a change of clothes, let alone a 5 year old.

And the TA should have had a quiet discussion with your nanny, a few steps away from everyone.

We just don't have the funding for providing full changes of clothes. I have a year 1 who currently wears size 14 boys clothes and my smallest girl wears a size 4. We don't get the clothes returned ( not 1 item ever). Our parents are told at the start of the year to put a change of clothes in their child's bag and if there isn't any there then we will call if an accident occurs.

These magical spare clothes you speak of cost me (personally ) to supply. The govt funding for schools is stretched already...we barely have funding for things we should have like readers and art supplies let alone having on hand a complete change of clothes ( including socks and underpants) in each size.

I personally supply spare clothes whereever possible but sometimes it's just not. I'm currently down to 1 pair of size 6 pants along with about 4 pairs of assorted underpants and as its a change of season my own kids are needing new clothes too.

Parents, if you don't want a phone call and don't want your child in damp clothes waiting for you then put spare clothes in their bag.

I promise you that teachers are already trying so hard to meet the needs of the children in their class. No one is trying to cause distress to children . We are already doing what we can. Next time you vote look for who is increasing school funding, look for which parties support teachers and their working conditions, pay rises and educational funding especially anything in poor areas.

I'm so sorry that your child went home wet after school but please just pop a change of clothes in her bag for 'just in case' and move on.

It feels neglected and unkind to leave a child sat in its own urine for an hour

We rarely receive clothes back that we lend to children who have accidents. Often staff have with bought spare pants / socks etc or bring in clothes that their children no longer use .
Our school has now changed to a policy of ringing parents to come deal with their child if they have an accident, especially in our reception class where an increasing number of children are starting school who are not properly toilet trained.

I’d be annoyed at them not calling. If they’d rung you could have at least brought dry clothes for the journey home.

I’ve never worked in a primary school that didn’t have at least a small amount of spare clothes. That’s very poor form for them to leave her like that.

I’m a teacher and a parent. My own DCs have to leave school bags in the cloakroom. Post lockdown one, children were not allowed to bring bags to school.

The magical spare clothes consist of lost property and having the balls to speak to you leadership team about there being a need for spare clothes.

No right thinking adult would leave a child in urine soaked clothes.

As teachers, we’ve all dipped out hand in our pockets to help individual children.

Stop being so condescending and FO.

The lack of clothing offered isn’t necessarily the issue. It’s the fact no one called.

Even if it had happened at 3:27, who is saying whoever did pickup wouldn’t have had time?! They could have had spares in the car.

It’s fucking outrageous they didn’t let anyone know/didn’t change her and just passed her off home with a loud explanation and a shrug. Not good enough.

A text and email from my school to all parents of infant children requesting old uniform meant there was more then enough spares. They trickled in for years after the request.

Yanbu

Ok it was near home time - but they could have contacted the nanny or you and given you the chance to sort something out. The nanny could have stopped at a supermarket for some clothes, gone back home and collected a little late. Borrowed something off a parent who lives close to school.

They could have asked their nursery/reception classes to see if there was something in their spares that might fit. There surely should be spares in EYFS!

Year 1 isn't that extraordinary for accidents, some children will only be 5! Many children still have the odd accident or have incontinence problems.

Ultimately they failed to treat your child with dignity and that is the main issue. They should have talked about it privately and done everything possible to avoid discomfort and embarrassment.

As a primary teacher we always had a few packs of new underwear in the medical room (inc year 6 size for period accidents) and some lost uniform bottoms that were never claimed but kept aside as being decent. Same in every school I’ve ever worked in. It’s not just toilet accidents, also for things like being soaked in a puddle, having something dropped on them, falling over in fox poo; periods... it’s not infrequent! It really wasn’t a big budget to keep packs of supermarket underwear and a bit of sanpro. We weren’t even adverse (v poor area) to buying and swapping over some of the broken and ill-fitting footwear for struggling families.

It’s mortifying at that age to go home wet. Write to the school formally. It may save it happening to another child. If they don’t want to spend they can even ask for some donations to be kept in their medical room.

My DS is in reception. Normally they’d get a child changed into PE kit after an accident but as like most schools it’s PE kit all day on PE days this year, we had a letter home at the beginning of the year asking us to supply a couple of changes of old clothes in a bag to sit on the children’s pegs. I’ll certainly be doing the same when he moves into Y1 and probably Y2 as well. Kids have unexpected occasional accidents even up to much older ages.

However, if DS had no spares for some reason I’d be amazed and horrified if there were no spares anywhere else in the school. And a phone call should have been made no matter how close to pick up time it was. Your poor DD, you have every right to be annoyed and upset by this.

Also, anywhere I’d worked your child would have been snuck out discreetly to avoid people seeing and reassured.

Accidents in Y10 aren’t extraordinary.

From seeing some of the responses here, I am disturbed by the lack of care or compassion.

What has happened to people?

This just makes me really sad. My children are still in KS1, I think in almost 4 years (combined) of school we have had one accident. They don’t have clothes with them, because it’s too hard to predict on an individual basis. If they had a history then then would definitely have clothes.

I think the red herring is spare uniform. Spare clothing doesn’t need to be uniform, just needs to be clean, so some cheap leggings, or similar would suffice.

It’s is really quite Dickensian that the common answer above is that a child should remain soiled. Wet, cold, uncomfortable and smelling of wee.

The big question for me is what was happening that stopped her going to the loo. Did she ask? Was it close to home time and she was asked to wait?

Oh no not more Covid hysteria.
I used to work in a primary school in a mixed area and we had loads of spare clothes, so more than enough time for clothes to ‘isolate’.
It was a regular thing for children to soil themselves in reception so the class teacher kept a bag of spare pants and joggers. I know your daughter is Year 1 but better to go home in slightly short joggers than wet clothes.
I would be really cross about this.